/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.4528672]

Is there a best of /lit/? Does there happen anything laughworthy around here?

Pic not related, just an entertaining piece of text.

[Anonymous No.4528679]

Not even close

[Anonymous No.4528686]

>>4528679
>thread 404d after this

[Anonymous No.4528687]

>>4528679
I love that you kept a screenshot of that.

[Anonymous No.4528710]

>>4528672

[Anonymous No.4528714]

>>4528672
>bestandsnaam

[Anonymous No.4528717]

>>4528710

[Anonymous No.4528719]

>>4528717

[Anonymous No.4528721]

>>4528719

[Anonymous No.4528723]

[Anonymous No.4528726]

>>4528721

[Anonymous No.4528729]

>>4528726

[Anonymous No.4528745]

[Anonymous No.4528763]

>>4528714
dude nederlander op lit. Waar woon je?

[Anonymous No.4528768]

1/4

[Anonymous No.4528772]

>>4528768
2/4

[Anonymous No.4528774]

>>4528772
3/4

[Anonymous No.4528777]

>>4528774
4/4
Loved that thread

[Anonymous No.4528795]

>>4528777
>>4528774
>>4528772
>>4528768
Yeah, I'm glad you saved it. This was one of the best threads ever.

>that fucking blood meridian quote

gets me every time

[Anonymous No.4528804]

Here's one of /lit/'s best threads I've ever seen, the one where everyone wrote about a man shitting himself in the style of another author:

http://image.bayimg.com/f82546dd5d12cfda734302537da84da2d7dad180.jpg

(warning slowfags: huge image)

Also, this Lovecraft picture never fails to crack me up whenever it appears.

[Anonymous No.4528806]

>>4528672
dat nietzsche

[Anonymous No.4528808]

>>4528804
>niggers

[Anonymous No.4528867]

>>4528804
403 forbidden

[Anonymous No.4528888]

>>4528867

[Anonymous No.4529153]

Does anyone remember the Iranian bro that would post everyday for that Daniel Kharms collection. Those were great.

[Anonymous No.4529166]

[Anonymous No.4529171]

>>4529166

[Anonymous No.4529174]

>>4529171
That's all I have.

[Anonymous No.4529176]

And I found a couple more

[Anonymous No.4529181]

[Anonymous No.4529182]

>>4529174

[Anonymous No.4529185]

>>4529174
I put tex on imaeg

[Anonymous No.4529186]

[Anonymous No.4529197]

[Anonymous No.4529202]

[Anonymous No.4529207]

>>4528726
I really love this one.

[Anonymous No.4529213]

>>4529186
>mfw i was like that in middle school

[Anonymous No.4529225]

>>4528763
Nederlanders op /lit/ eindelijk.

Utrecht reporting in.

[Anonymous No.4529232]

>>4529225
Zijn er kankerveel, nieuwvriend.

[Anonymous No.4529245]

>>4528763
Agga

[Anonymous No.4529255]

>>4529232
Achterhoek reporting in. Studeer in Arnhem.

Wat studeren jullie?

[Anonymous No.4529261]

>>4529255
Zelfde kerel. Ik hoop dat jullie niet die kutsnobs zijn die hier altijd de betweter uithangen. Godver.

[Anonymous No.4529263]

da best

[Anonymous No.4529270]

>>4528804

[Anonymous No.4529309]

>>4529225
Apeldoorn reporting.
Ik studeer in Utrecht, though.

[Anonymous No.4529310]

>>4529255
Als ik de 21+ toelatingstoets haal begin ik volgend jaar aan de uu. Twijfel nog tussen geschiedenis, literatuur en antropologie.

[Anonymous No.4529319]

>>4528804
403 fuck

[Anonymous No.4529322]

>>4529255
Ik studeer journalistiek in Utrecht.

[Anonymous No.4529336]

>>4529153
I remember those, he made threads begging for the book for almost a year. Great book btw.

Everyone suddenly has the book except iranman: >>/lit/thread/S3567162
Parodies of Kharms' stories to tease Iraman and discussion about vodka bottles with coats on: >>/lit/thread/S3579293

[Anonymous No.4529337]

>>4529255
Achterhoek hier ook, Aalten city represent. Studeer in Nijmegen

[Anonymous No.4529338]

>>4529322
>ik studeer journalistiek in utrecht

Toekomstige uitkeringstrekker detected

[Anonymous No.4529348]

[Anonymous No.4529357]

>>4529310
Met literatuur bedoel je Nederlands neem ik aan? een vriend van me zit nu in zijn eerste jaar hiervan. Het klinkt oké. Ze moeten iets van 5 romans lezen per periode (7-9 weken) naast hun gewone huiswerk.

Ik studeer zelf geschiedenis. En als je van discussiëren houdt dan is het een chille studie. Niet te moeilijk tot nu toe, gegeven dat je wat achtergrond kennis hebt en verder een redelijk brede studie met thematische keuzes in het tweede jaar. (eerste jaar is alle basiskennis, tweede jaar kies je thema pakketten zoals oorlog, mythologie, sociale geschiedenis etc.)

[Anonymous No.4529360]

[Anonymous No.4529366]

[Anonymous No.4529369]

[Anonymous No.4529372]

[Anonymous No.4529373]

>>4529153
He finally got a copy. Hope Iranbro is out there somewhere, doing well.

Anyone got a screencap of that story about the mars rover that goes crazy? That was a genuinely good bit of writing.

[Anonymous No.4529388]

>>4529337
Ken wel wat volk daar in de buurt.

[Anonymous No.4529392]

>>4529360
>>4529366
>>4529369
>>4529372
>phone screenshots

Absolutely disgusting

[Anonymous No.4529524]

>>4529270
Silly anon, slash fiction is when it's homosexual fiction.

Eg. The unspeakable eldritch horrors gibbered as they curled squamous tentacles and alien batrachian appendages around the pallid Lovecraft, carressing him tenderly in his unutterable places, and then mounting him onto a multitude of fetid nigger dicks, thrusting our mollusk-fearing racialist into a stygian nightmare of decadent madness in which sephardic, antediluvian phalluses would eternally pound their slimy effulgence into his throbbing, wretched holes.

[Anonymous No.4529657]

>>4529255
sinds kort resma kunst lit afgesloten. nog filosofie bezig.

[Anonymous No.4529680]

>>4529360
>>4529366
>>4529369
>>4529372

top kek, I made both of these topics

[Anonymous No.4529695]

This thread: >>/lit/thread/3748579

[Anonymous No.4530212]

>>4529657
Dus je hebt een goed stel hersens meegekregen met het uitdelen.

Verbaasd mij dat deze thread nog niet 404 is, kebabdag gehad en een bult bier. Tering

[Anonymous No.4530255]

>>4528672
other than some users, there are very few jokes around here.

[Anonymous No.4530258]

>>4529695
yes, this

[Anonymous No.4531746]

>>4530258
So beautiful, wished it happened more often to stupid philosophy questions threads

[Anonymous No.4531806]

>>4530212
ik mag niet klagen.

[Anonymous No.4531821]

>>4528745
This has always been my favorite since I've started coming to /lit/

[Anonymous No.4531827]

>>4528672
That is copy pastaed from somewhere else. It's kind of nice to think of this way, but it strikes me as just feel good text. We're all damned to one shot and one shot only. Maybe when I'm in a darker moment, I'll pretend this is true.

[Anonymous No.4531831]

>>4528867
That's seriously fucked

[Anonymous No.4531843]

>>4529388
I remember that thread. Still funny

[Anonymous No.4531925]

>>4531843
So what is the lifespan of a thread on here?
And I think it's nice how this thread isn't pretentious but just chill. Doesn't happen much around here.

[Anonymous No.4531994]

>>4531925
B-but you just made it pretentious! And I'm helping!

[Anonymous No.4532061]

>>4528672
So every time he fucked someone he actually fucked himself? What a virgin!

[Anonymous No.4532145]

>>4532061
You come to that conclusion after al that?

[Anonymous No.4532152]

>>4532145
btw that is one of my favorite greentexts and it's semi-related because it's very well written.

[Anonymous No.4532157]

>>4529373
I found it:

[Anonymous No.4532159]

>>4532157
goddamn it 4chan.

[Anonymous No.4532167]

>>4528763
Amsterdam meldt zich.

[Anonymous No.4532191]

>>4528721
>puts the 'ass' in classic
hahaha

[Anonymous No.4532194]

>>4528763
delft hier

[Anonymous No.4532200]

>>4532194
he, daar ben ik geboren en getogen

[Anonymous No.4532212]

>>4532200
Achterhoek nog steeds present

[Anonymous No.4532246]

[Anonymous No.4532268]

>>4532200
>>4532194
>>4532167
>>4531806
>>4530212
>>4529388
>>4529357
>>4529338
I'm living in Amsterdam right now and listening to people speak Dutch is both sad and hilarious: it honestly makes everyone sound mentally disabled. Living here has been like living in a city where every single person is doing their best Swedish Chef impression.

[Anonymous No.4532273]

>>4532268
>Swedish Chef
And you're saying the Dutch sound retarted.

[Anonymous No.4532289]

>>4532268
Where are you from then?

[Anonymous No.4532293]

>>4532268
louis?

[Anonymous No.4532341]

Rotterdam, geschiedenis hier.

[Anonymous No.4532343]

>>4532341
Achterhoek/Arnhem kerel hier. Kunstacademie.

Last pic ever of Freddie Mercury

[Anonymous No.4532392]

>>4532273
The Muppet, you dunce.

>>4532289
The U.S.

>>4532293
FRANK?

[Anonymous No.4532408]

>>4529261
That's clearly Albert Einstein that got cleaned up.

[Anonymous No.4532415]

>>4532343
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5a_v0MP_Fk&feature=youtube_gdata_player&noredirect=1

Stomp stomp clap.

[Anonymous No.4532459]

>>4532392
>The U.S.
Lel, that explains a lot.

[Anonymous No.4532467]

>>4532459
Hue scefue de bjork en Amsterdam de flagen?

[Anonymous No.4532494]

Well this is from /sp/ but everyone should be aware.

[Anonymous No.4532505]

>>4532145
I enjoyed that. Here's another nice story.

[Anonymous No.4532522]

>>4532505
>>/lit/?task=search&ghost=yes&search_text=prettier+but+less+slutty

you're welcome

[Anonymous No.4532526]

>>4532157
Haha isn't that the book with all the philosophers turned into lolis?
I confess I like the loli dictators better though.

[Anonymous No.4532534]

[Anonymous No.4532560]

>>4532157
>Tsundere, heidegger and me

Sounds lovely.

[Anonymous No.4532563]

>>4532526
How is that a loli

[Anonymous No.4532565]

>>4532534

[Anonymous No.4532572]

>>4532563
Sorry, they're more like anime girls of all ages. Niyazov qualifies though.

[Anonymous No.4532576]

>>4532560
Who is the most tsun philosopher?

[Anonymous No.4532580]

>>4532576
schopenhauer

[John Lydon lol !xPOSER9PtU No.4532581]

>>4532576
That guy who blew shit up, taught kindergarten, then came back to try to blow shit up again.

[Anonymous No.4532589]

>>4529153
Based Daniil Kharms.

An incident involding Petrakov


So, once Petrakov wanted to go to sleep but, lying down, missed his bed. He hit the floor so hard he lay there unable to get up.
So Petrakov mustered his remaining strength and got on his hands and knees. But his strength abandoned him and he fell on his stomach again, and he just lies there.
Petrakov lay on the floor about five hours. At first he just lay there, but then he fell asleep.
Sleep refreshed Petrakov’s strength. He woke up invigorated, got up, walked around the room and cautiously lay down on the bed. “Well,” he thought, “now I’ll get some sleep.” But now he’s not feeling very sleepy. So Petrakov keeps turning in his bed and can’t fall asleep.
And that’s it, more or less.

[Anonymous No.4532590]

>>4532589
The meeting

Now, one day a man went to work and on the way he met another man, who, having bought a loaf of Polish bread, was heading back home where he came from.
And that’s it, more or less.

[Anonymous No.4532604]

>>4528729
>Tao Lin
>They don't realise they're both plebs

[Anonymous No.4532605]

>>4532590
They call me the Capuchin

They call me the Capuchin. For that I’ll tear the ears off whomsoever it may be necessary, but meanwhile I get no peace from the fame of Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Why did he have to know everything? How to swaddle infants and how to give young girls in marriage I would also like to know everything.
In fact I do know everything, except that I am not so sure of my theories. About infants, I certainly know that they should not be swaddled at all—they should be obliterated. For this I would establish a central pit in the city and would throw the infants into it. And so that the stench of decomposition should not come from the pit, it could be flooded every week with quicklime. Into the same pit I would also stick all Alsatian dogs.
Now, about giving young girls in marriage. That, in my view, is even simpler: I would establish a public hall where, say, once a month all the youth would assemble. All of them between seventeen and thirty-five would have to strip naked and parade up and down the hall. If anyone fancied someone, then that pail would go off into a corner and there examine each other in detail. I forgot to say that they would all have to have a card hanging from the neck with their name, surname and address.
Then, a letter could be sent to whomever was to someone’s taste, to set up a more intimate acquaintance. Should any old man or woman intervene in these matters, I would propose killing them with an axe and dragging them off to the same place as the infants—to the central pit.
I would have written more of the knowledge within me, but unfortunately I have to go to the shop for tobacco. When walking on the street, I always take with me a thick knotty stick. I take it with me in order to batter any infants who may get under my feet. That must be why they called me the Capuchin.
But just you wait, you swine, I’ll skin your ears yet!

[Anonymous No.4532656]

>>4528729
That wasn't even entertaining

[Anonymous No.4532696]

This was pretty wierd: >>/lit/thread/3642888

[Anonymous No.4532787]

>>4532392
>the muppet
yes, fuckwit - I know. That still does not make it less retarded. Maargoed, da'je ne'n amerikut hebt zal wel't een en ander verklaren.

[Anonymous No.4532802]

[Anonymous No.4532835]

>>4532505
that was confirmed fake

[Anonymous No.4532840]

>>4532835
shit i meant this
>>4532494

[Anonymous No.4532854]

>>4532787
Understood your first sentence but not your second, is it a snippet of a Swedish Chef skit?

[Anonymous No.4532875]

>>4532835
Huh... Got info on why it's fake?
Hard to believe that someone went through the effort of creating this autistic 97-page stalker diary for a cool story.
http://www.docdroid.net/4wdl/everything.pdf.html

[Anonymous No.4532916]

>>4532802
what am i viewing?

[Anonymous No.4532957]

>>4532916
Someone who's beyond patrician

[Anonymous No.4533078]

>>4532875
eh no i dont but some anon told me so its true
i mean why would he lie

[Anonymous No.4533215]

>>4528672

It's well written, but it strikes me as highly arrogant. It's so full of the 'Taker Culture' that Daniel Quinn talks about - the idea that the world was made for man and man was made to rule it. The fact that the man who dies is your 'average Joe' reinforces the way we each see ourselves as special and unique. It explicitly states the dead man is God. We're not Gods. There are no Gods as they are in the Christian, Muslim and Hindu religions - there we find that each God is primarily concerned with humans. I don't think that we're special - sure we've achieved great things (my computer and the Internet being among them) but look at the cost to the rest of the world around us. The world will not survive another 10,000 years of the battering it's taking unless we seriously change our ways. To quote Quinn again; "The world will not be changed by old minds with new programs, but by new minds with no programs. Vision is the river and we are the flood that carries it." Something like that, it's been ages since I read The Story of B.
P.S. If you haven't read it, go and get it right now.

[Anonymous No.4533226]

>>4533215
https://7chan.org/lit/src/Daniel_Quinn-The_Story_of_B_ENG.pdf
Found it online for free for any takers.

Btw that is an well written little essay that takes you by the hand in a pleasant way. Since I wasn't familiar with Quinn I like how you explained everything. Normally on /lit/ people write about this shit and don't explain shit. Assuming that you must know it otherwise you are a pleb and they aren't gonna waste time on you. This is the first time in /lit/ that I am really enjoying myself. Keep up the good work.

[Anonymous No.4533237]

>>4532576
nitch of course

[Anonymous No.4533262]

>>4533215

I actually took it as an expression of the idea that there may be a metaphysical (but not
"Magic" or "religious") reality outside of our biologically constrained perspective, in which any subjective consciousness isnt limited by its own experience. As in, we have the illusion of a confined identity that is bound up in the book ends of our birth and death, but that may just be an experience of reality. The linearity of time may not necessarily be a fact from all possible perspectives of reality.

Actually, there was some video of an alan watts lecture on youtube that covered it more succinctly and intelligibly than i am. I think i focused on existence only being possibly with the interplay between subject and object (and the subject being the subject of the object). Since these components are necessary for awareness, then when you die you arent going to be bound up in your identity forever as an experience of nonexistance. Youll only be one in a series of new self-conscious beings, unrelated by a "soul" or reincarnation, but connected in that somebody has to identify as those newborn minds.

And if time is an illusion of your perpsective then, in a sense we really are all the same "thing" identified as experience from different vantage points. When you die, somebody is going to have to experience the life of the newly born, and somebody may have to experience the life of the long dead. But there wont be a metaphysical airport in which a godly being tells "you" that you are a godly being that is in mortal purgatory.

But the imagery is a useful decive, since people think in terms of identity, so having a meta-identity that is being reincarnated expresses the idea of timeless and boundless experience.

[Anonymous No.4533264]

>>4533226

You're very welcome mate. Quinn is without a shadow of a doubt my favourite author. You may have seen a cartoon he recently drew about a fence and the advancement of agriculture? You should be able to find it pretty easily. Knowledge should be shared in all directions, not hoarded - who's going to benefit from it then? That's a good find! It's best to read Ishmael first though, it's referenced multiple times in The Story of B, and it gives a lovely personal touch if you've read Ishmael first. I beg/plead/implore everyone to read Quinn! His books are set out like lessons - Ishmael is a teacher with a curriculum and you are gently guided through the books, each little snippet of information he gives you practically forces you read on with a hunger for real, powerful knowledge. So please, read Ishmael, The Story of B and My Ishmael. It will, to quote Quinn once again, "Remove the obscuring lenses of the Great Forgetting"!

[Anonymous No.4533304]

>>4533262

Ah ok, so the idea that there is something inexplicable that doesn't contain, but actually IS the combined experiences of all beings, not only humans?
The thing being Life and Consciousness, would you say? Every living thing is simply a different experience or expression of Life and Consciousness of Life. Sounds too poetic to me, but what do you think? All things must have an identity here, or they would be without function or purpose. I believe a human's purpose is to live not as we do now, placing ourselves above the rest of life, but on level ground with the rest of life. Just the ravings of a probable lunatic, but I'm interested in your thoughts on this subject.

[Anonymous No.4533370]

>>4533304

Yes on the whole first half, even though i dont think the thing is inexplicable because you could easily consider it as you said, each individual being a portion of the cohesive entity that is Life and Consciousness. And also in agreement that the concept is not contained in "humanity" specifically. It is in any conscious being.

In that sense i think it unlikely that the OP's story was written with what i said in mind, because it seems to be focused only on the human experience.

But i also dont necessarily think that interpretation of subjective experience as fractions of a connected whole is absolutely true. I was just reminded of it, and the story seemed to neatly express the idea of everyone being of the same thing, though they dont experience that connection individually.

But if it were true that when i die somebody is going to have to experience the lives of all of the others that are born afterwards, and that "I" may be the one in the driver's seat, it would stand to reason that it would literally be in your best interest to help everybody as best you can, because they are you. And if awareness isnt contained in human-ness, then it would also be reasonable to treat every other aware thing with as much kindness as you can. But, it is already too late for all of those short and miserable lives that was can see in the past.

[Anonymous No.4533412]

>>4533370

"Treat all things with as much kindness as you can".
Well damn son, doesn't that sound like a nice way to live? Yes, a 'hivemind' type consciousness isn't what we're was getting at. If an individual had the knowledge and experiences of everything ever, they would be a wise person indeed. Godlike, you could say. Perhaps all our experiences of life and consciousness are unique, and add to this godlike knowledge. Who knows? Certainly not me. It's an interesting view on things, and aren't the people who were kind to all the ones who are remembered centuries after their deaths? But I don't think you should be as kind as you can to everything for some external reward, such as a place in Heaven or Paradise for example, but simply because it is good for all of life. The hard thing is going to be being kind to the world, not through recycling or carbon-neutral cars or congestion zones, but for the good of everything and everyone. Anyway bro, it's been awesome chatting to you, but it's gone midnight here and I have to go to bed. Catch you later mate, take care!

[Anonymous No.4533431]

>>4533412

Goodnight.

[Anonymous No.4533435]

>>4533412
This thread will probably still be alive tomorrow so...

[Anonymous No.4533484]

>>4533412
>"Treat all things with as much kindness as you can".
>Well damn son, doesn't that sound like a nice way to live?
That shit's frustrating as fuck and causes deep unhappiness that explodes into murder orgies.

[Anonymous No.4534817]

>>4533484
Well, if everbody did it, it wouldn't be a problem. It's a group effort. But just as, for example, communism: if one man or woman fails, it causes a chainreaction because jalousy and other things take over.

[Anonymous No.4534917]

>>4534817
>Well, if everbody did it, it wouldn't be a problem
That's just it right there. Getting everyone to agree to be kind? Impossible. Getting everyone to agree further on what kindness is? Also impossible. Humans have far too much ego and are not nearly innately wise enough for a utopia of caring.

[Anonymous No.4534935]

>>4528717
I went to a local bookstore and bought Mein Kampf. The dude behind the counter looked me in the eye and gave me a discount.

[Anonymous No.4535447]

>>4534917
Would it work if there would be an island or some shit like that where people can be part of a communist system out of free will. You can move there if you want.
Isn't there a movie about this with DiCaprio?

[Anonymous No.4535458]

>>4534817
communism isn't a moral hypothesis or exhortation, it's a theory of society and political economy and a guide to action.

[Anonymous No.4535503]

>>4535447
>that pic
Is that shooped? I never saw a different angle for this pic before.

[Anonymous No.4535507]

>>4535503
That you didn't see it before, doesn't mean that it is shopped. Yes it is real.

[Anonymous No.4535549]

>>4532159
Holy shit, I'd read the fuck out of that.

[Anonymous No.4535560]

>>4535503
got some more shit that isn't widely known but here on 4chan it gets posted sometimes. I like these things because it makes me think about the different perspectives in life and how ordinairy people can end up in extraordenairy situations, situations that condensate a human being and what he stands for in one moment.

Pic is ww1 battlefield

[Anonymous No.4535572]

>>4535560

[Anonymous No.4535579]

>>4535572
A mongolian starvation deathsentence said the anon who posted this.

[Anonymous No.4535586]

>>4535579
Some guy in flames, don't know wich one cus not gonna imagesearch and there are just to many. WIch is kinda sad come to think about it. People become so desperate that they not just an hero but feel the need to make a point about their death.

[Anonymous No.4535591]

>>4535586
Cleaning up after a the Haïtian earthquake. THe value of what once liffed deminishes if there are enough dead.

[Anonymous No.4535595]

>>4535591
Ww1 Carrier pigeon. Just find it an odd photo. I know this isn't /lit/, but I think it is semi-related due to the things these pictures tell about human beings.

[Anonymous No.4535603]

>>4535595

that was all. Just to end on a bit of a high note something laughtworthy with wich I started this thread. Alltough this is certainly not lit.

[Anonymous No.4535605]

>>4535591
Lived* As you can see english is not my native language.

[John Lydon lol !xPOSER9PtU No.4535612]

>>4535591
I had no clue Haïtian was spelled with a double-dotted I. Is it pronounced like naïve is?

[Anonymous No.4535616]

>>4535447
That movie is The Beach, if anyone cares.

[Anonymous No.4535635]

>>4532494
Is that a ruse ? If not, it is both the single creepiest and the most autistic thing ever done on 4chan. Talk about an achievement.

[Anonymous No.4535641]

>>4535612
Well, it's good to know that you're a retard.

[John Lydon lol !xPOSER9PtU No.4535646]

>>4535641
So not my fault. Only time I ever got exposure to the written word was after the earthquake and nobody ever bothered to spell it with the ï. Blame my culture.

[Anonymous No.4535667]

>>4535641
God i wish ID's would come back. I know this is an anonymous site but in the little world of a thread it is pleasant to know who said what and more importantly what someone didn't say. Because goddamn i (the guy who posted the photo) am not such an asshole as you are. People only know what they have seen and what they can deduce from that. If you know something someone else doesn't know, then don't jump on a high horse. There probably is a lot of shit you don't know that other people do know.

As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.

We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.

But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

[Anonymous No.4535674]

>>4535667
btw that poem is from Donald Rumsfeld.

[Anonymous No.4536196]

>>4535667
>Because goddamn i (the guy who posted the photo) am not such an asshole as you are.
Your moral circuits are wired the wrong way then

[Anonymous No.4536349]

>>4535447
it all fell apart when they allowed immigration, that film is /pol/ as fuck

[Anonymous No.4537183]

>>4535572
woah, this is a christian image board anon
do you want me to go to hell?

[Anonymous No.4538484]

>>4537183
At least you'll be warm.

[Anonymous No.4538650]

>>4528867
I'm going to get a gf and do this.

Sounds fun.

[Anonymous No.4538671]

>>4529357
>>4529310
Geschiedenis in Utrecht raadt ik ten zeerste af. Ze hebben nu een nieuwe bachelor, bachelor 3.0 die er zonder enige vorm van noemenswaardige inspraak er doorheen is gedrukt. Op de discussieavond was het nadrukkelijk de bedoeling er niet over te discussiëren en alle enquettes vroegen "Welke pakketten zou je kiezen?", er was geen mogelijkheid om het systeem zelf te bekritiseren.
Het gaat van een systeem van keuzevakken naar een systeem van enkele 'paketten' die allen je keuzevrijheid enorm beperken.
2 jaar geleden, toen ik begon was het de faculteit met de meeste keuzevrijheid wat betreft geesteswetenschappen in heel Nederland. Nu wordt dat het minste.

Superchille leraren.
Dat wel.

[Anonymous No.4538679]

>>4528672
second-person narratives - so cool/new/fresh/nice

[Anonymous No.4538703]

>>4529166
3rd post stole my joke from a similar thread that never took off. My bitterness will never wane.

[Anonymous No.4538738]

>>4528867
Fuck, this is the first time in a long time since I've been stumped by something from this site. I don't know how to feel about this.
Good job? I mean, she did cheat and tried blaming him.
Fuck.

[Anonymous No.4538762]

>>4529695
Fuck I'm giggling like hell

[Anonymous No.4538772]

This is a story that I wrote about Guy Fieri, the host of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. If you don't know who he is, go look him up. It might not be that funny to you, but it's the kind of humor that I really like.

Guy was already fucking pissed off by the time he made it home. He parked on the road because that dumb bitch wife had parked in his spot AGAIN for the third time this week. She said it was because of the baby, but Guy knew damn well that she was carrying a lot more than eight extra pounds everywhere she went.

He angrily grabbed his groceries out of the back of his truck and made his way to the front door. Before he even opened it he could hear the television blaring Entertainment Weekly. "HEY!" Guy shouted over the television, while entering and slamming the door behind him. The sounds of the television immediately turned to a panel of four men analyzing a very specific facet of a sports game. He could hear the light thuds as the wife scurried to the kitchen.
"Hi sweetie! I uh... brought you the curly fries! I got four larges like you asked and I separated them out like you like and uh... I got the sau-"
"Did you get the horsey sauce in a cup?"
"Oh... uh... I got it four of the little th-things because..."
"Because you don't listen to what I tell you? Hmmm? Is that it?"
"I'm s-sorry I just thought you wanted it and I just...."
"How am I supposed to dip it if I don't have the sauce in a cup? YOU. KNOW. HOW. I. LIKE. IT." Guy raged, slamming his fists on the counter, he had a glancing hope that the counter would turn into the face of that little gay fag cashier at the grocery who recognized him. The way he had said his name in that faggy voice had really cranked his corn.
"Upstairs."
"But Guy..."
"But what?"
"The baby... I... the stairs."
"Go."
Dejected, Guy's wife made her way upstairs while the man himself began opening his hot dogs. "The bitch got one thing right," he mumbled, taking the curly fries that were just large enough to have a hot dog inserted into them and doing so. Once he had five of them arranged on his plate he put it in the microwave on high for two minutes. While waiting for the curly frogs to heat, he grabbed a slice of leftover meatlover's.

[Anonymous No.4538775]

>>4538772
BEEP BEEP BOOOP
Guy took the plate out of the oven and set it on the stovetop nearly burning his fucking hand in the process. "FUCK" He exclaimed, "fucking bullshit ceramic fuckin things "oooohhh we should get the ceramic ones the plastic ones don't look so nice" FUCK THAT. Next time, we get the fucking plastic because they don't burn your shit!" He got the plate on to a hot pad, threw the four little cups of the horsey sauce on there, grabbed two Coor's Light out of the fridge and walked to the living room

He sat down, opened one of the Coor's, and began eating. By the time he was finished with the first one he was nearly halfway through his horsey sauce. He shook his head in disgust, "Can't even enjoy the little things anymore without bullshit." Upon finishing his third curly frog, he got up and went back to the kitchen. He took the leftover curly fries and piled them on his plate, topping them with a handfull of cheddar, holding his curly frogs in one hand.

[Anonymous No.4538777]

>>4538775

BEEP BEEP BOOOP
He had finished his fourth curly frog and was going to start his last one. He felt pretty full by now, but he wasn't done. He wanted to be full for the afternoon at least. He stuffed the last curly frog in, grabbed the plate out of the microwave, and went back to the living room. He sat down and stared at the plate of curly fries. From sitting down he noticed the pressure inside. He could feel his heartbeat in his head and limbs. His stomach felt like it was filled with coins. He sighed, and grabbed a handful of the fries.

The lukewarm, cheesy fries made him feel a little bit better but halfway through the plate his body was feeling rough. His head was really pounding now, his heart beating like he'd taken the stairs. His fingers were swollen and his stomach felt fit to burst. There was only a quarter of the plate left, so he decided he would polish it off. He grabbed another couple of fries and stuffed them into his mouth along with the last bite that had mostly been chewed. He was so full at this point he felt like spitting it out. His body was urging him to spit it out but he kept chewing.

His head felt like a pillow and his heart beat loudly in his ears. This bite felt like it was taking eons. He concentrated really hard, his tongue fighting him, trying to push the food back out. He slowly gulped the food down and could feel the mass hitting his stomach like a runaway train. The panel of men in suits talking about sports faded into the background, his head swam uncomfortably as he closed his eyes and breathed heavily. He leaned backward into the sofa and moaned in pain. "Aaaaaahhhh, ooooohhhhh god." Every part of his body was telling him to throw up. Dazed, he opened his eyes, tossed the plate onto the floor in front of him where it landed face up. "That bitch better clean that up..." he mumbled, "...if she knows whats gooo-ooohhhh for her". His closed and his arms flopped out to his side, where his left hand hit his half finished Coor's, spilling it in between the couch cushions.

[Anonymous No.4538798]

>>4538777
That's where it ends. It's supposed to imply that he has a heart attack and dies.

[Anonymous No.4538800]

BROWNBEAR STORIES!?!? WHO'S GOT 'EM SAVED: POST 'EM BIRCHES!

[Anonymous No.4540544]

>>4528804
Is Asimov ever emulated in this thread?

[Anonymous No.4540559]

>>4529166
That DFW post was pitch fucking perfect, my god

[Anonymous No.4542366]

>>4528768
>bring it arooooound town

haaah i remember that thread good times

[Anonymous No.4542634]

>>4528777
it was one of the best i've seen