/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.5014031]

Does anyone here write poetry?

I just started out and would appreciate some pointers. This one I wrote for my girlfriend, since I'm not very good at expressing myself verbally.

My star
Shining in the sky so bright
Showing me what is right
Lighting up my life
Making me see for what to strive
And like the all-loving sun
Creating life where there was none
Providing light in times of dark
All starting from that very first spark

[Anonymous No.5014034]

why are poems always about nature and love? poetry is more repetitive than rap music, rap is about money, sex, weed and guns, so rap has at least twice as much subject matter, poems suck

[Anonymous No.5014043]

>>5014034
>rap is about money, sex, weed and guns

Nigger, don't make me pull shit out from my backpack.

[Anonymous No.5014046]

>>5014034
Because I wrote this for my love, and the comparison of her to a star felt justified. Strong, bright, warm. I want to give it to her but this is the first time I write something like this. Hence my asking here for pointers

[Anonymous No.5014047]

>>5014034
rap is really about defining yourself

poetry is about all types of shit, the only consistent thing is really beauty. hence the nature and love obsession

[Anonymous No.5014049]

>>5014034
it's like i'm really on youtube comments.
I bet you call things gay.

[Anonymous No.5014051]

Rate mine /lit/

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains
One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:
'Tis not through envy of my happy lot,
But being too happy in my happiness

[Anonymous No.5014056]

>>5014046
if u hadn't told me the authorial intent i would have thought some ego maniac autistic nerd wrote it, like i thought the star was the author reference himself

[Anonymous No.5014061]

>>5014047
rap is just capitalist poetry, nature and love become material possessions and sex

[Anonymous No.5014063]

>>5014056
Holy shit now that I reread it you are right. If I just make clear that it's about her it's fine though, isn't it?

[Anonymous No.5014074]

>>5014051

trash.

[Anonymous No.5014075]

Live

[Anonymous No.5014078]

>>5014061
existentialist capitalist poetry if were going to be specific

[Anonymous No.5014085]

>>5014074
say that to his face

you clueless pleb

[Anonymous No.5014131]

>>5014031
I'm not convinced you feel this way about this person.
You need more specifics. I find that my favorite poems give me a very clear imagine in my head, and this is done through talking about specific details.

>Showing me what is right
>Making me see for what to strive
>Providing light in times of dark
Show me what these things are!

Also, the end rhymes feel very forced. Don't ever sacrifice a sentence just to get the end rhyme. For example
>Making me see for what to strive
This is a clunky phrase.

Here's a poem by Amy Lowell about a lover. It's not necessarily my favorite poem, but a good example of specifics:

Aubade

As I would free the white almond from the green husk
So I would strip your trappings off,
Beloved.
And fingering the smooth and polished kernel
I should see that in my hands glittered a gem beyond counting.

[Anonymous No.5014158]

I've only picked it up very recently, but I'm willing to say that A Poet's Glossary is a book that could be extremely helpful, maybe even crucial to a developing poet's vocabulary of the form.

[Anonymous No.5014165]

>>5014131
I see, so more specificity.

The rhyme was definitely something I was having troubles with, perhaps that's why some parts feel forced and out of key.

I will go take a walk and think about the right words to tell her what I mean

[Anonymous No.5014182]

>>5014131
Oh and thank you

[Anonymous No.5014195]

>>5014131
I personally find authors become too close to obnoxious with their specifics. I don't care what color everything is, some of it sounds too forced like it's to impress their high school English teacher