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/lit/ - Literature

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4606164 No.4606164[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Three analytic philosophers walk into a bar..
The bartender asks, "would all three of you like some beer?"
The first one replies,"I don't know"
The second one replies, "I don't know either"
The third replies, "Yes, we would."

>> No.4606182

>>4606164

i've heard it before.

>> No.4606186

What's the joke? I'm asking this as an Analytic.

>> No.4606188

Haha, it's funny because OP pretends philosophers can into logic. Everyone knows that logic is a field of math and too hard for philosophers.

>> No.4606197

>>4606186
Lol. U retarded.
>>4606188
>logic is a field of math
Lol. U retarded too.

>> No.4606902

Naw, each philosopher would write a 300 page book on the word "three" and "all", and at the very end say, "we don't know, actually".

>> No.4607358

Three analytic philosophers walk into a bar.

The bartender immediately pours three drinks, because they're in a bar and he's heard this one before.

>> No.4607372

Three analytic philosophers sit next to a zen buddhist in a bar.

The bartender asks if everyone want drinks. The first philosopher says "I don't know". The second says "I don't know". The third says "I don't know". The zen buddhist says "I don't know".

Needless to say, no one got drunk that night.

>> No.4607387

>>4606164
Three continental philosophers walk into a bar. They quickly become extremely drunk and begin to bellow at each other. Finally they make such a rumpus that they're kicked out

>> No.4607408

Three analytic philosophers walk into a bar.

They question the bar's metaphysical existence, even though they've determined it is physically existing. Then they ask themselves if they should truly have something to drink after hitting themselves on a metal bar.

Then they ask themselves why they were walking horizontally to begin with, so that they all three walked into it.

Then they realized that they were the same person, but each represented a different fragment of the will (thinking, sensation, and emotion), separated by the vicissitudes of modern morality, and the bar represented the cold, hard existentialistic physicality which pains him to his very virtues.

>> No.4607417

Heidegger sits down at a bar eating a tub of ice cream, crying.

The bar tender asks if he wants something to drink.

"No, but do you have any pie?" Asks Heidegger. The bartender is confused, and asks why he'd asking.

"I can't see the beauty of the world anymore, I'm hoping that I can find a new ala mode of revealing."

>> No.4607432
File: 52 KB, 474x354, 1385239645871.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4607432

>>4607417

>> No.4607449

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.

He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?”

>> No.4607460

Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, “Would you care for a drink?”

Descartes replied, “I think not.” and disappears.

>> No.4607461

>>4607449
Ninotchka

>> No.4607462

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

>> No.4607480

>>4607462
He walks away from the stand, hot dog in hand, and the vendor yells, "Hey, don't you want your change?"

The Buddhist replies, "The change must come from within."

>> No.4607484

>>4607358
i laek eet

>> No.4607496

OP's joke fails miserably since the double negation in that circumstance would come out as "I know", but that doesn't tell the bartender whether they know that they WANT the beers or that they DO NOT want the beers.

"No" would have been much better.

>> No.4607511

Two philosophers run into a bar, continue sprinting towards the tender, and fracture their pelvises on his table.

The bartender is utterly perplexed and horrified, and asks why they would do something as stupid as trying to walk through a solid table.

The philosophers immediately turn to each other, laugh at his refusal to accept the inherent lack of knowledge gathered by flawed human senses in the post-postmodern period, and crawl out of the bar to pee on the building's side.

The bartender runs out, surprised they can still move, and screams at them, demanding to know what decent human being would pee on his walls for no reason.

The philosophers laugh at his dim witted conceptualization of the existence of ethics in the post-postmodern era, and proceed to cough up blood. Dying on the floor, they ask the bartender to read "A critique of pure reason" at their funeral.

The bartender agrees, but asks why.

The philosophers laugh, say "Because I Kant read it myself", and quickly die.

>> No.4607518
File: 157 KB, 589x564, at least you tried.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4607518

>>4607511

>> No.4607533

Most philosophy jokes fall flat anyways; too much thought put into 'em.

>> No.4607550

A philosopher sits down at a bar and asks the bartender what he thinks about the noumenon.

The bartender pours him a drink.

>> No.4607554

>>4606164
>>4607358
>>4607460
>>4607449
>>4607511

*laughs*

>>4606902
Those would be post modern philosophers.

>>4607496

"I don't know" is not to be interpreted as ¬p, but rather as p <-> v being p "We all want beer", <-> "if and only if"; v "if the other two want beer".

>> No.4607570

>>4607554
>Not GCHQ

Ignore that, I forgot to clear name field in a joke thread on /g/

>> No.4607589

Two zen buddhists walk into a bar. The bartender asks what they'd like to drink.

The first replies, "The sound of thunder on a cold night."

The second asks for a beer, and throws it at the other monk's head, shattering and spraying liquid over all parties.

Both monks go home happy.

>> No.4607592

>>4607589
Pretty lame joke.

>> No.4607601

>>4607592

The joke is pretty koany, but give it one hand's round of applause.

>> No.4607614

>>4607589
>>4607601
I like you.

>> No.4607618

>>4607601

oh shit he did it

>> No.4607625
File: 167 KB, 1600x1200, lel.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4607625

>>4607589
Those two could be poets, or performers too.

>> No.4607626

>>4606188
Logic is philosophy. Math is applied logic, and therefore a branch of philosophy.

>> No.4607636
File: 688 KB, 320x246, mr-t-crying.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4607636

>>4607626

>> No.4607637

>>4606164

A bartender walks into the home of an analytical philosopher and asks why analytic philosophers are his biggest customers.

The analytic philosopher thinks about the question for about five minutes, gets a headache and walks to his nearest bar.

>> No.4607640

>>4607626
Logic, is a branch of philosophy, too...

>> No.4607646

Three Beckett characters walk into a bar..
The bartender asks, "would all three of you like some beer?"
The first one replies,"I don't know."
The second one replies, "I don't know."
The third one replies, "I'm waiting."

>> No.4607687

>>4607637


perfect

>> No.4607694

>>4607646
Watt walks into something like a bar, but more of a public house, or an American saloon.
The bartender says, 'ey Mistur Watt, you will have a beer, as the man before you had a beer, and the man before him had a beer, and the man before him, and so on and so forth...
Watt thinks, Have I had a beer here before? If I had a beer, it would have been an ale, and if I had an ale then it would have been a beer.
Watt notices that the drink the bartender hands him has a similar color to beer, foams like a beer, and tastes like beer. However, it resists being called beer.
Watt says, Ela ytsat, tew os, reeb syojne taw. Sknaht.

>> No.4607700
File: 110 KB, 425x282, article01.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4607700

>>4607646

>> No.4607709

Jacques Derrida walks into a bar. He fall over. The bartender asks "Why did you do that?" And he replies "What's the differance?". Signs frolic in free play and carry him off to his magic castle.

>> No.4607732

A modern philosopher and a zombie walk into a bar and declare their hunger for brains.

The bartender is horrified: "Oh my god, two zombies in my bar!"

Someone in the bar calls out "No, just one, the other dude's just some philosopher faking it".

The bartender asks how he can tell.

"He clearly hasn't bathed all year".

>> No.4607739

I passionately hate philosophy joke, none of them have any Humeor

>> No.4607767
File: 92 KB, 825x1000, dh.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4607767

>>4607739
>Humeor

>> No.4607788

Three analytic philosophers walk into a bar, and make a bet with each other: Whoever orders the most ridiculous drink has to buy the other drinks.

The first decides he's going to make the "fruitiest" drink he can think of, ordering a pina colada with orange juice, grenadine, blended banana, and watermelon soda.

The second decides he intends to make the most disgusting drink he can think of, mixing straight vodka with crumbled up fish and chips, two full limes, a melted chocolate bar, and italian salad dressing.

The third grabs both drinks, mixes them, thanks the others for buying him drinks, and walks out.

>> No.4607797

Heraclitus walks into a bar.

He orders three drinks.

He drinks them.

He walks out of a different bar.

>> No.4607803

>>4607788
This isn't funny because it shows analytical philosophers as intelligent people instead of autistic retards

>> No.4607809

>>4607803

Don't you get it? That's the best joke of all.

>> No.4607816

>>4607803

This.

>mfw my logic class last year spent two weeks on "this sentence is not true"

What a load of shit.

>> No.4607818

>>4607803
You're lacking your oxford comma after autistic, retard.

>> No.4607825

>>4607797

Good one.

>> No.4607833

>>4607825

Heraclitus goes to a bar on Friday, spends three days getting absolutely shitfaced, then leaves the bar on Friday. How did he do it?
Answer: A river named Friday swept the bar away.

>> No.4607839

>>4607833
Nah, that one is actually crap.

>> No.4607843

>>4607839
But it wasn't in the past?

>> No.4607847

Serious question about

>>4607833

Heraclitus believed people couldn't step into the same river twice, but said nothing about man changing in the same sense, or presumably, life. Would the horse he rode in on be the horse he left with, assuming that joke/riddle was played straight?

>> No.4607858

>>4607818
you almost baited me but I caught on at the last second

>> No.4607862

Ten philosophers walk into a bar, and each sits down, preparing to order.

The bartender kicks them all out because the moment you go over three guys all bartender jokes fall apart.

>> No.4607863

>>4607843
Of course, in the past it was nothing, then you said it, and it was shit, then it flowed to crap, now it is just awfull, cuz the flow of the river has taken almost all the crap.

>> No.4607865

>>4607863

Of course, that river filled with crap is no longer named Friday.

Who's on first, by the way?

>> No.4607867

>>4607865

Some guy named Friday.

>> No.4607908

A philosopher walks into a bar and has a few drinks. He posits that morality is nonexistant and society should abandon useless frameworks.

The bar tender politely agrees, giving him his umpteenth drink, which he downs quickly.

He then posits that the moon is made of cheese, this shouldn't concern us, and the government being run by aliens is a net good for society due to the benefits of increased technological advancement.

The bar tender politely agrees, handing him his another drink.

He finally posits that philosophy is useless and empty.

The bartender laughs. "First sane thing you've said all night."

>> No.4607913

>>4607847

The river was a metaphor for your mind.

And he was right, to a certain extent, we have a hard time introducing the linear time variable in the thought process, and a harder time introducing non linear time, or alternate timelines.

>> No.4607918

>>4607847

Heraclitus said that the river stayed the same but had ever new water flowing in it.

>> No.4607923

>>4607462
>>4607480
Nice :^)

>> No.4607927

>>4606197
Lol trolled

>> No.4607933
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4607933

How do you get an English major off of your doorstep?

Pay for the pizza

>> No.4607942

>>4607933
Sorry, but I am not that cultivated.
Care to elaborate?

>> No.4607943

Three analytical philosophers walk into a bar. Everyone else in the bar leaves. The bartender kills himself because he is dutifull and cannot leave. The philosophers spend the night arguing and drinking alcohol that they don't pay for.

>> No.4607945

What do you call a philosophy major who works at Chuckie Cheese due to a lack of career prospects?

Suicidal.

Guy making all the OC jokes in the thread's going to bed, someone else pick up the torch

>> No.4607957

>>4607945
>What do you call a philosophy major who works at Chuckie Cheese due to a lack of career prospects?

A philosophy major

>> No.4607971

>>4607460
Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, “Would you care for a drink?”

And he says, "No, but would you care for my D?"

>> No.4607981

One analytical philosopher walks into three bars. The three bartenders ask "would all one of you like some beer? "

He replies "I'm a faggot like OP. "

>> No.4607987

>>4607943

At the end of the night, they check the bartender's body for valuables.

The first one says "Hah, this knife he stabbed himself with sure seems nice. I'll scratch Hanlon's razor into its side and sell it to some philosophy major for twenty bucks".

The second one says "Hey, look here, he keeps a pocket journal where he writes down cool things he heard during the day. I'll write a few laws at the end, change the name on the front to "Finagle's laws", and sell it to some philosophy major for twenty bucks."

The third philosopher, still in school, pulls out 40 bucks and buys their finds.

>> No.4607988

>>4607945
Heh, at least you got a major and a job.
Thanks for the laughs, and the intelligent conversation.

>> No.4608011

>>4607987
No, shut up, you fagged up my joke.

>> No.4608055

>>4608011

That would imply it wasn't fagged up to begin with.

>Everyone is dead and the philosophers don't care.

Is about as funny as a light switch.

And I've yet to see a funny light switch, so that should tell you something

>> No.4608091
File: 355 KB, 540x623, light-switch-stick-man1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4608091

>>4608055


you just havent been looking hard enough.

>> No.4608111
File: 122 KB, 625x626, allout.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4608111

>>4608091

>Everyone is dead, the philosophers don't care, and that light switch cover highlights a phallus

>> No.4608128

Three philosophers walk into a bar. They pull out guns and shoot a couple of the customers dead, scaring out the rest. They force the bartender to pass over a few bottles of whiskey and get pissed drunk before shooting him and grabbing the cash from the register. They aren't philosophers at all. They're wild west outlaws.

>> No.4608163

>4608128

Huh. I never would've guessed.

>> No.4608166

>>4607847
Heraclitus was all about finding harmony in change/disharmony/contradiction. The point is that what makes it a river is that it is never the same, not the idea that identity is impermanent and nonsensical like most people assume from reading a single quotation.

>> No.4608316

>>4608055
Yeah it should tell me that you're an unfunny fuck who shoves his own dick up his asshole because he's a first year philosophy major

>> No.4608342

>>4608166

Heraclitus does mean that identity is nonsensical though. "We both step and do not step in the same rivers. We are and are not." Heraclitus regarded being (under which we can step in the same river twice) and becoming (under which we can't) as opposite modes of existence which paradoxically underpin each other. There's a sense in which we can say that the river is always the same river, even though what actually constitutes the river is never the same twice. And everything else is the same way ("everything changes and nothing remains still"). Heraclitus' skepticism on this point can be compared to that of Chuang Tzu, who has a similar argument about the harmony of opposites producing all things.

>> No.4608377

>>4608111


that was a different guy friend.

>> No.4608837

>>4607732
A philosopher and a zombie walk into a bar. No one can tell which is which.

>> No.4608842

>tfw want to read litcore philosophers but would have to wade through all the boring greeks and kants and kunts to get to them.

anyone else know this feel

>> No.4608847

>>4607957
Laughed, well done.

>> No.4608868
File: 29 KB, 406x395, 1389961394040.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4608868

>>4607637

>> No.4608880

>>4608842
>boring greeks

No, I don't know that feel. If you think Plato's dialogues are boring then you clearly can't enjoy a good argument.

Aristotle on the other hand... *shivers*

>> No.4608882

>>4608880
Is wikipedia page and wikiquotes enough background on them geeks

>> No.4608887

>>4608880
Aristotle is the greatest philosopher ever.

>> No.4608889

>>4608842

read the wikis on hume and kant and then dive into phenomenology of spirit by hegel.


FINISHED WITH PHILOSOPHY

>> No.4608891

>>4608889
W-w-what about muh Schopenhauer and Frege, Russell, Wittgenstein and and and..

I've read about Hume quite a bit but not because of philosophy.

>> No.4608919

>>4608891

it ended with hegel

>> No.4608931

>>4606164
Retard here, can someone explain OP's joke. ty

>> No.4608932

>>4608931

one of them is an enabler

>> No.4608939

>>4608931
>Three of you
>Three persons
>Three of you would like some beer?
>Three of them liked some beer
?

>> No.4608947

A logician walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "Do you want coffee or tea?". To which he responds "yes"

>> No.4608948

>>4608931
it's a joke about how non-participation makes democracy fundamentally degenerate (alcoholism)

>> No.4608950

>>4608948
why am i not this bright anons :(

>> No.4608951

Three Wittgensteinian philosophers walk into a bar.
The Bartender asks, "would you be ok with non-alcoholic beer?"
The first one replies, "yes?"
The second one replies, "no?"
The third replies, "does the glass you're not going to pour it in exist at least?"

>> No.4608953

>>4608951

Define beer

>> No.4608954

>>4608948
>>4608932
Thanks!

>> No.4608960

>>4608953
Define 'define'.

>> No.4608962

>>4608953
A thing which makes one drunk.

That's its FUNction

>> No.4608970

Three /lit/erarians walk into a bar...
The bartender asks, "what sort of a fucking joke is this?"

>> No.4608980

>>4608970
They each answer simultaneously, in slow, mumbled voices, that it their joke has nothing to do with fucking

>> No.4608987

>>4608980

how kafkaesque

>> No.4608994

>>4608987
It's a bar, not a brothel

>> No.4609056

I studied analytic philosophy for 3 years at university and I don't get this joke at all. Can someone explain it?

>> No.4609062

>>4609056

I hope this is a trollpost

>> No.4609063

>>4606188
>logic is a field of match

what a retard, piss the fuck off

>> No.4609080

>>4609063

trollololllol

>> No.4609082

Descartes and Nietzsche were in a bar enjoying
their drinks.
Descartes had been silent for a while just staring
straitght forward, when Nietzsche asked
"What's on you mind bro?"
to which Descartes replied
"Nah... its nothing."

Nietzsche finnished his drink alone.

>> No.4609130

>>4607942
He's saying there is no merit in studying literature academically, and anyone who does is doomed to a menial wage job.

His joke is a defense mechanism. He is either comforting himself about his own unsure future, or that he's made the right choices in life.

>> No.4609195

Three neo-marxist bohemians and consumers of psychoactive drugs enter a bar.
The bartender asks, "Would you like a beer?"
The first one replies, "I will not drink until this bar is a safe space for minorities and is cleansed of all patriarchal phallic symbols like glasses are replaced with more feminine breast-like curved cups"
The second one replied, "Just because I have entered in your establishment that doesn't mean you have a right to bring me into a situation in which I am softly forced into exchanging the capital I receive for my work-time for your goods, we must deconstruct the social component of capital exchanges"
The third one said, "We actually never stopped performing since we left our PoC friendly slam poetry session early this morning"

>> No.4609215

>>4609062
No it's not. Please explain the joke to me. At this point I'm suspecting the joke itself is a troll and no one actually understands it.

>> No.4609227

>>4609215

Okay: The first one doesn't know whether the other two want beer. The second one doesn't either. The third one knows that if either of them didn't want beer, they would have answered 'no', so he knows.

>> No.4609239

>>4609227
>third one knows that if either of them didn't want beer, they would have answered 'no'
But you cannot know that, though.

>> No.4609249

>>4609227
Oh right, I see. I didn't get it before because "The third one knows that if either of them didn't want beer, they would have answered 'no', so he knows" is actually total bullshit, for there is of course such a thing as not knowing if one wants a beer or not. But still, the joke sort of works.

>> No.4609255

>>4609227

damn that is one awful joke

>> No.4609257

>>4609239
Statement: Would all three of you like some beer? We can define this statement as: A is true if x, y, and z (each philosopher's want of beer) are all true. Otherwise, A is false.

If the first philosopher didn't want beer, x would be false and he would state this, falsifying A. Thus, since he says "I don't know", we can assume x is true. However, the philosopher does not know the states of y and z, and therefore cannot respond that A is true (that they would all like some beer). The same is true of the second philosopher.
The third philosopher, then, understands that x and y are true. He also wants beer. This leads him to the conclusion that A is true, meaning the bartenders original statement can be answered with a yes.

>> No.4609274

>>4609249
>>4609255

>I don't even like grapes

>> No.4609355

>>4609257
You still miss the epistemological issue this joke gives rise to.

The third guy may as well assume that "I don't know" = "I want beer", but he can never know that their way of saying "I don't know" is actually "I want beer"

>> No.4609370

>>4609215
truth tables

>> No.4609372

>>4609370
>truth tables
>for quantifiers

Hueuhuehue!!!

>> No.4609486

>>4609195
Please leave. Even for /pol/ trolling this is poor.

>> No.4609539
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4609539

>>4609195

>> No.4609555

>>4607971
lol

>> No.4609572
File: 493 KB, 2134x888, David_Foster_Wallace[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4609572

I need some advice.
My friend loves the hell out of Infinite Jest, and I want to give him some David Foster Wallace books
My budget is limited to three books, so I'd like to know what are the best books I should buy him.
I guess at least one of them will be one of his novels.

>> No.4609605

A buddhist, an analytic philosopher and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The buddhist said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The analytic philospher said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer tears off his pants and proceeds to masturbate furiously until he cums all over the buddhist. Then he punches the analytic philosopher in the face, squats over him and unleashes worm-infested diarrhoea all over him, before walking away calmly and hanging himself.

>> No.4609617

>>4609605
/lit/
A magical place

>> No.4609628

>>4609572
Best joke in the thread

good one

>> No.4609649
File: 30 KB, 500x375, dontforgetlit.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4609649

>>4609617

>> No.4609660
File: 24 KB, 521x555, girl reads.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4609660

>> No.4609668

>>4609215
>>4609227

But you could use the exact same logic in reverse. Neither said yes so they must not want any. Therefore the answer is no.

>> No.4609674

>>4609668
You couldn't. The whole shebang has no truth value because their answers are vague to determine the truth of it.

>> No.4609697
File: 125 KB, 457x640, heidegger final1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4609697

Disclaimer: The neologisms are made up, this is a parody not a real reflection of philosophical writings by Martin Heidegger.


Heidegger is enjoying his national morning breakfast deeply rooted in local folklore at at the local public village table made by the skilled handwork of local women workers placed in the near forest clearing together with the village elders.

Before they even finish setting down their wooden home made plates the sound of machinery roars through the forest thickness.

Trees come tumbling down, destruction rages through the village, the sun rays who greeted the peasants happily and reveled to them the truth of the beginning-of the-day, the leaves that inspired poetry, the rivers which solidified national pride and local identity as being-in-the-world transform into physics equations right before the eyes of the innocent villagers and unleash untold horrors through the folkloric local community.

At that time Bertrand Russell reveals himself standing upon the bulldozer which turned the clearing into just another place in space, eating his automatically manufactured subway sandwich. With a destructive modernistic liberal voice he proclaims :

"Good morning, Martin. I have brought you machinery and civilization to free the peasants of the daily dread of menial work. But most importantly, would you like one of my automatically produced and commercialized sandwiches for breakfast"

Heidegger : "No, your artificial construct will reveal nothing of importance to my breaking-the-fast. I can not enjoy breakfast that way."

Village elder : "No, we much prefer our traditionally prepared breakfast."

Russell : "Fools ! How can you not see the beautiful objectivity of the mathematical framework underlying my Analytic modernity. Mathematics is the highest form of thought and objective truth there is !"

Heidegger : "Tell me, how old is mathematics in relations of other modes of revealing."

Russell : "It's the prime entity ! Everything followed from it !"

Heidegger : "False, mathematics is just a post a-priori construct of the Dasein's Aletheia coming from Being-In-The-World as and working the fields and counting cows as a combinations of Episteme and Poiesis as the primary modes of revealing . If what you said was true then the essence of Mathematics's being is a Being itself"

Russell was visibly shaken. His brain could not comprehend the Ereignis he just experienced and thus exploded. Asperger children all around the world committed mass suicide. Mathematics was scrapped from school curriculums and replaced with poetry. Moot himself came down from the heavens himself and erased /sci/ from the board's existence.

The village elders happily sat down at the table and finished their traditionally prepared breakfast.

>> No.4609744

>>4609697

Heidegger came home to find his beautiful, naturally endowed wife giving head to a man from the neighboring village's Radioshack.

"Honey! Why would you do this to both yourself and me? This unnecessary technological enframing destroys the dasein we had together!"

The wife, finishing him, looks directly at Heidegger and says,

"Your standing reserve is too small for my needs. Nothing will ever be dasein."

>> No.4609759

>>4608947
This was clever.

>> No.4609770

>>4609759
It is highly ambiguous and pragmatically not cooperative at all. And frankly, not at all clever.

>> No.4609797

>>4609697


>No, your artificial construct will reveal nothing of importance to my breaking-the-fast.

my side have become ontologically complete.

>> No.4609806

>>4607626
>Logic is philosophy

>laughingwhores.jpg

Philosofags will say anything to justify their waste of a major.

>> No.4609827

>>4609744

>Nothing will ever be dasein

>> No.4609848

>>4609697

10/10

>> No.4609852

>>4609806

Formal logic is actually studied and researched in philosophy departments, retard.

>> No.4609857

>>4609852
That's the /sci/ troll, mind you.

There is no point in engaging him. Anything you say will be disregarded by him.

>> No.4609867

>>4609797
That's also the only part I could understand.

>> No.4609871

>>4606188
Three mathmeticians go duck hunting.
A duck flies past.
The first mather fires long.
The second mather fires short.
The third mather jumps up and says, "We got 'im, boys!"

>> No.4609883
File: 287 KB, 480x360, citizen_cane.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4609883

>>4609697

>> No.4609934

>>4609797
My soaring sides brought fourth the destruction of ontotheology.

>> No.4609948

Wittgenstein walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "want a beer?"
Wittgenstein says, "Yes."

>> No.4610450

A philosopher walks into a bar and sits on the floor. The bartender asks why he's sitting on the sticky bar floor.

"I'm not a philosopher", he says, "I'm a Neomodernist utilitarian. If you'd just consider the aletheia in the precontetualization of world disclosure in which the framing of the trolley is potentially a force for appophantic change, you'd understand why preconceived conceits of ethics are flawed."

The bartender says, "That's all well and good, but not only did you not answer my question, you also managed to use a full mouthful of words to say nothing. Is there any redeeming factor in your philosophy?"

The philosopher thinks. "Not really. No one wants to buy any of my books on my theories."

"That's a damn shame. But why are you on the floor?"

"Consider that your a priori rejection of neoluddite methods of cellular respiration as a viable mode of sustenance denatures critical observation and clouds metaeconomic analysis of intrasocietal relationships at a saloon when analyzed against the metasample."

"Speak English or you're kicked out."

"Your bar has the best floor beer."

"The flo

>> No.4610453

"The flow is a typo.

>> No.4610456

>>4609871
le haha

they haven't even proven the duck is the limit of the shot sequence

>> No.4610469

>>4608887
Chrysippus was here. Aristotle was a slave to desire.

>> No.4610486

>>4606164
>>4607358
>>4607372
>>4607408
>>4607417
>>4607449
>>4607460
>>4607462
>>4607480
>>4607511
>>4607550
>>4607589
>>4607637
>>4607646
>>4607694
>>4607709
>>4607732
>>4607788
>>4607797
>>4607833
>>4607862
>>4607908
>>4607933
>>4607943
>>4607945
>>4607957
>>4607971
>>4607981
>>4607987
>>4608128
>>4608947
>>4608951
>>4608970
>>4609082
>>4609195
>>4609572
>>4609605
>>4609697
>>4609744
>>4609871
>>4609948
>>4610450
>>4610453
I don't get it.

>> No.4610496
File: 694 KB, 261x184, myplanetneedsme.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4610496

>>4610486

>Every joke in the thread

Out.

>> No.4610591
File: 65 KB, 560x535, kerouac.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4610591

>> No.4610616
File: 183 KB, 1024x683, nietzche.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4610616

>>4610591

>> No.4610753

Two female Continental philosophers walk into a bar, and sit down. The bartender looks at them for a moment, and then politely asks them what they'd like to drink. The philosophers promptly pull out a couple sub-machines and shoot him dead. The police are perplexed by the shooting - especially since the shooters chose to stay at the bar and fix some drinks for themselves. They're taken to an interrogation room, after much protest, and are asked about the shooting. After prattling on about the patriarchy for a good half-hour, one of them finally says they were merely fighting violence with violence.

>> No.4610920

>>4610753
This was the background music in the shooting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5raGx31tJSo

>> No.4610989

>>4610920
this is priddy fuggin good m8

>> No.4611084

>>4610989

/mu/ approved?

>> No.4611116

>>4611084
I have no idea, I don't go on /mu/. It's just a cool album I'm downloading it currently

>> No.4611154 [DELETED] 

>>4611116
>611116

Enjoy, and nice palindrome numbers.

q:^)

>> No.4611229

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

>> No.4611311

Hume walks into a bar. He orders a drink. The bartender gives him the drink. He walks away. The bartender says "hey stop! You need to pay for that". Hume stops, hands the bartender the money and says "sorry I thought this time it would be different"

>> No.4611325

anybody got a spinoza?

>> No.4611329

A continental philosophers walk into a bar.
An analytic philosopher gets anxious and sweaty and skips the bar.

>> No.4611339

>>4611325
Spinoza walks into a bar.
He spins after he is being asked if he wants a drink because his name is spinoza and that is funny.

>> No.4611350
File: 58 KB, 640x640, srs.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4611350

>>4611339

>> No.4611375

>>4611325
Spinoza walks into a bar. The bartender immediately stops what he's doing and tells him to get the fuck out. Spinoza walks out of the bar, satisfied.

>> No.4611386

bar is walk filosof ddrink.,why'?
is not drink not me philosor not?
yes,

>> No.4611393

>>4611386
Was James Joyce a philosopher?

>> No.4611409

Spinoza, Witt and Nietzsche went for a drink.

Spinoza proposes a beer game.
Nietzsche angrily starts yelling about something something "over-man" and everyone starts making fun of him as the "doomsday mustache" guy.
Witt refuses to play their silly game.

>> No.4611414

>>4607462
>>4607480
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlIrI80og8c

>> No.4611425

Descartes, Spinoza, and Nietzsche walk into a bar. The bartender, immediately knowing that he's died and gone to Hell, pours himself a drink.

>> No.4611427

>>4607533
no. there isn't enough thought put into them

getting the joke to accurately fit the subject matter is so difficult that the actual joke itself is usually a pun and it's fucking lazy and shit not worthy of being called a philosophical joke
seriously jokes like this are just self congratulatory, "hey i know that reference, HA HA!"

>> No.4611429

Analytic philosopher: "835 million continental philosophers walk in a bar that has 7 million bartenders."
"only one bar?" says the continental with one eyebrow elevated.

>> No.4611433

>>4611427
Can you post any philosophical jokes that you consider to be good?

>> No.4611438

I look at de toilets *rubs face* dey have the shapes of de culturesh *wipes nose* dat dey are of, dat is to say dat de toilet is a mark of ideologies *rubs face*

>> No.4611441

>>4611433
sorry. i can not

>> No.4611444

>>4611441
So you can't find itt any jokes that aren't completely dumb or purely simple referential to a characteristic of a philosopher.

>> No.4611449

>>4611444
admittedly i'm still reading the thread but yeah why?

>> No.4611466

>>4611449

Thread's early stuff was pretty good. Thread went to shit once Chuckie Cheese man left.

>> No.4611494

>>4611466
the only funny post in this thread imo and it had nothing to do with philosophy: >>4608128

>> No.4611505
File: 425 KB, 1103x1025, whatthefuckishesaying.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4611505

>>4611494

I respect your opinion and disagree.

>> No.4611507

>>4611494
not him but that's a cop-out joke.
I can literally make a billion of those in a second and better ones.
You just set up a formulaic joke and add the absurd twist.

If you're new to that then that's fine.
But i too was fascinated by the randumb kek so i overused it, now it looks so easy and lazy that i cringe when i hear those kind.

>> No.4611519

>>4611507
you're completely right but in the context of this thread it wasn't something i was expecting so it worked

>> No.4612969

>>4609948
Wittgenstein says, "That is the case."