/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.4558831]

You have five minutes to write a poem. Please critique too.

After this post, I'll write mine.

[Anonymous No.4558838]

It's Daryn Jones and Mista Mo
Mo
Mo
Mo
We got this kickass wicked show
Show
Show
Show
We grab the mic and walk the street
Make fun of people that we meet
This show's so good I've got a BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONER
That's why you're watching Buzz this week

[Anonymous No.4558841]

>>4558831

I be balling in the d-league
uh
I be speaking swag-hili

[Anonymous No.4558852]

Sick, I lie in bed
half asleep, half awake
contemplating the futility of my condition
if Bertrand praised idleness so
why does it ache all over?

Tomorrow a phonecall is to be made
to the atheist big other
that derides me of the pleasure
to toil away my last two shifts
and paints me the layabout.

[Anonymous No.4558881]

"God Dammit":

Stop living
Die
Please
Seriously
Fuck you

[Anonymous No.4558880]

Well, that took considerably longer.
never wrote a poem before.

Laying in my deathbead I waited,
waited for so long.
My life was far from gracious,
but I outlived my every wrong.

I waited at first for the chariot of angels,
ignorant of what I had done.
Angels that would take me to heaven,
but the angels did not come.

I then waited for the soil to part,
and my frail body to be dragged;
but the ground, somehow kept firm,
and my body, full of sin, was still around.

It was just a moment before dawn,
that a man walked in the room.
I hoped that he was the one to take me,
into glory, or into doom.

"I felt the need to tell you,
that your wait will be long."
And with confident stride,
he aproched the door.

As the man walked away,
he spoke from darkness.
"You might roam this earth forever,
for this earth, it is your hell."

[Anonymous No.4558889]

>>4558880
There's definitely potential there if you manage to rework it and keep the form or potentially cast it off altogether.

[Anonymous No.4558890]

Arise, o' valiant pen,
Step up to the mark,
Through shuddered ink stroke,
On sunken parchment,
You'll make something of yourself yet.

Arise, o' valiant malcontent,
Step up to the mark,
Are you above those other folk?
Put your best foot forward,
And make a poet out of dreaming men.

[Anonymous No.4558896]

>>4558889

What do you mean by keep the form?

[Anonymous No.4558897]

>>4558890
Love it.
Wonder if you could do a contemporary variant that switches the pen out for a keyboard.

[Anonymous No.4558899]

>>4558896
Either keep the rhyme consistent or cast it off.

[Anonymous No.4558900]

Why are you all so dreary?
Seriously?
Don't bog yourself down with the edgy.
Is this /v/?
No I say!
/v/?
Not today!
Head my naysay,
Maturity isn't found through bitter sentiment,
Okay?

[Anonymous No.4558903]

>>4558897
>Wonder if you could do a contemporary variant that switches the pen out for a keyboard.
I actually started out with keyboard but I decided to go with pen so it wouldn't throw my syllable count too far out of whack and because it rhymed with 'men' on my final line. That and it conjures up some traditional imagery that I like.

[Anonymous No.4558904]

There, on the horizon, eye
drawn up, like the razor
sheath you've held before,
I see your breath, sea, and
hear you whisper that death you
take from the fish. Break
my shores of futility with life—
their scales shone with
dense scattered and lonely
starriness.
We'll reclaim the lakes as soon
as the giants reclaim the ocean;
this puddle i've made, of infinite semi-
puddles lingers, but beneath my umbrella
leaks and overflows and empties in my hand.
Take the fish from the shore, they can't
survive
the broken current. Take the fish from the shore
they can't survive the broken current;
break their bones and take them apart,
they won't survive this tidal sway. Your
heart has no pain I haven't held beneath
this umbrellic canopy, for Chinese junk
and turtleneck sea-skirt of grass,
light up the flame drowned by the sea.

[Anonymous No.4558907]

>>4558900
>Head
Heed*

[Muck Bulligan !!ryE2gEjGbpu No.4558915]

>>4558831
flirting with death (i wore black to my own funeral)

i stand—tall—
and whisper to the air past my right
as i wobble weak-kneed on sternum stilettos

'what a great fucking dress,'
i've whispered
[to the air (past my right)]
'but what god-awful makeup'

[red rouge—real red—and a covered-up bruise]

'wouldn't be caught dead...'
i trail off
(i've trailed off now)
cue the deep, sultry sigh
of a death rattle

i'm beyond help, now
a casket-case
so i slink back to the crowd
in my warm-blood red-velvet snapped-bone ensemble

i mingle

i flirt with death
and notice no ring
on manslaughter's finger

i order a drink
and tilt my head back
and think—

'damn.'

'i should've ordered this hemlock
on the rocks.'

[Anonymous No.4558916]

>>4558899
will do, thanks.

[Anonymous No.4558920]

>>4558890
>>4558880

Lit is good today.

[Anonymous No.4558928]

Opposite the state opera
between Barnes,
Nobles
and the bank

I sit on a green plastic
chair, and choke casually
on a 99c
McDouble

i see through the window
walking 'cross roads made for kings
people in
tracksuit trousers
or bright neon overalls
or pristine suits;
rushing to office, welfare or the
next hit

these people were not made for these streets
these streets weren't made for these people
the burger i'm eating, will clog up my veins and
higher my risk of stroke, bad health, halitosis

it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense
to me as i chew down, thoughtfully, the last bits of meat
between good-morning existential dread and the first shift of the day
i don't know what the universe is trying to tell me
but i try to appreciate it and keep a friendly face
as i walk to the dressing room
with a head
full
of noise
heavy heart
and puffy eyes

i'm confused, but that's okay
i know where
my locker is
when my shift
starts and
i flip a mean burger
it's shit, alright, i give you that
so what
it gets me through the day

[patrick No.4558929]

Rank or race
Out with the old
Ctrl. + Alt. + Del.
This, mofo.

Hey, how's it going?
Good, you? Good good.
Great. Awesome. So...

That's an awfully blank remark. I highly suggest you not know.

[Anonymous No.4558948]

Receive me tender,
your rain won't drip but for
fireworks across an arched
roman-nosed sky. blessed
who? can it instill to fuel
these loins of dirt and grease.
slipping tumbling out across
the earth
in a
flood of envy
buried in this snow i search
there, speckled blood and auroch
paw, footprint matched by tall brown
tree swaying like hair on end of
false-stick saccharine-tongue
and mighty-eyed
Hindu, lost above in transit.

[Anonymous No.4558960]

>>4558904
i have no idea what's going on buti kinda like the sound of it

>>4558900
nothing amazing but nice and short, i like how it flows

>>4558881
meh

[Anonymous No.4558967]

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

[Anonymous No.4558968]

Prosaic verse is
cold-burnt and terse
from lack of a metrical vigor.
Undergraduates joust
of Bukowski and Proust,
holding close the opinions of vicars.

All our views now subsumed
under books against Bloom,
urine sweet from the nectar of newness.
Where to joke is to err,
yet passé is to care,
we can suckle the teet of translucence.

Crucify me on a cross of birthed by consciousness
Don't bother riposte: I never claimed cleverness

[Anonymous No.4558971]

>>4558967
eh could use some work...

[Anonymous No.4558975]

>>4558967
Including the line number markers makes this brilliant metapoetry.

[Anonymous No.4558976]

Thunder
hide
under
nearest
dome
else
r.i.p

Suddenly
tempest
overtakes
roars
murders
remains
rot

[Anonymous No.4558981]

>>4558968
>implying Proust and joust would rhyme...

jk it's actually really great, i really like it

[Anonymous No.4558990]

>>4558981
It's an eye rhyme, brah. Also insert some bullshit motif of po-mo millenials never hearing things spoken out loud.

[Anonymous No.4558993]

>>4558968
Nice.

[Anonymous No.4558998]

Word of God.

Receive my speech,
like the dry ground receives the raindrop.
Every word I say, let it cut into your soul
as deep as the river cut into the rock.
It doesn't matter what I say,
the true meaning of my voice,
the one lost eons ago.
It's not what I say, that conveys me power
it's that you are willing to listen to these words,
and let them become your own

[Anonymous No.4559037]

its called The Extremist

sleeping on the edge of the bed
in a gas mask, padded coat, boots
and his back
facing his wife

[Anonymous No.4559063]

>>4559037
"You wish you were spontaneous"
My mother would ridicule and chide
Vomiting meters and rhymes extraneous
I am speechless, and yet I must abide.

[Anonymous No.4559068]

Well this is shit but hey, what isn't?

I
Am a voyager,
Soon, to be swept out to sea,
Taken in my great adventure.

I've bought the ticket,
But how I get there doesn't matter,
For I've sold all my trinkets,
And soon I'll be scattered,

And I've said my goodbyes,
Given them all one last look,
Before that great plunge into the sky,
Not into the depths, I'd hope.

The journey takes but an instant,
Funeral-esque, its too fast and too short,
The novelty will surely be mint,
I'll take solitude in my new fort.

Who knows what may lie on the other side?
Riches or ruins, or hopefully, rain,
To stop the urge to hide,
To clean away all the pain.

But surely this can't be it,
This isn't what I came here for,
Its too dark for a candle lit,
Where is this unfamiliar shore?

And I stagger around violently,
Looking for the light,
I earned my right, I paid the fee,
And I try with all my might,

To find if this can truly be it,
It's bringing me to the brink,
But its too dark for a candle lit,
And my mind ceases to think.

[Anonymous No.4559072]

Taken at face-value his actions nullified his words;
taken at face-value the coin read heads, and his toppled off.

more like decent prose, i think

[Anonymous No.4559098]

>>4558968
Dat last couplet doe

[Anonymous No.4559103]

Suspicious organic transfusion network settling on two coupled link generators. Process point link active at end of night again, set light for process activation. Link breakage risk increases at particular point of link subject dispersal. Two days of increasing dispersal. Package marked and paid - arrival due within next two days. Link reinforcement possible. Subjects facing silence. Empty night edges traced by metal network glowing melted by pulsing. Link subjects reattach pulse network? Cold likely without glow pulse through.

[Anonymous No.4559111]

but man i cant write a fucking poem
its all hicks and mouthbreathers where im from
i am stupid as a daytime talk show
even if i did try it would totes blow
look see my words and rhymes just rip and tear
fuck man i dont got no artistic flair
so dude dont make me write a poem
something something its all protozoan
because my feelings all have no merit

[Anonymous No.4559113]

I’m going to wait right here until it is summer
wearing a coat and jacket I get on the bus
i’m sweaty right in front of people. “yeah”
i’ll say “i’m sweaty. i probably need a towel”
“yeah, probably a towel or something” they’ll say. i put on a beanie
I’m dripping a little sweat on the bus floor
“please stay behind the yellow line” says the driver

[Anonymous No.4559120]

You are the fattest
Cat I've ever seen. Shitting
All over my floor when the litter box,
that receptacle of poop which is not
supposed to be a penultimate defecation place,
is right over there.
I used to give you treaties;
now I want to give you a kick
in your fat cat ass.

[Anonymous No.4559122]

>>4559120
brill

[Anonymous No.4559137]

>>4559103
not really sure what this is but think it might be kind of genius

[Anonymous No.4559144]

>>4559111
irony is timidity

[Anonymous No.4559195]

>>4559144
obviously it is don't you get it
i already said that i'm fucking shit
can't share all these mediorce feelings
because my words cannot hold no meaning
guess why? cause fuck it im boring alright
you gotta have something to say to write
but alls i gots is insecurity
timidity yeah id say i agree
why try i know what the answers gon' be

[Anonymous No.4559204]

>>4559137

Shit sounds like Wormed lyrics, pass.

[Anonymous No.4559220]

A man, should he find himself within a world wherein he is removed socially (aren't we all), would be well advised to heed no advice offered
In this instance
The man is myself
And I am removed socially
I have heeded no advice and have since dove headlong into the fray

[Anonymous No.4559246]

I am a poet, too.
Though verse, like true
thought struggles for form and shape:
the clean delineations stanzas make
and reassuring rhyme
which streaks the poem like fat in fine
meat.

I cook it slowly, heat
changing the flavor and color
until what seemed one way is quite another,
mercurial as flowing water,
still with the richness of butter;
I prepare to eat.

[Anonymous No.4559336]

>>4559246
This poem is really cute.

[Anonymous No.4559372]

What a poem when composed?
Melanchoy and complex prose?
Edginess mistaken for wit?
Often seen here on /lit/?
(>Inb4 g8 b8 m8)
Yea okay imma dial down the hate.
A more elegant form of communication?
Or a more innovative form obfuscation?
A way for people to describe their boring lives?
Hell, on this thread I seen about five!
Oh shit! My time limit is reaching the end!
Ah ha! I finally comprehend!
Rhymes! All it is is rhymes!
Fuck! That could save me some time.
With nothing else to fiddle,
Now that I have solve this riddle.
I am kinda bored.
To my home board!


/d/

Forgive my poor spelling
If it is pretty telling,
I am dyslexic.
Autocorrect is a bitch.

[Anonymous No.4559375]

hitler, niggers and shitting dick nipples
wow I'm so edgy; epic for the win!
a reeking stream of bullshit spews forth;
confident in my intellectual superiority,
I set out to write a deep and meaningful poem,
before I realise that I'm not actually all that smart.

So I write whatever whiny garbage comes to mind,
and add line
breaks
so I can call it a poem.

This is known as the a̷r̷t̷i̷̷s̷t̷i̷c̷^W autistic process.

I revel in mediocrity.

[Anonymous No.4559403]

>>4559375
can u not

[Anonymous No.4559412]

>>4558831
I defend my country to defend my honor to defend our liberty to defend our freedoms to defend our nation to defend our country.
I love america because I love it, Its the greatest country on earth because it is the greatest nation on earth and the nation is honorable and the republic is great.
The republic is great because they keep us safe and they defend us safely and they keep me loving america because I do
We have so much freedom, freedom to live in a republic, freedom to be safe and freedom to have a nation that is the greatest nation, because I love it here, and because we won all the wars for freedom on earth and freedom for us.
I wish I could defend the country like my country defends me and I wish I could show everyone how much I loved it because I can't just sit back and watch it defend my liberty without being able to do the same for it.
Sometime I think of the republic as a girl, sometimes I hope she thinks of me as a republic. Sometimes I think about the girls I loved and the people I lost. It makes me sad, but i'm an american so I have to defend my right to defend my honor to defend my liberty to defend my country.

I have to fight to defend myself too.

[Anonymous No.4559425]

the clouds move and change
but i do not.

[Anonymous No.4559454]

Whores bore more
when nipples get old
and ass gets wrinkled.
Tired boners lower.
and slow niggers figure
that weakening women
slip to meager dicking

[Anonymous No.4559489]

It is the bittersweet.
It is the taste of sweat on your lips.
It is the breeze against a shirt.
It is the first sip of fresh coffee.
It is the warmth of blankets.
It is the yearning.
It is chewing on dark chocolate.
It is the first chill of fall.
It is the call of your name.
It is wanting to go back.
It is a soft touch on your arm.
It is a shock in your neck.
It is the longing.
It is growing impatience.
It is skin on skin.
It is the crunch of dead leaves.
It is the aching.
It is the moment before you touch.
It is the bittersweet.

[Anonymous No.4559498]

I whittle the hours away on the 4 isles of Chan
Staring listlessly between the lines -
greentext, doge, statements I cannot abide
I question myself in ways I cannot describe
I fail to articulate and resort to distill
these words into "lol muh feels"

It it all to clear to me now
that apart from the eponymous theme that stares coldly back
that for me, for us, for anonymous ensnared within
that there really is no "tomorrow"

[Anonymous No.4559524]

I dance only with colors
but the world's all black and white;
I laugh a lot in dreams,
but I can't say that of real life


Yes, that took 5 minutes. Yes, I suck at poems

[Anonymous No.4559539]

Sing,Sing out my lovely choir,
take me to a quiet place
give me peace of mind entire
regret in my heart erase

[Anonymous No.4559546]

I miss the swing guitars
Their sound loud
But not amplified
Like a cheap whore
Plugged in to a wall.

You think you're so great
With your arpeggios.
Let me tell you
Someone did it first
Not as fast, just as strong.

You can go fuck yourself
Metalhead.

[Anonymous No.4559554]

An echo from a distant past
Gnaws gently at your heart,
Hear her voice and see her tears
And wish again to reach
Across days and years
To soothe her fears and ease her pain
That life recedes, gives up to now
And there is nothing left
But to wait for dawn

[Anonymous No.4559558]

>everybody posts
>nobody comments

[Anonymous No.4559572]

>>4559558
you're right

>>4558948
5/10 2deep4me and kind of awkward to read
>>4558967
0/10 worst poem ever
>>4558998
8/10 I like it and you seem like a good guy
>>4559068
Maybe set it to music
>>4559246
7/10 I like it could be cleaned up
>>4559489
9/10
>>4559524
keep going

[Anonymous No.4559594]

>>4559572
Thank you. Re-reading this after coming back from drinking, and after the girl I'm seeing said it won't work out, makes this hit a little harder home.
>>4559489

[Anonymous No.4559610]

I heard the cosmos calling me and
I replied: "Speak to me muse,
Tell of all that is,
Of the earth and the water and the sky."

Heard them all calling out to me
Heard them saying to me, each one,
"Come to us, Come to us.
Come to us."

Heard humus, smelled soil,
Touched podzol,
All along the bottoms of my feet
The needles tingle
Like a thousand stars.

Heard the cosmos call me
"Come to us, Come to us."
Heard it speaking in whispers,
Always speaking in whispers,
The earth and the water and the sky.

[Anonymous No.4559640]

Running, Racing...
What is chasing
me as halls grow long.
With darkness falling what is pacing?
Is it my heart that's beating Death's rhythmic marching song?

[Anonymous No.4559652]

>>4559546
Haha nice
>>4559246
This is pretty good
>>4559113
One of the best
>>4558976
Kind of interesting
>>4558968
I like how everything sort of rhymes
>>4558915
I'm not a big fan of that whole e e cummings punctuation crap but this is still me favorite pom in the thread
>>4558890
Not bad but it seems kind of unoriginal
>>4559610
I liked this for some reason

For everything else, I either thought it sucked or I was too lazy to read it.

[Anonymous No.4559662]

Running, Racing...
What is chasing
me as halls grow long?
With darkness falling what is pacing?
Is it my heart that's beating Death's rhythmic marching song?

[Anonymous No.4559677]

crystals set in velvet
I recognize the outline
as I climb the steps
and steal inside

the shadow that chased me
from there to here
has caught up
finally

and a good memory
is a dangerous cellmate

[Anonymous No.4559679]

I sit alone
And on I drone
Crippling silence eats my aura
Burning candles are my flora
First to wake and last to sleep
A record that I used to keep
Aversion lasts to keep me dull
Knowledge fails to make me full
I can not last in such a place
A look of shame upon my face

[Anonymous No.4559700]

>>4559677
>>4559679
Punctuation.

[Anonymous No.4559796]

I walk outside and see trees.
Trees of rocks, trees of clouds,
trees of animals, trees of ground.
The trees of humans I love the most
they are the most beautiful and complex of them all.
All these trees weave into
a perfectly ordered mess.
Branches intertwining, never touching.
I pick a branch and watch:

The squirrel climbs up the square block
looking for food,
avoiding the cat,
scared of the metal monsters.
It sees a bar of seeds hanging from the shining rod.
Hungry, it climbs to the top.
It begins to feed
or rather to store food for its young.
A rustle of air.
Suddenly, pain.
The branch ends.

I look down,
seeing the branch below me.
Sadly, I cannot see my tree,
nor can I see past the twists and turns of my own branch.
If only others were to see the trees,
I could know of my own tree's beauty.

[Anonymous No.4559842]

Never read much poetry
Never read Shakespeare or Poe
Always lived to breathe
And missed the poets I could've known

Always felt oerwhelming cries
To ponder their lovely rhymes
And finally realize people die
Whilst reading Keats' final lines
I have no idea what makes a good poem

[Anonymous No.4559978]

They say he's gone
his life has run a course
every day he sees dawn
says its from a device source

One day ill believe him
and my eyes will glean
One day ill stand next to him
I will understand what he's seen.

[Anonymous No.4560017]

These lights are blinding
My time is winding
The field is laid out
These words are played out
It’s fast approaching
I’m left here hoping
I’ll melt into the sun
With the smoking gun
Shine your stars upon my face
Blind me with your failing grace
I am me, and also you
I create, destroy, and begin anew

[Anonymous No.4560264]

>>4559425
so deep

[Anonymous No.4560267]

I fuckd you're mom last night
the pussy was pretty tite yo
and then i did a yoloflip
your mom sure enjoyed my youtfhful dick
i slip my tongue into her ass
the taste is lewd and crass
i had a massive erection hehe :^)

i fucked your mammy you little bitch
now go cry to your mommy haha

[Anonymous No.4560272]

"Lick my balls, lick my balls lick my balls,
lick my balls you dirty whore,
oh yeah you dirty little fucking whore yea,
that's it, i'm cumming in your mouth,
on your face, ooh yeah taht's it,
you want my hot seed in your slutty little mouth
oooh yeah that's dirty swallow it all"

[Anonymous No.4560282]

There once was a hamster
And he had three wives

Polygamy polygamo
Polygamy-ah-heeya-ho

There once was a hamster
And he had two wives

Bigamy Bigamo
Bigamy-ah-heeya-ho

There once was a hamster
And he had one wive

Monotony monotono
Monotony-ah-heeya-ho

There once was a hamster
And he no wive

Onani Onano
Onani-ah-heeya-ho

[Anonymous No.4560290]

The sweetest light,
the heavens pride,
and,
if all the stars align,
in order
and,
cease to shatter in decline;
my lovely bride;
is the light that shines,
from within the sacred shrine,
that I share with all my kind;
in unbroken line,
is hold;
the fire one calls soul.

[Anonymous No.4560351]

>>4560282
i lelled heartily

[Corvus !!a+YFfNZHbNM No.4560391]

twist the touch, of my
fingertips, on this
stick so soft, that I
start to miss, the stick
with me it would, have fun
and frolic, all around
Now see it that, this
stick was my son.

[Anonymous No.4560419]

I ain't readin' dis shit,
I'm skippin on down,
I ain't readin' dis shit,
F'i try I'mma drown.

[Anonymous No.4560422]

Before you, I existed inside a void.
No sound, no warmth, no light, no feelings.
I was blind, def, mute, and numb.
And then you drifted close to me.
I could see you, hear you,
feel the warmth that radiated from you,
that as it crept into my virgin heart.
You reached out, and I could feel you.
You said 'forever'.
You said 'promise'.
You said 'always'.
You said those things with such sincerity.
The hardest choice I had ever made was to trust you.
I was accustomed to a lesser existence.
I knew I would never survive loosing you, if I let you in.
And then I was in a beautiful, radiant, warm place.
It was like seeing, smelling, hearing, feeling,
breathing for the very first time.
Describing this paradise to myself before you would have been like describing colors to one who has never even seen shapes before.
I wanted this wonderful thing to last forever.
And just when I was ready to spend the rest of my life there, you pulled away.
You ripped a hole in the hull of my heart the size of you, and you were everything in my world.
I felt the cold void rush to fill the space where you were,
as everything I was spilled out, trailing in your wake.
Nerve endings can not transmit the pain which you inflicted upon me, the void burned like the sun as it violently invaded the hollow you had left.
I wanted to, needed to scream out in protest as everything disappeared, and grew silent.
Now the void exists within me, as well as surrounds me.

[Anonymous No.4560424]

Five minutes more 'till the alarm's obeyed,
Before your weary head would rise.
Five minutes, too, 'till the piano's played,
'Till the duty's done with sighs.

Five minutes, still, you stall and moan,
Before you deigned to carry out
A task too simple for concern,
Priority in doubt.

That wasted time, five here and there, on trivialities,
The small delays you spent instead on fickle tasks of ease,
Or boredom, pure,
Complaints,
Protests,
On anything you'd spend,
Five minutes you now wish to seize,
Now that you're at the end.

[Anonymous No.4560428]

http://imgur.com/8IpgKrm

[Anonymous No.4560429]

>>4558831

A Bear in brown,
a thistle crown,
the swaying trees,
the flowing breeze.
I am diseased.

Iron poles and
concrete streets,
flashing lights and
rushing beats.
I am diseased.

I long for peace;
chirping birds and
buzzing bees and
jumping fish and
roaming fleas.

To starve a day,
and hunt for say,
four hours or more,
and catch a boar,
carry it home,
eat it all to the bone,
and fall asleep,
a sleep so deep;
i wake up right.

Forget myself
in the river,
dry off myself
in the sun,
walk through my
backyard mountains,
find a place to
call my own.


wow this is crap.

[Anonymous No.4560434]

There is a large lobby
with a brass elevator in the middle

I've been waiting in this lobby
for a few decades now

there are things to do
but I would rather not

they ask me whether I would like to stay
but I'm not having much fun

They will be sad to see me go
but they will be sadder if I stay

as the elevator doors close I wonder
will this go up or down?

[Anonymous No.4560441]

>want to post
>only have depressing boredom and ennui that everyone knows and posts about all the time

[Anonymous No.4560444]

>>4560429
I like the first two verses except the "I am diseased" and also the theme.
But all in all it´s shit.

[Anonymous No.4560461]

Big breasted Beelzebub
is milking the infants.
I am thirsty.
Thirsty for fat swelling diary
complex or institution -
schooled in lactation and
time and being.
One little drop,
drizzling down my chin
my eyes shine and a smile
forms across my lips in glee.
Wets my appetite.

[Anonymous No.4560463]

>>4560282
This amused me a great deal.

[Anonymous No.4560468]

>>4560434
sad broodings and ruminations on the limbo of existence, very excellent anon.

[Anonymous No.4560471]

>>4560468
Breathing new life into /lit/

[Anonymous No.4560474]

>>4560471
unprecedented

[Anonymous No.4560478]

>>4560468
I'd like to write something where I could be reasonably sure as to the sincerity of its comments.

[Anonymous No.4560486]

>>4560478
a haiku

Is Anon sincere,
Am I over-thinking it?
I will never know.

[Anonymous No.4560491]

She tells me she likes it rough
I ask, “How rough is rough?”
“Rough”, she says
She says, “Pull my hair”
She says, “Call me names”
“Spank me”
“Slap me”
“Throw me on the bed. Make me suck you. Shove yourself down my throat. Make my eyes water with your hard love. Make me yours. Make me feel like I belong to you”
That’s all I need to hear
So I throw her on the bed
I take a fistful of hair and yank, until her head hangs over the edge while she gapes her mouth greedily
I enter
Hard
I make her eyes water
I make her choke and gag
She doesn’t tap out; she just stares up at me with adoration in her eyes
Damn, and I thought I was fucked up
It’s all over pretty quickly
I make her eat my seed while I call her a whore and a slag and every filthy name under the sun
She gulps it down hungrily
She rights herself and crawls over to the nightstand, reaches in and pulls out a foot-long strap-on
She’s grinning maniacally
She says, “Okay”
She says, “Down, boy”
“It’s your turn”

[Anonymous No.4560494]

>>4560486
Nice, very clever.

[Anonymous No.4560505]

Good dope to the hood popes
Calculating earnings
trade it and flip it
drink lean then tip it
colours all purple
smoking purple urkel,
like im steve erkel.
did i do that
must be Xanax.
flip those pills and chargin no tax
So he we go
Tree Fiddy Crew
roses are red,
violets are blue,
i will shit all over you

You got beautiful eyes
I Got snakes for eyes,
drive space ship frenchfries,
lube it baby cuz it's time to die
The holocaust is an appetizer
to the shit i'll do
I'll dig your dead dog
have sex with its corpse to,
Burn, and snort the ash
whip my dick on your pillow
no remorse
Itchy dick rash

I'm fucked up
When I wake up
With an erection after dreaming of 9/11 And the holocaust.
One time
i looked in my anus
discovered a black man named Shamus.
we're good bud's now
rubbing nipples with ice.
I kicked a midget in the balls
cuz he stood next to my wife
And said her hair smelled nice
Had then a rectal firestorm
on planet Mars
now it's devoid of life
some think im a monkey
and stick my dick in other monkeys
I buy chromosomes on ebay
And make brownies
My dick itches since i fucked Michelle Obama
Putin gives no fucks,
whilst Barrack sits there and sucks.
Does black penis taste like chocolate
What.
Swiggity swag
Gays are fags

Tree Fiddy Nation representin'
Kill an unborn baby and
you still can't defeatus
Also like chromosomes in my coffee
And shove my fist into baby' anuses
and use em boxing gloves.
im fucking your bitches
while youre washing my dishes
aint that fucked up
My dick's radioactive
My cum stings like chlorine,
bitch let your pussy shine
And let me in
cas youre so damn fine,
it's so small tho
it'd make you whine
Drop yo panties
spread your ass
You know it's time
i like the pussy,
I like huge pussy
i like it big, fluffy, and fat.
george bush hates black people
y'all know that
Youre mom 'ooh me next'
so i shoved my dick in her mouth
and broke her fucking neck
Im trippin tourettes
in a PCP tornado
im going all postal
like master chief in Halo
Pussy gettin ridiculous
They call me the boomerang
cuz I cum and go
Would you fuck every thai shemale to prevent 9/11?
Son ain't you patriotic tho

[Anonymous No.4560524]

>>4560505
5 minutes my ass.

[Anonymous No.4560529]

>>4560524
i don't think that anon has a sense of time

[Anonymous No.4560540]

>>4560529
ha.

[Anonymous No.4560586]

>>4560505
>steve erkel.
>can't spell it right

[Anonymous No.4561804]

O dancing god,
you beauty of all races.
Thou speakest to my heart
from the depths of the world.

My seeking and groping
shall yet testify to the power
of the sun into which I gazed
when I lied before you,
trembling with joy.

You cleansing fire, let me be your herald.
Let me go between men as a reaper,
and a seeder.

You child of man, let me be your voice.
And let my tongue be fire,
so everybody shall hear.

As you ascend from the dark man-cloud,
my temple will perish happily.
For how could we not be happy
when death comes at high noon.

[Anonymous No.4562147]

I can't even close my eyes if I want to.
Something horrible paranoia in my head keeps my senses alive
against their will
All I can do is lie there
On the ragged, wet bed
ceiling watching
oh hey there's a crack
Now erm.... what to.........
do....
What can waste my time for 3 hours
before exhaustion kicks in
and is quiet?

[Anonymous No.4562174]

Here's one I wrote before. But in under 5 minutes

A word, a stab, a bite.
A knife to cut, to spite.
To burn and melt your eyes,
to shine a light.

A word, a laugh, a smile
A joke to hear, worthwhile
To make you cheer. your soul
with fun to tile.

A word, a tear, a cry.
A lonely poets sigh
Her long forgotten thighs
a poem in dust resides
why, were they only lies...

[Anonymous No.4562189]

>>4562147
4/10
>>4561804
6/10
>>4560491
3/10
>>4560478
8/1
>>4560461
6.5/10

[Anonymous No.4562193]

Poetry sucks ass
Why the fuck does it exist?
Fuck that shitty shit

[Anonymous No.4562194]

Consider the Tree:
The Tree, very symbol of ancient wisdom:
The Tree, standing proud, erect as a column,
Since man first woke from his primordial slumber
And walked upon the face of the Earth;
I ask you: be there any age-old secret,
Proclaimed by wisest sage
Or whispered in deepest shame,
That the tree hath not heard,
And recorded with its internal rings?
The Tree, whose limbs, outstretched in hospitality,
Serve as both choir and refuge from night
To the bird, multi-plumed, chorus of Creation;
And should man find himself wearying,
Of his work,
Or of the sun that beats above his head,
Let him lean against a tree for support;
And let him find shade beneath its corona,
The crown of green outstretched overhead;
And if he hungers,
Let him reach up his hand
And pluck one of those crown jewels:
Edible sapphire, bite-sized star, or orb of pure purple night -
All as satisfying to the taste;
And should he satiate his desire for the sweet
On the flesh of these ripe morsels,
Let him then eat of their seed;
Which, earth-colored, captures not the eye’s attention,
But whose hearty meat satisfies all the more;
Therefore, I ask you:
In all of Nature, where is that creation
That surpasses the Tree?
Wherever you go, then, plant trees in your path:
For verily I say unto you:
Whoever befriends the Tree,
Befriends God.

[Anonymous No.4562206]

There are not quite enough stars in the evening sky.
That one is missing a few.
It's not healthy for a sky to be so lonely...
with such grand distances between infinitesimal blue and yellow points,
miles and miles apart...
it grows cold out there.
And if stars could speak,
they would shout with an urgency never seen before.
Demanding a bit more strength
a bit more time,
to finish what they were born for.

[Anonymous No.4562228]

What's the whole world doing
scrubbing my face off behind my back
you know, the other one i left again
only for me to find out they kept it hung up for everyone to see
and it never decayed and kept people stabbing for me
and I end up always, always punctured at the end of each day
nursing my wounds on the next soft surface possible
what's the point getting up with a new face
it always gets mistaken for the old one for the first few minutes
then someone storms up to me, forcefully grabs my face
forcefully pulling my muscles, slapping, scratching it into the old one
before laughing at me, getting others to, then giving a wrathful scowl just to keep me away
probably rather crush his head in a vice, slowly, than let me be
and it just evolved over tiiiime.
And sometimes it's one, sometimes it's another. Or two, working together.
But someone always does it, again and again and aggggain and agggggggain and.. ag- you get the picture, I'll stop
I don't want strangers turning the same way without even meeting me
But listen to this:
when the time comes to do them a favour without them asking
I won't do it
I wish they knew I could have made their day easier, but,
the knowledge it's harder helps.

[Anonymous No.4562270]

Deadsouls
Dead souls
Dead souls
viper teeth
in the mouth of the vicar
deasdouls

victor
raptor
bolshevik captor of the prodigal crucifix christ Allmighty
in the mouth of the devil
dedasouls

arithmetic of blood
slit throat like a moat of chocolate
in the mouth of the patriarch
dsdoleaus

vertigo captured
in the method of rapture of the heathens
caricature of pious
in the mouth of the casket
deadsouls
deadsouls

[Anonymous No.4562273]

>>4562193
2/10 no nature references

[Anonymous No.4562280]

>>4558831
On the dark brown day,
Peter sad and grey.
Into the depth of his mind,
Seeing the fall of his kind.
Another day goes by,
Fighting, thinking, falling,
Angry, sad, talking.
Gone, the day. The day gone

[Anonymous No.4562294]

>>4562280
This is the only one ITT I like because it's not pretentious hogwash.

[Anonymous No.4562301]

Oh god, I really poured my heart out with this one. Tell me what you think


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

[Anonymous No.4562303]

I sat with you that day in your house
Your house was not like my house
But filled with cherished bygones

I do remember how you stole me
And stole away to keep me
to me you were an icon

[Anonymous No.4562309]

>>4562301
I really like that rhyme scheme for some reason. Too drunk to focus on the words themselves though

[Anonymous No.4562320]

>>4562301
I really like this one

[Anonymous No.4562343]

>>4562294

You do realise that if you read downwards it says 'OP IS A FAG'?

[Anonymous No.4562347]

A seafarer
Lost, away from home
Stumbles on a wave

Captured by the flood
Alone, choking on brine
Surrenders to the sea

An ocean of sound
Broken, in starry silence
A seafarer survives

Star-song guiding, soul-heart leading
A thousand years, a thousand leagues

A seafarer
Lost, bereft of hope
Sees home

[Anonymous No.4562355]

>>4562343
Didn't notice that. The man deserves a Pulitzer.

[Anonymous No.4562357]

And the ghosts fade away
At the winter’s refrain
As the current sweeps over
Where the lost boys once strayed

Our path is o’errun
And the trees grasp for sun
As the grey roots entangle
The field we once won

Sleepwalkers stride over
The grass and the clovers
And the blacks gull now passes
The White Cliffs of Dover

All tears must dry
As the ghosts cannot cry
For the ones who have fallen
And the ones who must die

[Anonymous No.4562364]

You’d hardly see it,
Perched on a clock
A single time fly
As still as a rock

Seconds pass
Then minutes, then hours
But the fly doesn’t fly
Away from his tower

Hours return
Then minutes, then seconds
The time turns back
And the morning is lessened

Still the fly’s still
On the cracked clock it lies
But then you grow older
And then the time flies

[Anonymous No.4562390]

Tomorrow we'll pass the world on.
Until then we'll find an experience to share.
Most importantly,
let's care.

[Anonymous No.4562392]

>>4558831
Those hours, that with gentle work did frame
The lovely gaze where every eye does dwell,
Will play the tyrants to the very same
And that unfair which fairly does excel;
For never-resting time leads summer on
To hideous winter, and confounds him there;
Sap checked with frost, and lusty leaves quite
gone,
Beauty over-snowed and bareness every where:
Then were not summer's distillation left,
A liquid prisoner pent in walls of glass,
Beauty's effect with beauty were bereft,
Nor it, nor no remembrance what it was:
But flowers distilled, though they with winter
meet,
Leese but their show; their substance still lives
sweet.

[Anonymous No.4562403]

Thinly-divided, didactic of tongue,
Is teaching your knowledge just nonsense for none?
A small square of paper holds all your false truths,
As I bend over retching inside a phone booth.

As I stare through the glass at the lights of your store,
The didactic of tongue keeps my thirst parched for more.
I fall into aisles of tinned fruit and cans
Of carbon-filled acid and acrid demands.

I fumble through pennies and fag filter tips,
For a single gold coin just to quench these parched lips.
...
"Is that everything?"

Everything is feeling, moving, breathing; how can it be everything?
I question my senses;
I question the old rolling fear of darkened conscience.

[Anonymous No.4562422]

I know
Walter white will solve my troubles.
Let's see what his seemingly invincible antics get him up to
because he is a loser
but ruining other peoples lives successfully
and extracting happiness from their writhing
makes me turn my head away from my own life without using any force for once
and then dmmmmDUUEUEUEUUUEEEeee bongos electronic devious bass slide guitar
a good, crap, too short and just the right length intro. Strange it fits because it half doesn't
not before a good starter bit beforehand and oh! that mystery...
...the hell i-oh, I see
now a jumble of the cripple (Amazing how you stop seeing him as MS kid, but as normal person after a while) bitch wife, junkie, the best one, Saul, lightbulb-headed cunt who's cool at the same time. Oh, and walt.
then shit goes down, yada yada yada... sometimes in an episode there's an amazing quote or shot
but the best bits in the last minute.
Awwwwwwwwwwwww shit!
I can't believe it. I must watch the next episode
and thus is the circle of breaking b oh and the good ending music for the credits. breaking bad.

[Anonymous No.4562430]

Girl
I just want to be all up in that
That fuckin ass
Mmmmbaby
I love that fat ass
So put the kid and your boyfriend down
And get on this dick

[Anonymous No.4562447]

>>4559700
>says the guy who punctuates a single word like a full sentence

[Anonymous No.4562689]

>>4562189
>gives unsure statement 8/10
Ha

[Anonymous No.4563351]

COON, COON ...
Black Baboon ...
Brutal, worthless
thieving GOON...
Often High, Thrives in Jail
His welfare check
is in the mail ...
Some 40 offspring have been had,
Not one will ever
call him dad ...
And yet he hollers day and night:
"i blames de white man
fo my plight,
it's him spreads trash
all round my shack...
it's him what makes me
smoke dis crack,
he push my kind
to burn and loot,
an sends de po-lice
dat we shoot ...
but inch by inch we takin' hold
like when the white bread starts to mold...
i'll overrun
yo home and soon...
DEY BE ONLY FIT FO DE BLACKASSED COON"

[Anonymous No.4563359]

>>4563351
You've outdone yourself, A. Mann

[Anonymous No.4563413]

>>4558831
once there was a man
all he wanted was a pan
to cook his food up on
he bought a pan and put his eggs on
it

howd i do ?

[Anonymous No.4563488]

The Hoochlords of Finance are running a raid
A sixer of malt is all they'll be paid
When they come rolling lay down till they've passed
It won't take long, those red racers are fast

Your money is gone but you don't want the blade
Laid in a hole dug by your own spade
Chin up Uncle Bruce at least you're alive
Nothing compares to their last Sunday drive

Many a tourist have asked where they go
I wonder and shrug and say, "hell if I know"
The Hoochlords of Finance will be back again
Always hungry, those old brutes are a pain


>>4563351
I don't know why but I read this in Tom Waits voice and it was pretty funny
>>4562430
i feel u
>>4562347
I'm a sucker for anything with the words "seafarer" and "brine"

[Anonymous No.4563491]

The Quidquid and the Nihil

At odds in conception and birth,
Like the eldest Roman King and his buried brother,
The Quidquid and the Nihil latch together
And craft the mosaic of their Essence.

Without one or the other the picture is scratched out,
And the dearth similarly of both at once condemns Understanding.
But when allowed to cross paths both stand alone,
One regnant, one overlooked, both necessary.

[Anonymous No.4563949]

Summer's stall a boosted goose
some anxiety on anxiety
delivery daily the bested Zeus
Deus cat lazing on the mat
the Man laid out
trimming the Gardens
shaping his Crown
words spoke speaking harming
the weight of centuries a souls crossed best
that rest of rest we get
that load we feel lifted
of some raw deal
all weight gone
you take up your own load
or else nothing at all
that goose boost
you're a dolphin forever
arcing leaps in the multiverse
to infinite and beyond beyond beyond
every lesson learned
mapped a map
Malkuth to McDonald's
No word being wasted
face space spec'd to your spaces
some son besting you
heart distilling places beyond this one
future based
vague
tired
dying dreams
go and fill those spaces
Memory fades
and all the visions lost to time
I'll join your grandfather's shade
I'll make a place for you
that Was and Am and Will
cradle you in my arms
since you took your first breath
and you let go of your last

[Anonymous No.4563958]

>>4563491
The 6th line is a little cumbersome. I like the 'message' though.

[Anonymous No.4564016]

I'm not a man unless I've called to beckon
desired fresh meat under city lights
carnivores never sit still, the thrill
takes you to soul crushing, dizzying heights
Food poisoning is inevitable, all flesh spoils to spite.

[Anonymous No.4565960]

>>4559572
A good guy?

Thanks mate :3

[Anonymous No.4566988]

>>4559652
my poem is the one about being sweaty
thank you

thanks

[Anonymous No.4567107]

Indiscriminate frustration; Gray sky hangs over head.
Repulsive contemplations; Carried in wind.

Delicate and Frail, my mind wanders and falters. Broken, twisted, trying and crying.

Forever denied. Worries come and stay. Never ending uncomfortableness.

[Anonymous No.4567458]

>>4567107
You've helped me realise how drab that kind of poetry is anon, thanks

[Anonymous No.4567477]

>>4567458
well i had five minutes, and i didnt try that hard.

>forcing poetry

plus i was listening to a song that was pretty angry sounding, from another thread.

[▲̷̨̫̺̙͠͠- !ZEN/cgElFM No.4567478]

My ego's swelling lately
I swear I can't control it
My ego's growing lately
And I try not to show it

My voice is stuck on whisper
My thoughts are stuck on loud
My voice, it cracks and whispers
I barely make a sound

My tongue's grown weak
From constant talk
These years I've been alive
My manner's meek
Reflects on thoughts
I've had since I was five

[Anonymous No.4567479]

we had plans,
well I guess I did.
you seemed on board too.
till you ran and hid.
and now I'm alone.
sitting once again
lost in the dome
bathing in sin

[Anonymous No.4567512]

>>4567478
nice anon
very nice

[Anonymous No.4567523]

Why write a poem?
What are you, some kind of pleb?
Do Haiku instead.

[▲̷̨̫̺̙͠͠- !ZEN/cgElFM No.4567530]

>>4567523
I write haiku in inverse
Break the status quo
Fuck your Nippon line-length rules

[Anonymous No.4567604]

I just smoked a bowl so sorry if this sucks

A red flame away
And I’m in
Set the sails for shore
Rise with the tide
That’s all it takes
Sometimes…

To begin
A simple search
Thoughts of what I
Am and would be
A horrid busy-bee

Bring the nectar
And pour it
Upon the urn
Those who yearn
Not in yesterday

Pause

For the new hailed King
Robed in gold
Yet still a rung
Along the rope
Another sacred twist
Yuletide atheist

No God No Mantra

Everyone taught you
Peace be with you

We all bark
With filtered muzzles
Cause it’s scary
When we get real

No room to preach
That mass appeal
So we tone it out
Drown it down
But someday
We will sail.

[Anonymous No.4567617]

on the deck of this pirate ship,
I sleep, I dream, curled at the hip.
The crew around, spitting phlegm,
As I sleep I dream of them
And my musty cabin, wall of maps.
Our cannonball, it goes and taps.
Every man with his poker face,
another shot, and now we brace.
Yet I dream, still in a trance.
We will dance our deadly dance.

Now they board, my ship sinks low,
how we fight, row on row.
On my deck, how we go,
"Slither-slash! Frither-oh!"
Done and dead,
Piled high, head to head.
"Il était la vie", says the heap.
The tale is over, yet still I sleep.
>>4563488
The second couplet is a bit odd, in terms of meter. If it were me, I might change it to
>lie down when they roll, until they’ve passed
>You shan’t wait long, those red racers race fast
In the last stanza, I think it should go “…have asked where DO they go/I wonder, and shrugging, say hell if I know.”
And just a personal opinion, I think that the first couplet should also be the last.

Otherwise, I really like it, I visualized some pretty cool scenes.

[Anonymous No.4567627]

The darkness picks him up
Lifts him high
Tears him apart and spreads him among the stars
As the darkness shows him the starlight, it wills him to see,
But the blackness surrounds him
He can't see
He can't breathe
The shadows don't know what they're doing to him
They don't know that he doesn't want the stars
And they won't let go

[Anonymous No.4567650]

Y'all need to bring the poem/critique ration closer to 1.

[Anonymous No.4567664]

Apathetic
That's how am
Pathetic, idiosyncratic
Retreating into the realm of the fantastic

Weak
That's how I am
Idiotic, spastic
I bathe in perfume to cover my reek

[Anonymous No.4567668]

five minutes i got
but i can do it in four
make it half of one

[Anonymous No.4567685]

>>4567664
cliché and edgy. the first stanza is alright though.
>>4567627
This makes me feel like I'm suffocating. While the poem itself could use some work, it's good overall.

[Anonymous No.4567721]

Been around the world, don't speak the language
But your booty don't need explaining
All I really need to understand is
When you talk dirty to me

[Anonymous No.4567854]

>>4558880
>>4558890
>>4558968
>>4559489

Question: Is English your native language to all of you? I write poems in my native language and I feel like I'm not fluent enough in English to write in it. What should I do?

[Anonymous No.4567861]

>>4567664
I liked it. The last verse is interestingly interesting.

[Anonymous No.4567879]

>>4559489
I love this one. I seriously do.

[Anonymous No.4567880]

>>4567854
write poems in English. It's quite simple.

[Anonymous No.4567981]

I've missed the cold, chiseled shaft
of an iron bar in my slipping grasp.
Muscles arch, but, I suspend,
instincts to strip will, to make hearts bereft.

Grinding shoulder blades meet, grow taut;
Green, writhing serpents jut free from my throat.
Gnashing teeth wear down nubby bone,
thumbs withdraw from fists to loosening gropes.

Fingertips pressed into gripping claws,
plunging weight struggles through a rifting gorge,
between identical prints,
squeezing through stressed nails, chipping in cracked splints.

Then, my figure's lope extends,
my arms parallel to my spine's detail.
Panting with canine fervour,
tongue sour with sweat, no heaves, I savour.

A thud, like a fallen corpse,
black chromed plates reverberate vinyl floors.
My clothes adhere to arms bare
moisture glistens from my haggard hair.

Worries drop, pretenses eased,
broiling thought from my cognizance erased.
Tactful focus cuts through haze,
Mind settled, body prepared, for more gains.

[Anonymous No.4568003]

There is thrill in every terror,
And some promise in all loss,
And a rousing in admitting
That indeed i never floss.

[Anonymous No.4568013]

>>4567664
influenced by notes from the underground perhaps?

[rêve No.4568016]

crammin’ tramadol down
my gullet mull it
over before you doze, you know
coastin’ on the highway
will mostly get you pulled.
those dinners cost too
much after you lost all
that money on some sunny stare
with chopped hair, nothing to
hold onto
while you
bottom out. with a smile

rotted trout for breakfast.
rotted trout for lunch.
rotted trout for dinner,
it’s all you got to munch!

[Anonymous No.4568020]

>>4567879
you need to stop posting immediately

[rêve No.4568021]

>>4567721
really succinct and made me smile. i'd stop with the capitals at the beginning of every line. if it's the start of a sentence it's not that bad but it looks jarring the way you have it.

yeah it's p. clever. thanks for sharing it.

[Anonymous No.4568023]

>>4567854
have you ever read the 'poetry' that is posted on lit? no one will notice

[Anonymous No.4568026]

>>4567854


I'm >>4558880

I'm not a native english talkperson

[Anonymous No.4568028]

The ceiling fan drones like a sputtering engine,
in a room full of musty air and dust;
trying to entertain myself, to my chagrin,
my boredom's a brick, collapsing my bust;
preoccupied with lethargy, too busy for gin,
haven't moved for days, my gums taste of rust.

[rêve No.4568035]

>>4567530
i really like this, both clever and smile-inducing.

>>4567478
this resonates.
and while it's pretty simple, it flows well and isn't too cluttered. and the repetition is nice enough to help it rather than making it cumbersome.

[Anonymous No.4568074]

Between the lines of these dreary poems,
seep black,oozing gunk of pretentiousness.
Faggots think they've mastery over tomes.
Words like food, gath'ring poetic finesse;
shit's the product; go choke till your spit foams.

[rêve No.4568093]

>>4568074
i think better line breaks would pack more of a punch. i realize you're being all end-of-line rhymey but it doesn't read well as a block of bluh. just make internal rhymes or something since your metre is way wacky.

i'd get rid of the word "these" in the first line.

people who say pretentiousness are usually pretty pretentious.

idk otherwise it's mediocre even for a five minute poem. i get that you're tryin' to be all sardonic and shit but your words suffer under all your bitterness :(

[rêve No.4568108]

more boring 5 minute poems
-------------------------------------------

well i walked
fifty miles just to see gulls
fly t'ward ocean. i sat starkly
down in the beak of a storkling,
boasting westward on
the dieway near the stray coast.
i heard the gulls yell
"we'll beat you there!",
and of course they did,
but only 'cause the sea skulls
were far too sad
to look at
while seeming just to
stare back, gleaming
like mad.

[Anonymous No.4568126]

what is praiseworthy about writing poetry
if the stars dont bother to read?
what is praiseworthy about writing poetry
if the oceans dont bother to read it?
what is praiseworthy about writing poetry
if the angels dont bother to read it?
what is praiseworthy about writing poetry
if the Pacific abysses dont bother to read?
therefore what is praiseworthy about writing poetry
if poetry herself no longer reads... (?)...(!)...?!....(?!!?)!!!

[rêve No.4568129]

>>4568126
but...god reads all of our poems and gives us new poems to write :(

[Anonymous No.4568134]

>>4568129
god is a stem graduate, y'know, big bang n' shit

[Anonymous No.4568137]

ITT: utter shit

Why do people insist on using language and phrases that are incredibly outdated? Most 'poems' here read like a watered down version of a classic.

[Anonymous No.4568139]

I flimmed on the film flam, fligging on high
The droggity drig drags shining in the sky
The lums from the lom lie softly afloo
Life makes as much sense as the grin griddy doo

[Anonymous No.4568143]

>>4568139
I feel like Dr Seuss just dropped a tab

[Anonymous No.4568146]

A small green valley where a slow stream flows
And leaves long strands of silver on the bright
Grass; from the mountaintop stream the Sun's
Rays; they fill the hollow full of light.

A soldier, very young, lies open-mouthed,
A pillow made of fern beneath his head,
Asleep; stretched in the heavy undergrowth,
Pale in his warm, green, sun-soaked bed.

His feet among the flowers, he sleeps. His smile
Is like an infant's - gentle, without guile.
Ah, Nature, keep him warm; he may catch cold.

The humming insects don't disturb his rest;
He sleeps in sunlight, one hand on his breast;
At peace. In his side there are two red holes.

[Anonymous No.4568150]

>>4568146
It's shit

[Anonymous No.4568155]

>>4568150
why

[Anonymous No.4568162]

Tuli Tulo
The threaddes grow
You think «I sow
-> I am» But no,
they just mow
you lifeblood, your time.
Meow.

[rêve No.4568163]

until someone decides to critique my shit i'ma spam this shit with five minute poetry.
----------------------------------

mollify me please.

sun lazed on
somedays, rain weather hits
hard
+sardonic, a need for grin
and tonic fills me up like the cup it’s in.

i’ve been down and out,
embarrassed in london.
in seattle i sleep, selling
settled scabies and
yeah ok maybes.

singing goddess gifts, left hands in
worship while war ships gather
sounding off battle cries,
saying “high” from low tide the whole time.

our brains sea-addled, died blue from all
the love and heart fees we’ve
shaken from the holy see
and men i’ve rolled around with.

[Anonymous No.4568167]

Tuli Tulo
The threaddes grow
You think «I sow
-> I am» But no
they
mow
down
your life.
Meow.

[Anonymous No.4568172]

>>4567617
anyone wanna give this a read?

[Anonymous No.4568173]

>>4568155

[Anonymous No.4568176]

>>4568173
autism

[rêve No.4568196]

>>4567617
the good thing is is that your rhymes don't mess up the metre too badly. the last stanza's a bit off but can work alright if you're reading it aloud. i think this is more of a read aloud poem. reading it in my head it seems kind of clunky, but it gets better when spoken.

the poem is held back by your use of rhymes, in my opinion. the bit about the wall of maps and the line about the cannon ball seem forced to keep the rhyme scheme going. i think if the rhymes were internal they might work better, but i don't really care for end of line rhymes.

i would cut the french line and change "says" to "said" as your poem really just calls for it.

look over at mine?
>>4568016
>>4568108

i had to make some edits to the first one so it's not at its best but oh well.

[Anonymous No.4568218]

>>4568172
what goes around comes around.

[Anonymous No.4568240]

Juhuu hab gewonnen, keine Ahnung alter. Heh, ich kann echt nicht.
Hahahaha. du kanst mir das nicht antun. Hehe Fick dich.
Alter ohne Spaß.
Das ist mir jetzt auch egal, die werden mich sowieso alle ficken.

-K

[Anonymous No.4568249]

>>4568172
dont write about things you have no experience of

[Anonymous No.4568262]

Phillip, eeeh, ich schwör.
Mach einfach auf Auto-Update oder wie das heißt.
Pchh Häaaah, nein ehrlich
Lass es.
Das musst du nicht nochmal bringen.

-K 14.2.14

[Anonymous No.4568395]

>>4568013
I don't know what notes from the underground is. This is the first time I've ever been on /lit/, I just wanted to see if you guys were doing anything for valentine's.

[Anonymous No.4568400]

two tickles of girl
sprout from my computer
I can finally feel at one--
lolicon

[Anonymous No.4569556]

>>4558880

And, as it was obvious to be, the single worst piece is the one by the OP.

[Anonymous No.4569678]

This thread is so shit
anyone posting poems in it
shoot shoot their face
their house they should raze
and, in their anus, a big, black cock of a faggot

[Anonymous No.4571521]

I tried to hold my laughter in
But my back hurt too much
I reached out to catch the falling petals
And they fell through

And they fell on and on
And landed on my feet
I looked right, then left
Not one person wept

[Anonymous No.4571536]

I tried writing you a message,
through clicking the keys with my digits.
I was unhappy that day, because
I realized I was gay.

And you weren't.

But OP is, but I'm fine thank you.

[Anonymous No.4571549]

>>4558831

metarhyming im postmodern beyond a mere stark touch subtext intertwined i'm a dead soul in an alien carcass. shoot me up with the brown stuff niggas vaping the cloud spluff carcinogenic and clown kush niggas huffing that down puff. my rational self-interest is nearly irrational Rand-imizing the dissociative press and bombing the capital rapping tall hip hop is dead niggas and im the grim reaper shakey niggas be running fast tell your girlfriend i'm a keeper.

[Anonymous No.4571561]

A mon avis
Il faut quérir aussi loin
Que les banis
Dune ville sans enfants

Au-dessus des montagnes
Jusquà lenfer des bagnes
Je suis le commun des mortels

Sur le parvis
Dune cathédrale en feu
Je fais mon lit
Et jattends la voix de Dieu

Toujours en vain la quête
De vérité en tête
Oh Arrêtez cette pirouette

A mon avis
Il faut quérir aussi loin
Au-dessus des montagnes
Jusquà lenfer des bagnes
Au-dessus des connaissances
Jusquà la perte de sens
Au-dessus des doucereux
Jusquà ce que je sois heureuse
Je suis le commun des mortels

[Corvus !!a+YFfNZHbNM No.4571628]

>>4571561
In my opinion
It must also fetch far
as the banis (donno what banis is)
of a town without children

above mountains
to hell with prisons (?)
I am the ordinary (common of mortals)

on the parvis
of a cathedral on fire
I make my bed
and await the voice of god


as far as I got before I got lazy. I'm learning French online with duolingo. So I'm not a good source

[Anonymous No.4571694]

I will close my eyes
And fantasize
About moments
That I never had
These moments
That I want to share
With you
These moments
That will never happen
Because your mind
Neglects me
These moments
That I fantasize
Using my desire
As a drive
A simple nostalgia
Of unknown instants

(Fuck, this is terrible...)

[rêve No.4571864]

please review, i have done quite a few critiques and now i'm worried that my poetry is so bad that nobody even dares reading more than the title. :(

---------------------------------------------------------

missed last day

killing time in space,
for two i stood swilling round
atop a car’s dented hood.
i may have bellowed ‘oh sun
do come out soon’ but you were still
stuck inside my eucharist
in sintered yellow.
throwing up and downtown,
the wholly Father thinks i’ve
been spinnin’ fables.
the bar steward will not be crossed
while he babels
this time
i will not cross myself either:
on hunger strike for i
am no longer a believer.

[rêve No.4571909]

>>4571694
too much repetition with the word 'moments'. you know how people often skip over the 'said's, well you've managed the same thing. except yours didn't work well.

"of unknown instants" is the nicest line so far.

i'd add some better line-breaks but it's short enough to not really matter. a good idea would be to break it up in stanzas.

capitalizing every first letter after a line beak is uncomfortable to read due to all the clutter elders.

otherwise, it was alright for a five minuet poem.

[Anonymous No.4571961]

Eating doom filled panels
of symbiotic day-dream
wilderness,
I see mounted old ghost
man livid:

"Where's the change from the
supermarket; my social-security
is plain-sight diminished goop;
I bought by the cemetery
three new you's!"

I blush in set down ignorance;
I eat blue-moon bliss burger
of now-then fancy -
leaving post-taste after,
I threw up.

Now saint old wise
dog leaping and sat sitting
sentient face-lapping hero
of my youth's tails
wagging.

Pet dog in rhythmic tarot reading;
Virgo rising in paw hair,
sun in saliva - old ghost man
moon and north-node
conjunct Pisces eating,
starving twelfth house
breathing. (breeding)

[Anonymous No.4572010]

A haiku is one
a poem I mean
but this isnt one

[Anonymous No.4572058]

That's why, my friend,
You don't deal with death again.
If you shift through the drifting sand
You'll find his words are high commands
As your life lay in his hands
In the no-man's land.

Don't misunderstand the luck you had
As you watch underneath the shadows.
Although the cloak of fortune may hide you
He has all the time to find you.

[Anonymous No.4572349]

Routinized friend
Serve me a portion of heedless decline
and unrequited talent
So I may bleed my youth
Just to listen in silence

[Anonymous No.4572586]

My heart prolapses
My anus cries
Things are awfully gloomy at the moment
Smells awful too

[Anonymous No.4574520]

just one review plz
-----

get off the road, kerouac

your mind reminds me
of the beaten gems of
an era and nation - i think
i want your fingers turned
inside out
my scribe, please! take
your sea breeze
and scribble fibs
inside me ‘til
we have stories
once again.

[Anonymous No.4574534]

>>4558831
roses are red
but my balls are blue
i wish i was dead
just so i could fuck you

[Anonymous No.4574545]

It's called "No Hot Dog"

Damn girl
Get your teeth out the way
when you sucking dick
I ain't no hot dog
no hot dog

[Anonymous No.4574617]

>>4574534
*I wish you were dead

[Anonymous No.4577333]

It reads on stones as solemn weeping,
It reads on trees as hate,
It reads on lakes as sombre waking,
It reads on earth as quake.
And all it reads besides the fact,
The face of man we hate,
That all besides the petty streams,
Do forget and leave no state.

1minute of continous brain-flow made this.

[Anonymous No.4577338]

>>4571694
not bad man. I like erratic length of the lines (what's that called again?).

simple language, not too flash or grandiose. Based around a concept of nostalgia.

[Anonymous No.4577352]

>>4574545
fucking lel

[Anonymous No.4577355]

>>4558890
i like this one because it's epic as fuck.

only line i didnt like was "Are you above those other folk?". Paints the poet as an arrogant, competitive person.

[Anonymous No.4577373]

Roses

Flowers all abundant now
They pierce the horizon past the clouds
And sing a choir of varied notes
Mistook for wind yet listen, folks;
Still amongst these flowers lie
One's song of perfect rhythm, tries
And thorns forgiven for when I bleed
I know it's from you, the prettiest breed.

[Anonymous No.4577400]

>>4558904
this sounds really nice, especially the last three lines, it's just that it's difficult to know what the 'thesis' or idea is

[Anonymous No.4577404]

Sick sickle bicycle
Daft dandy rooftop
Pick pickle eye siphon
Laugh randy toothspot

Bashing bachelor party
Anty artillery strike
Head chopped clean off
And a glass of good soul

[Anonymous No.4577412]

Elvish chicks are so fun to pork!
Fuck their eyes just like an orc!
Lick their asses and smash their face!

That's how Bilbo Baggins rapes!

Dump your cock into every hole
Pound them up with your thumping pole
And when you've finished, if they are whoooooole,
Post pictures online just to troll!

*flute plays*
That's how Bilbo Baggins Rapes!

[▲̷̨̫̺̙͠͠- !ZEN/cgElFM No.4577421]

I get lost in my own eyes
I'm so self-obsessed
I'm pretend-victimized
Always in distress

I drink my weight in coffee
Cause it helps me stay awake
I'm told it isn't healthy
But my ego is at stake

I lose myself inside my self
I'm lost in thought all times

I'm too important for "I should..."
I am too good for my own good