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4960424 No.4960424[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Want someone to read over something you've wrote and critique it? Post it here.

I'll start. Does the following work as a sentence?

Symbasileus is the highest honorary title in the Byzantine Empire, second only to the Emperor. It can only be granted to close relatives, and is used to designate the heir apparent.

>> No.4960448

>>4960424
no comma after relatives.

Clear and concise though

>> No.4960477

first sentence is kinda funny... "its the highest, except its not".
i'd write "second highest ... after ..."

you could condense/avoid passive voice
"is used to designate" to "designates"

"It can only be granted to close relatives" to "(the emperors?) granted it only to close relatives"

>> No.4960490

>>4960477
>first sentence is kinda funny... "its the highest, except its not"
Not OP, but he specifies that it is the highest honorary title, not the highest title in general. Emperor is an actual political office, not an honorary title, so it isn't contradictory.