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/lit/ - Literature

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4873489 No.4873489[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Here are our previous letters to Stephen King: http://pastebin.com/UNyGfkWT J K Rowling: http://pastebin.com/HL4G0qsf Thomas Pynchon: http://pastebin.com/AzmWJUJR Suzanne Collins: http://pastebin.com/fZ0xVLcT John Green: http://pastebin.com/TWX2KpEh Stephanie Meyer: http://pastebin.com/AjP0dAu4

ITT we write a letter to George R R Martin, author of Game of Thrones, one post at a time.

The only rule: you have a limit of 140 characters per post.

Dear George R R Martin,

>> No.4873493

Sun

>> No.4873500

Sing me a sea shanty, fat man.

>> No.4873507

I must confess I never read anything you wrote, but I did see a few of the HBO shows.

>> No.4873513

how dare you make fun of midgets like that

>> No.4873518

shit

>> No.4873521

eucalyptus. E-U-C.

>> No.4873526

sky diving gets to me

>> No.4873534

>>4873489
And, what's more, she isn't even black.

>> No.4873538

>>4873489

> http://pastebin.com/TWX2KpEh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SIKqOPIGt0

>> No.4873552

Good job buddy you're the John Greene of the 1930s. Lord of the Rings is literally Paper Trail to Alaska or whatever that gay shit was called thanks dude.

>> No.4873553

WHY ARE THERE NO FURRY TRANSETHNIC OTHERKIN QUEERFISH IN GOT?!!?!?11!! GRRM UR A FUKKIN KYUNT ANND SOS YER FUKKIN MAW

>> No.4873560

I bet your fat wife is sleeping around town with all kinds of goblins, or whatever it is that you write about.

>> No.4873563

Chubbies are not cute please lose weight.

>> No.4873580

>>4873489
quaquaquaqua

>> No.4873625

I wish you would sit on my face. niggers.

>> No.4873668

Seriously, dude, why didn't they just fly the ring into the volcano in your book.

>> No.4873701

HF2983AOOSJLFD90JASP8BSNO98WE90

>> No.4873734 [DELETED] 

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>> No.4873764

What exactly was the purpose of that page where Daenerys took a huge shit? How did you convince your editor to keep that in?

>> No.4873771

Is that where the dragon eggs ACTUALLY come from? Is that where midgets come from as well?

>> No.4874510

Are you an autist? Do you have autism?

>> No.4874522

George R R Martin more like George R R Fartin lol

>> No.4874529

But my tourettes precedes me.

>> No.4874544

There isn't any valid reason why anyone should read any word of your writing.

>> No.4874548

Why isn't there any prison rape among the dudes at the Wall?

>> No.4874550

I instead suggest that only the illiterate jack off to your work.

>> No.4874577

I would read your book but sadly I am not mentally stunted nor am I obese.

>> No.4874590

I did however pirate the ebook and ran a search for words like 'nipple' and 'vulva' so I could skip to all the dirty parts. Read smarter, not harder. * Tips fedora *

>> No.4874634

Speaking of which, reading your books and seeing your face only makes me harder.

>> No.4874649

I just want to pinch you cheeks you tubby old man. Of course, I'd have to wash my hands afterwards.

>> No.4874656

I wince to think about the sort of vermin that live in your beard. Little bits of hamburger trapped in there for years probably.

>> No.4874658

Literally everything that could happen in the next book has been theorized.

>> No.4874667

holy shit the end to the pynchon letter is fantastic

>> No.4874676

Please write a bit about Cersei shitting in the next book. She needs to lift her dress and drop a load.

>> No.4874691

Why do you enjoy incest so much?

>> No.4874701

Keep peddling your Wario-warez, you Wario lookin mother fucker

>> No.4874708

I have schizophrenia george pls send help turtle man (

>> No.4874722

the reptoids are analogical of the snake worshipping khazars

>> No.4874738

The more she drank, the more she shat, but the more she shat, the thirstier she grew

>> No.4874739

HER CUNT BECAME THE WORLD

>> No.4874751

I'm sorry but you got the bad one, the novelty's gone from it and we still don't know if anyone reads these

>> No.4874759

I get the odd feeling we've done these before. Like, years ago.

>> No.4874764

>>4873489
Do you like chocolate pudding?

>> No.4874781

im your biggest fan

>> No.4874787

With every stool

>> No.4874829

Sir Hodor Hordorson IV

>> No.4874846

Do you collect swords? I don't have any hobbies.

>> No.4874847

>>4873489
Is elsiwoods a manable koala for ten twenny kings and lords and queens from row high low low Gooblidy doo

>> No.4874850

I'm a communist bastard.

>> No.4874853

FINISH IT BEFORE YOU DIE OF FAT

>> No.4874879

i just read the rowling one.
at least try to be more subtle. do you think someone is ever gonna read that if you start to threaten them in the second scentence?

>> No.4874892

>>4874879
>http://pastebin.com/AzmWJUJR

>threatening someone in the second sentence of a letter

my sides

>> No.4874906

Why didn't Arya show her underage breasts in the show? She did in the book.

>> No.4874912

Although I enjoy watching your educational videos on yt, you suck as a writer.

>> No.4874915

How many chins do you have under that beard?

>> No.4874917

Do you want to throw perfumed boys into the sea with Orson Scott Card?

>> No.4874920

All my appreciation for your novels. I've had many good times curled up with ASoIaF. Please don't kill jon arya and tyrion oh god

>> No.4874921

This letter is embarrassing and very unfunny.

>> No.4874937

>>4874921
So is feminism with mun entitlementz.

>> No.4874951

>>4873489
kek

>> No.4874981

>>4873489
you realize none of these authors directly read these? and one of their lackeys does the screening process

>> No.4875004

>>4874937
WHo said it wasn't? What are you talking about son?

>> No.4875026

>>4874981
No fucking shit. You're a real sleuth.

>> No.4875551

Your novels make me want to fuck dragons and shave their scaly buttholes.

>> No.4875595

>>4873489

My bit:

Dear George,

I don't think sex is as impressive as you seem to think. My wife and I tried to watch the show based on your books, and the amount of sex scenes, and the way they're presented, made us feel like a teenager wrote this stuff. At the very least a virgin.

I was interested in the political intrigue, but the teeny sex got the better of us.

>> No.4875766

brah u so cray hehe i aint read ur shit but my friends do

>> No.4876116

i hate the time period you chose to write in I hope you end up sucking off John cenas toe you briny loving illiterate dingule.

>> No.4877451

Honorificabilitudinitatibus dearly oh George, I am flaunting my quavering pussy lips to the pages of your dribbling-prose epic that has once again sent such fluttering feels of vaginal torrents streaming through my bodice and into the very shit that lined my inner mattress

>> No.4877607

>>4873489
i'd like to put my penis somewhere inside of natalie domer's body, can u help me achieve this?

>> No.4877885

Everything in this letter was written collectively by an internet image board which is notorious for child pornography.

>> No.4877926

It's called Reddit.

>> No.4877930

Japes, japes, japes, boiled leather, and japes.

Don't forget the milk of the poppy, too!

>> No.4877937

quaquaquaqua man, but not Man.

>> No.4877938

OP here. You can stop posting now, the letter was finished back when it hit page twelve several hours ago.

http://pastebin.com/DwNzvunx

And some of you guys need to learn what "140 characters" means.

>> No.4877952

Fingers in my grandma like a vintage bowling ball.

>> No.4877958

Fuck, I missed it. Sorry grandma, all this for nothing.

>> No.4877994

what about the war of the roses with dragons struck you as a good idea for a book?

>> No.4878409

>>4877938

Do we ever get a response to these things?

>> No.4879285

I want to eat out your placenta, like a big jewboy ;).

>> No.4879300

Weigh heigh and up she rises
Weigh heigh and up she rises
Weigh heigh and up she rises
Early in the morning

What shall we do with a drunken sailor,
What shall we do with a drunken sailor,
What shall we do with a drunken sailor,
Early in the morning?

>> No.4879305

I want to push my index finger into your dick and twist it as a punishment you bad, bad boy!

>> No.4879318

dear george, we are a forum of aspiring young writers looking to go far in the literary world. now, show us your dick, you wimp. or we will expose it ourselves and cut it off. i want to take a shit on your hair.

>> No.4879383

Cersei from the show looks just like Nicole Aniston, congratulations man, I hope you'll write a proper porn adaption soon as the Hustler version was really sub-par, but please no homosex, thanks in advance.

>> No.4881511

You may enjoy writing about shitting, and you may be shit at writing, but if you were a girl, would you want to help me install Gentoo while I plow your magnificent asshole?

>> No.4881547

Your penname is retarded.

>George
>R
>R

"oh look at me i have so many initials woah i'm cool as fuck lole game of thrones"

Shove a hypodermic needle filled with rhesus monkey blood into your gooch and wiggle it around a bit until you skewer your fucked up prostate, then pull it out and eat it.

That is, if you haven't already. It's probably your fetish or some shit.

Love from all the incredibly mature people at /lit/

You cunt.

>> No.4882219

Little Finger is a scat fetishist in my mind. Dont know why.

>> No.4882240

>>4873489
Stop with characters repeating the same shit every chapter in their heads. That kind of filler shit got so bad in ASoS that I fucking stopped reading because watching the show was marginally more entertaining. Get a better editor.