/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.5201250]

So what has /lit/ written this summer so far?

Post your stuff and critic others

[Anonymous No.5201314]

I can't force myself to write even though I want to, so I have nothing.

[Anonymous No.5201339]

>>5201250
I'm in the middle of writing an intentionally dumb story about a hipster and his music, is anybody interested? Maybe someone from /mu/?

[Anonymous No.5201349]

random paragraph from some short story i wrote for class, have since dropped out school....

>The cult was their family and the compound their home. And, in this home, in his early pubescent years, that John Delaris, named after the mother, left the cult. He, Delaris, had sur-vived just passed the twelfth anniversary of his birth when Sophia discovered her husband, nee-dle in arm, sitting on the toilet, dead. Devastated, she took a razor blade down the river vein on her wrist. These events left poor little John orphaned and, according to the State, in need of guardianship. The hippies fought to keep custody of little John but, in the end, the State saw it fit little John be sent to his one known living relative, his paternal grandfather, McGregor.

[Anonymous No.5201353]

>>5201349
>context
raised in a cult of hippies

[Anonymous No.5201560]

>Context: The character I'm writing is a closet social autist trying and mostly succeeding to hide his powerlevel

Jeremy Lawes waited in line in front of the frat house. It was already different than he had imagined. He hadn't considered that there would be any kind of intake process separating him from getting wasted with his floormates . The bros, sporting tanks and chubbies, efficiently policed the line like a group of police officers, one asking for school IDs, one collecting money, two serving as emergency muscle, or so he assumed. One bro took some drunk, puke-garnished freshman out the front door, holding his elbow. "Watch your limit bro," the bro said, his voice relaxedly patronizing.

The guys from his floor were discerningly arguing the merits of different liquors. Terry, from across the hall, stood firmly by whiskey ("It's the only liquor you can sip straight, man"), while most of the rest of the group stood by vodka ("You can mix shit vodka with anything", as Evan put it). Jeremy remained mostly impartial; he didn't really drink until his senior year, and he was more of a beer guy. As the discussion was dying down, he put in a tentative vote for whiskey. Though he was still at the point that he could remember every shot he had taken, he knew that middle class adults drank whiskey while college student with no choice drank vodka. " I mean, whiskey tastes better usually, but vodka is more economical" he elaborated, while Evan nodded respectfully.

[Anonymous No.5201564]

>>5201339
Please

[Anonymous No.5201587]

>>5201560
>policed the line like a group of police officers
maybe you could say field officers to avoid using police twice
>most of the rest of the group
the majority of the group

cheap whisky cost about the same as cheap vodka. what are they arguing about; whether to buy one over the other, or simply which is best?

[Anonymous No.5201602]

>>5201587
Yeah, pardon the autism, I just wrote this

They're arguing about which is best

[Anonymous No.5201612]

>>5201602
okay, so, is this kid tryna go greek or something??

also, mind going through mine??>>5201349

[Anonymous No.5201639]

>>5201612
Yeah, exactly

and sure
>And, in this home, in his early pubescent years, (that) John Delaris, named after the mother, left the cult.
I feel like this sentence structure is kind of confusing. You can take out "that"

>the twelfth anniversary of his birth
Is there a particular reason you don't just say "his birthday"?

I don't know exactly what style you're going for in this passage, as I don't have much context. Is the stilted language intentional?

[Anonymous No.5201663]

>>5201639
>intentionally stilted
actually yes, i wrote to parody the professor's way of write. he noticed and didn't find it as funny as my friends and i did.

[Anonymous No.5201672]

>>5201663
I kind of like it. That shit pretty funny.

[Anonymous No.5201683]

>>5201672
thanks, i wish you could read the rest. this is from the beginning and starts absurd as fuck and only gets worse.

i'd post the rest but dont wanna go through the hassle of converting 12 pages of pdf to jpegs.

[Anonymous No.5201723]

>>5201339
ironic shitwriting is still shitwriting

[Anonymous No.5201726]

This is something both edgy and angsty I wrote while I was coming down from a day spent on amphetamines. It was me trying to introspect so I'm not sure if it will even make sense to anyone else.

> Heart sinks. Anxious, despair. Ignore it. False joy, false contentment, false hope. Questioning. What matters until death, if not pleasure? Frustration, the clashing of questions and answers, all in an imperfect order, but
simultaneously perfect chaos. Heart sinks, process is reset. This time, all possible sequences occur in their own sequences, and those in their own. Faster and faster, more complex, weaving in, weaving out, weaving through, twisting, around and around, down, left, right, up, forwards, from near to far. Confusion. And then the confusion becomes familiar and then its not confusion anymore. Impulses of electricity, impulses so predictable yet infinitely vast. Chemical reactions of which are calculable, result in feelings of unknown abstracts. Both perfect and imperfect, order and chaos, and no matter how long spent pondering, it only escapes logic faster and faster yet never truly moving.

I break this spell of thought, wriggling free from its imposed insanities. The thoughts keep returning. It takes a good few minutes to truly come back to my physical reality and escape that place in my mind. To an onlooker, nothing out of the ordinary would tell them of my internal battle, they would just see the the brown in my eyes flickering from left to right, in a gaze that suggested nothing more than slight concentration to the computer before me.

[Anonymous No.5201731]

>>5201726
> I'm not sure if it will even make sense to anyone else.
i got this far, if you dont have confidence in your own work why should i read it?

[Anonymous No.5201739]

>>5201731
>i got this far, if you dont have confidence in your own work why should i read it?

Good point. I'm very new to this and lacking in the acceptance of criticism. I've never really written anything before. I guess I need to learn to not care what anyone thinks, especially about stranger on the internet. Thanks for the wake up slap.

[Anonymous No.5201742]

>>5201731
>>5201739

If you could ignore my preface and give me some feedback that would be nice.

[Anonymous No.5201765]

>>5201560

I like it. I sense a tone of anti-pretentiousness and it feels slightly self-depreciating. Would I be correct in this judgment or am I just projecting my perceptions?

Also for this part:

>" I mean, whiskey tastes better usually, but vodka is more economical" he elaborated, while Evan nodded respectfully.

I personally would change it slightly to suit my preferences, and I think it flows better:

>" I mean, whiskey tastes better usually, but vodka is more economical" he elaborated. Evan nodded respectfully.

[Anonymous No.5201773]

Writing a collaborative piece with some other guys about our experiences in low paying jobs. Basically saying all the petty shit we dislike and making ourselves look like creepy jackasses. One guy breaks a girl's leg so he can work with the pretty one in the stock room.

[Anonymous No.5201777]

>>5201742
not bad or terrible, dont let that convince you that it's good.

whether it is good or bad is contingent on the preceding and following paragraphs but, from what i read, i'd keep reading

[Anonymous No.5201791]

>>5201777

Okay thanks. As it stands it was just that piece written by itself in a word document but I have started to write a bigger piece that I'm basing on my life and my whole philosophy is to try and make the most mundane and trivial things as interesting as I can through my writing. That piece I'm going to fit in somewhere amongst the 2000 words I've written this afternoon. Would you like me to post another excerpt for you to critique? I've never had any feedback before so this is quite thrilling for me believe it or not.

[Anonymous No.5201794]

>>5201765
Yeah, thanks, I'm glad it's coming off like that.

You're definitely right on that revision too, btw, will edit

[Anonymous No.5201800]

>>5201794

Got anymore? I'd love to read it. btw, I'm>>5201726 what do you think?

[Anonymous No.5201810]

>>5201791
post if you want, i'm going to leave now, however. gonna try and have sex with the gf, if unsuccessful i shall fap and proceed to go to sleep

[Anonymous No.5201818]

>>5201810

Haha okay, good luck anon, persevere.

[Anonymous No.5201840]

>>5201726
>>5201800
I think the first paragraph is kind of imprecise. It's kind of hard to relate to that kind of pure, unfiltered subjective experience. I would also try to use full sentences for the sake of clarity, and to elaborate on what these feeling are about or in response to. If done well, the kind of thing you're getting at could be interesting.

[Anonymous No.5201852]

Context: In the future there is a small island Fortune. It is the last bastion of the free the rest of the world has fallen to an evil government the REDBLR.

Excerpt

"I wonder who is behind this" wondered Peter Octavian Langdon. He prepared himself and approached the military post.

[Anonymous No.5202333]

>>5201773
>One guy breaks a girl's leg so he can work with the pretty one in the stock room.

Dude... Story?
Also, would totally read as a general concept.

[Anonymous No.5202369]

>>5201339

[Anonymous No.5202656]

Well I started writing a novel yesterday. I've got the opening pages here if anyone is interested in taking a look. I'm writing out of my genre though so I'm pretty sure it's awful.
>link
http://pastebin.com/FjhxpFVT
Definitely would not mind some feedback.

[Anonymous No.5202704]

Dark now and a storm rolling in from the south, a big lumbering darkness all spilling across the charcoal slab without stars in creases of amber and blood red, the sky being consumed by some frothy and all-encumbering placid mass stretching back to the very source of the horizon as if encompassing the world entire.

[Anonymous No.5202740]

Epic.

[Anonymous No.5202820]

just an epic short story here.

[Anonymous No.5202843]

>>5202820
> ...with a probe up his arse.
Stopped reading.

[Anonymous No.5202859]

>>5202843

lel oh dude you're missing out. What's the problem?

[Anonymous No.5202941]

>>5202843

What about this one? Is this one better?

[Anonymous No.5203033]

>>5201339

post in then ya cunt

[Anonymous No.5203055]

>>5202820
It's a bit lolrandum and you misuse "whom". Chuck wondered.

[Anonymous No.5203091]

>>5203055

Well it would appear random because I forgot to post the ending. here it is:

The bearded man explained that his life too had not been so grand since the horrible incident, and also elaborated that he and the brainwasher were actually conspirators together in the quest to pass exams after stealing answers from the professor. Chuck didn’t know what to do, and was getting quite tipsy as the bearded man had invited him in for a drink. He didn’t feel as if this poor man needed to die, alas he was brainwashed. Before leaving he stood up and grabbed the old telephone from a side table and proceeded to bash in the skull of the poor old bearded man.

[Anonymous No.5203686]

>>5202656
I could really use some help here if nobody minds

[Anonymous No.5203752]

>>5203686

paste it into a post and I'll have a ganders.

[Anonymous No.5203766]

>>5203752
It's quite a bit of text, should I take screencaps like some anons are doing?

[Anonymous No.5203767]

I have written several literary stories with a slice of life bent. They concern a group of girls studying at an all girls' school. The cast of characters and their adventures was inspired by Azumanga Daioh, but over time they've all become their own people.

I've also continued to write historical fantasy, particularly in my more fantastical/sword-and-sorcery version of the Viking Ages, with a demigoddess protagonist I've used on several occasions.

I've also been writing some fanfiction.

[Anonymous No.5203776]

>>5203766

Yeah if you copy/paste large amounts of text into the posting box /lit/ automatically converts the text into an image.

Is pretty cool.

[Anonymous No.5203797]

>>5203776
Thats actually really neat, I never realized that. Will post in a bit, I've got to format it first.

[Anonymous No.5203810]

>>5202333
Honestly that's not my part (that's my mate's part). The bit I'm working on is about a guy working on a farm (which I did for two weeks). He has some flashbacks to his previous job as a bartender. The basic premise is semi-autobiographical stories with added sleaze.

Might post some of mine if anyone is interested.

[Anonymous No.5203823]

>>5203776
Wait really? That is pretty cool I've been here for quite a while and I never knew that. Do you just put it in the comment box or what?

[Anonymous No.5203866]

>>5203823
>>5203797

Yeah, try it and see. Then delete the text from the post as it's not needed there anymore.

[Anonymous No.5203882]

>>5202656
I can tell by glancing over it that you use the word "commander" too much. I would also say to provide more description of the surroundings early on.

[Anonymous No.5203916]

“A week ago I found an old friend of mine was dead. He was fit and in the prime of his youth and he always had some sort of plot or plan he was excited about. He had an undeniable spirit that assured you of purpose in life. If this guy was always finding new endeavours in the world, how could I justify sitting around and moping all day when he was born with the same privileges as I?” Brian droned, as I stared outside clearly disinterested, more concerned with the tumult occurring amongst a gaggle of smokers.
“Do you know why he died? Not cancer, not a heart attack, not alcohol poisoning, not an OD, not suicide, not a car accid-“
“Could you just fucking tell me why this guy’s dead?” Brian was an ignorant idiot, but I wasn’t actually pissed at him. My bike had been stolen that day and I couldn’t get the image of some smug bastard pisshead riding around on it. It wasn’t an expensive bike, it was barely in working condition. But it something I bought with money that I had earned, not by working for hours on end, wanting to end my life and pretending to enjoy being liberated of my free-time, but by my first payed gig. Anyway, even the resentful image of that bicycle-stealing degenerate couldn’t block out Brian’s warbling.
“Here’s the deal Mike. My friend, Jake, he really liked camping. He would gather up his stuff and disappear into – whatever woods – for weeks at a time. But this time, he didn’t come back.”
I sighed, anticipating the ‘shocking’ climax to this story. “So, what happened?” I choke out of myself.
“He burned to death. They found him ontop of his campfire, tent pitched, charred remains arched over logs. Can you fucking imagine that? This dude and his wife and kids were hiking and found this horror story just lying there.” Brian stares at me with these eyes that echo his words “Can you fucking imagine that?”
I stared at my empty glass for a short moment, more surprised that I was affected by this than surprised at the story itself. I attempted to shrug off the incident.
“So fucking what? He probably just got too drunk or passed out from dehydration or something.” I begin to get up, to get another drink, but he grabs my arm and I stop; he looks me in the eye and says:
“There was a video. He liked leaving bait and setting up a night-vision camera to catch footage of the local wildlife. He uses also uses it as a kind of diary, and minutes before this he was completely sober. Hydrated, healthy, even happy.

[Anonymous No.5203922]

random poem:

i dreamt
i jumped into a garden hose
and crashed through that water slide
to the grass below.

I floated,
while time transpired (past water drops
hanging cloudy in the sky, collecting
weight; hanging, waiting

to fall)
as grass perspires and scatters
valliant, valent pioneers, that bond,
rise, and dream to Fall.

[Anonymous No.5203998]

I rewrote a short story I wrote last summer

made it shorter

----------------------------------------------------

The Whore

—Does it hurt?
—I wouldnt know. Spose not. She's clean.
The boy stands in the doorless arch of the whitewashed flat. Outside, the pink sky fades to purple. Birds call from across the bay.
The man in the hall looks away from the night. He looks down at the boy.
—Want to fuck?
—Yeah.
—Got the money?
The boy pulls a note from his pockets, gives it to the man. He nods.
—You got her till sunset.

The whore lies on the bed, yawning. On the table beside, a half-empty bottle of white rum.
—You a customer?
—Hopin to be.
She looks him over.
—How old are you?
—Sixteen.
—You look younger. You lyin to me boy?
No reply.
—Ten? Twelve? Come, come here.

She lifts her gown over her head, spreads her legs.
—It dont bite. Put it in.

—You a man now?
He sits in silence at the end of the bed, his legs crossed, his eyes on the moon.

[Anonymous No.5204015]

>>5203998

This is lifted straight from your diary.

[Anonymous No.5204039]

>>5203752

[Anonymous No.5204040]

>>5204015
nah dogg, when I was 10 I was too busy playing Runescape to pay for poonani

[Anonymous No.5204052]

>>5204039
?
I see nothing there

[Anonymous No.5204085]

Quite possibly my best work yet:

*ahem*

One day I took a shit. The end.

[Anonymous No.5204104]

>>5204052
I seem to be unable to convert my text automatically into an image. Whether it it due to mental or physically inability is unknown.

[Anonymous No.5204111]

>>5204104

lol doh