/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.4894909]

/lit/, what is the dumbest shit you have ever written?

I have a series of short stories about a college-aged witch and her friends with benefits relationship with her demon familiar

[Anonymous No.4894917]

>>4894909
I once wrote a miniseries about the tripfags from /x/, I mean it could have been worse I guess.

[Anonymous No.4894938]

A story of myself girlfriend and friend as furries in a post-apocalyptic land with magic and overly descriptive character appearences.

I was maybe 14-15. I am needless to say, not a writer.

[Anonymous No.4894941]

Wrote a story about a vampire cowboy on the hunt for the killer clown who used to molest him as a child

Featured a touch of backstory about how the main character became a vampire so he could suck the blood of molesters and rapists

[Anonymous No.4894951]

I once wrote an unfinished draft of a novel about a guy named Dark Fedora because he always wore a dark fedora to high school. The fedora gave him special powers.

[Anonymous No.4894964]

A short story about why it's cool to look at guy's penises in the locker room.

I've starred in a female classmate's book that she actually published where I was nothing but a french stereotype she could fap on like her yaoi hentai.

[Anonymous No.4894974]

I once wrote a seventy page manifesto on drugs, sex and spirituality while having my first schizophrenic episode.

I ended up deleting the file when I got out of the hospital cause I was depressed and it reminded me of everything that wasn't real but sometimes I wish I could go back and look at it to understand how crazy I was and perhaps gain some insight into my own psyche.

[Anonymous No.4894987]

WH40k fanfiction when I was 13.

[Anonymous No.4894994]

>>4894974
I did the same thing, all my friends I described as hungry snakes trying to take all I have.
I described women as machines and I wrote how I had visions of the shadows little german children from the third reich dancing around me.

Then again I could feel my brain frying on drugs and my psychiatrist told me to stop taking them unless I wanted to end up crazy.
I wonder if there's any dark deep secrets about me

[Anonymous No.4895003]

I have an unfinished draft about a girl who discovers that her evil relatives are secretly running a maritime piracy operation from a small town that they control. She falls in love with an avenging angel trying to kill all of the pirates.

[Anonymous No.4895041]

>>4894909
>>4894941
>>4894964
I'd read all these, if only for comedic value.

The first one with the witch in particular seems like it's begging to become bad urban fiction.

[mewball !THuMbsUpyw No.4895048]

>>4894909
...is it any good?
post it

[Anonymous No.4895063]

I wrote some erotica and I swear it was just paragraphs of "her wet cunt, her huge tits her wet cunt, her huge tits"

no substance, it was just tits and ass

[Anonymous No.4895120]

>>4894974
you dun goofed, retard. It would have been literary gold. How hard is to dump in a folder and forget about it? Fucking retard.

[Anonymous No.4895155]

>>4894909
I wrote a story told entirely from the perspective of a wheel of fine aged gouda.
I was very drunk and I had a bet to honor.

[Anonymous No.4895193]

my fallout new vegas fanfic

boone's son somehow survives his mother being shot and grows up unaware that his father is basically a mercenary. He goes on random misadventures in old ruins and later becomes Arcade Ganon's (now on the run from the NCR, and boone, techno apprentice it ends with boone going nuts, getting loaded on cocaine and shooting himself, while the NCR moves in and his son and ganon are forced farther east. inb4 overly dark an edgy, it is

[Anonymous No.4895197]

I cringe whenever i read my middle school stuff. Sometimes i'll think back to a poem i wrote and be like huh that one was good then i'll look over it and it would be the biggest shit ever. :/ but im greatful because i evolved and learned my current stuff is WAYYYYYY better.

[Anonymous No.4895201]

I was trying to write a fantasy world so I made up some history of it that was obviously a ripoff of everything I had read then

[Anonymous No.4895244]

I've written well over a 1000 poems at this point so i shudder to think what I would find hidden in random drawers, notebooks and coat pockets from the past few years. I can vaguely remember this particuarly awful one I wrote while dragged into H&M with my then girlfriend about how much i disliked the store. yes i wrote a poem about H&M sucking

I tend to think of most of them more as verbal exercises than actual poems. I just write them out of a compulsion to write something down

[Anonymous No.4895251]

>>4895201
I, too, used to write things that were huge ripoffs of the stuff I had read. The only difference is that my stuff was Pokemon fanfiction.

[Anonymous No.4895258]

I can't re-read anything I've written without cringing.

[Anonymous No.4895263]

I recently wrote an essay on gender and the patriarchy in two stories written in the 1800's. Needless to say it was shit but I still got an A and a note from the professor urging me to become a gender scholar or something absurd like that.

[Anonymous No.4895270]

>>4894941
Jesus christ, post a picture of yourself as you looked when you wrote this, please.

[Anonymous No.4895279]

>>4895251

Haha, my stuff was also Pokemon fan fiction. At the time I thought it was the best story that forum would ever see (I was thirteen okay). Looking back it was a fucking amazing effort from someone that age, but it wasn't as brilliant as I thought it was.

My Pokemon roleplaying may have been the first signs of real writing talent though, or at least originality. I used to turn the most basic of plot devices into the most unconventional things. Sometimes I read over old threads and wonder what happened to that reckless creative courage of mine; that ability to just think of something clever and simply run with it.

[Anonymous No.4895431]

I've got a notebook that I use to write things I found funny in. Often after drinking.

Needless to say most of them don't make sense.

examples:

"TOILET MAN? I BUY MINTS! GREED(sp?) MY THAT I'M NOT IN THE BOYS ALL NIGHT"

"Does sunny delight still turning people orange?"

"THIRTY IS DIRTY, NO AGE=OLD"

I'm sure they made sense at the time.

[Anonymous No.4895444]

A series of short stories involving Ice Cube and his PMC. Here's an excerpt:
>“Sloan, I’m sorry. I think I just I fucked up”
>“He can’t hear you retard. The EMP took out your radio.”
>He jammed his boot into Cube’s face again for good measure. Cube could feel the bones and cartilage in his nose twisting and snapping out of place.
>“But he knows something went wrong. You’re not transmitting data anymore. This means he’s almost certainly going to send in a second team. You will tell me everything about this team. What they are equipped with. How many there are. Where they will insert from. Everything. In return I will spare your life. You may speak now.”
>“Thanks bro. Hold on, I’ve got the briefing in my pack. Let me get it for you”
Ice Cube reached his hand inside his fannypack and quickly pulled it out again, revealing a defiant middle finger. He then slammed his heel on the floor, causing a blade to spring out from the toe. With swift staccato kicks, he embedded the knife deep into Heller’s groin over and over again. Heller fell to the ground, weeping. Ice Cube limped over to his Five-SeveN. He planted four bullets into each corner of the nearest plate glass window. He then calmly holstered the weapon, and picked up Heller by the neck with his one remaining functional arm.
>“There is no second team. I always work alone.”
>With that he tossed him through the weakened pane and onto the empty parking lot 200 feet below.

[Anonymous No.4895458]

In 10th grade I wrote an essay in which I namedropped both Nietzsche and Schopenhauer, misspelling both.

[Anonymous No.4895485]

>>4895444
10/10 would read

[Anonymous No.4895486]

>>4894951
POST
PLEASE, DEAR GOD, POST

[Anonymous No.4895512]

I do this too

"She’s got the special k
What, she has drugs?
No cancer"

[Anonymous No.4895515]

>>4895486
I'm 90% sure he's posted it before. It sounds familiar.

[Anonymous No.4895518]

I wrote this story, it was supposed to be a series of novels, about a pirate called "Red Keller". He had red skin because he lived close to the sun or some shit. He flew around the galaxy and killed people.

[Anonymous No.4895533]

>>4895444
Dude this is awesome, don't stop.

[Anonymous No.4895537]

>>4894909
some bullshit stream of consciousness bullshit

[Anonymous No.4895538]

When I was a freshman in high school I wrote a short story called "The Faggot Police". It took place in a dystopian future where there were too many people and the world population was plummeting, so, as a result, the US government illegalized homosexuality. The story was about two detectives doing a stakeout in front of a Borders bookstore (I wrote the story when Borders was closing) waiting for people to go in because the only book inside the store was Ricky Martin's biography (I went into a Borders one day when it was closing and approximately 50% of the books there were copies of Ricky Martin's biography). The reason they were doing this was because you had to be a full-fledged homosexual to even consider buying Ricky Martin's biography, so it was essentially a honeypot for homosexuals.

[Anonymous No.4895539]

>>4894909
sounds hot

[Anonymous No.4895540]

>>4895258
This so much.

[Anonymous No.4895547]

I co-wrote two books set in a fantasy world of incest starring people I know and riddled with in-jokes. It started as a birthday gift for one of them with whom we had a running joke of him shagging his sister.

[Anonymous No.4895548]

Does anybody know where I can find some really terrible early writing from well-known authors?

inb4 Infinite Jest &c.

[Anonymous No.4895563]

>>4895538

Hahahahaha oh wow

This is also funny because I have tourette's and one of my vocal tics is uttering the phrase "I want to work for the Faggot Police!"

[Anonymous No.4895571]

>>4895547

George R.R. Martin doesn't post on /lit/

[Anonymous No.4895576]

>>4895571
There was also an undercurrent of taking the piss out of GoT when we came up with the idea.

[Anonymous No.4895646]

I used a king of hearts as a bookmark for Pale Fire. I soon realized it was p much thematically perfect. It should honestly be the cover.

[Anonymous No.4896045]

>>4895258
This.

Except it's still going years later, I can't stop, IT'LL ALL BE FOR NOTHING IF I EVER STOP

SOMEBODY FUCKING END ME PLEASE

[Anonymous No.4896086]

A kamen rider knock off with some short redhead girl.
She fights the mothman, and his lackies run over her with a car twice to try and finish her.

She survived but I had no fucking idea of how to finish it and drop it.

[Anonymous No.4896110]

>>4895197

>but im greatful because i evolved and learned my current stuff is WAYYYYYY better.

give it 10 years and look at what you're writing right now

[Anonymous No.4896113]

>>4896045
Shut up, faggot. We both know you masturbate over your pages of material. Keep telling yourself you're a literary genius.

[Anonymous No.4896143]

I wrote a poem/song called "FUCK YOU MORRIS" about my neighbour who didn't want me playing drums anymore and gave my Grandparents some bullshit about how it was affecting his daughter's anorexia.
I was about 13-14 at the time.

[Anonymous No.4896153]

>>4895512
that's pretty funny Anon.

[Anonymous No.4898146]

Wrote a story about a girl fucking a sex doll, written from the sex doll's perspective

Became kind of infamous for that story among my peers

[Anonymous No.4898474]

>>4896143
Would read the shit out of this.

[Steki !!YZ75WBx2rxh No.4898845]

>>4895538
dis is good

[Anonymous No.4899345]

A story where each major character was named after a large corporation. The main character was named Apple, had a girlfriend named Starbucks, etc

[Anonymous No.4899354]

>>4894909
I literally just got sick to my stomach.

[Anonymous No.4899368]

>>4899345
So it was Hetalia with capitalism?

[Anonymous No.4899375]

>>4898146
Sounds hot.

[Anonymous No.4899382]

>>4898146
was it rape?

[Anonymous No.4899395]

>>4895538
I've seen you post this before.

[Anonymous No.4899417]

I wrote a story based in the late 1800s about a young kid whose dad trained him to fight chickens. His dad takes him around the country and uses him to win money in underground betting rings.

[Anonymous No.4899430]

>>4899417

You could market this as a fairly successful novel

[Anonymous No.4899439]

>>4895431
Piece them together and publish it as a lost Joyce manuscript

[Anonymous No.4900238]

A fanfiction about a popular (at the time) anime. I made all the characters into cats. I was 16.

I wanted to do something creative and different, but I didn't have any deep philosophical ideas, so I did a superficial difference as a what-if.

It was atrocious. I wrote it on paper and typed it into the family computer in the middle of the night. And posted it on the internet. It discussed litterboxes a little too much, and I had no reason why the characters were suddenly cats. Good god, I hope I burned those pages and deleted the files. I didn't. I know I didn't. Now I need to inquire if that computer was ever trashed or not.

Some days, I think I might have autism.

[Anonymous No.4900252]

a short story about a failed young writer (yup) that had to write tacky erotic stories for the literary magazine of some new rich

[Anonymous No.4900312]

>>4899417

Post a link to it please.

[Anonymous No.4900344]

Slash fanfiction about two guys I knew IRL.

[Anonymous No.4900361]

When I was 15 I wrote a 200 page supernatural-espionage-thriller. The main character was an American CIA agent charged with rooting out and killing Russian spies. His superpower was that he could see people's auras. All Russian spies had red auras.

Oh yeah, and the best part was its title: Death Perception

[Anonymous No.4900373]

>>4900361
holy shit that's incredible, like a B movie put to print. is there a literature genre equivalent of B movies?

how did you fill 200 pages btw? what needs to be done by the MC besides "lel red aura spy"

[Anonymous No.4900417]

>>4900361

>Death Perception

[Anonymous No.4900479]

A most dangerous game ripoff with different special forces guys from different countries competing for a million dollar prize. Stereotypes galore. The Murrican died heroically taking an evil Russian over a cliff with him as he died. The Britbong SAS guy had a chance to ace the evil Cuban but decided it wouldn't be sporting. The Cuban blows his fool Marquis of Queensbury head off. I let an Australian win because I wrote it before I was exposed to 4chan Australians and thought they were like Mad Max or Crocodile Dundee.

The French guy and the Korean guy are really embarrassing. I had the French guy actually say Sacre Bleu and had him wax existentialist when a German gut shot him. Korean dude was McGuyver with L and R confusion.

Ah well, at least it wasn't as bad as World War Z.

[Anonymous No.4900522]

>>4900361
>implying this isn't amazing.
lol would read/5

>>4900238
So many of these are hilarious

[Anonymous No.4900530]

>>4900344
I had a friend who wrote a collection of fanfics about people we knew. To date, it is some of the funniest shit I have ever read. It was definitely shit, but it was hilarious.

[Anonymous No.4900604]

>>4900373

Have you ever heard of the Surfing Samurai Robots books? B-books are definitely a thing that exists.

[Anonymous No.4900613]

>>4900530

Flashback time!

>"That guy" in high school who thought he was a dragon
>Had an entire novel that featured him in his dragon form
>People who were nice to him were made into characters that were his allies and they helped him kill off everyone who was mean to him

[Anonymous No.4900618]

>>4900479

This sounds like a Kohta Hirano comic. Holy fuck.

[Anonymous No.4901163]

A novella about my old imaginary friends harassing me.

[Anonymous No.4901219]

I wrote a short 300-word account of what could be interpreted as someone going into a room and having sex. Careful wording supported the end twist that it was simply a man having a shower.

[Ehhh? >.< Nani, Satan-kun? v.v(...) No.4901237]

>>4901219
this sounds good though?

I once wrote a story for school about a pirate named Eric the Longfork.

[Anonymous No.4901265]

In the north-west of England, a xenophobic police officer comes round to an African immigrant's house, and questions him threateningly about a recent disturbance. There's a flashback to the African's wife being left behind during the uprising he fled from, and he clearly misses his homeland.
Turns out that the disturbance was caused by a lion he keeps in the basement, which eats the police officer
and it turns out that THE POLICE OFFICER IS BLACK AND THE AFRICAN IS WHITE

[Anonymous No.4901759]

>>4901265
Whoa, turns out I was the racist. Your story has turned my life around and opened my eyes.

[Anonymous No.4902745]

>>4901265
Oh, snap!

[Anonymous No.4903407]

>>4895646
lol but it is to some spanish translation editions

[Anonymous No.4903567]

>>4895063
I feel like we've all had a story like that.

[Anonymous No.4903588]

I mainly write short descriptions for potential animations. I think the worst I've written for a comic, was about two lesbian college students and their daughter. The two moms basically share a bunch of sex jokes all the while evading the curiosity of their child. Who consistently intrudes on their love making. I really have no fucking clue where that idea going. I guess a very non-relatable slice of life.

[Anonymous No.4903865]

I wrote erotic Mr. B Natural fan fiction.

[Anonymous No.4904711]

A 600+ page stream of consciousness Final Fantasy TA fanfic.

[Anonymous No.4904805]

Digimon fanfiction me and my friend made when we were 9 about starring us and our friends.

We even drew pictures and started a comic book form which I homemade, managed to make it to 1 volume.

[Anonymous No.4904818]

I've written vore fetish erotica. It's all up from here.

[Anonymous No.4904846]

>>4904818
>tfw deleted my deviantART account on a whim a couple of days ago and going cold turkey w/ vore erotica
wish me luck

[Anonymous No.4904847]

My HS essays.

[Anonymous No.4904858]

>>4894909
I wrote this story about the Easter bunny, he gave children cake every year and the cake would indicate what kind of child they were. The premise of the story was that he switched this up one year and gave the bad children good kid-cake, and the good children bad kid-cake.

I also did I writing exercise a while ago where I wrote out anything and everything that came to mind, no matter what it was. Needless to say, it was very weird.

[Anonymous No.4904866]

>>4904847
Pretty much this. I used the word "reactionary" unironically in one of them.

[Anonymous No.4904894]

I am currently writing, as a sort of breather from 'real' writing, a series of short stories about two hetero life mates who live on an island that is the dumping ground for the world's spooky shit.

They both hate it there but it's home so they do their best to save it. Unashamedly John Dies at the End clone, except on an island. No one will ever see it.

[Anonymous No.4904944]

High school creative writing class. I wrote a story about a guy who travels between parallel universes, as per the Multiverse Theory, to regain his memory while using the black market because going between universes is banned. There was a big section where I talk about quantum physics and shit really pretentiously. I will post it if I can find it and if people want to cringe.

[Anonymous No.4905129]

mass effect fanfic when I was drunk; it's not even a paragraph long and I had completely forgotten about it until I happened upon it while I was going through my fanfic folder a while back, can post if anyone'd like

[Anonymous No.4905309]

>>4895431
When I come home late or I just happen to stay awake till the naught hours I write these notes to myself that make no fucking sense in the morning. Usually isolated sentences or weird phrases like "jarring Greek," and then I'm supposed to figure out what the fuck that means.

[Anonymous No.4905320]

This

[Anonymous No.4905322]

>>4903865
Joel, I'm scared.

[Anonymous No.4905455]

During the third grade my friend and I co wrote a series of 3-4 panel comics. The kids in the class liked them at least. I remember the two main characters were named something like Bob the human and Alex the alien.
I don't regret doing any of this because it was actually considered funny back then.

[Anonymous No.4905462]

>>4894909

I have a story which is a letter from a man who decided to take refuge in his own ass. He writes the letter to the outside world.

>it's good shit

[Anonymous No.4905514]

>>4895003
>maritime piracy operation
as opposed to those common land-pirates?

[Anonymous No.4905549]

>>4894909
>>4894917
>>4894938
>>4894941
>>4894951
>>4894964
>>4895063
>>4895244
>>4895263
>>4895547
>>4898146
>>4896143
>>4899417
>>4900479
>>4901265
this thread is wonderful

[Anonymous No.4905550]

>>4905514
We call them Land-Sea Pirates.

[Anonymous No.4905561]

>>4905455
Jake the dog and Finn the human?

[Anonymous No.4905568]

my dissertation, 'Objective and Subjective Elements in Music'

which was a pretentious, badly researched, unstructured stream of babble about how classical music was objectively superior to other musical artforms that was written over the course of 72 sleepless hours and scored me 41%, capped at 40% on account of it being handed in three months late after i had pleaded for clemency in order to not drop out of college.

i still cringe every time i think of it

[Anonymous No.4906385]

>>4894917
Post it now

[Anonymous No.4906397]

>>4905568
hahaha holy fuck
>Objective and Subjective Elements in Music

can you post excerpts from it ?

[Anonymous No.4906510]

>>4895548
Slow Learner has worst Pynchon stories ever.

Numbers in the Dark by Calvino show his very early works, which are pretty mixed.

[Anonymous No.4906518]

>>4906397
unfortunately it no longer exists (as far as i'm aware). i literally burned my copy

[Anonymous No.4907158]

When I was fourteen I wrote a story about a middle-aged insomniac who abandons his menial job and his dying marriage. I really thought I was the first person to write about a white man's malaise.

[Anonymous No.4907309]

Alright. You asked for it.

>for some reason was a pervert as a child
>into bondage before I knew what sex was
>around 12, just got a computer for the first time
>naturally, I found hentai shortly after
>affairanime was the site, they had pictures by category including "monster" and "bondage"
>delve deeper into the cesspit that is japanese cartoon porn
>begin "writing" story about an alien breeding colony
>aliens took over earth and started making people breed, both with each other and with the aliens
>I drew maps, and the aliens had a flag and logo
>I drew a lot of maps
>started doing character bios complete with terrible artwork
>at the time I still drew american cartoon style (didn't hit weeb years yet)
>remember main female had combat boots
>stipulated mechanics and political structure, world history, etc.
>never got around to actually writing it
>put notebook somewhere
>years later, 16, cleaning room out
>find notebook
>shred pages, put it in a plastic cup of water to turn it to pulp, throw in trash in middle of night

>>4900613

Shit, that's painful. What month is Autism Awareness Month?

>>4901219

Sounds like it could be a post on reddit.

>>4904711

>600 page

nigger what

>>4905568

>was already late
>put in just enough effort to get the maximum grade he could have anyway
>classical > everything else

Mah nigga, you did well.

>>4906518
> i literally burned my copy

Classy fucker.

[Anonymous No.4907502]

>>4907309

Hah. That bondage fantasy fueled story sounds cool.

[Anonymous No.4907524]

>>4906385
prepare yourself

[Anonymous No.4907533]

>>4907524
it's really long, but I figure it might make someone laugh

[Anonymous No.4907536]

>>4907533

[Anonymous No.4907538]

>>4907536

[Anonymous No.4907540]

>>4907538

[Anonymous No.4907549]

>>4907540

[Anonymous No.4907555]

>>4907549

[Anonymous No.4907558]

>>4907555

[Anonymous No.4907564]

>>4907558

[Anonymous No.4907570]

>>4907564

[Anonymous No.4907577]

>>4907570

[Anonymous No.4907580]

>>4907577

[Anonymous No.4907586]

>>4907580
this is the last one because no one ever screencaped the last chapter. You can probably find it on the 4plebs archive.

[Anonymous No.4907589]

When I was 10 I wrote a story about a zombie outbreak in a massive secret research complex and the special ops team that comes in to clean up the mess before it spreads.

When I was 13 I wrote a story about a guy who finds an ancient scroll in his net when he's out crabbing and he accidentally summons a giant centipede from another dimension who is controlled by a bunch of floating orbs that look a lot like the green dude on the cover of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I was really into Lovecraft at the time.

When I was 14 I wrote a story about a writer who falls on hard times and stays in an apartment in a building that his friend is the landlord for and finds a room in it that doesn't exist and gets trapped inside and freezes to death because it was super cold for no reason.

When I was 15-16 I wrote a story about a bartender who travels to different dimensions and sets down special beacons in them in order to map out the multiverse for a secret government agency. I had a lot of the multiverse super fleshed out and this really big twist that reveals that the multiverse itself is a giant living being and our universe is a tumorous growth that's killing it.

After that I kind of stopped writing for a while. Started picking it up again recently. I'm not entirely sure if I've actually gotten any better. At the very least my ideas are less stupid.

[Anonymous No.4907600]

>>4901265
I am still laughing

[Anonymous No.4907724]

>>4894917
Oh god, I need to see this

[Anonymous No.4907770]

>>4907586
holy balls

[Anonymous No.4907839]

>>4907724
>>>4907524
>>4907533
>>4907536
>>4907538
>>4907540
>>4907549
>>4907555
>literally just been posted

[Anonymous No.4908110]

A script to an anime

[The cats No.4908134]

>>4907586
>And then hundreds of cats burst in

Yes.

[Anonymous No.4908299]

>>4894909
>/lit/, what is the dumbest shit you have ever written?
>Implying I ever stop
http://awildhappiness.tumblr.com

[Anonymous No.4908334]

>>4908299
Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.4908345]

Some of these could legitimately be very good. The world needs more crazy stories.

[Anonymous No.4908359]

>>4908299
You are an abomination.

[Anonymous No.4908365]

One night a few years ago I got really high on some DPH and hydrocodone and decided I wanted to write the most pretentiously impenetrable analysis on modern newbreed music genres possible just to see if I could. But as I was writing it I realized it was actually really good, and 31 pages later thought I had made a legitimate masterpiece that would revolutionize pop and underground music culture, and went to sleep the next day thinking about how amazing it was.

When I later re-read it sober it ended up being less than a page of completely unrelated and poorly recited movie quotes, and complete gibberish for the rest of the 30 pages. As in, there were a few pages with literally just 1 letter with no spaces, and places where it looked like I just started hitting the keyboard. And the last few pages were just "38000" copy and pasted over and over.

[Anonymous No.4908371]

>>4908365
Congrats, you made House of Leaves

[Anonymous No.4908388]

>>4895279
/tg/ might be the place for you.

[Anonymous No.4908405]

I used to go into roleplay threads on certain forums (mainly avatar related) and roleplay constantly that I massacred every RPer and try get them to stop. It was dumb but a lot of fun

[Anonymous No.4908417]

>>4894909
The Emperor of Portugallia - it struck both against sense and intelligence.

The worst books I've read, kinda forced me trough was swedish YA With A Message.

[Anonymous No.4908521]

>>4908134
Mr. V?

[Anonymous No.4908613]

>>4900604

"Meet Zoot, an alien in a trenchcoat, searching for truth in a city of sex, violence and good rays.

They have the agility of surfers and the loyalty of samurai. They are the Surfing Samurai Robots, the invention of America's leading industrial genius, Knighten Daise.

Zoot, an alien with a big nose from the planet T'toom, is exploring the mean streets of Earth to find out where all the surfing robots went. Before he can say Philip Marlowe, he meets some Malibu dudes who want to know who adjusted their surfbots with a sledgehammer. As if that wasn't enough, his life's on the line to find the inventor's gorgeous daughter.

Is Zoot a good enough private eye for any world or just an alien doing a job an alien's got to do? It's a mystery that's science fiction, science fiction that's a mystery. It's a funny new book that introduces one of the hippest and most original characters of the Eighties."

[Anonymous No.4909063]

>>4908613
>Knighten Daise.

[Anonymous No.4909132]

>>4894909
> college-aged witch and her friends with benefits relationship with her demon familiar
Could be pretty funny actually.

[Anonymous No.4909277]

A story about one of my TTRPG character in a Fallout-themed Dark Heresy game fucking a bucket of fried chicken.

[Anonymous No.4909295]

>>4894909
>This is EVIL
>A wolfdog
>Who is a demon
>And has a bionic eye
>And is Lara Croft's little helper

I was twelve, forgive me.

[Muck Bulligan !!ryE2gEjGbpu No.4909340]

>>4895197
>my current stuff is WAYYYYYY better.
all signs point to "nope"
>>4895458
your poor fucking instructor
>>4895538
this sounds like some of the best shitty lit of our age
>>4900252
possibly the worst in thread

[Anonymous No.4909364]

>>4909295

sounds radical

[Anonymous No.4909365]

>>4909295
>>And is Lara Croft's little helper
this made me laugh.

[Anonymous No.4909774]

I wrote a lot of really bad shit in middle/highschool, sadly I didn't retain any of it. All I've kept is a very small sci-fi short story that I don't think is TOO bad.

But man, I remember it was the first time I got really shit faced drunk, apparently I had gotten high on top of that too. I woke up the next day hung over with no memory of the night before, crumpled beneath me when I woke up was this paper with inane scribbles all over it. I realized these were words.

After I was feeling better, I got to work on translating this garbled mess I had apparently written in my inebriation. It was a short story about Barbarian Space Lesbians who fought against an army of Evil Robot Skeletons with dicks. In the end the heroine was kidnapped by these well hung robot skeletons and while she was being raped by them she used her amazon lesbian ability to control her vagina to break off the robot skeleton dick. Then she killed all her kidnappers and won the war.

Yes. Yes, indeed.

[Anonymous No.4909793]

When I was 2+11, I wrote a short story about a man taking a stroll through a city park and getting mugged, only to stab his assailant with a pocket knife in the temple. He then goes home where he has a mental breakdown and develops a bloodlust out of the experience. I had the proudest shit-eating grin when I finished it, ran up to my mom and showed her hopefully wanting my proudboner stroked, then she said that it and I were weird and to not write anything like that anymore.
That was the same year I quit Runescape.

[Anonymous No.4909824]

I remember one time when I was 13, I partook in this roleplay session with my current girlfriend and another mutual female friend over MSN.

It was this story of two cute young girls (the roleplay characters of the not-so-cute young girls I was conversing with) and a dog who ran into the magical fantasy forest and were attacked by some troll or ogre thing.

Thats why my character, the gary stu heroic warrior came into the picture. He rescued the two young girls but their dog was killed in the process. So he sacrificed himself in a blinding flash of light to bring the dog back to life.

I'm dead serious. He killed himself for a dog. And thinking back he also thusly stranded those two lost girls in the forest.

[Anonymous No.4910370]

>>4908334
>>4908359
sorry guys

[Anonymous No.4911118]

Everything I wrote when I went off the deep end sophomore-junior year of college.

I look back on the essays I wrote during that period, and I got B's on them, but that's because writing comes easily to me and these were English/philosophy courses at a state school. literally everything I was saying was complete, unmitigated, overly edgy insanity that I usually wrote off the top of my head the night before the assignment was due.

[Anonymous No.4911123]

>>4909824
Ultimate whiteknight beta, killing yourself to bring back the dog of two 13yo girls

[Anonymous No.4911138]

>>4894909
>>4894917
this thread is amazing

[Anonymous No.4911225]

I once wrote a story about a duck with a drinking problem who lived in hollywood.

[Anonymous No.4912548]

I wrote a novel about my childhood but rewrote it with a ghost dad instead of my non-existant dad.

[Anonymous No.4913102]

>>4907524
I read this whole thing, does anyone know where I can find the ending?

[Anonymous No.4914961]

bump for more intredasting posts in this thread

[Anonymous No.4915005]

I have written a Mass Effect fanfiction which is longer than Ulysses. Started when I was 16, finished last year just because I couldn't stand to leave it unfinished. I don't think it was awful, but it certainly wasn't "good". Might have been better than the official novels, though.

[Anonymous No.4915015]

I wrote some pretentious drivel in high school about a man who was the last man on Earth battling the incarnation of madness!

The bulk of it was a plebby philosophical monologue held by [spolier]Madness that I mostly ripped off from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

[Anonymous No.4915029]

I started a separate file and wrote a few paragraphs about one of my female characters fingering herself and suddenly at orgasm her clit engorges into a giant dick, cumming endlessly all over herself, face, tits, etc. She plopped her new dick into a beer mug and filled it up, guzzling it down.

I still have it archived somewhere, I put a decent amount of effort into too.

[Anonymous No.4915043]

A couple years ago I wrote a short story about a Nazi vampire escaping Berlin at the end of WW2. I thought it was pretty fucking good at the time but I re-read yesterday, cringing the whole time.

[Anonymous No.4915045]

>>4915029
post it

[Anonymous No.4915069]

I feel physical sickness reading this, but nobody can get better if they don't learn from their mistakes. I wrote this fanfiction over a year ago after I got really into the Walking Dead. I hoped that past me was better but I guess not:

> “Get in the fucking truck Ashley!” A greasy overweight man in a wifebeater was sitting in a red pickup in a driveway. Inside, a crying woman sat next to him, begging the teenage girl waiting outside the car to get inside.
“I’m not getting in with you two! The government said its under control! Y’all don’t know what you’re talking ‘bout!” Walkers up the street were slowly approaching the house. The mother in the passenger seat screamed with terror as they drew nearer and her daughter continued to refuse to get in the car.
“Ashley, I’m telling you right now! Get in the god damn car! We can’t stay here! The house is locked! Get your ass in here!” Ashley snorted and walked away from her screaming parents.
“There’s a key under the back matt. Won’t miss y’all!” She began walking towards the side of the house, when a Walker turned the corner, catching her by surprise. It lunged forward and took a deep bite out of her arm. Ashley screamed in pain as the Walker hungrily noshed on her arm. More hungry groans from others came from the front lawn of the house next door.
The woman in the car was screaming and bawling, calling out Ashley’s name. She hurriedly got out of the car and ran towards her writhing daughter, where she fell to her knees and continued to cry. The Walker that was feeding on Ashley turned towards the woman, attacking her and biting into her shoulder. “Sithy!” Yelled the man from the car.
Sithy and Ashley were soon swarmed by Walkers, all of them hungrily ripping into their flesh and tearing them apart. The man in the car screamed for the forgiveness of God before backing out of the driveway and driving down the street, leaving his wife and daughter to be eaten alive.
Beads of sweat ran down his sobbing face as he viewed the pile of Zombies out his sideview mirror. He noticed a few faces of held up neighbors peeking out through their windows. He knew they wouldn’t last long.
He had a months worth of food and water in the back of his car, as well as a few pistols in the glovebox. He had known it would come to this since the first report on the news, and he had prepared. Now, he thought to himself, it was time to survive. Tears still streaming and hands still shaking, he

[Anonymous No.4915085]

I'm glad that I researched the basics of writing before I decided to start putting shit down.

[Anonymous No.4915114]

>>4915045

It's a little different then I remember, I thought it was longer then this but apparently not. I wrote it last year I think. It's pretty terrible. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, I may have been drunk.

[Anonymous No.4915123]

>>4915114
Why did you write this?

[Anonymous No.4915126]

>>4915114
What the fuck did I just read.

[Anonymous No.4915135]

>>4915114
>The orgasm lasted an inordinate amount of time

[Anonymous No.4915224]

>>4915123

For a school project.

[Anonymous No.4915229]

>>4915224
You... you sent that to your school?

[Anonymous No.4915240]

>>4894909
>I have a series of short stories about a college-aged witch and her friends with benefits relationship with her demon familiar

I want to read this.

[Muck Bulligan !!ryE2gEjGbpu No.4915244]

>>4915114
i didn't know nabokov posted on /lit/

[Anonymous No.4915256]

in 9th grade I had to do an oddysey-like story for my english class because I was at risk of failing. I wasn't a dumb kid but I was a huge slacker.
It was about a russian guy in the middle of a nuclear apocalypse and he has to get to Chelyabinsk before he died of radiation poisoning, he meets an east-german and their car got destroyed by a helicopter.
It was so fucking awful, I got a fucking A- for it though. I guess my teacher had low standards anyway, it was kind of a ghetto school

[Anonymous No.4916374]

I tried to write a story about how it became possible to travel between universes, allowing one to enter any reality with unlimited possibilities. Obviously this became a cluterfuck to keep track of and my story became an absolute mess.