ITT: we write a stereotypical hard boiled detective story by continuing on from the previous poster

[Hartigan !M0IeewiXU2 No.479500]

pain shot through me like hot lead, which was only appropriate since it was a bullet, i turned around on instinct and my vision was met with my partner harry.

that bastard betrayed me.


''it didnt have to end like this ya know john?, all you had to do was stop digging where you werent welcome''

i keeled over in pain as more blood pumped out of my fresh bullet wound, i just have to get to my gun, its strapped to my leg, inch your hand towards it and shoot him before he see's a thing.

''what would your wife say about these after the job activities harry? what are you a fucking pedophile!?
shes a little girl goddammit!'' it was working he was distracted in his rage, my hand inched closer toward my gun i could feel it now, all i had to do was shoot him and i might still have a chance to save her.

over to you /lit/

[Anonymous No.479510]

>>479500
AND THEN SEVENTY FUCKING NIGGERS JUMPED OUT OF NOWHERE IN WEDDING GOWNS

[Anonymous No.479513]

>>479510
AND THEN NIGGERS FUCKING NIGGERS JUMPED OUT OF NOWHERE IN WEDDING GOWNS

[Anonymous No.479517]

a pedo? that's a crappy story. Harry should be working for a gang, who deals with shit like alcohol, soft drugs and occasionally killing people for no reason.

[Anonymous No.479520]

>>479516
don't flatter yourself, this was a clear rip off of the movie Sin City

[Anonymous No.479521]

>>479517
also, start it from the beginning, not the climax.

[Anonymous No.479516]

>>479510
thanks for fucking up what could have been an epic thread

[Anonymous No.479523]

>>479517
write that in then!

jesus...

[Anonymous No.479525]

>>479520
yes because every story involving detectives and betrayal is a rip off of sin city!

[Anonymous No.479527]

>>479513
"Jesus Christ Harry!" I screamed, "where the fuck did you get seventy niggers from?"
Harry peered at me.
"My name isn't Harry, I'm not a fucking wizard, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you in my house, if you don't leave I'm going to call the cops, if you make another move for your gun I'll shoot you again."
Clearly Harry was delusional, had he not surrounded me with so many darkies, I would have shot him sooner, but now I lay under the trance of his gun, waiting for my moment to strike and take care of the only threat left in his household.

[Anonymous No.479542]

>>479527

[Anonymous No.479549]

>pain shot through me like hot lead, which was only >appropriate since it was a bullet,

You are one of the worst writers I have ever encountered.

[Anonymous No.479558]

>>479549
cool story bro

[Anonymous No.479573]

>>479549
or one of the great satirists of our time

[Anonymous No.479577]

>>479527
"Listen, John. It's late. I know you're tired. Let me just help you up, and we can talk about all this in the morning, okay. Just... just put the gun down."

Harry approached me, a pedophilic glint twinkling in his eye. The darkies surrounding me all moved in as one, their wedding dresses fluttering as they closed a circle around me. I don't know what he has planned for me, but I do know that I don't plan on finding out.

"Oh God, put the gun down, James. You don't have to do this."

The barrel of the gun feels cool on my temple, refreshing even. I give one last look at the niggers surrounding me before pulling the trigger.

[Anonymous No.479588]

>>479577
nothing but darkness now, but i wasnt dead, not yet atleast.

i woke up in a dirty alley in a shitty part of town

but i wasnt dead, infact on inspection of a newarby newspaper i gasped and shouted ''GREAT SCOTT!''

the newspapers date was 2085

now i had to get back to the past

the race was on.

[Anonymous No.479591]

>>479588

With a shake of my magic staff, I summonded my Dragonhorse.

"Colorectal!" I cried across the wind. "Come to me!"

[Anonymous No.479604]

>>479591
''COMING MASSA'' colorectal cried

[Anonymous No.479613]

>>479604
I mounted my horse and put my 1911 back in it's Holster.
I looked to the skies, my ears still ringing from the gun shot. "Harry" I said "You've got this coming for a long time. I'm coming for you." and with that Colorectal took off in a fiery rampage into the night. Tonight, we find Harry, and when we do, all of the niggers in the world no matter how lavishly dressed will stop me.

[Anonymous No.479617]

>>479500
>>479613
>>479591
>>479588
>>479527

OvercomingChallengesMotivational.jpg
>>479516

[Anonymous No.479620]

The rain was unbearable. For two weeks now it had been beating against the single window of his top floor apartment. The rickety old fire escape knocking against the smog stained brick walls again and again and again. It wouldn't have bothered him if he'd had a real case to work on, to take his mind off of things. But after what happened at the casino he knew that wasn't going to happen for a while. He took another drag and opened the bottle of quarter rye he'd picked up from the 711 on the way back from visiting his old partner, Harry. He'd hoped visiting his friend would clear his head, Harry had always enjoyed conversation, but that .38 he took between the eyes sure changed that; along with a lot of other things. The cheap booze burned his throat, he hated whiskey, but drunk was drunk, and drunk was forgetting.

[Anonymous No.479621]

>>479613
I rode for, what seemed like forever, months, years, how long had it truly been? No matter, time was on my side and no factor in this issue. For tonight the thunder rang Harry and I was here to follow up on that. I would go to the very depths of Barbra Bush's pubic hair to find Hairy. (c wat i did thar?) I rolled up on Harries house, I jumped off Cholesterol and onto the roof. Down through the chimney I went. This was it, I had infiltrated the enemies den, this was were he placed his gun when the day came to an end, this is where he put his children to sleep. And now how fitting this is the place he will die.

[Anonymous No.479631]

>>479621
I jumped out of the fire place and into the living room. I looked around trying to see if anyone had heard the ruckus that was being made. Safe, no one even noticed me, not even a mouse. I made my way upstairs and down a hall, I had no idea which room Harry resided in so best I open them all. First room, no damn just a bunch of jackets, second, no nothing yet just a place for laundry. Third AHA this was it, I crept inside to find Harry sleeping soundly inside of a Hello Kitty blanket. Wow, in the future I had come to Harry was a lot smaller and younger than I remembered him. No matter, a grudge is a grudge and he was still in dire trouble as long as I breathed.

[Anonymous No.479634]

>>479631
I put my hand of Harries little mouth as to muffle her screaming. Then I tore off my pants and placed my 1911 inside of her vagina. The gun had fired 3 rounds inside of Harry, he was now no longer screaming but had a glazed over look in his face. Now that he was in no mood to fight me off, I was going to rape him just as he had raped that little girl that horrible night hot lead shot through me like a bullet.

[Anonymous No.479637]

>>479634
go on....

[Anonymous No.479646]

>>479634
I ripped off the remaining clothes Harry was wearing and put his body face down on his bed. I rammed my throbbing champion inside of his now ventilated vagina. Mmmm victory is sweet. As I sprayed my victorious nectar inside of her it squirted out of the wounds I had made, Harry was slain and I had my revenge. But only now I face a bigger problem, an angry man is pounding on the door demanding I open it for him. This must be one of Harries hired darkies come to try and fight me off. Well try harder, because I'm ready for you now you bride to be...DEAD!

[Anonymous No.479648]

>good thread
>turns into /b/ shit
>thread hidden

[Anonymous No.479651]

okay seriously continue on and fucking archive this shit

[Anonymous No.479863]

lolololol

[Anonymous No.479880]

>>479646
harry was dead (and raped) but the job wasnt over

i had to find the niggers in wedding gowns or this whole thing could happen to another unlucky bystander

i knew where i could find them, so i set off for the nearby KFC

[Anonymous No.479912]

>>479880

Ch 2

Rain dripped off of the red and white sign like nervous flopsweat. Through the window, I could see seven lumbering shapes tearing apart chicken carcasses. Thigh meat clung to the windows; mashed potatoes and gravy dripped from the ceiling fans.

I fingered my 1911 and opened the door.

[Anonymous No.479951]

>>479912
Damn, there sat Harry with his negro buddies again.
"See, Harry, I'm glad you came to visit an old pal like me, but will you and your creole band hit the road already, my head's a mess here."
Harry looked at me, like I was crazy. "You're outta ya god damn mind!" he yaps. "First you shoot me, now you waltz in here like you own the place!"
I rubbed my temples. "Harry... this is my place."
The cold 1911 turned warm and wet. I was sweating bullets.

[Anonymous No.480005]

Harry gave me a sullen look. "So, you gonna rape me or what?"
"Damn it, Harry. Don't give me that shit again. It was a mistake!"
"Mistake?! What, you make mistakes with dames too?"
"I don't make mistakes with the dames, only happy accidents." I smugly replied.

[Anonymous No.480012]

>>479951
Then I saw her.
A dwarfish, pug-faced woman with golden curly locks and a three-toothed smile.
She was sitting next to Harry in the shadows of the dim KFC lighting, slowly slurping up a foam cup of cold mashed potatoes and gravy.
"But.... No...impossible," I muttered sluggishly, pounding my palm to my temple.
"Relax, John, have a fresh one on me," Harry said as he lit me a joint and pressed it between my drooping, slobbering alcohol-drenched lips. "I've got a thing for midgets, John, damn it you always knew that."

[Anonymous No.480041]

No more shines, Harry.
What? Said Harry, surprised.
Tommy: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time. They didn't go up there and tell you. I don't shine shoes anymore.
Relax Tommy, will ya? Ya flip right out, what's got into you? I'm breaking your balls a little bit, that's all. I'm only kidding with ya...
Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding, you know, there's a lotta people around... Said Harry while looking at the floor.
You know Tommy? I'm only kidding with you, we're having a party, I just came home and I haven't seen you in a long time and I'm breaking your balls, and you're getting fucking fresh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
Ok then, said Tommy, I'm sorry too. It's okay. No problem.
Harry then take his cup of wine and gets closer to Tommy.
Okay, salud, Harry said, [takes a drink] Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.
Tommy gets pissed and yells: Mother fuckin' mutt! You, you fucking piece of shit!
[Haryy taunting] Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, come on!
Motherfucking... He bought his fucking button! That fake old tough guy! You bought your fucking button! Fucking Harry! You mother fuck... Fuck! Keep that motherfucker here, keep him here!

[Anonymous No.480121]

my reaction to this thread

[Anonymous No.480152]

Annoyed, and getting increasingly flustered, time appeared to slow down. It took a couple of seconds for me to look up from Harry's eyes to his forehead, and notice a bead of sweat. This drop of sweat was moving slowly down his forehead, and as it snaked it's way across his skin to the eyebrow, my eyes detected another thing. Just to the right of his left eyebrow was a mole. It was brown in colour, no, it was more red in colour, and it was new. I had heard about these things - they were melanomas. Melanomas were skin.Melanoma is a cancer which usually starts in the skin, either in a mole or in normal-looking skin. About half of all melanomas start in normal skin. The number of people who develop melanoma is continuing to rise. More than 8,900 people in the UK are diagnosed with melanoma each year. It was serious shit, and as I observed it during this magical time-slowed-down sensation, I thought about all the other hidden things that Harry might have. More than a metaphor, the melanoma might well spell out a serious life threatening condition for the man. Is this why he had been acting so vile, and aggressive? My eyes moved to his ear.

[Anonymous No.480154]

COCAINE
IT'S A HELLUVA DRUG

[Anonymous No.480175]

continue...

[Anonymous No.480194]

>>480121
the only appropriate response.

[Anonymous No.480218]

The ear. An ear. Everyone has ears, even my pet cat has ears. Ears for hearing, ears for boxing. What have you heard, Harry's Ear? Would you open up if I talked to you, ear? If I said "sorry", would that stop you, make you hesitate? Perhaps I should try something inappropriate like "My grandmother used to have a pet sheep that could whistle" - but then what would that accomplish? What were my aims in this conflict between us? How much did I actually know?

My eyes saw more light, and I thought about how little any of us know about any one of the other of us. That bead of sweat had hardly moved - time and my body was slowing down. What I called myself was starting to observe myself observing, and it was becoming very calm. I was no longer preoccupied about Harry - Harry became a symbol. A signifier of myself. I was looking at a skin-cancerous mirror image of myself, and I started to smile.

[Anonymous No.480241]

>>480152

See: cancer
See also: turning into negroid

"Harry," I said, "feelin' a little...dark today?"

He reached for his .38. I already had my 1911--"Bessie"--in hand.

"You tell that shitsack Jabba," I said, "that I'll pay him when I'm done with this last job. Got that?"

[Anonymous No.480261]

>>480012
"Yeah, I know Harry', I walked slowly toward this degenerate scumbag, 'but I'd never have thought you'd show such an ugly thing the light of day."

With that I lunged forward, and I felt my 1911 slip out of it's holster. Caught it, mid air, and and pulled back the hitter.
Before I touched the ground I must've shot out two, maybe twenty, "death babies".

I dropped to the floor, unconscious.

[Anonymous No.480469]

>>480041
Harry, you're a good kid, I've been good to you, you've been good to me. But there's something really unreasonable going on here. Tommy's being an unconsionable ball-breaker. I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! Am I something special? Some sort of schmuck on wheels?

[Anonymous No.480579]

Finally realising what it was all about, Harry exploded: "Well isn't this a fine song and dance!" Tommy glanced up sharply - "What are you getting so hot about?" he growled;"Keep your shirt on" said John, who'd wandered in staring at Tommy, who in turn was now rubbing his head where he'd caught it on the lampshade over the bar as he'd looked up;"Where do you get off makin remarks like that?" said Tommy, with a quick glance over to Harry for a better angle on the situation - Harry was no help - "Supposin I say your a lunkhead" was his view, directed for the most part at John, who was about to reply with some hardass comeback when Tommy interrupted, almost under his breath, "Well I ain't much for supposin", and turned back to the dregs of his small drink on the bar top. Harry and John stared at each other in silence, taken aback - "Well supposing you were?" they said, almost in unison. Tommy lifted his glass slowly, holding it up to the light, swilling the last of the brown liquid round and round, as if trying to tell the future in the film of alcohol creeping up the sides of the glass. "Well maybe I'm through supposing and I'm fixed to start figuring" he countered, again almost under his breath, like an afterthought. Draining the glass as if it had been full, even though it contained barely a sip, he stood, turning at the same time and made to leave, passing between Harry and John without a sideways glance.

[Anonymous No.480588]

>>480579
and then they all died by the nuclear holocause and the universe ended

[Anonymous No.480604]

>>480588
>holocause
Ooh, a science fiction twist!

[Anonymous No.480606]

>>480261
When I finally came to all I saw was a pool of the crimson stuff that people call blood.
My 1911 lay in front of me, when I picked myself up I put it back into it's holster.
I looked at the dead thing in front of me, the mangled flesh of the pugmidget, but no one else...

"Harry you son of a bitch".
i ran out of the KFC into the pouring rain, and there I saw it..
Thousands of Harrys just walking around, minding their own business. I ran into an alley, hoping that I wasn't noticed...not yet.
I grabbed the first Harry that walked past and punched him straight in the kisser.

I walked out, wearing the now dead man's clothes.
With gun in hand I stated shooting.

[Anonymous No.480613]

>>480579
Harry had other ideas however - catching the somewhat taller Tommy by the shoulder he spun him around and spat "Ahh horseradish" at what he probably wished had been Tommy's face, but turned out to be his upper chest. Tommy looked down at Harry in wonder - "Well aren't you a pocket full of firecrackers" he breathed, and his hand, unnoticed by either Harry or John, who was now backing away nervously, crept slowly to his jacket pocket. "Oh yeah, have you got something to say about it?" said Harry, his voice almost breaking under Tommy's stare. "I'll say PLENTY" said Tommy, whipping his hand from his pocket, and without once breaking the stare he

[Anonymous No.480713]

>>480613

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ACCU1BaNiU

[Anonymous No.480753]

>>480606
Soon enough I was running down the street. The wet slick sidewalk tripping me up.
My only luck break was the fact that my pursuers were faring no better.
I turned to face them and saw that the wool had been pulled over my eyes.

The faces were no longer those of that bastard Harry, but those of normal women and children.
Harry must've known that I would have no choice but to kill the whole lot.
With a grimace I made short work of the rest of them.

"You've gone to far Harry, too far".

[Anonymous No.480785]

>>480753
... "You were only supposed to call me in Rio, not run here... And how the hell did you get across that ocean?!"

[Anonymous No.480798]

>>480785
"Johnny..Johnny...Johnny, you stupid piece of shit. I have already called you."
I was taken aback. Harry could do many things, but I had never seen anything like this.

Never mind that, i thought. I started racing across the sea.
I took out the 1911, and targeted Harry, who was dead in my sights.

I fired every round.

[Holden Caulfield !!T8HvdmkrROG No.480815]

>>480798
What happened next was unforgettable.
There lay Harry on the ground covered in blood but, that was to be expected as I shot the bastard.What I didn't expect was what was next to him in his pool of blood.

[ellipsesman !c6PHxL.VJg No.480819]

i see we have two divergent continuities..

[ellipsesman !c6PHxL.VJg No.481028]

>>480798
Harry felt every round.
I saw his face scrunch up as each blast got him straight in the chest.

"You never double cross your partners Harry...I thought you knew that".
I walked over to his dying body.
Blood coming out of his mouth he said
"I knew that, but it's such a rush.."

That's the last thing Harry ever said to me.. in that body anyway.

I wouldn't say that I don't miss the guy, I think about him every day.
Then I look back, and I see the future...

[Anonymous No.481045]

>>481028
The End.