/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.4508127]

A japanese hosso monk and zen master was teaching a class on Lao Ze, known riddler

”Before the class begins, you must adopt a meditation stance and reverence Lao Ze and accept that he was the most enlightened being the world has ever known, even greater than Heraclitus!”

At this moment, a brave, phenomenologist, continental German philosopher who had published over 1500 papers on hermeneutics and understood the necessity of an ontological characterization of human beings and fully supported all deconstruction of metaphysical thinking stood up and held up a rock.

”Does this rock have buddha nature?”

The arrogant professor smirked and smugly replied “mu, you stupid Westerner”

”Wrong. An existential analysis of the rock reveals that it has no language and therefore it is not opened to the disclosure of Being . If it was neither Dasein or not Dasein and its ontological nature, as you say, was indeterminate… then its rock-Being should be a concern to it!”

The monk was visibly shaken, and dropped his bonsai and copy of Tao te Ching. He stormed out of the room reciting those obsolete buddhist sutras. The same sutras buddhists recite for the “souls of the deceased” when they jealously try to devalue responsibility over their finitude from the deserving authentic Daseins. There is no doubt that at this point our monk, Gautama Boddhidarma, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than an inauthentic onto theological thinker. He wished so much that he had a non metaphysical characterization of truth to reconstruct his ontology over a groundless ground, but he himself had petitioned against it!

The students applauded and all registered with the university of Freiburg that day and accepted Nietzsche as the last and greatest western crypto metaphysician. An eagle named “Ereigenis” flew into the room and perched atop an ancient oak and shed a tear on the now standing reserve of timber. The Ister was read several times, and Being itself showed up and spread existential angst across the country.

The monk lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the technocratic plague nihilism and was tossed into the impossibility of possibilities for eternity.

Ex nihilo omnia
p.s. It rests by changing.

[Deep&Edgy !!BfzNblz4cXS No.4508226]

I lel'd.

[Anonymous No.4508245]

>Gautama Boddhidarma

Ya blew it. Good post otherwise though.

[Anonymous No.4508260]

>>4508127
>and Being itself showed up and spread existential angst across the country.
10/10

Although it missed
>The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly

[Anonymous No.4508280]

>>4508127
suprelative

[Anonymous No.4508313]

>>4508260
So sorry I'm not an anti-semite.

[Anonymous No.4508347]

>>4508313
Why? Are you retarded?

[Anonymous No.4508349]

>>4508260
I couldn't think of a suitable adjective
:((
>chinkyly?

[Anonymous No.4508355]

>>4508347
ebig droll

[Anonymous No.4508367]

>>4508127
Thanks for the laugh glorious/10.

[Anonymous No.4508472]

>>4508349
>The arrogant Oriental smirked inscrutably

[Haddad !fBXtWdB41E No.4508484]

B..b..but Heidegger loved Daoism

I love these copypasta's though.

[Anonymous No.4508486]

>>4508349
Smiled unauthenticly? No? Anyways, 10/10

[Anonymous No.4508621]

>>4508355
So yes? That's makes sense.

[Anonymous No.4508648]

These are great. Got one about linguistics?

[Anonymous No.4508856]

A dualist plato scholar philosophy professor and designer of hydroelectric power stations was teaching a class on René Descartes, known metaphysician ”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Descartes and accept that his "cogito ergo sum" is the most self-evident idea in the history of humanity, even more evident than "panta rei"!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, deep ecologist heideggerian traditional farmer who had written over 1500 papers on the ontological difference and understood the necessity of a new german beggining for western philosophy and fully supported all hermeutization of ontology spoke:

”What is that by terms of which this rock can be said to exist, pinhead?”-he said in a 19th century rural dialect of german

The arrogant professor smirked quite modernly and smugly replied “matter, you stupid postmodernist”

”Wrong. Matter is just an a posteriori theoretical understanding of reality. If its Being, as you say, is a metaphysical substance… then its Being is a being ”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Discourse on the Method. He stormed out of the room crying those dualist crocodile tears. The same tears modernists cry for the “res cogitans” when they jealously try to claw wonder from the world by making it an standing-reserve of resources. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Aristotle Spinoza, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than an inauthentic nihilist. He wished so much that he could experience aletheia, but he himself had created metaphysical cages that prevented Being from showing itself!

The students applauded and all enroled in the university of Freiburg that day and accepted historicity and finitudeas the defining characteristics of human existance. An eagle named “Ereignis” flew into the room and perched atop the portrait of Friederich Nietzsche and shed a tear on the chalk. Sein und Zeit was read several times, and Being itself was disclosed and propagated authenticity and existential dread throughout the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died after being ran over by a motorized fleet of agricultural machinery and nothing happened to him after that because being-towards-death is a condition of possibility for experience.


and Heidegger himself knew he fucked up on his plans to kill metaphysics, that's why he has his "poetic" turn, dividing Heidegger in 3 phases (before being in time, being and time heidegger, with the project of "Hermeneutics of facticity", and the post-being and time Heidegger)

[Anonymous No.4511178]

>>4508127
>>4508856
What the fuck am I reading?

[Anonymous No.4511192]

>>4511178
There's an original over-the-top copypasta about postmodernism or post-structuralism or something and it gets edited time and again to reflect other philosophies or ideologies etc.

[Anonymous No.4511228]

>>4511192
the original one is a euphoric-tier atheism one

[Anonymous No.4511234]

>>4511228
Wasn't the first really popular one the one where Albert Einstein wrecks an atheist professor?

[Anonymous No.4511902]

>>4511234

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

[Anonymous No.4511940]

>>4508648

An anarcho-syndicalist American analytic philosopher and linguistics professor was teaching a class on Bertrand Russell, known logician.
”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Russell as the most influential philosopher of the 20th century, even more influential than Jacques Derrida or any other continental philosopher!”
At this moment, a brave, psycho-analytic, Hegelian Marxist philosopher and cultural critic boldy stood up and tugged at his collar.
”My god, pure ideology! How can you ignore the work of Lacan and the Frankfurt School and so on and so on, like that? ”
The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “Continental philosophy cloaks trvialities in fancy language and uses the scientific-sounding term 'theory' to describe propositions that could never be tested empirically. ”
”Wrong. If empricism is so important, as you would say, then how come you were so empirically wrong on the Khmer Rouge and Cambodia, and so on and so on?”
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus . He stormed out of the room crying those unironic empirically verified crocodile tears.
There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Noam Chomsky, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than an outdated linguist and blindly analytic philosopher. He wished so much that he had an argument to save himself from embarrassment, but he himself had advocated for truth derived from empirical investigation!
The students applauded and all dropped out to transfer into the École Normale Supérieure that day and accepted French philosophy as superior to both German Idealism and the Anglosphere's Analytic traditions.
An eagle named “Critical Theory” flew into the room and perched atop a burning American flag and shed a single tear on the dropped chalk. Sections of Lacan's Seminars were read several times, and the Spirit of Hegel himself showed up and demonstrated the nature of dialectics so vividly that everybody in the room progressed to a trans-physical state transcending conventional notions of time and space.
The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day and was forced to become a panelist on an MSNBC news show to make ends meet.
The brave psycho-analytic philosopher's name? Slavoj Zizek.

[Anonymous No.4513456]

>>4511940
MY GOD AND SO ON AND SO ON ITS PUREST IDEOLOGY
p.s.: {sniff}