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/lit/ - Literature

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File: 2.46 MB, 1711x1711, Harlan_Ellison_at_the_LA_Press_Club_19860712.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4972434 No.4972434 [Reply] [Original]

Post your best/worst opening lines /lit/

>> No.4972444

"Where are the video games", he said as he entered my store. It was at that moment I knew it was going to be one of those days. "WHERE ARE THE VIDEO GAMES"

>> No.4972850

>>4972444
the toppest of keks

>> No.4972858

"This opening sentence can be reflectively perceived upon as a cryptic metaphor for what the book as a whole is 'about'," said John.

>> No.4972864

>>4972444
>>4972858
I laughed.

>> No.4972866

>>4972444
I'd read more of this.

>> No.4972870

Stumbling upon my sister's amateur sex tape while browsing the internet wouldn't have been so bad, if the title of the video wasn't "Taping my daughter with hidden cam"

>> No.4972875

>>4972858
Who the fuck is John? xD

>> No.4972880

>>4972870
Lel'd

These have been good so far

>> No.4972886

All this happened, more or less.

>> No.4972901

>>4972434
Picture unrelated? Or does Harlan Ellison have especially good or bad opening lines?

>> No.4972902

I really can't stress this enough: I *never* -- N-E-V-E-R, "NEVER" -- intended to become the leader of a suicide cult.

>> No.4972935

I saw her dead on the floor.

or

It was the first time i died.

or

Tens of his eyes stared me.

>> No.4972938

>>4972870
It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines.

>> No.4972940

>>4972935
>Tens of his eyes stared me.

Spider literature?

>> No.4972945

>>4972940
Well, since you are intrigued i guess the line works?

>> No.4972949

The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the Norgolian empire.

>> No.4972959

"Shit! Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" Dirk Benedict screamed as his hang glider spiraled towards the futanari nudist colony.

>> No.4972960

>>4972901
Unrelated. I just love Harlan Ellison.

>> No.4972962

>>4972902
Rehashed from an old one. What made the old one good was the way it took you by surprise. You've killed what was an excellent opening line.

>> No.4972963

It was a dark and stormy night

>> No.4972967

>>4972960
good

>> No.4972970

>>4972967
Mephisto in Onyx man. A classic. How could I hate on the God that is Harlan?

>> No.4972975

This is an entrance only. You have to eat all the eggs. Her bra was a tighter fit than I anticipated. All these would be adequate opening sentences for this novel, along with a few others which I neglected to write down.

>> No.4972976

It was seven in the morning and i had just woken up. Fuck i hate mornings.

>> No.4972978

>Tell me, muse, of that man, so ready at need, who wandered far and wide, after he had sacked the sacred citadel of Troy, and many were the men whose towns he saw and whose mind he learnt, yea, and many the woes he suffered in his heart upon the deep, striving to win his own life and the return of his company.
I could have come up with that shit.

>> No.4972980
File: 31 KB, 352x450, 1375415351056.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4972980

>author opens with blatant interest-bait line
>"Hee hee hee. this'll hook 'em!"

Intro the trash it goes.

>> No.4972981

All of this happened, more or less.

>> No.4973000

>>4972975
>You have to eat all the eggs

>> No.4973012

>>4972981
No one cared the first time you posted it, no one will care this time.

>> No.4973026

>>4973012
I posted it first, but I'm not the guy you're replying to. Looks like two anons both liked it and posted it independently of each other.

I also don't know what you mean by 'cared'. I wasn't looking for people to praise me for a line I didn't write.

>> No.4973031

ey bb u wnt sum fuk?

>> No.4973034

>>4972434
I woke up and then looked around and found myself in my room.

>> No.4973038

>>4973034
This almost works in an ironic way.

>> No.4973043

I shouted after him but it was too late; Joey Jo-Jo Shabadoo Junior had long since disappeared into the airy night.

>> No.4973065

I shouldn't have licked her cunt.

>> No.4973127

"This is my partner, Curtis."
"Oh, you're gay?"
"No, I'm a cop."
"Oh so there are no gay cops?"
"My police partner."
"Okay, buddy," I chuckled.
The ubiquity of heteronormativism troubles me.

>> No.4973147

>>4972434
Once upon a time there was no time to start stories with once upon a time there was no time to start stories with once upon a time there was no time to start stories with once upon a time there was no time to start stories with once upon a time

>> No.4973155

>>4973127
10/10

>> No.4973190

There once lived a girl who exerted a great deal of her will to satisfy her father. A man of simple tastes whom could be transported to euphoric realms of ecstasy through anal bleaching. Despite the intense reciprocal pleasure this act aroused, she desired a life not defined by her father's unfortunate fetish. Dentistry was still a subject of much scorn to her father, who was a man of binary sentiments. He would stress that the issues of the mouth could not be suitably catered to by a member of their family.

>> No.4973217

>>4973155
10/10

>> No.4973225

>>4973127
>The ubiquity of heteronormativism troubles me.
#autism

>> No.4973226

A line of coke before reading American Psycho.

>> No.4973229

>>4973217
4/10 it's too derivative

>> No.4973242

>>4973127
>not "The ubiquity of heteronormativism is problematic."

>> No.4973292

>>4973242
>he persists with his autism! with more autism

>> No.4973300

We need to go deeper. Deeper at my mining job, deeper in my writing process, deeper in my songwriting, but most of all deeper in my wife's pussy, it was the only way I could get that cunt to settle down before she and her lawyer went deeper into my ass with divorce proceedings.

>> No.4973309

>>4973242
Fuck this >>4973292 guy, I'm the one who wrote it and not using problematic was a missed opportunity.

>> No.4973312

>>4973300
Deep.

>> No.4973325

How about a closing line?

"Vámonos, amigos," he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.

>> No.4973330

>>4973229
The derivative of 10/10 is 0.

>> No.4973384

>>4973309
>meta-autism
>autism everywhere
>my sides

>> No.4973393

>>4973384
> wanting to be in on the joke
> imagining Sisyphus as happy

>> No.4973404

John loved Sodomy almost as much as he loved ice cream, but his parents considered 8 too young to begin a sexual relationship.

>> No.4973414

There's more to what I say than the extent to which I mean it.

>> No.4973417

I've spent several hundred bucks to watch 17 year olds play a game on a choppy internet stream within the confines of my room while my life slowly disintegrates into nothingness.

>> No.4973422

>>4972959
deqayzmn

>> No.4973481

They're all shit, so I'll give you a selection:

The Tale of the Battle of Kren's Reach tells that as the men lines up in the field to face the Orc foe a huge roar was heard from the mountains and the men's swords and halberds took on a silver sheen, and a light rain began to fall, eventually turning into a huge torrent which saturated the land before the Men of Alalia.

Dave saw the man coming from yards away, but he kept his head down and continued to read his book hoping to God that he would just keep walking.

Serastyl sat at the head of the table is a state that could only be describes as serene comatose. Ash fell from the red clouds outside of his empty court chamber, some falling through a crack in the roof and forming a thin layer in front of his towering figure.

A frigid wind blows through the forest. The day passed quickly. He was forced to make the journey back in the dark, his path only lit by the light of the moon shining through the think canopy.

>> No.4973529

It is very common for a man's nickname to be a ironic barb, given by his friends to demonstrate their closeness through insults -- for instance, a very short man called 'stretch', or a man with an obvious toupée called 'curly' -- but Cindy was soon to discover that this was not the case for Tony 'cunt-ripper' Jackson.

>> No.4973554

>>4973529
10/10

>> No.4973599

Everyone, EVERYONE, misheard my name as, "The Massage Man Tony LaReu." I heard it everywhere around town, but I never had any intent to correct them. I just know all those sore, sore gals had a pretty rude awakening when they came into my office. I'm the Misogynist Man Tony LaReu, and this is my story.

>> No.4973665

Even the brightest minds shine the dimmest in the face of challenges outside their area of expertise. Einstein once put it aptly: "If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." At least, that's what Bryan told himself when he saw the multitude of F's on his report card. Tossing it to the side with mild disappointment, he sat down at his computer and clicked another thread on /r9k/.

>> No.4973704

>>4972949
I don't think you used enough adjectives bro.

>> No.4973931

>>4972434
"Reading just the names on the menu won't help you." Sighed Derek. "Nah, It's alright," said Ned, whose responses rarely resolved a critique of his activities, "I like Italian food." "Yeah, and I like Hookers, but that don't mean I speak Thai." Chortled Buck, whose activities and responses invited critique.

>> No.4973936

>>4972444
I was in that thread, another from there:

"If I don't get my dick sucked in like three seconds I'm going to start shooting!"
"Principle Agresta my mom says that's wrong" said a girl with blonde hair
That's when the firing started

>> No.4973942

Finding an objective platform by which to observe and analyze the anime K-On! is in-itself an impossibility. The underlying deconstructionist language used in the anime makes the very idea of an objective analysis a subjective conceit. It does away with the objective/subjective and good/bad dichotomies. Interpretations and analysis of the anime K-On! must be filtered of any and all prior notions of quality and of art if one intends to be fair. All negative claims and critiques propounded about the anime K-On! are results of ignorance to the delicated issue of the relationship between perception and moe.

>> No.4973944

>>4972434
"I'm not handicapped," pronounced lemuel with pride "I'm Handicapab-" but the boy's glad message was cut short as his head drooped, his saliva ran and his voice became a pitchy drone "-mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

>> No.4973969

>>4972959
I'd read it. Very Pulp-Adventure.

>> No.4973991

I'm not happy, let me tell you why.

>> No.4974006

Something was pouring from his mouth. He examined his sleeve. Blood? Blood. Crimson, copper-smelling blood. His blood. Blood. Blood. Blood. And bits of sick.

>> No.4974024

I just need you to know she told me she was eighteen.

>> No.4974096

>>4974024
The Beatles opened up their debut album with "She was just 17 / You know what I mean" and things worked out alright for them.

>> No.4974099

I left for the mountains beckoned by the whisper of a name, not mine but hers. What was it?

>> No.4974268
File: 183 KB, 600x450, 1390796782695.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4974268

>>4973944
This is depressingly hilarious.

>> No.4974273

>>4974006
I'm Garth Marenghi, horror writer. Most of you will probably know me already from my extensive canon of chillers, including Afterbirth, in which a mutated placenta attacks Bristol. Back in the 1980s, I wrote, directed and starred in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, a television program so radical, so risky, so dangerous, so goddamn crazy, that the so-called powers that be became too scared to show it, and gypped me. Much in the same way women have done ever since they sniffed out my money.

>> No.4974349

>>4974099
Thoughts on this guys? Something I started tonight. Idea is a fantasy novel (Iknogenrefictionpleb) wherein a King follows a muse into the wild.

>> No.4974355

>>4972434
An old man died.

>> No.4974368

Twelve seconds. Twelve seconds is precisely how long somebody lives for after their carotid artery has been lacerated. Twelve seconds may not seem like a whole a lot of time, and it isn't, you could never hope to call the police in tweve seconds, or disarm your attacker, or even properly say your farewells to a loved one. What you can do in twelve seconds, however, is come to the realization that you're going to die, you can lock eyes with the man who killed you, and even as the entirety of your life experiences are being pumped through your bloodstream and out of the puncture on your neck, you can accept inferiority, and die ashamed of your failure to perform your most natural god-given instinct of survival.

>> No.4974373

>>4974368
...Dio? Is that you?

>> No.4974374

>>4973665
P-pls finish this, /r9k/ would appreciate it very much.

>> No.4974397

>>4974349
I don't know man, I think you should establish that he's royalty first, and create some sort of conflict with another character. A king doesn't usually just go wandering around the countryside, play on that and establish that what he's doing isn't approved by others.

>> No.4974404

In the time before the great turnaround, there was a dream; a dream that refused to leave the realm of my subconscious despite my former childhood ignorance.

>i dont even know, i've never written anything before

>> No.4974437

>>4974404
I can tell, 6/10 at best, write more fggt

>> No.4974513

>>4972434
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

>> No.4974537

>>4972434
He was dirt, not the dirt of gardens, but the dirt of Chernobyl.

>> No.4974540

>>4974513
It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines

>> No.4974543

All men by nature desire to know little boys.

>> No.4974545

David was wanking in the now defunct girls' bathroom after reading baby Rudin in one sitting, not without the help of thirty ephedrine pills.

>> No.4974550

>>4973417
;_;

>> No.4974628

The Peruvian boy dropped a nickel. "Darn, I dropped a nickel", he said, as he picked up the nickel.

The Peruvian boy dropped a nickel.

>> No.4974637

>>4974628
Does the book continue like that throughout?

>> No.4974663

See the child. He is pale and thin.

>> No.4974664

We stood in a circle, nine strangers, gathered together here in this nondescript warehouse around a bonfire. At the head of us stood The Man who brought us here, who would make us rich. He looked us each in the eye in turn and a wan smile drifted across his face. "Gentlemen, tonight we will commit the perfect crime..." Anticipation grew inside me like a cancer. I could tell my new found brothers also felt the same as I. "..tonight, we will steal and leak the new U2 CD before it can ever hit the shelves!"

>> No.4974683

>>4974664
>>4974628
>>4974368
Best ones in the thread, all others are shit.

>> No.4974699

pop pop
aaaaAAAAaaaahhhhhhaaaaaa
crack pop
Antonio Sant'Elia stood over the dead couple, he lifted the head of the man to see his face, then did the same with the women. He looked back and forth between the man, the women, and the folded picture he had been carrying in his pocket
"Peanuts" he exlaimed, "I've killed the wrong people"
He hoped this wouldn't negatively impact him in the future.

>> No.4974703

>>4973931
>Chortled Buck, whose activities and responses invited critique.
Heh
>>4974273
I like it, post more?
>>4974368
2edgy4me, sounds like a poorly written pulp novel without the self awareness to be funny.

>> No.4974724

Gunfire whizzed overhead as we crouched behind the wooden boxes.
"Hatin' ass niggas? Dat's dat shit I don't like!"
"I'm not fond of this situation either Chief Keef, but we must persevere if we are to return the Queen's crown!"

>> No.4974732
File: 100 KB, 640x480, Gizmo3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4974732

>>4974699

made me tear up

clap clap clap clap clap clap clap

>> No.4974748

>>4972434
The building was on fire, and it wasn't my fault.

Death Masks, Jim Butcher.

>> No.4974766

>>4974703
>2edgy4me, sounds like a poorly written pulp novel without the self awareness to be funny.
>2014
>not knowing what novel that's from

>> No.4974767 [DELETED] 
File: 30 KB, 500x500, trill.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4974767

>>4972434


http://youtu.be/p1NGC3S5sEU

>> No.4974961

>>4973330
10/10

>> No.4975083

>>4974096
17 is the age of consent in the UK.

>> No.4975619

>>4972975
These are the opening lines for the long-lost sequel to At-Swim-Two-Birds, I'm sure.

>> No.4975636

Just don't use Chief Keef as a name and try to sell this on amazon as thug lit

>> No.4976112

>>4974724
"Bang Bang" he concurred thoughtfully.

>>4975636
I assume this is directed at me.
>thug lit
Oh wow. I know how I'm spending my weekend.

>> No.4976422

"Indubatably" caterwauled Commodore Estabon Kittensworth Jr, as he climbed the submarine starships ladder with feline grace.

>> No.4976447

>>4974628

He gets fully characterized and we quickly grow to love his oafish antics and foolish nature. Then he gets hit by a bus at the end of chapter one. The rest of the story takes place in suburban America and never again references the nickel scene.

>> No.4976450

>>4976447

As a reply to

>>4974637

>> No.4976653

The tip of his penis collided absent-mindedly with the table and brought to him irreversible sadness

>> No.4976673

His name was sparky, he was the neighbors dog and I wore him like a glove.

>> No.4976735

You can call me Ishmael

>> No.4976747

>The sound of their fucking, the gurgling reverb of their drinking, the feel of ethanol slowly caving into my throat, as if Satan had exhaled his rotten breath into my esophagus.

From a short story I wrote last year. If it's good or bad I have no idea.

>> No.4976822

>>4976747
looks like a second drafting of My Twisted World

>> No.4976855

>>4976822
What is that?

The short story is essentially a depressed musing on the hedonism of adolescence.

>> No.4976860
File: 32 KB, 600x300, Humanity-Dark-Souls.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4976860

>>4972434
"DAMN NEGRO GHOSTS, I CANT GET A WINK", said my father, obviously irritated at the black apparitions that stalked the ceiling. His mother in law began screaming, "baa, BAAA", as was custom for goats in the family who were deathly afraid of the dark. But anyway, its not sensible to see our characters when they are most blighted, so Ill start at the beginning.

>> No.4976867

>>4976860
>negro ghosts

top kek

>> No.4976870

Let's start the book... Here we go.... Starting.... now.... Right.... Now.... Ok, I said I was going to start the book, but I keep writing. No more, writing. Let's just start the book... Ok, seriously this time.... We. Are. Starting. Right..... Now..... And.... Here... We.... Go...... Ok.........................

>> No.4976885

>>4976855
Manifesto of some nut who shot up a bunch of people last month because his sister was getting laid and he wasn't. He'd listen to her fucking her boyfriend and get all pissy over it.

>> No.4976890

>>4976747
It's bad. The simile would be passable if presented correctly, but this is too much imagery and action too quickly, and really verbose with bad syntax.

>> No.4976893

>>4976422
had me until feline grace

>> No.4976897

>>4976885
Elliot Rodger?

Not sure if I should take offense to that.

>> No.4976901

>>4976860
Its so pulp and nuance, I think I could get into that if it was an actual book. As long as your writing style remained semi self aware.

>> No.4976927

>>4976897
Nah, it was just a joke about its edginess and how a guy getting all buttflusted from overhearing fucking is similar to what he wrote about just recently. And not to make light of the massacre either - what happened was a tragedy but the guy's retardation and edge deserve to be laughed at.

>> No.4976953 [DELETED] 

He lowered Natasha's panties eagerly with both hands. They smelt oddly like the strawberry shampoo she was using. So, she uses it for the hair down there too, Vivec mused. I like that.

He continued pulling the panties all the way down to her feet, asking her to raise her knees in the process. Removing them when she was on all fours was exciting. Their flowery design seemed odd on such a young girl, the kind of panties a grandmother might wear, so they had to be removed. Also, Vivec had had an erection for the past hour and couldn't contain himself any longer: he had waited long enough, he thought, and this was his just reward.

>> No.4976988

>>4972434
I just realized that that little fucker has been wearing a toupee for decades.

>> No.4977785

>>4976885
If that is actually true, he should have just become a writer. That is really good writing, if he bacame a writer instead of going on a murderous rampage, he could have been very successful. It reminds me of how Joseph Stalin was a poet before he was a dictator.

>> No.4977911
File: 8 KB, 232x217, bretty good.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4977911

>>4973127

>> No.4977927

>>4972870

Very War Zone.

>> No.4977929

>>4977785
The manifesto is pretty poorly written and really, really, really retarded.

>> No.4978063

I was advancing one step at a time (as people normally do) and I saw ahead of me, standing (more like slouching really), Jim McMuckerbuck, the worst (vile seems too sinister) tax evader of the past 6 months (and two days).

>> No.4978071

>>4972434
People are afraid to merge on freeways in Los Angeles.

>> No.4979784

>>4973325
It sounds like McCarthy with all of the made up compound words.

>> No.4979802

"God fucking damn it!" Milton spluttered, unsuccessfully attempting to scrub the spilt martini off his floral Hawaiian shirt.

>> No.4979806

>>4975083

16 actually m8

>> No.4979812

>>4979784

Can't be McCarthy, he used punctuation.

>> No.4979821

>>4979812
Yeah I was just thinking that it would be exactly like mccarthy if he changed it like this
>"Vámonos, amigos," he whispered and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock and they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.

>> No.4979826

>>4979821
shit except for quotation marks

>> No.4979854

>>4974368

starts ok, has promise, doesn't deliver, ends shit.

>> No.4979859

The man is whispering vámonos. The busted leather flintcraw is thrown over the loose weave of the saddlecock. They ride on in the friscalating dusklight.

>> No.4979937

>>4974766
What novel that's from?

>> No.4979994

Jim sat crosslegged in the dirt a short distance from the playground whose bright sickly plastic structure was swarming with the flailing arms and torsos of those who were also invited to Billy's birthday party.

>> No.4981075

>>4974368
Mr. Palahniuk is that you?

>> No.4982969

>>4973325
>>4979784
>>4979812
There is a magical tool called "google" which enables one to find quotes from things.
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0005673/quotes

>> No.4982973

You are seven years old. You are a man. Bury your first toy and your mother's picture.

>> No.4982979

>>4972970

Deathbird Stories is great but he got pretty senile and deranged in his later years.

>> No.4982984

'I usually do "jokes", but I just want to say how much I admire doctors/nurses. Can't imagine how hard it is not to drink the urine samples.'

>> No.4983036

>>4974540

it was the best of times it was the blurst of times