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/lit/ - Literature

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469959 No.469959 [Reply] [Original]

Hey /lit/, so i wrote this:

>Existence is but a momentary perception seen through the eyes of the universe and ever contained in the fragile mind of our insanity

I need your thoughts, opinions, criticism, and any suggestions on what should be changed.

>> No.469970

change the authorship.

It would have more authority if you did not came up with it but someone smart and famous instead.

>> No.469973

Sure is a bunch of words which you have strung into a grammatically correct sentence

Seriously, tell me what "the fragile mind of our insanity" or "the eyes of the universe" are. As far as I can tell they are completely meaningless nonsense phrases meant to make you sound deep.

>> No.469974
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469974

Put the pipe down, OP.

>> No.469981

pseudo-intellectual bullshit rather than an actual stab at the truth. You've just spewed out words you know to have some intellectual merit, rather than thinking about your beliefs, and what words would best articulate that.

>> No.469982
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469982

>>469981

You forgot your pic, bro.

>> No.470004

>seen through the eyes of the universe a
woosh

>> No.470067

>>469973

Maybe i should have been more specific, because i too would like to know what they mean?. For one i don't even know what style of writings this fall into. So yeah you are right, it is a bunch of meaningless phrases. In all fairness this was just a thought that popped into my head. But i guess in a way you can say i was going for a philosophical approach, so the fact that it came out like some ranting narcissistic douchebag. Is mainly because i didn't put more thought into it.

>> No.470073

>>470067
Screw thought, that quote had feeling. Feel it up, bro.

>> No.470098

>>469959
When I was smoking pot/snorting adderall in highschool, I wrote a lot of random sentences about the meaning(lessness) of life too. Let it sit in a journal for a while, maybe a year, before you show anybody you know in real life. Really. This isn't to say your highschool self is immature. Well, ok, that's exactly what I mean. Just shelve it, and think about it a lot if you want, but spouting this kind of stuff in the cafeteria with your friends at lunch won't impress them. I promise.

>> No.470105

Did the monkey on the next typewriter produce a page of Shakespeare, OP?

>> No.470148

>>469974
>>470098

I don't smoke, for fuck sakes already...

>show anybody you know in real life

why do you think i posted it here i have no intention of EVER showing this actual people (no offense). All this is, is for my own satisfaction. I only wanted is to understand what i wrote, i thought /lit/ might be able to help; i was wrong.

.
>your high school (<two words, young fella) self... blah blah etc, etc.

I'm 24 and not in school your statement is irrelevant

>> No.470155

>>470148
>I'm 24 and not in school your statement is irrelevant
When I thought you were in highschool you had an excuse. Now I'm just embarrassed. Sorry OP.

>> No.470210

I think I understand what you're getting at, perhaps a rewrite is in order?

>Existence is a momentary perception seen through the eyes of the universe, which is beheld in our fragile insane mind.

Still not quite right, but better, I think. You just have to play around with words/rhythms of words.

>> No.470217

What is this supposed to be? A yearbook quote? Your epitaph? The contents of a note you slip to the girl you fancy?

Without a little more info, there's not much more that we can do you for you OP. Help us out and tell us what the context is supposed to be.

>> No.470230
File: 30 KB, 325x409, poe.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
470230

>my face when existence is but a momentary perception seen through the eyes of the universe and ever contained in the fragile mind of our insanity

>> No.470232

>>470210

Yeah, that was my thought as well right after i made the post, different variations started to come to me. As some stated it sounded too random and nonsensical, as is the problem with most things i write i never put in real feeling into it.

>> No.470240

op made me barf

>> No.470273

OP reminded me of how profound I thought I was when I was 17 too, and now I feel nauseous...

>> No.470286

>>470273
He's 24 buddy. Don't knock him!

>> No.470313

>>470273
>>470286

Oh c'mon guys is that it?, you have to have something better than that. Because you i and both know that's not critical or insulting enough, for you to feel better about yourselves.

>> No.470326

>>470313
I made nearly every insulting post in this thread, mostly to try and feel better about myself. But I still feel sick after reading your post OP.

>> No.470335 [DELETED] 
File: 246 KB, 787x768, 1269380501240.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
470335

Hey /lit/, i wrote this for for novel:

"It was a dark and stormy night"

I need your thoughts, opinions, criticism, and any suggestions on what should be changed.

>> No.470339
File: 246 KB, 787x768, 1269380501240.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
470339

Hey /lit/, i wrote this for my novel:

>"It was a dark and stormy night"

I need your thoughts, opinions, criticism, and any suggestions on what should be changed.

>> No.470343

>>470339
>"It was a dark and stormy night," said Doctor Kashmir.
fixed

>> No.470366

>>469955
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>> No.470370

Masterful troll is masterful.

>> No.470375

>I don't smoke.

Maybe you should.

>> No.470396

>Non-Existence is a infinite echo though the mindless universe and only a empty head can contain it.

>> No.470402

What are the eyes of the universe?

Sure is meaningless, ill-defined phrases in this thread.

>> No.470409

>Doth tho beholdist the stary quilt that is spreadest upon the mossy table of thee eaarth?
>Yea, tis find nigght fore fishing.
>Ande soth thay didth goeth fishing.

>> No.471248

>actual people (no offense)

None taken. I am Anon.

Others have pointed out the sentence is too general to be very meaningful.

What is the kernel of truth you perceive?

Existence is momentary?
Existence is a perception?
(Skip "eyes of universe" metaphor.)
Existence is contained in mind?
In fragile mind?
Mind is insane?
Fragile mind is insane?
Our minds are insane?

You must've meant something. What? Think, man, think!