/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.4984173]

>If you take one thing from this AMA, let it be this:
>People spend so much time trying to keep the waves of life from rocking their boats, that they forget the reason they set out in the first place. Whether your dreams are massive or miniscule, don't forget which direction to point your sails, and don't give up when the storm seems impossible to conquer.
>There are so many ghost ships drifting in whatever direction the current takes them. Don't let that happen to your vessel. Stay the course, ignore the nay-sayers, and take a chance if no one will give you one. Fight for your dreams, because they're worth fighting for.
And when you finally achieve your goals, I promise you, there will be no greater feeling.

[Anonymous No.4984176]

Forgot link:

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/27jq27/nine_years_five_novels_and_197_agent_rejections/

[Anonymous No.4984197]

who is it

[Anonymous No.4984207]

>>4984197
A self publisher

So no one

[Anonymous No.4984206]

kek

[Anonymous No.4984222]

Wow, that guy's insanely boring.

[Doalty No.4984225]

Except that he went against his own advice; surely if he got 190+ rejections over nine years and five novels, he should believe in his dream by continuing writing and continuing shipping them to agents/publishers. I don't have anything against self-publishing but you can't concede to the fact that you're not good enough for the industry and decide to self-publish instead, and then triumphantly act like you didn't give up and you had your childhood dreams realised. He did give up.

[Anonymous No.4984232]

>>4984173
your prose is shit, Michael.

if you spent more time reading and figuring out how to make your prose tolerable you wouldn't have to suffer so many agency rejections

[Anonymous No.4984248]

I wish they would make it a rule that if an author were to do an AMA on reddit they would have to declare in the title if they were self-published.

[Anonymous No.4984269]

>>4984173

Jesus. That's almost impressive in its sheer triteness. Like I'm not sure I could equal that for bland boosterism if I tried.

[Anonymous No.4984299]

>>4984173
>that cliche metaphor comparing overcoming obstacles to a boat in the ocean
>making that metaphor five times in a row

Well he ran that pep rally straight into the Mariana Trench. The sad thing is you can tell he's trying to be profound and inspirational.

This is almost as bad as Gwen Stacey's commencement speech in Spider-Man 2.

[Anonymous No.4984330]

Funny that it's an "ask me anything" yet he skipped over a lot of the big questions like matters of money and instead cherrypicked so he can wax lyrical about his "struggle".

I was going to finish by saying reddit really is terrible but I guess it's just the people since that happens all the time on /lit/. Oh boy, deflect criticism with your flippant lower case and answer only to the perpetually supportive tripfags, why don't you.

[Anonymous No.4984336]

>>4984248
>Giving a fuck about reddit beyond ridiculing them

You my friend are a sucker of the cock

[Anonymous No.4984343]

>>4984269

"So many people, when climbing the mountain of life, fall into the crevasse of pessimism and shatter the pelvis of their aspirations on the jagged rocks of despair. So you must strap on tightly the crampons of your perseverance and above all, no matter what, stay tied to those closest to you - they're the only ones who can catch you if you slip."

Can I be famous yet?

[Anonymous No.4984351]

>nine years utterly rejected

That means you're shit.

This is like a bad joke.

[Anonymous No.4984354]

>>4984173
>Reddit's trying to into books

[Anonymous No.4984362]

>>4984336
Meh, the big AMAs are pretty interesting some times, even if they are 99% shilling

[Anonymous No.4984364]

>>4984362
There was one AMA about some guy with two dicks.
That was pretty nice.

[Anonymous No.4984371]

HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA OH MY FUCKING GOD

http://www.themikeanthony.com/

>comic sans
>that fanfiction level prose

I'm having second-hand embarrassment.

[Anonymous No.4984374]

>>4984362
>Another novel is in the works. It's a post-modern retelling of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. I hope to publish it later this year, but I've had a few setbacks. I'm optimistic though.

[Anonymous No.4984380]

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/441773/2/my-best-friend-death

Here's his book. What do you guys think?

[Anonymous No.4984382]

>>4984371
>>4984206
>retards on /lit/ actually think that making fun of font choice is a legitimate criticism

[Anonymous No.4984383]

>>4984371
>http://www.themikeanthony.com/
>Aliya Bab goes up against the Thieves Guild as Kassim Phalis struggles to survive life after the fly plague pandemic. Michael Anthony's upcoming novel, tentatively titled The Thieves Guild, is Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves meets The Enemy by Charlie Higson. Look for it Fall 2014.

[Anonymous No.4984385]

>>4984371

His novel was almost perfectly a BBC sitcom called Mulberry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZZCOy2CtMo

[Anonymous No.4984386]

He's gonna take you back to the past
To nigger-write a book that sucks ass

[Anonymous No.4984393]

>>4984386
jesus he's black

[Anonymous No.4984395]

>>4984382
comic sans is hated for a reason.

[Anonymous No.4984399]

>>4984386
wow, he couldn't be any darker

[Anonymous No.4984402]

>>4984393
wow his book suddenly feels 33% better. white guilt really exists...

[Anonymous No.4984409]

>>4984382
Yes
If your font was wingdings and the book was written in crayon you'd judge the shit out of it.
Substance is more important, sure, but presentation still counts.

[Anonymous No.4984416]

>>4984343

"Many, when brewing the cocktail of their adult lives, overpour the vermouth of caution while skimping on the gin of chutzpah. Only those who avoid this error and correctly balance the lemon-slice of ambition with the ice-cubes of humility can find true success and happiness. So I tell you: let the umbrella-stick of moderation guide your every sip - and Cheers!"

So, uh, if someone would like, pay me, I think I can do these all day.

[Anonymous No.4984420]

>>4984395

Not for a good one, though.

[Anonymous No.4984430]

>>4984402
>wow his book suddenly feels 33% better. white guilt really exists...
the fact that the writer is black makes it more interesting, not necessarilly better


>yfw the guy is OP himself

[Anonymous No.4984431]

>that dialogue
>that pacing
>that premise

I can't take it seriously

[Anonymous No.4984442]

>>4984416
http://www.hallmark.com/careers/

[Anonymous No.4984449]

>>4984383

[Anonymous No.4984451]

>>4984442

I fear I may be one of those who, having lubricated the penis of their talent with the Astroglide of dedicated practice, find that penetrating the rectum of commercial work brings to the nostrils of their conscience the ghastly odour of the foecal matter of self-loathing.

[Anonymous No.4984453]

>It took him until the first day of school to come up with that name. He wanted something odd, striking, and related to his old name. Damien Crown was dead and buried. King Far was alive and ready to live life to the max.

Did he really just name his protagonist 'King Far'

[Anonymous No.4984454]

I feel sorry for him ;_;

[Anonymous No.4984458]

>>4984453

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Far_I

[Anonymous No.4984515]

>>4984454
why? he probably swims in pussy

[Anonymous No.4984519]

>>4984454
If he used 4chan instead of reddit he would have seen the weekly >self publishing threads and could have avoided this

[Anonymous No.4984527]

>>4984515
because he has no talent yet believes he does

[Anonymous No.4984530]

The bell rang, signaling he was late for class. Taking a few deep breaths, King composed himself and climbed to his feet. He slung his book bag over his shoulder and walked towards Mr. Sass’ class.
“Sorry I’m late,” King said upon entering. He looked over at the teacher sitting rather uncomfortably at his desk. Three textbooks were piled under each leg of the desk, yet it was still too short for his knees to fit under. He sat twisted with his legs parallel to the desk and his torso facing it.
The teacher looked up at King and gestured for him to take a seat. He immediately went back to looking over one of the many papers strewn across his desk.
“You look as shitty as I feel,” King said, not caring if he got in trouble for cursing.
The class laughed. Mr. Sass even cracked a smile as he looked up at his student. “I hope you’re referring to my posture and not my face,” he said.
King looked at him squarely. The bottom half of his face was completely covered in rust-colored hair while most of his forehead and hair was wrapped thickly in a purple turban. The most he could deduce was that his teacher was white and had green eyes.
King shrugged. “Little of column A, little of column B.”
This time, nervous laughter filled the room. Mr. Sass smiled more broadly. “I appreciate your honesty. I told my wife this turban was a bad idea.” He gestured again to an open desk. “Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll do my best to make you feel less shitty by the end of class.”
All eyes were on King as he crossed the room and walked down the rows towards his seat near the back of class. Almost everyone was smiling at him. One kid even dubbed him his hero.
“Oh, and what’s your name?” Mr. Sass asked.
“King. King Far.”
“Well, as a reminder, Mr. Far, you can’t say ‘shit’ in class.”
“Good to know,” King said as he took a seat.
“That was one hell of an entrance,” whispered a short kid with curly, black hair on King’s left. He wore massive glasses that appeared way too heavy for his face. A thick, black band extended from the center of each earpiece, tying together so that in the very likely event the glasses slipped off, they wouldn’t hit the floor. From his bespectacled face to his Kingdom Hearts backpack, the kid’s entire aura screamed geek.
King shrugged. “I wasn’t trying to be cool or anything. I’m just not in a good mood.”
The kid pursed his lips and looked down at the floor, as if King’s mood brought him down, too. “I know we just met, but is there anything I can do to help? Everyone tells me I’m a great problem solver.”
Snapping out of his funk, King turned to him. “Actually, there…”
“Alrighty then, listen up,” Mr. Sass said as he got up from his desk.
“We’ll talk later, all right?” King asked. The kid nodded.

[Anonymous No.4984533]

>>4984530
“This half of the room, you’re PUNKs. That stands for Pretty Unique and Noteworthy Kids. And this side of the room,” Mr. Sass gestured to the side King was on, “you’re jerks. Now, usually I let you pick your team captain…” The kid King was just talking to gingerly raised his hand. “Yes, Joshua?”
“You memorized my name that quick?” Josh asked, visibly stunned.
“How old are you, Josh?” Mr. Sass replied.
“Sixteen.”
“Well, I’ve been doing this since you were negative three.” The class chuckled. “I’ve gotten so good at my job, in fact, I can predict your next question.”
Dollar says you can’t,” Josh said, bearing a mischievous grin.
Mr. Sass turned to his desk, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper. He scribbled something, folded the paper, and then handed it to a girl in the first row.
He turned back to Josh. “You were going to ask what jerk stands for?”
Josh shook his head and sat back smugly in his seat. “Nope. You owe me a buck, kind sir.”
“Actually, Mr. Mahoney,” Mr. Sass said, smiling broadly, “you owe me a spicy chicken sandwich from the cafeteria.”
Dropping the smug look, Josh sat forward in his chair. “For what?”
“Kristen, can you open that up and read what I wrote to the class?”
Kristen unfolded the paper, and then started laughing. “It says ‘For what?’” She held up the paper for the entire class to read.
“I’ll be in here during lunch.” He turned to address the class. “Now, as I was saying, I usually let you pick your own team captains, but since King Far has proven to be the biggest jerk in class, he will from this day forward be known as King Jerk.”
More laughter. Even King couldn’t suppress a chuckle. Who knew the name he picked just this morning would lead to this.
“And what is a king without his queen? Ms. Liza Queen, you are hereby dubbed Queen PUNK. You can add rock to the end of your name if you so choose.” Liza head-banged and threw up the rocker symbol to the applause of the class.
Smiling, Mr. Sass walked back behind his desk and pulled open a drawer. He fumbled around for a bit before he withdrew a medium-sized mirror. Turning towards an empty spot on the wall, he plunged a thumbtack into the sheetrock. He hung the mirror on the wall at chest height. Without turning around, he invited King to join him at the front of the class.
King looked around as he pushed himself to his feet. He slowly crossed the room, stopping only when he was a few feet away from Mr. Sass, who was still adjusting the mirror. The teacher stood and briefly admired his handiwork. When he was satisfied, he stepped aside and requested King to stand directly in front of the mirror.

[Anonymous No.4984541]

>>4984533
“I want you to look in the mirror and tell me what you see,” he instructed.
Hesitantly, he walked over to the mirror and stared at it. It was an ordinary one, only big enough for him to see his reflection and many of the faces of the people who made up the PUNKS. He looked to the teacher, who merely stared back expectantly.
“Uh… my reflection,” King answered.
“What else?” Mr. Sass goaded. “Look hard.”
King cut his eyes at the teacher before turning back to the mirror. He had no idea what Mr. Sass expected him to see. “I see some of the PUNKs,” he offered.
“He lies,” a voice whispered from all around the room at once. King looked around, unsure if it were real or in his head. By the look on his classmates’ faces, they heard it, too.
Mr. Sass stepped forward, towering over King, eyes burning with rage. His clenched fists, coupled with the veins popping out of his neck and head, made King’s heart gallop with fear. He knocked over a fan as he fumbled to take a step back.
“Tell the truth,” Mr. Sass bellowed furiously. “What do you see?”
“Let me speak to him,” the voice said, immediately quelling Mr. Sass’ anger.
Seriously freaked out, King took another step back and glanced at the door. It was about eight feet away. He wasn’t sure if he could make it if Mr. Sass didn’t want him to, but if it came to it, he’d try.
“But master, you are not strong enough,” the teacher said, almost fearfully.
“I am strong enough for thisss.”
Mr. Sass turned away from him and began unraveling his turban. Part of King wanted to take the opportunity to flee, but he was too engulfed in Mr. Sass’ actions to take a step. Layer after layer, the teacher peeled the turban off until a thin veil was all that separated King from the bulbous, malformed thing that existed underneath it. With gentle grace, Mr. Sass lifted the last of the barrier to reveal a white face glaring coolly at him with pale blue eyes.
King didn’t wait to see anymore; he turned and bolted. Barely maintaining his balance as he tripped over the fan, he wrapped his hands around the doorknob and yanked it open. He slid out in the hall, stealing glances back at Mr. Sass, who loomed over the doorway like a vicious giant.
He knows, was all he could think. He knows what I am. He’s going to kill me. King hooked a left down the hall and blasted through the first set of doors he came to. The parking lot was on his left. He fumbled in his pocket for the keys to the Camaro, stabbing at the panic button until the car blared out its location. Thirty seconds later, King was burning rubber as he peeled off school property.

[Anonymous No.4984546]

>>4984541
“You thought what?” Kaiden asked as he gripped his stomach to quell the pain of laughing so hard. He rolled on the floor and curled into a loose fetal position to keep from cracking a rib.
King sat on the couch in their living room, thunderstruck and at a loss for words as he replayed the ending of the first Harry Potter movie over and over. He swore. It was a near perfect reenactment, minus King missing his lines. He really thought Mr. Sass had a demon or some other paranormal creature growing out of the back of his head.
“How am I supposed to know what’s real and what isn’t?” Damien asked after watching the ending for the twelfth time. “I mean, you’re real. How do I know that ghost, demons, goblins, and shit aren’t real?”
Releasing a sigh that was more of a chuckle, Kaiden climbed to his feet and sat down on the couch next to King. “I am the only paranormal creature you have to worry about for the rest of your life. No demons, no ghost, no succubi, and no witches. Just me.”
King clicked the TV off and faced his surrogate brother. “So all of those things are real?”
Kaiden shrugged. “Some are, and some aren’t. That’s for Death to know, and you never to find out.” He stood and walked over to the bookshelf adjacent to the TV. “Your next assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to read all of these.” Kaiden picked up a stack of seven books and set them on the table. He fumbled through them, picked one out, and tossed it to King. “You cannot call yourself human, and you will not be accepted as a teenager, until you get caught up on the Harry Potter series. JK Rowling finished the series years ago, so you don’t have to wait for them. Lucky you.”
King flipped open the book and glanced through it. “You mean, everyone knows about these?” He’d vaguely remembered hearing about them, but he didn’t know the books were that big. How out of touch with the world was he?
“Those books have entwined themselves into today’s culture. You will meet very few people who’ve never read them and fewer who’ve never heard of Harry Potter.” Kaiden’s voice was soft but even still, he could hear the pity loud and clear. Kaiden was Death, and he’d still heard about and read the books.
From the look in his eye, he was sure Kaiden was wondering what kind of miserable existence he led before he died


As far as i got. Too bad to read any further despite the laughs

[Anonymous No.4984553]

>>4984530
>>4984533
>>4984541
>>4984546
What the fuck am I reading?

[Anonymous No.4984570]

>>4984530
>>4984533
>>4984541
>>4984546
>I don't believe those other four novels are of a high enough quality to release. I wrote the first one when I was a freshman in high school, and I was in no way a prodigy.
I have plans to rewrite the fourth one, but the first three were practice and will likely never see the light of day.

So he has wrote others which are either worse than this. I feel sorry for the guy, he doesn't have any self-awareness of just how bad this is.

[Anonymous No.4984571]

>>4984530
>>4984533
>>4984541
>>4984546

Honestly, it's fanfiction level.

[Anonymous No.4984573]

>>4984519
Reddit is basically the website of choice for last men. At least 4chan still breeds contempt for oneself.

[Anonymous No.4984574]

>>4984530

>Mr. Sass' class

[Anonymous No.4984589]

>All eyes were on King as he crossed the room and walked down the rows towards his seat near the back of class. Almost everyone was smiling at him. One kid even dubbed him his hero.

Asfafsgxsdsff

[Anonymous No.4984591]

>>4984530
>stilted dialog
>trying to show 'King' is clever with tepid comebacks
>>4984533
I can't even... this dialog is so stupid.
>Liza head-banged and threw up the rocker symbol to the applause of the class.
I'm cringing here.
>>4984541
Voldemort?
>>4984546
He's acknowledging that he ripped off Harry Potter? That doesn't make it any better. This is painful.

[Anonymous No.4984624]

>>4984530
>not caring if he got in trouble for cursing
>dubbed him his hero
>King shrugged. “I wasn’t trying to be cool or anything. I’m just not in a good mood.”
>>4984533
>Kind sir
>Liza head-banged and threw up the rocker symbol to the applause of the class.
>>4984541
>THAT ENTIRE PARAGRAPH FUCKING STOLEN FROM HARRY POTTER
>>4984546
>He really thought Mr. Sass had a demon or some other paranormal creature growing out of the back of his head.
>Wanting to suck J.K. Rowling's dick so hard throughout this

MFW THIS ENTIRE EXPERIENCE

[Anonymous No.4984626]

>>4984624
The next chapter somehow ends up being even worse.

[Anonymous No.4984650]

>>4984626
No no, fuck you, I am not reading bad fan fiction.
Even shit writers and their shit books do not spend the entire time gargling the balls of things they like. A reference is one thing, having an entire paragraph fucking copying a scene before being told to literally read ingest the author's works and looked at as a sad person for not doing so earlier is quite another.
Ready Player One didn't even stoop to this level.

[Anonymous No.4984768]

God, this is actually quite gratifying. It doesn't matter how much I overestimate my potential as a writer - I literally can't be this bad. It's just not possible. This guy is the Hack Messiah; he has allowed himself to be crucified for the salvation of us all.

[Anonymous No.4984779]

>>4984409
I'm doing it! 0.0

[Anonymous No.4984878]

Mr. Anthony, are you a Big Guy in the self-publishing world?

[Anonymous No.4984896]

>>4984299
At least he didn't use mixed metaphors.

[Thelostcup !!qaqXYBhmuQ/ No.4985059]

This guy is more mediocre than he is horrible. His story ideas stuck, but I do see some potential in the actual writing.

He just needs to read a helluva lot more.

[Steki !!YZ75WBx2rxh No.4985112]

>>4984386
jayz nigga

HOV

[Anonymous No.4985140]

Really? Seems to me that he has to improve everything significantly.

His dialogue stands out as the worst though. It's unintentionally funny half the time and completely cringe worthy the other half.

[Anonymous No.4985142]

>nine years
>five novels
>this is the result

Just sad.

If we were living in any kind of healthy society this guy would have been set down the path of manual labour or a trade of some kind, with work and local institutions that he could take pride in and an income that would support a family. Instead he the banks encourage him to take out loans to earn a worthless degree at a shit "local college" in a subject he is frankly not on an intellectual level to understand, while in his spare time he willingly puts on the minstrel show that is this self-published novel and the time that was wasted on it.

[Anonymous No.4985158]

>>4985059
>He just needs to read a helluva lot more.

This is most likely his biggest problem. The first couple of chapters suck of Rowling like she is the best writer ever. It might not necessarily be reading more, he just needs to improve the quality of what he reads.

[Anonymous No.4985183]

>>4985059
>mediocre
that's being really generous. That's like saying Tommy Waiseu is a so-so actor and director.

>>4985140
I agree with this guy. His dialog is plenty bad. What was even the point of that "I can predict what you'll say next" bit? It's only in there because the author thinks its terribly clever when in fact it's terribly contrived and pointless. That said, at least his dialog is there. His tone is either melodramatic or nonexistent. The story seems to take place in a non-descript void, and his character descriptions read like cartoons. It's a real mess. Even for YA fiction.

[Anonymous No.4985250]

>>4984416
"So many people, when administering the semen enema of life, gag on too many cocks whilst forgetting the splendor of the venereal kiss. Only those who can simultaneously flex the penis of fate and relax the sphincter of spontaneity can find true orgasmic nirvana. So I tell you: let the euphoric release of a post-novacaine rim-job guide your every thrust - and Cheers!"

[Anonymous No.4985342]

>>4984225
this. also self publishing doesnt mean that he will be successful, hence why he needs that ama to promote his book

[Anonymous No.4985351]

the rowling rip-off is stunning. mostly for just how poorly it is pulled off. what's wrong with this person? are all his friends lying to him?

[Anonymous No.4985390]

>>4985351
He's a nigger, and all his friends are probably niggers, and well, you know... niggers.