/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.5191041]

/lit/ Humour Thread

[Anonymous No.5191098]

>>5191041

[Anonymous No.5191114]

>>5191041
/lit/ is funny/busy enough to do MAYBE one of these threads a month. Otherwise we just repost the same stupid fucking shit every time

[Anonymous No.5193197]

[Anonymous No.5193202]

>>5191041

[Anonymous No.5193224]

[Anonymous No.5193316]

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » No.5193387]

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » No.5193397]

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » No.5193403]

[Anonymous No.5193404]

[Anonymous No.5193412]

>>5191041
angryyoungmalewriter.jpg

[Anonymous No.5193431]

[Anonymous No.5193433]

[Anonymous No.5193448]

[Anonymous No.5193475]

[Anonymous No.5193489]

>>5193433
holy fuck

[Anonymous No.5193493]

[Anonymous No.5193531]

[Anonymous No.5193604]

[Anonymous No.5193643]

[Anonymous No.5193679]

>>5193493
lol I've felt that way multiple times when getting panhandled by homeless people or charities

[Anonymous No.5193732]

>>5193433
Shit myslef

[Anonymous No.5193739]

>>5193643
Top quark

[Anonymous No.5193779]

>>5193604
wat manga dis

[Anonymous No.5193810]

>>5193643
this is the dumbest thing i have ever read.

[Anonymous No.5193819]

>>5193387
is this funny for you?

[Anonymous No.5193831]

>>5193643
This is funny

[Anonymous No.5193834]

>>5193810
it wasn't bad before some butthurt misogynist edited it

[Anonymous No.5193839]

>>5193834
3/10

[Anonymous No.5193840]

>>5193831
What about it is humorous?
It genuinely doesn't seem like something written to evoke laughs.

[Anonymous No.5193842]

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » No.5193845]

>>5193819
It is. Like a random Monty Python quote. Slightly topical too since der Deutsche won rather recently.

[Anonymous No.5193846]

>>5193840
I think it's well-written and accurately points out the common character faults in "nice guys" and women in general, in a way that is surreal (i.e. people don't like that) but also realistic (i.e. his autism-induced rage)

[Anonymous No.5193849]

>>5193839
No I'm serious. The original comic really did have a point to make.

[El negro Duraczek No.5193850]

>>5191098
Alto kek

[Anonymous No.5193857]

>>5193846
You're misusing the word "surreal". Stop that.

[Anonymous No.5193878]

>>5193643
someone post the megaman one!

[Anonymous No.5193888]

[Anonymous No.5193892]

>>5193878
nevermind, got it

[Anonymous No.5193914]

>>5193888

[Anonymous No.5193938]

>>5193914

mes côtés

[Anonymous No.5193941]

>>5193892
Holy shit, I can almost smell the dirty neckbeard sperglord slamming away on his keyboard with tears streaming down his face as he writes panel five.

[Anonymous No.5193994]

>>5193938
Cut out the cut inside man and keep /sp/ memes in /sp/ if you don't mind.

[Anonymous No.5193997]

>>5193643
is this serious
I really hope this isn't serious

[Anonymous No.5194003]

>>5193914
I weep that Foucault never wrote erotica. I imagine he would be brilliant.

[Anonymous No.5194018]

>>5193433
nice

[Anonymous No.5194023]

>>5193941
Yeah it reeks of butthurt, beta virgin MRA neckbeards.

[Anonymous No.5194128]

[Anonymous No.5194137]

>>5194128
I know that feel.

[Meme-kid No.5194150]

>>5194137
Do you actually? Have you lifted a girl that you were sexually interested in up on your shoulders and then watched as she kissed another boy?

Because I have and if you haven't then shut the fuck up and take your lameass memes out of here

[Anonymous No.5194156]

>>5193643
Effeminate as fuck

[Anonymous No.5194167]

>>5193842
Wow this must have been updated recently.

Evola is becoming memetic. That's pretty cool I guess.

[Meme-kid No.5194173]

>>5194167
>memetic

Fuck off

[Anonymous No.5194176]

[Anonymous No.5194179]

>>5194173
>trip named Meme-kid

[Anonymous No.5194212]

>>5194150

Not him but I know that feel because I work in a traffic sign factory.

[Anonymous No.5194235]

>>5193842
>I'M HERE FROM /POL/, TELL ME ABOUT JULIUS EVOLA
First laugh of the thread

[Anonymous No.5194237]

>>5193643
Kek.

#REKT

[Anonymous No.5194269]

Haven't seen this, or the Blueberry guy either, in a while.

[Anonymous No.5194271]

>>5194150

Hahahahahahaha

[Anonymous No.5194287]

>>5191041
Omg
10/10

[Anonymous No.5194293]

>>5193643
post the one where he eats her eyes

[Anonymous No.5194359]

[Anonymous No.5194390]

[Anonymous No.5194405]

[Anonymous No.5195178]

>>5193643
now with 100% less r9k-tier whining

[Anonymous No.5195184]

>>5195178
Thinking you're showing off how good you are with women by white knighting them on the internet at the expense of buttmad misogynists and roneryfags is SO 2005 man, go back to GBS

[Anonymous No.5195198]

>>5195184
Being a radical moderate who believes in equality and suffrage but thinks 3rd wave identity politics feminism is bullshit is so 2012.

[Anonymous No.5195200]

>>5195184
buttmad MRA virgins are far more annoying/embarrassing than SJW white-knights

The original is at least provocative, the addon is just pathetic

[Anonymous No.5195202]

>>5195178
>history isn't important at all
>hurr guys who jump off cliffs are so exciting and impulsive
Dumb bitch. Fucking dropped.

[The cats No.5195211]

>>5195200
Online sure. In real life they waste away alone at home. Horrible SJW faggots and whores come from their own putrid real life cirlces and use the internet to amplify their delusions and find each other to coordinate attacks on reality. I don't have anything against actual leftists or commies but sjws are so bad and it's now seeping into real life. MRAs are not any sort of relevant in the actual world.

[green !YOUlQWt3s6 No.5195213]

>>5193433
wow

[Anonymous No.5195214]

>>5193404
fucking kek'd

[green !YOUlQWt3s6 No.5195216]

>>5193489
is that 400 blows

[Anonymous No.5195219]

>>5195178
>>5193643
Christ, people, will you knock this shit off?
The OP said "/lit/ humor," not "post half-assed, unfunny comics that only exist to justify some long-winded monologue that would be too preachy and unrealistic for even a Gothic romance in order to attack pathetic strawman versions of the opposite gender." Can't you assholes go circlejerk your political bullshit on the appropriate subreddit?

[Anonymous No.5195223]

[Anonymous No.5195230]

[green !YOUlQWt3s6 No.5195237]

>>5195230
this isnt funny and im reading that book right now

[Anonymous No.5195247]

[Anonymous No.5195253]

[Anonymous No.5195258]

>>5195216
good call m8, pretty sure it is

[Anonymous No.5195268]

[Anonymous No.5195272]

>>5195219

[Anonymous No.5195274]

>>5193849

'Having the woman win' doesn't constitute making point.

I'll agree that the edit reads like it was made by a pretentious tryhard, but the original was arguably as bad. The only point it made was that, when confronted with just how disgusting we are, we'll come up with the most outlandish, self abasement to justify how we are barely above infant eating chimps.

[Anonymous No.5195286]

>>5195274
>Some people are ugly so therefore we're all le cannibals xD

All of you retards who go around apologizing for being human and acting like you aren't the most amazing thing to happen to the planet should honestly just be rounded up and shot. You're a detriment to the rest of us and frankly everyone thinks you're an annoying faggot. You're also undoubtedly the same repugnant morons who whine about overpopulation but think we should send aid to africa, so you would be helping further your population control agenda as well.

[Anonymous No.5195291]

>>5194179

>trip

uh oh! newfag alert!

go back to reddit, scum.

[Anonymous No.5195318]

>>5195286

>E-E-E-EVERYONE HERE THINKS YOU ARE STUPID
>HAHAHAHA LOOK AT THE STUPID PERSON, RIGHT?!
>STUPID PEOPLE SHOULD BE SHOT!
>OOH OOH OOH AHH AHH AHH!!!

Keep picking lice out of your pubes, Bobo.

[Anonymous No.5195336]

>>5193604
gold

[Anonymous No.5195341]

>>5194212
Thank you, Anon.

[Anonymous No.5195343]

>>5195286
>the most amazing thing to happen to the planet

That would the jellyfish.
They've survived 500 million years, countless mass extinction events, they populate more of the globe than humans ever will, some are bio-luminescent, some can kill within a matter of minutes just by touching you, all of them are beautiful to look at, and not one of them has ever purchased a novelization of a video game.
Compared to the humble jelly fish, human beings are just petty, spoiled brats. Infants shitting their diapers and smearing their feces over the walls, so proud of their "accomplishment." Nature has so far been ridiculously kind to us and cleaned up our worst excesses, but, as soon as the free ride ends, homo sapiens will go the way of the T-Rex and every other flash in the pan species.

Filoviruses are pretty cool, too.

[Anonymous No.5195432]

>>5193914
underrated geme

[Anonymous No.5195573]

>>5194176
>tfw no qt indian chicks to walk across your back barefoot and then make you lick their feet clean when you get back home
kill me now

[Anonymous No.5195579]

>>5195343
Ebic ;^) upboating u nao

[Anonymous No.5195612]

>>5195573
you're a disgusting faggot go back to /a/

[Anonymous No.5195621]

>>5195573
anyone who disagrees with this is cancer

[Anonymous No.5195644]

>>5193892
hahaha

[Anonymous No.5195667]

>>5195253
>I'm the guy who wrote the DFW post in that thread.

I'm glad that got capped. I was kind of proud of myself for that.

[Anonymous No.5195713]

>>5195573
>>5195621
>not cleaning their feet after they take off their shoes and then letting them walk on your back barefoot if they want to for some reason

not maximizing the sweety is four days in the isocubes

[Anonymous No.5195831]

>>5193531
Stupid. Making these accusations against LotR is perfectly fine, also JRRT was very vocal against anti-semitism and racism(especially for his time).

[Anonymous No.5195856]

>>5195831
>Making these accusations against LotR is perfectly fine,

No it isn't.

[Anonymous No.5195884]

>>5195230
keked hard

[Anonymous No.5195919]

>>5193845
Kek

[Anonymous No.5195933]

>>5194023
I-I thought it was satirical

[Anonymous No.5195948]

>>5195237
Ok

[Anonymous No.5196191]

>>5195831
...because? It's got racist undertones, period. I'm not arguing it's a bad book or that it's wrong to enjoy it or anything here.

[Anonymous No.5196207]

>>5196191 Here,
apparently I'm stupid. Meant >>5195856

[Anonymous No.5196380]

>>5195667

it's great.

[Anonymous No.5196437]

>>5193404
>>5195253
heh

[Anonymous No.5196601]

[Anonymous No.5196641]

>>5193531
i mean i get that this is satire but its still ironic that the most sexist thing is the way the woman is drawn.

id pretend to be feminist to get in there

[Anonymous No.5196682]

>>5193531
Who the fuck folds their arms like that

[Anonymous No.5197208]

>>5193842
>the stranger
>english class

[Anonymous No.5197233]

>>5196682
straw men

[Anonymous No.5197262]

>>5195667
>>5195667
10/10
you've captured his spirit, please don't leave /lit/, you're one of the cool guys here

[Anonymous No.5197280]

>>5195667
>>5196380
>>5197262
samefag

[Anonymous No.5197321]

>>5195178
and solely 100% legbeard whining.

[Anonymous No.5197446]

>>5195573
>>5195621
samefag

[Anonymous No.5197455]

>>5195343
>all of them are beautiful to look at

Tiburonia granrojo says "Your argument is invalid (and you sound like a pretentious douchebag)." Or it would if jellyfish could, y'know, talk and stuff, which they can't, because of how much less awesome than humans they are.

[Anonymous No.5197465]

>>5197280

[Anonymous No.5197471]

>>5197465
nice shop faggot

[Anonymous No.5197543]

>>5193433
I was there, it was even funnier when there was twenty posts between those

>I was there

[Anonymous No.5197551]

[Anonymous No.5197558]

>>5193493
Holy shit.

[Anonymous No.5197576]

>>5193810
>tfw I always wear a grey woolen jumper lately and have reading glasses
It's cold!

[Anonymous No.5197582]

>>5193810
>>5193997
>>5194156

[Anonymous No.5197587]

>>5194176
>women are barefeet
Confirmed for not friendzone.

[Anonymous No.5197593]

[Anonymous No.5197602]

>>5193403
I liked this

[Anonymous No.5197607]

>>5193433
lel

[Anonymous No.5197633]

>>5193994
>cut out
Maybe is I were Bale

[Anonymous No.5197669]

>>5195343
Jellyfish aint even a species.
>Human r good? Well did you know that FUNGI exist?

[Anonymous No.5197673]

>>5195667
I thought the citations were a nice touch.

[Anonymous No.5197714]

>>5191041
the first two posts on that picture are fucking Hilarious. The two others are just shit.

[Anonymous No.5197798]

>>5194390
10/10

[Anonymous No.5197848]

>>5193493

holy shit i never thought about it that way but... its true

>tfw so so thankful i managed to keep scholarships and get out of college debt-free but with a useless degree

[Anonymous No.5197853]

>>5195272
> Ghost Busters wouldn't have had a happy ending
10/10 oh I am laffing

[Anonymous No.5197904]

>>5193679
>>5197558
>>5197848
>entertain the thought while you shitpost away on 6chins
Please kill yourselves.

[Anonymous No.5197913]

>>5197904
Hey anon, the bank called, they want their money back plus interest.

[Anonymous No.5197920]

>>5196682
effeminate liberals

[Anonymous No.5197998]

>>5193842
>tao lin irl
>my sides

[Anonymous No.5198002]

>>5193643
That was a fucking rollercoaster man.

[Anonymous No.5198038]

>>5193431
I actually do this...

[Anonymous No.5198074]

>>5197455
>that perfectly smooth hood
>those squishy, squirmy, gracefully sliding oral arms
>that fleshy red vellum
>completely hairless
>gaping without shame or self-consciousness

I would totally fuck that.

[Anonymous No.5198078]

>>5198038
I usually say pair of personalities.

[Anonymous No.5198743]

>>5195223
>Fodor
kek

[Anonymous No.5198755]

>>5194269
AHAHAHAHA oh god I would read this out loud in the fucking bus, pls Pinecone read this

[Anonymous No.5198809]

>>5195219
>>5195272
More of these, please, I love them

[Anonymous No.5198982]

>>5193810
The funniest part of this was that I was actually listening to Steve Reich as I read it
and I was surprised.
i didn't even know lit gave a fuck about him

[Anonymous No.5199285]

[Anonymous No.5199420]

>>5195667
What? No you're not. What on earth would compel you to lie about anonymously posting a style parody of an obscurantist po-pomo author in a thread on 4chan?

[Anonymous No.5199465]

>>5195237
You might find it funnier once you finish reading it and see how other people try to discuss it

[Anonymous No.5199550]

>>5191041
OPs pic is funny as fuck, I wish there was a longer version.

[Anonymous No.5200164]

>>5198809
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a Bible.
"If the jar is full, how can God fit in it?"
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his jar and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!
The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

[Anonymous No.5200172]

>>5200164
A sycophantic, salaried, pedophiliac, flute-playing, Athenian sophist and acclaimed rhetorician was teaching a class on Gorgias, known nihilist.

“By Zeus! Before the class begins, you must all get on your knees and pay your respects to Gorgias, and accept that he was the most demonic being the world has ever known, even greater than that of Heraclitus!”

At this moment, a wise, ironic, pro-Spartan disciple of Socrates who had courted 1500 young boys and understood the necessity of free education and fully supported all intellectual writings made by the Academy stood up and held up a rock.

“I say to you, does this rock exist on the true plane of reality and being, dear teacher?”

The arrogant sophist smirked quite relativistically and smugly replied “Certainly, for how else could you bring it into being here, you foolish foreigner?”

“Wrong. The Forms are the only true reality and exist beyond this realm of material perception. If it was real, and being, as you say, is contingent to our realm of perception…then it should be identical to all other rocks in ‘existence’.”

The sophist was visibly shaken, and dropped his stylus and copy of On the Non-Existent. He stormed out of the room crying those ironic sophist tears. The same tears sophists cry for the “learned” (who today live in such a state of ignorance that most think they ‘have knowledge’ of what is pious) when they jealously try to claw justly earned true knowledge from the deserving philosophers. There is no doubt that at this point our sophist, Hypocrites, wished he had pulled himself up by his sandal straps and become more than a sophist, paid-for-hire teacher. He wished so much that he had a sense of objective truth to console himself from embarrassment, but he himself had argued against it!

The students applauded and all enrolled into the Academy that day and accepted The One as the incarnation of truth and the Good. An owl named “The Socratic Method” flew into the room and perched atop the Priestess of Delphi and shed a tear on the stylus. Plato’s Republic was read several times, and Socrates himself showed up and claimed that he knew nothing.

The sophist lost his standing with the Athenian wealthy and was left homeless the next day. He died in the Thirty Tyrants’ Rebellion and reincarnated as a Bronze soul for all eternity.

[Anonymous No.5200231]

>>5194176
Dude getting trampled by a woman's feet is a god-tier feeling, this is not friendzone at all.

[Anonymous No.5200246]

>>5195230
>defacing books by writing on them
absolutely disgusting

[Anonymous No.5200275]

>>5193643

4chan and /lit/ are just so self hating if they think this version is unacceptable but the shorter version is funny. Why the fuck do they act as if normalfags are above criticism?

[ProphetofClit No.5200286]

Book of the Clit

Chapter 1

In the beginning there was nothing. No cheese fries, no raunchy ass sex, no nothin’.
But, then there was Clitoris, who opened up her labia and out came a swarm of creatures that resembled her in mind and booty. They had a lot of sex and created the order of lesbos. We have no idea where Clitoris came from, but simply that she came. She came all over this world, and perhaps many others. Her cumming was indeed great and salty.

Years did Clitoris spend with her subject, playing canasta and bridge and sex, but one day she was all like “This is fucking stupid guys. You guys are fucking stupid.” and deserted her subjects to lick their own carpets and cut their own rugs, at least until she didn’t think they were fucking stupid.

While Clitoris was out in the lush jungles of Detroit, she stumbled upon a lost tribe of her people, who were gathered around a festive wooden idol with a giant booty where her chest was supposed to be. Clitoris hid behind her bush and watched the odd ritual.

These people sung a rhythmic and alien tune while dancing around the idol,
“You know what to say when I want direction
You don't turn away when I need protection
Your voice is the sound of an angel singing
Music I wait to hear
Say it again
And again
Everything seems so new
I love you too
I love you too
I love you too”
Then some freaky muppet guy came down from the top of the trees with a cherry red electric guitar. It was radical to at least the bodacious degree.
After the song was over and all the OD’ing bitches were lead out, the tribeswomen brought forward fruits of all sizes. Some were coconuts, some bananas and some oranges.
They chanted as they sacrificed the fruits in a dark and macabre display of horror, eldritch terror, and absolute fruit gore.
The bitch who sacrificed two coconuts was rewarded with large sacks of flesh were her chest was, resembling the idol they worship. It was fucking weird. Clitoris stared as the rest sacrificed their melons to receive their own melons. Truly, Clitoris was witnessing the dawn of melons, and hooters.
She heard the name chanted, every time a reward was given. “Praise Mamos! Bringer of voluptuous melons and breasesses!”
Some were not so pleased, such as those who gave either only one fruit or odd shaped fruits. They were rewarded with weird ass tits, and were like “Come on man, that aint cool.” As their banana boobs stabbed the wooden idol with vicious intent to destroy human beings and send their soul into a fiery frenzy of eternal hellfire.
Clitoris ran back to her tribesmen, forgetting how fucking lame they were, and told them of the great boob spirit, that gave the dissenters melons of grave fortitude.

To be contin

[Anonymous No.5200297]

>>5191114
>one is
Stopped reading there. This is a tired and predictable joke.

[Anonymous No.5200315]

>>5200275
Because /lit/ used to be one of the (relatively) normal boards. Of course now with all the /pol/ and /r9k/ affluence everywhere it's become sort of normal to hate women because of one's own virginity.

[Anonymous No.5200344]

>>5200315

>become normal to hate women

So it's fine to have all of real life and the internet except for 4chan to dislike "betas". But if 4chan hates on normalfaggots then it's pathetic MRA virgins?

I honestly can't tell who's more pathetic. The people who make the pictures (assuming they're serious) or the people who instantly criticise them.

[Anonymous No.5200347]

>>5195211
>MRAs are not any sort of relevant in the actual world.

>mfw mras are just the mirror image of 3rd wave feminists.
>mfw anybody who tries to mildly critique tumblr bullshit gets attacked [see: Kristian Williams]
>mfw the only solution is to just give up and accept that this is the direction the future is going in

[Anonymous No.5200372]

>>5193643
ALL MY POWERS DO IS PUSH PEOPLE AWAY

[Anonymous No.5200402]

>>5200344
"Betas" don't exist in real life

[Anonymous No.5200481]

>>5200402
Are you implying that the arm chair psychology of a bunch of nerds who can think of nothing better to do with their time then role play as tough guys on the internet might be less than totally accurate?

[Reality Check !Z6/0YaJApk No.5200491]

>>5200402
Spoken like a true BETA as fuarrrrrk faggot.

[Anonymous No.5200687]

Not exactly /lit/ related, but it was from a thread last month

[Anonymous No.5200770]

>>5200402
"Betas" don't "exist" in "real" "life"

[Anonymous No.5200819]

>>5197551
>get drunk one night
>walking around town
>decide to climb a tree
>the tree is full of ants
>get covered by tiny, biting ants
Fuck trees.