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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

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4652471 No.4652471[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Could somebody critique my writing?

I let out a slight groan and felt a twinge of pain that persisted as I pushed. I wanted to relieve the pressure and was ambivolent about wether that would best be achieved by abondoning the effort or continuing through to its inevitable finale. I stared at my pajamas around my ankles and the clothes scattered about the bathroom floor. Breathing in a rythmic manner I pushed a little bit harder. The pain built until I heard the sound of relief and a splash that signalled the hard part was over. My breathing was more relaxed now but I struggled with the aftershock of my shits departure. Wave upon wave of further excrement passed out until I was certain I was near the end. Just then there was a nock at the door.

That is an excerpt from something I wrote earlier today.

>> No.4652521

I let out a slight groan and felt a twinge of pain that persisted as I read. I wanted to relieve the pressure and was ambivolent about wether that would best be achieved by abondoning the effort or continuing through to its inevitable finale. I stared at the text around my browser and the font scattered about the blue floor. Breathing in a rythmic manner I pushed a little bit harder. The pain built until I heard the sound of relief and a splash that signalled the hard part was over. My breathing was more relaxed now but I struggled with the aftershock of OPs shit departure. Wave upon wave of further excrement passed my eyes until I was certain I was near the end. Just then there was a nock at the door.

>Who's there?
>OP...
>OP Who?
>OP Is a faggot!

>> No.4652544
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4652544

>>4652521

T-thanks, A-anon-Kun.

>> No.4652560

>abondoning, ambivolent, nock, wether
grammar, do you even?
>ambivolent about wether that would best be achieved by abondoning the effort or continuing through
you are writing about shitting you faggot, not some scientific study
>artistic value 0
>totally uninteresting

0/10

>> No.4652587
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4652587

>>4652560

it was based on a true story, faggot.

>> No.4652755
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4652755

That's fine that you guys think it's bad. I'm just starting out writing and I thought it was kind of funny is all.