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/lit/ - Literature

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5169027 No.5169027[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Hi /lit/

I'm a junior in high school. I am writing my first book.

I just started and could use some ideas/inspiration/criticism.

I've got the first three paragraphs done:
http://pastebin.com/denexXGF

Let me know what you think of my writing style/quality.

The story is going to basically be about a teenager trying to find his family after a nuclear fallout.

>> No.5169033

reported ;)

>> No.5169034

reported :^)

>> No.5169051

>>5169033
>>5169034
Is asking for opinions not allowed?

Also, 90% sure it's against the rules to say that you reported.

>> No.5169056

>>5169051
It's shit but keep writing m8, you'll get better

>> No.5169060

>>5169056
Fairly sure your just being an ass. I have no doubt that I'm a strong writer and I know it's not shit, I just looking for tips on how to make it better.

Also, formal > casual

>> No.5169067

>>5169060
>realized the events that had just taken place were merely the night horrors of my sleep-deprived mind. The relief didn't last long though, it only took a stunning totality of 10 seconds before the piercing sound of my mother's yells broke the silence and rang throughout the house.


This is shit

>> No.5169071

>>5169060
lmaoooooooooooooo

>> No.5169073

>>5169060
>Fairly sure your just being an ass
> I have no doubt that I'm a strong writer
>I know it's not shit
writes this:
>I was running. I wasn't sure of what, or why, or even how I had gotten there.
> All I knew was that I was running, and that I was scared.

>> No.5169077

>>5169027
purple prose

>> No.5169098
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5169098

This is a troll thread, please don't post.

>> No.5169117

>>5169077
>calling this purple prose

>> No.5169118

Sigh. I would expect this type of immaturity from /b/, but I can see I was foolish to expect even the slightest of improvement from the rest of 4chan's boards.

>> No.5169147

it's as good as you might expect for someone in junior high. keep reading and writing and try to work on your attitude

>> No.5169198

>>5169118
Fuck off.

>> No.5169303

In the event that this is a genuine thread looking for genuine advice (and not just attention/praise), I'll give you my first impressions.

1. The writing isn't good. I'm not saying this to be a dick, i'm just trying to be honest here. There's a lot of grammatical mistakes common to modern american writing (overuse of commas mainly) coupled with a standard juvenile style. Put simply, this is how I wrote in highschool. It's typical uninspired YA prose, and there's nothing even remotely noteworthy about it. Now that being said, I can see the foundation for a good writing style. It's there, albeit buried deep under the common problems of a zealous amateur.
A good solution is to read more, and read genuinely creative works of fiction that push the boundaries of creative fiction. Check out A Clockwork Orange, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas to get an understanding of stylistic writing. You could also probably read some Nabakov, Updike, or Faulkner if you want a good understanding of prose writing done well (ie flowery language).
You also need to work to challenge yourself as a writer. Your job is to convey the abstract in a way I never imagined. Don't tell me the concrete was "hard" and "unforgiving", that's too simple. Put some effort into your description.

>"In the offing the sea and the sky were welded together without a joint, and in the luminous space the tanned sails of the barges drifting up with the tide seemed to stand still in red clusters of canvas sharply peaked, with gleams of varnished spirits."
is a much better alternative than
>"I saw the red raging sun reflect off the mirror-like ocean"

2. What you lack in writing you lack in story. Nothing about the scenario (from what I could gather from the three paragraphs and explanation) sounds remotely interesting or unique. It's just your version of something that's been done before. The speaker doesn't seem particularly interesting in his mannerisms, the setting doesn't convey anything noteworthy, even the emerging themes seem somewhat basic. Why would I choose your generic fallout story over the tons of other ones already in existence?

3. You're not at the proper junction to show off your work. You just aren't. You have 3 fucking paragraphs done. You don't even have the first chapter done and you're trying to show it off to everybody. The biggest mistake an amateur writer will make is not sitting on his work for a bit. It's easy to get wrapped up in what you created and totally lose any sense of quality control. It's important to leave the piece alone for at least a few days and go back to it with a more open mind. You'd be surprised how much a few days will change your impression of your work.

Also a strong vocabulary =/= good writing, keep that in mind. Don't use big words for the sake of using big words.

>> No.5169327
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5169327

>the general populous wasted no time in descending into a panic-stricken stupor of chaotic trepidation
>After all, ignorance is bliss.
>the full entirety of his speech
>America resumed it's prior state
>quiting
>chasing it's pray

comedy gold

>> No.5169337

>>5169303
Thank you. Finally, someone posts something helpful.

>> No.5169340

Jesus christ why would you want a critique before the first draft is done?

Why would you even want the first draft critiqued?