[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

View post   
File: 2.23 MB, 1690x893, 1392493191984.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4572102 No.4572102 [Reply] [Original]

>self publishing

>> No.4572115

>present tense

>> No.4572207

>Our story begins

That's a creative way to begin a story.

>> No.4572217

This one isn't that bad.

>> No.4572257
File: 42 KB, 960x600, 1242877374890.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4572257

>>4572217
>those clothing descriptions
>that dialog
>those gestures
>that tone
>isn't that bad

>> No.4572300

>>4572257

Someone is jelly that he isn't published

>> No.4572642

>>4572300
Oh you bet.

It's so difficult to get self published these days. I have to upload the file to the internet and hit the 'submit' button and everything. I just don't have the skills necessary for such an arduous task.

>> No.4573911

>Guardian is at the far end of his grand library, his steel, toe-capped, black leather boots make no sound, as he paces back and forth across the antique mahogany floorboards, lazily placing his hands in the pockets of his loosely fitted jeans.

My Immortal has really improved. It's gone from illegible to purple.

>> No.4573944 [DELETED] 

It's pretty rough with all the grammatical errors man.

>> No.4573945

There are way too many grammatical errors.

>> No.4573946

But it looks so fucking cool, and it looks like the guy made it dedicated a lot of time into it.

I wish I could blow my collective load on a page and have it come out half as good.

>> No.4573967

>>4573946
what are you talking about?

>> No.4573973

>>4573967
I think he's talking about the formatting/font,

>> No.4573974

>>4573967
To be able to write with such detail and flair is beyond me. Whenever I write it comes off as bland and uninspired. Am I missing something?

>> No.4573978
File: 30 KB, 247x248, 1392178269114.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4573978

>>4572102
>Aye I know

>> No.4573979

>>4573974
It's purple prose and run on sentences. Nothing special.

>> No.4573981

>>4573979
From someone who's fresh out of English class and can barely clobber two paragraphs together, it seems like something special to me. Hell, I think anything would be better then what I currently know.

>> No.4574003

At least it's properly formatted. Kinda clunky though, no description should just be outright mentioned like that. I might as well describe it as "a fucking fancy ass manor, ya digg??" and it would convey everything that the reader needs to know.

>> No.4574021

This isn't the worst I've seen

>> No.4574030

>>4574003
what bugs me is how many small, meaningless gestures are given so much importance

>Guardian against places his left hand within a few inches of his mouth and giggles.
Why his left hand? Why a few inches away from his mouth? What difference does it make if it was his right hand and directly over his mouth? It doesn't matter.

>Guardian removes his hand from his forehead, his eyes slowly open, he takes a few deep breaths, looking slighty to his left and whispers, "What could it mean?"
This is overwritten. This is the sort of stuff that stretches a story that should be sixty pages long to six hundred pages. This little gesture is as important as his steel toe boots or the birds outside his window or the fragrance of his coffee or whatever stupid crap they're talking about.

>> No.4574032

>>4574030
You know sometimes you want to get swept up in a story and just live in it, you want to feel the heat from the fireplace, you want to hear the cats running along the rooftop, you want to smell the slaty ocean breeze

sometimes if written right these small gestures and descriptions don't inhibit a story. I don't mind this padding in a good story

>> No.4574038

>>4574032
The problem here though is that it's an obstruction. You need to warm the reader up to this stuff, you can't just drop them into a super detailed world. Sensory overload makes you want to NOT read it.

>> No.4574058

>>4574032
I'm not saying description is bad.

I'm saying lack of focus and counting every grain of sugar that goes into the coffee cup is bad.

In one sentence he describes the room, what kind of shoes he's wearing, what sound he's making, what he's doing, what kind of wood the floors are made of, and what type of pants he's wearing. All in one sentence. It's painful.

>> No.4575328

>>4572102
>May Nisa Old, stands about five feet, five inches tall, her sholder length black hair, has been individually braided and tied back into a small bun.

>Teacher, how do I use commas?
>Just put, them any damn, place doesn't matter, where.

>> No.4575366

>>4575328
I tutor for English courses at a community college. One of the professors handed out a semicolon worksheet to their students.

After that, every student that came to me was just throwing semicolons where ever they felt. Whenever I asked them how they thought you used a semicolon the usual responses involved "i don't really know" and other such answers as "at the end of a sentence to make it look smarter."

>> No.4575379

>>4575366

semicolons are addictive

>> No.4575381

>>4575379
(edit)
Semicolons; are addictive.

>> No.4575383

>>4575381

Actually it'd be better to use semicolons like so; this is correct.

>> No.4575392

>>4575366
>put semicolons "at the end of a sentence to make it look smarter."
Ah, community college.

>>4575383
Actually I think you'd just use a regular colon in that instance.

>> No.4575394

>>4575383
You what; m8?

>> No.4575396

>>4575392

the semicolon is meta as fuck

>> No.4575449

>>4575328
>her shoulder length black hair, has been individually braided

What does she mean by individually? It's been braided one hair at a time?

>> No.4575453

I hate these fucking threads.

Now I've got to go back and recheck everything I've written in the past month to judge whether or not it's purple prose.

>> No.4575458

>>4575453

leave it so that you can see your development

>> No.4575477

>>4575453
we can be the judge of that

>> No.4575481

Daily reminder that a guy who self-published his novel is currently in the running to win the Folio award

>> No.4575671

>>4575481
Maybe he'll be as successful as E L James or Christopher Paolini.

>> No.4575972
File: 283 KB, 619x477, monkeybone.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4575972

>Dave Ellwood, stands around six feet tall, he has short dark blond hair and comes from a long line of bakers, who have been delivering fresh bread, goats milk and duck eggs to the Manor since the late sixteenth century...
>"Guardian?" May gasps, running over to him and quickly taking the mug from his right hand before he drops it.

This seems good let's send it to the printer.

>> No.4576509

What kind of a name is Guardian?

>> No.4576544

>>4572217
No, I agree. By the standards of what we make fun of here this one is downright professional quality.

>> No.4576668

>>4572102
Eh, if they're making money doing what they want, more power to them, I guess.

>> No.4576670

>>4575453
>Now I've got to go back and recheck everything I've written in the past month to judge whether or not it's purple prose.
>Needing to read a thread on 4chan to feel inclined to do this to begin with

You have much to learn, young fagawan.