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/lit/ - Literature

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4441024 No.4441024[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

How do I make billions off a book series, like J. K. Rowling did?

Is there a pattern that can be copied, like with modern music?

>Fantasy setting
>Several parts to the series
>Has to be made into a movie
>Teenage main characters

??

>> No.4441028

>be jewish

>> No.4441033

>>4441028
she's jewish?

>> No.4441036

write it and find out

>> No.4441038

>>4441033
her birth name was rowlinski

>> No.4441039

Yes but it's followed by ten trillion billion other hacks

>shallow fantasy setting that is seemingly designed for its apex moment of being intruded upon by a mary sue protagonist
>teenage girl mary sue protagonist who is shallow and boring enough for any reader to project themselves onto her
>CHOSEN ONE plot where everything hinges the girl
>pretty boys who fight over the girl
>calm placid story with no actual hardship or pathos to interrupt the mary sue being taken on a walking tour of the shallow circus of a setting

>> No.4441043

I never actually saw a picture of jk Rowling, what a doll. Sitonmyface/10

>> No.4441052

JK Rowling, is already looking too far back
Suzanne Collins is the next JK Rowlings, you need to be the next Suzanne Collins

>> No.4441054

>>4441043
she dyes her hair blonde

... kinda ironic, considering her huge persecution complex.

>> No.4441058

You need to find the next hot thing before it's hot.

>> No.4441060

>>4441039
harry potter isn't shallow though

>> No.4441062
File: 551 KB, 919x720, 1373370583628.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4441062

>>4441043

not only is she a genuine milf but she has a british accent, killer imagination, and she's a fucking BILLIONAIRE

life is unfair, yo

>> No.4441066

>>4441052
both books feature teenage protagonists

is there a pattern? are books with teenage leads more successful than adult ones?

>> No.4441078

>>4441066

>is there a pattern?

nope. rowling actually has respect for her female characters.

>> No.4441080

>hacks thinking they can attempt to write as good as Rowling

>> No.4441094

>>4441024
hey even rowling messes up. her secret book had pretty minimal sales until it was revealed she wrote it.

>> No.4441098

>>4441060
The setting is shallow as fuck and full of holes, not the least of which being legalised slavery that no one balks at, the nonsensical interaction of Muggles and Wizards unless you accept some pretty depressing fan speculation, the insular and incestuous nature of the Wizard community, and the fact that the kids would be borderline retarded with a Hogwarts education.

>> No.4441105

>>4441094
Even Stephen King fared better when he pulled the same stunt decades ago

>> No.4441106

>>4441098
>unless you accept some pretty depressing fan speculation
this sounds interesting, elaborate

>> No.4441114

What did the wizards do during WWII?

>> No.4441117

>>4441094
Sales is only part of the story though. Pretty sure there were a number of reviews before that suggesting that the book was probably by a professional author.

>> No.4441119

>>4441098
>and the fact that the kids would be borderline retarded with a Hogwarts education.
how so?

i agree with you on the muggle-wizard interaction bit.

>> No.4441122

>>4441114
>implying hitler wasn't a wizard

>> No.4441125

self insertion

that's pretty much it.

>> No.4441131

>>4441119
Other than learning magic they receive no actual formal education (writing, math, etc.)

>> No.4441142

>>4441125
explain

>> No.4441143

>>4441125
I wanted to self-insert into Hermione if that's what you mean

>> No.4441146

>>4441143
levio-saaaaaaa

>> No.4441154

>>4441142
twilight
hunger games
harry potter
divergent

what do they all have in common? you get depressed when you realize you're not part of the book or universe

>> No.4441159

>>4441154
Avatar as well, even though it's a movie. Remember some people were committing suicide because they realized they'd never go to Pandora?

>> No.4441161

>>4441159
yeah lel

that was dumb, jesus.

>> No.4441163

>>4441159
>Remember some people were committing suicide because they realized they'd never go to Pandora?

What? I can't even...

>> No.4441172

>>4441163
just google "avatar suicides"

>> No.4441184

>>4441024
What the fuck is with those earlobes? They look like tumors.

>> No.4441199

>>4441184
Can't handle a woman with REAL lobes, anon?

>> No.4441205

>>4441159
>>4441154
Is this really the secret?

My big idea is, I think, a great adventure story, but in no way is the universe it's set in a nice one that people would want to be in.

>> No.4441208

>>4441184
Lobule stretches
Like kegels for your earlobes

>> No.4441215

>>4441205
if its a billio dolar book kids would probably want to live in it for the dangerous adventure or to be one of or interact with the characters.

but this really is the only way, i think.

>> No.4441221

>>4441215
>billio dolar

>> No.4441279

Create a world that teenagers badly want to be true, so that it becomes their alternate reality while reading it. The idea of attending Hogwarts was so romantic to me when I was young

>> No.4441280

>>4441038
You're full of shit (for those too stupid to see it)

>> No.4441286

>>4441279
it still is to me

>you will never be a wizard

>> No.4441299

>>4441286
>you will never exterminate all the half-bloods and enslave the muggles

>> No.4441308
File: 217 KB, 607x720, 1343531983599.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4441308

One 'gap in the market' is the sex book for tweens / early teens. They mostly learn about sex through sitcoms and soaps, maybe the net. What is the salacious sex book for young teens everyone has to have? There isn't one. So someone should write it. I doubt it will come from /lit/ though, cause no one knows much about sex here.

>> No.4441310

>>4441308
not what your dad said

>> No.4441325

>>4441308
It's called "fan-fiction" and it's published on the internet because no company in the real world will touch it

>> No.4441347

>>4441325
If it was higher quality and less porno more sanitised, there's a chance. 50 shades of grey was twilight fan fiction originally.

>> No.4441892

>>4441143
>/d/ out of 10
Are you into unbirthing or possession?

>> No.4441902

>>4441308
my book has one scene where the guy makes her bleed
im gonna make millionz

>> No.4441931
File: 7 KB, 256x150, sanic.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4441931

>>4441902
>not making a scen where she makes him bleed

>> No.4441983

>>4441308
I think that this is an untapped market.

>>4441325
>implying that most fanfic is good

>> No.4442152

>>4441221
You want billio dolar? too bad. here bomb. fuck u.

>> No.4442170

>>4442152
i spent 5 minutes trying to find that pic and can't

>> No.4442190

>>4442170
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=u+want+mirrion+dorrar

>> No.4442196

>>4441131
I'm assuming the dull stuff gets glossed over (Arithmancy is only mentioned a handful of times in a single book), but you're right on the money about wizards lacking a "practical" education. They're wizards and just use magic so they don't need it, and the author's pointed out that the statute of secrecy does more to protect wizards than muggles, especially since guns have been invented.

Not sure how much of a "hole" it is considering that it's brought up that Ronald Weasley can barely spell though.

>> No.4442203

>>4442196
>the statute of secrecy does more to protect wizards than muggles

magic is still horrendously overpowered compared to muggle tech (near-instantaneous travel, incredible healing capabilities, ability to manipulate space, alchemy)

>> No.4442209

You're missing the main allure to children that started reading the series. It's wish fulfillment. Harry is just a regular kid(even if he's in a shitty family that torments him) and then he finds out that he's a wizard and gets sent to a magical place full of wonders and adventures. That's how it hooked kids. They think, "man I wish that would happen to me"

>> No.4442219

>>4442209
it fulfills the narcissistic fantasy that one is special, that one has an innate ability that sets him apart from others and makes the special in the eye of others. fulfillment of the desire to be important

>> No.4442234

>>4442219
Exactly. It's the same thing in most of the pop novels like Hunger Games and Twilight as well. Somebody is normal then all of the sudden they're super special and can do whatever they want.

>> No.4442235

>>4442219
>>4442209
yes, but can it be replicated?

>> No.4442239

>>4442235
Rowling wasn't the first person to do this. It's a common trope in literature and cinema.

>> No.4442245

You need to become best buddies with the publishers, who will push your book to the masses.

>> No.4442248

>>4442203
>near-instantaneous travel
tears you in half in you muck it up, port-keys are massively inconvenient for unscheduled travel or transporting more than half a dozen people, floo network is known for transporting people to the wrong places regularly, and I'm not sure if there's much else there. There's a reason wizards take trains and other non-instantaneous transport.

>incredible healing capabilities
Most wizards can do the equivalent of putting on a band-aid or light stitching. Even then, you can't heal a fatal gunshot wound.

>ability to manipulate space
Such as? Not sure what you're getting at here. Moving objects? Even that's a minor ability for most people.

>alchemy
Only guy found something worth doing with it, and he didn't tell anyone else.

Wizards have a lot of convenient shit, but even the author's mentioned that if there were any all-out war between wizards and muggles, muggles would win. Things like shield spells need to be recast every time they're broken by a sufficient force, and require proportional amounts of energy for larger objects. Invisibility spells (and even invisibility cloaks) don't hide your mass, so you're not immune to radar and other non-visual detection.

>> No.4442254

>>4442219
>>4442234

This is an interesting read for you:

http://www.theawl.com/2010/11/harry-potter-and-the-incredibly-conservative-aristocratic-childrens-club

>> No.4442294

>>4442248
>if there were any all-out war between wizards and muggles

First, it would be impossible to determine who is a wizard.

Second, I'm sure wizards would be cunning enough to infiltrate every government by using the mind control spells and polyjuice potions.

>> No.4442302

>>4442248
>tears you in half in you muck it up
But this never happens in the book. It's sort of like saying airplanes can fall out of the sky and burn everyone to death or vaporize them on impact and neglecting to mention that statistically speaking it's the safest way to travel.

>Even then, you can't heal a fatal gunshot wound.
But you can heal people wounded by the "spectrum sempra" spell or whatever, which cuts people into ribbons, and they'll be perfectly fine with not a single scratch on them three chapters later and their near-death experience will be as if it never happened at all.

>manipulate space
maybe he meant time travel. Man, that's a huge plot hole.

Harry Potter is a book of contrivances and contradictions. It's easy for the author to go back and tell fans a bunch of mumbo-jumbo about how stuff works and why it isn't always used to do away with all conflict presented in the story, but in the end, none of that is in the actual book because she's just doing damage control and trying to create the illusion that her books aren't sloppily pasted together.

>> No.4442308

How about the Malazan universe vs the Harry Potter universe?

>> No.4442319

>>4442308
Icarium destroys everything on Earth without getting a scratch

>> No.4442324

>>4441125
>>4441154

This guy is absolutely spot on.

Another example to look at is Homestuck, same premise, open setting that the reader can self insert themselves into. The setting and/or premise of the story needs to be able to literally draw the reader into the world so much so that they can design and think up their own mary sues to frolic within the setting. All of his guys examples, plus notable internet phenomenons share the same self-insertion capacity.

They also have other similarities but that would be rude to talk about on such a pleasant website as this :)

>> No.4442327

>>4442294
>First, it would be impossible to determine who is a wizard.
Their wand-use would probably point them out, along with their inability to handle non-magical technology.

>Second, I'm sure wizards would be cunning enough to infiltrate every government by using the mind control spells and polyjuice potions.
It takes a few years for the death-eaters to get close enough to the prime minister to control him, and even then they had the sack/kill the old ones first. I don't think it's as easy as it seems and I don't know how they'd manage to do it to every world government leader, but it does appear to be their only real option.

>>4442302
>But this never happens in the book.
It very explicitly happens, bro. Ronald loses a massive chunk of his shoulder and parts of his fingers this way from what I recall. It's not the usual, but it's not uncommon to have that happen.

>But you can heal people wounded by the "spectrum sempra" spell or whatever, which cuts people into ribbons, and they'll be perfectly fine with not a single scratch on them three chapters later and their near-death experience will be as if it never happened at all.
You can't heal "dark magic", one of the character permanently loses their ear from the sectum sempra spell. A fatal wound is still fatal nearly all the time.

>maybe he meant time travel. Man, that's a huge plot hole.
Oh, that clears it up then. If you travel back further than a couple of hours to a day at most you die, and if you do anything that affects anything/anyone else you end up dying or permanently vanishing.

All this is stuff that's mentioned in the books themselves, not author interviews or later stuff. The book does have a lot of contradictions and stupid shit in it, but these aren't it.

>> No.4442331

>>4442324
is that why people like that shit?

I tried reading it, but four hundred pages in the kid was still in his bedroom putting stuff in his sylladex and I thought of better things to do with my time.

>> No.4442340

>>4441094

She received some pretty great reviews from some top critics. Her sales were poor because no one reads those sort of books unless it finds a hypetrain.

>> No.4442344

>>4441114
WW2 was a cover for the wizard WW1, learn your shit.

>> No.4442347
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4442347

>>4441024

What you must do is gather other stories and alter their symbolic references slightly.

Like, say, take satan and turn him into Lord Voldermort or Sauron, or take Jesus and turn him into Harry potter, or Neo or Frodo.

Focus the narrative upon the struggle between opposing the forces, say the batman or the joker, or technology and humans. Put something large at stake, like the end of all goodness or something.

Then take human archetypes and glamourise/fantasticalise them ie nerd, jock etc super brain and super muscle respectively etc let people see reflections of themselves in your writing, but not that it is so obvious to them that they project their neuroses onto the characters.

Involve politics, war, love, betrayal, characters and a load of butt fluff for children and voilah you have a masterpiece.

>> No.4442361

>>4441154

>Implying vampires aren't annoying

>implying I want to kill my friend

>implying I'm not a wizard

>don't know what divergent is but it probably sucks balls.

>> No.4442382

>>4441154
>young adult prose
>very dialog heavy
>idiotic protagonists
>black and white morals
>superficial conflict which is easily done away with by the protagonist's friends
>no themes, motifs, or symbolism
>devoid of literary merit

they have a lot of things in common.

>> No.4442387
File: 10 KB, 250x182, rape culture.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4442387

>>4441325
You're half right.

>> No.4442392

>>4441043
disparage my childhood/you

>> No.4442410

>>4442387
What point is this picture trying to make? One of the main ideas of "rape culture" is that women are conditioned to internalize it.

>> No.4442418

>>4442410
I think it has to do with hypocrisy.

>> No.4442426

>>4442418
That's the point >>4442410 made.
>conditioned to internalize it

>> No.4442431

fantasy teen novels basically.

>> No.4442435

>>4442302
You can't really expect a book like Harry Potter to have explained all that stuff IN SERIES though, she had a bigger objective, like actually telling the story.

She would need like an entire side book to explain all the loop holes and contradictions to people like you. I would actually buy and read that book though.

>> No.4442447
File: 494 KB, 400x226, 1388963572873.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4442447

>>4442410

I believe the book is about some lady's boss talking her into carrying on a BDSM FwB relationship. Making it seem like it's okay for a male boss to take advantage of his employee.

I dunno. I've never read the books. My mom did. I caught her on google looking up what fisting was.
>MFW

>> No.4442452

>writing purely for profit
Absolutely disgusting. Only worthwhile example of that is The Godfather

>> No.4442456

>>4442435
>she had a bigger objective, like actually telling the story.

Not really. She did tell the story... seven times in a row. Every Harry Potter story is the same. Harry goes to Hogwarts. Mystery unfolds. Harry gets into trouble. Mystery solved: it's Voldemort! Foil Voldemort's plan. The end. Repeat six more times. The idea that she couldn't explain stuff because she was too busy repeating herself over and over again is sort of silly.

The wizarding world Rowling created isn't even that big. So really, Rowling could have written a story that made sense and didn't contradict itself all the time, but she didn't. It has nothing to do with the scope of the story she was telling or the world she created, and everything to do with the fact that she couldn't even if she tried.

>> No.4442458

>>4442294
ffs it's a goddamn children's series.

>> No.4442465
File: 49 KB, 388x344, 1344393536432.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4442465

>MFW Hermione gave back the mother fucking Time Turner

>> No.4442475

>>4442473
Some time travel thing from the Third Book, I think

>> No.4442473

>>4442465
What?

>> No.4442481

>>4441325
Except Fifty Shades was originally Twilight fanfic

>> No.4442483

>>4442447
>My mom did. I caught her on google looking up what fisting was.
HAHAHA. Story time anon.

>> No.4442498

>>4442219
>>4442234
>/lit/ plays psychologist

>> No.4442503

>>4442475
>pretending you aren't sure

>> No.4442507

>>4442483

>Getting ready for work
>Go into bathroom
>Hear mom shrieking
>Go into living room
>She is looking at something on the computer
>Look over her shoulder
>"Fisting" typed into google image search

Apparently she picked up the phrase from one of the 50 Shades books and she wanted to know what is was.

>> No.4442512

>>4442503
I'm not, I haven't read the books in years. They are damn good, though, but I have other books to read.

>> No.4442514
File: 105 KB, 320x410, 1383549963844.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4442514

>>4442498

>> No.4442515

>>4442447
Did you demonstrate it for her like a good son?

>> No.4442523

>>4442498
it's a very well-discussed topic and nothing new has been said here

>> No.4442527

>>4441098
> legalised slavery that no one balks at
>what is s.p.e.w.

>> No.4442533

>>4442512

Hermione got the timeturner because she wanted to take more classes than physically possible. She decided that the course work was too much and gave the timeturner back to fucking one of the professors at the end of the third book.
I like to think that Harry slapped the shit out of her when she told him.

Also, apparently all the timeturners in the fucking world were in the Ministry of Magic when it got attacked in book 5. They were all destroyed. JK Rowling expected the readers to believe that Dumbledore didn't have one that he could leave to Harry, knowing damn well that three teemgers were going to be knocking around the woods, trying to defeat the most evil Wizard in the world.

>> No.4442539

>>4442514
Are there more of those?

>> No.4442554

>>4441024

honestly, 1 part marketablity, one part good writing and two parts luck.

>> No.4442555

>>4442302
>But this never happens in the book

http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Splinching

>> No.4442562

>>4442533
>kid wants to take more classes than she can fit into her schedule
>so let's give her a fucking time machine
Why not just say "no, Hermione, you need to choose one over the other"?

How is giving a 12 year old a time machine for such a mundane thing anything other than completely fucking nuts?

>> No.4442563

>>4441114
There was a parallel wizard war against Grindelwald alongside the muggle WWII.

>> No.4442572

Was Harry Potter even that powerful as a wizard?

>> No.4442573

>>4442562
Hermione was supposed to be the best student the school had had in decades. Also Dumbledore probably planned for them to use it to save Sirius eventually or whatever.

>> No.4442574

>>4442507
Lol that's hilarious.

>> No.4442577

>>4442572
No, it's mentioned several times in the series that he'd never be able to get anything done without Hermione's help.

>> No.4442579

>>4441080
lol this pretty much

she as a talented lady, can we leave it at that? Maybe if you work hard enough and persevere, you could reach a similar level, but definitely not by sitting around and looking for the "perfect formula".

>> No.4442584

>>4441024

>modern music
>implying classical composers weren't rich as fuck from being funded by the crown

Also, you're forgetting several things. Stephen King doesn't have to write fantasy, or even horror, and he doesn't have to write about teenagers in order to make millions of dollars. Second, I'm pretty sure Stephanie Meyer, Hunger Games person, and 50 Shades person are nowhere near as rich as Rowling. Rowling has more money than the fucking queen.

You could even become a political commentator, get your own show on MSNBC/Fox/whatever, and if you become popular enough any book you write pretty much already has a fan base.

>> No.4442587

Hermione is a Rowling self-insert. The only one not of noble blood, poor, supersmart (lol), saves the day constantly, is beautiful and admired etc etc

>> No.4442588

>>4441184
she's from the British Isles

>> No.4442595

>>4442587
shes a bitch sometimes, and Ron and Harry's point of view of her is realistic and justified. It may be a self insert, but it's self aware

>> No.4442609

>>4442562
>How is giving a 12 year old a time machine for such a mundane thing anything other than completely fucking nuts?
You can't use them for anything more than the most mundane things without killing yourself or poofing into non-existence.

>> No.4442615

>>4442562
its interesting to the story

enjoy not making millions from your awesome book

>> No.4442619

>>4442587
She's got noticeable buck teeth for half the series and the way she's described makes her look like a squirrel, she's annoying as shit half the time, and she doesn't have friends aside from Harry, Luna, Neville, and Ron, who NTR's her for an entire book.

>> No.4442623

>>4442609
what defines mundane

>> No.4442650

>>4442572
I'd say yes. He might not be the strongest duelist but remember what Dumbledore says: being a wizard is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one. Over the course of the series it's Harry's heart and compassion that sets him miles above the others, especially powerful dark wizards like Voldemort. It's not only about who can cast the most powerful spell.

>> No.4442702

>>4442619

Does anyone want to explain to me why Hermione has such a hardon for Ron? He useless in almost every conceivable way. Maybe he haw a horse dick. I don't know.

>> No.4442703

>>4442623
You can't go back further than a few hours, you can't interact with yourself, you can't attempt significant change of the past/future or interact too much with others, etc. You're basically limited to doing things like reading two books as much, studying twice as much in half the time, and other small things otherwise you risk dying or being "un-born" or altering the timeline beyond consistency. Succinctly, "any action that does not cause noticeable inconsistencies in time".

>> No.4442707

>>4441106
bumping this because I'm too lazy to look it up

>> No.4442714

>>4442702
he's extremely loyal, and he's a gryffindor... gryffindors usually automatically gain a few points

>> No.4442748

>>4442702
he's a pureblood and she's trying to gain status

>> No.4442755

>>4442703

The only reason you can't let your past self see your future self is because your past self might freak out and attack you.

>> No.4442776

>>4442650
Lame, in Steven Erikson his series you constantly got those almighty bitches on top.

>> No.4442778

I am legitimately looking for someone to cowrite a novel with me, something of a money ploy, targeted at young girls. It will be modeled like the twilight series, just some trivial teenage romance. I put my email in the field.

>> No.4442779

>>4442748
He is like the wizard equivalent of white trash.

>> No.4442796

>>4442755
Yes, I know. That's why I mentioned it. That would be a noticeable inconsistency.

>> No.4442799

>>4442779
After the series ends he becomes a high ranking official in the wizard government law department though if I remember correctly.

>> No.4442811

>>4441066
>average teenager has to deal with special circumstances and finds out he/she is the one that can change the world

>> No.4442826

>>4441024
>How do I make billions
Everyone who made billions was extremely lucky. Same goes for writing. Get lucky.

>> No.4442829

>>4442702

Because they don't have friends outside of their trio. Harry married the only female Weasley child and Ron/Hermione were about the same age.

>> No.4442836

>>4441024

Study the following.

The official /lit/ best books/series of all time guide.

The diary of a young girl
To kill a mockingbird
1984
Harry Potter
The great Gatsby
A song of ice and fire
The little prince
The Catcher in the Rye
Blood Meridian
The Hitchhikers guide to the glassy
Green Eggs & Ham

>> No.4442857

>The Hitchhikers guide to the glassy

I haven't visited /lit/ in over a year, come back and see so many posters don't even bother to check their spelling.
>>/co/

>> No.4442867

>>4442778

I have sent you an offer.

>> No.4442882

>>4441024
Put a fold out photo of a sexy babe with her tits out in the centre.

>> No.4442893

>>4442836
can i combine the plots and characters of all of those and make a trillion dollar book?

>> No.4442901

Make a huge world that's not so detailed so people can fanwank over all the little details and add an average coming-of-age friendship story over the top.

>> No.4442902

>>4442796
If I had a time turner, and I happened to see myself, I'd make the logical conclusion that somewhere in the future I'm going back in time to change something, and thus I would stay out of myselfs way.

>> No.4442905

>>4442902

What if you didn't know that time turners existed? I'd assume doppleganger and either shit my pants and run or try to kill them.

>> No.4442915

>>4442893
no you may not

>> No.4442917

>>4442902
You'd have to have a knowledge of time turners/time travel before using them, and only people in the ministry know about them and a handful others. Given that wizards exist in a world where polyjuice potion is well-known, along with other ways to duplicate a person's appearance, the most common conclusion isn't "time travel" but some variety of either dark magic, people trying to fuck you over, or various other ill intentions, which is why the rule is in place.

>> No.4442934

>>4442917
So just think of a password. "If I ever time travel and interact with my past self, I will tell them [password] to confirm that it is me from the future rather than an imposter."
Problem solved. The only way around this would be to somehow extract the password from you, polyjuice into you, then travel back to before you have the password taken from you.

>> No.4442937

>>4442917

But, really, let's say your Harry. Let's say you did get your hands on the Time Turner and had the forethought to take it with you into the woods. Let's say that you knew you were probably going to use it if shit got rough. The only thing you would really need to protect yourself is a safety word that you and you alone know. That way, if you happen to see yourself walking by, the only thing you have to do is ask the thing for the safety word. Can't give it to you? Kill him.

>> No.4442940

>>4442934
>>4442937
That's a good idea, except that none of them were aware time travel was even possible (and were told, I think, that it was actually impossible) until they discovered the time turners and it was too late for it to work.

>> No.4442949

>>4442778
I've been thinking of solo writing a "chick lit" novel myself. I mean all you have to do is think of the most trivial bullshit ever and have a bunch of teenage girls fuss over it, right? "Shelly and the Shopping Caper", there I already have a title.

>> No.4442953

>>4442940

They were thirteen when they found out about time travel. If Hermion had just kept the damn thing it would have changed the outcome of the rest of the series.

Imagine the Ministry fight in book 5 if they had the ability to go back in time and warn themselves not to go.

>> No.4442958

>>4442867
Why wont you respond? Why do you hate money?

>> No.4442963

>>4442949
Have you ever been to the chick lit section of a bookstore? How many of those titles do you think are successes?
You're better off working a minimum wage job than writing that tripe.

>> No.4442983

>>4441024
The Japanese have this down OP. Go look up their formulas they use in shit like Naruto.

>Either in a distant setting or in a setting that mirrors our own
>Main character either has noble blood or will discover he has it
>Has a group of friends he learns the meaning of friendship from
>Has a crush on a girl he never gets
>Adults too incompetent to defeat big bad (But are more interesting than the kids)
>Has to learn some kind of secret that will help him defeat the big bad

You'll see these cliches in other stuff too like Korra

>> No.4443018

>>4442867
Just responded now. Sorry for the delay, I had to go shovel the snow.

>> No.4443062

>>4442410
>circular reasoning
What point are you trying to make? One of the main ideas of the pictures is that you are wrong.

>> No.4443082

>>4442533
>Hermione got the timeturner because she wanted to take more classes than physically possible.
this could very well be one of the dumbest things i've ever read. I hope none of this was actually in any of the books.

>> No.4443152

>>4443082
read the wiki

>Hermione Granger received one from Professor McGonagall in 1993, so that she could attend more classes in her third year than time would allow. Since McGonagall made her swear to not tell anyone about it, she did not mention it to Harry or Ron until the end of the school year, when she and Harry used it to travel back in time and save Sirius Black and Buckbeak from certain death. Special permission from the Ministry of Magic had to be sought to allow Hermione to use one, but her academic record ensured that permission was given.

>Hermione found her third year stressful with the extra class load, and therefore decided to drop Divination, which she despised, and Muggle Studies, which she did not find very useful, given that she was a Muggle-born. This allowed her to have a normal schedule once again, and she returned her Time-Turner.

>The entire stock of Time-Turners, located in the Time Room, in the Ministry of Magic was destroyed during the Battle of the Department of Mysteries in 1996.

>> No.4443184
File: 2.70 MB, 350x300, cosbynope.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4443184

>>4443152

>> No.4443197

>>4443152
>needs to invoke paradoxes to pass two extra classes

Once again Muggles beat Magic: adderall, stupid.

>> No.4443222

>>4443197
It wasn't just to pass them, it was so she could literally take two classes in the same time slot.

>> No.4443238

>>4443222
>>4443197

Well, since Dumbledore seems to have had everything planned out from the beginning, it's possible he meant for her to get the Time Turner to save Sirius and Buckbeak, not just to attend more classes.

>> No.4443246

>>4441038
Bullshit, but even if that was the case, that'd be a Polish name anyway.

>> No.4443251

>>4443152
Don't forget they used it to save Buckbeak and free Sirius, if I recall correctly.

>> No.4443258

>>4443222
Adderall can do that too but you have to take a lot and you'll start to see ghosts and shit.

>> No.4443291

>>4443238
Wait a sec if Dumbledore orchestrated everything does that mean he somehow commanded Buckbeak to fuck up Malfoy so he could be sentenced to execution and subsequently saved by Harry and Hermie in order to save Sirius? That's cold as fuck.

>> No.4443311

>>4443291

Well, Hagrid is a second-class citizen exposing students to dangerous animals. Or maybe Dumbledore just told Hagrid to teach his students about hippogriffs to keep them on school grounds.

>> No.4443315

>>4443238
Why didn't Dumbledore just do all this shit himself?

>> No.4443324

>>4443311
No bro I mean like maybe he got a kid mauled so the kids could go back in time and have a free ride available to fly up and save Sirius.

>> No.4443334

>>4443315

His eternal guilt and shame over the fact that he killed his sister and at one time sympathized with wizard Nazis.

>> No.4443767

>>4442302
>never happens in the book
Although elf magic is different than wizard magic, and it's not apparition, it's sorta kinda how Dobby dies. He gets stabbed while trying to instantaneously transport.

>man, that's a huge plot hole
Time travel is extremely dangerous, PLUS all of the time-turners get destroyed in Order of the Phoenix, and the Ministry decides not to make anymore because they're that dangerous. Time traveling is no more.

>>4442327
>their wand use
Uhh, so they just hide it from the muggles like they always do anyway?

>>4442347
Jesus is Harry Potter?

>>4442650
Even as a fan of the series, I lol'd.

>>4442953
no

>> No.4443918

>>4443315

A very strong case can be made for a dark, dark Dumbledore. Google The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore. it's basically a full-blown thesis on the subject.

>> No.4443922

>>4443918
Unfortunately the book you've suggested I read is fictitious.

>> No.4443937

>>4441098
Could you elaborate on how the world is shallow? A fictional world where wizards use a completely different species as slaves is not a plot hole. The next one isn't a plot hole either, J.K just doesn't elaborate on all their interactions. Being insular isn't s plot hole, the, being in incestuous isn't true and the kids learn from their parents and or go to normal schools before they turn 11. Anymore "plot holes"?

>> No.4443941

>>4442203
Horrendously overpowered? This isn't a videogsme.

>> No.4443953

>>4442234
For the most part harry is a normal kid and he admits that. He admits that most of his victories come from help from his friends , luck and practise. The wizard thing is different yes but in the hp world not as different because there are thousands of wizards.

>> No.4443962

>>4442324
You can do this with any novel though and i regularly do it with /lit/ core novels.

>> No.4443970

>>4442382
Very dislodge heavy. Famous novels like War and Peace are littered with dialogue.

>> No.4443972

>>4443941
What? Those things are an issue in any fantasy setting. If you give some character undefined or enormous powers it makes things boring for a lot of reasons, like needing a deus ex machina or power level wankery to beat them, or making conflict meaningless or silly in its scope.

If Gandalf had been legitimately "overpowered" it would have been an issue. He could have just traipsed through the setting as a level 99 superwizard destroying armies with hurricanes and shit.

>> No.4443988

>>4442456
Seven times in a row? Did you read book 7? Harry doesn't go to Hogwarts. You could do whst you're doing for almost any series and any book. You can make anything loom bad and devoid of novelty but really there are lots of differences. The triwizard tournament, 3 from memory doesn't have really anything a out Voldemort and its more focused on Dementors. There's the Quidditch cup, rons brothers wedding, the whole of 6 and 7 have loads of different things. There's lots more.

>> No.4443999

>>4442587
Rowling has said this in interviews

>> No.4444001

>>4443922

Google harder. PDFs are floating out there. The title is intentional.

>> No.4444028

>>4443972
>>4443972
But wasn't the anon saying overpowered in comparison to muggles? Muggles are not important in the series. The wizards being far more powerful than them has no bearing because conflict is always between wizards, not humans.

>> No.4444129

>>4441114
Jews have wizard blood. Voldemort is a Zionist out for revenge.

>> No.4444857

>>4442456
>Not really. She did tell the story... seven times in a row. Every Harry Potter story is the same. Harry goes to Hogwarts. Mystery unfolds. Harry gets into trouble. Mystery solved: it's Voldemort!

>What is a standard mystery formula?

In the hundreds of pages of each book, you can't honestly pretend there's not more going on than that.
Yeah the mystery surrounds the same ultimate 'culprit' every time, but there are lesser ones about (such as Quirrel, Umbridge, Moody, etc), plus a whole lot of other shit going on with the characters in the mean time (since the books do take place in the span of an entire damn year, and few times are they ever really looking for Voldemort until the very end).

>> No.4444875

>>4443918
i like that when people start getting affectionate at some work of fiction, there are no plotholes they can't rationalize away, no matter how many hours of work it takes
the author can never fuck up, they are super perfect.

>> No.4444932

>>4442347
>implying frodo was jesus
yeah dont you remember that time when jesus gave up on saving humanity and accepted pure evil into his heart

>> No.4444992

>>4444932
Remember when jesus was sick and his friend Peter carried the cross for him
then jesus came to and he was like "wtf peter that's MY cross"
look it up

>> No.4445006

>>4441159
This is fucking insane. I had no idea.

>> No.4445025

>>4442456
She had focus. Everything that happened, happened for a reason, making it extremely satisfying and entertaining for the reader.

>> No.4445035

It's simple OP, just have a fantasy setting, with magic, involving three teenage characters. One is the main protagonist, the other his or her love interest, the third one is the comic relief character/sidekick. The protagonist gets called for action, he has to fight an evil antagonist, who is a relative of the protagonist. While they battle the antagonist, the protagonist falls in love with his love interest. Then she gets kidnapped and the protagonist has to save her. He does and they live happily ever after

Wasn't there some kind of model for myths like this? I think Star Wars used this model

>> No.4445062

>>4444932
I'm pretty sure Tolkien spread out his Jesus-parallels over multiple characters. Frodo did the crossbearing, Gandalf the resurrecting, and Aragorn (unwillingly) became the king of the jews.

>> No.4445064

>>4442702
>>4442748
>>4442779


He's everything she needs to quiet the voices in her head.

>> No.4445142

ITT: Half say book is formulaic and lame and filled with plotholes, half say book appeals to people in a way that transcends formulaic and lame and filled with plotholes, and the third half:

doesnt matter; got paid

harry potter was awesome, fuck your noise sqoofling about as a way to go another day forgetting that the world doesn't adhere to your desperately constructed standards

i hope i can one day touch as many hearts in my age as she did.

>> No.4445195

>>4445142
so what you're saying is quality doesn't matter so much as you get to be famous.

>> No.4445246

no, i'm saying you manufacture rationalizations for your need to be in a favorable position to decide what's valuable not much unlike you manufacture excuses for your shortcomings.

>> No.4445252

>>4445142
>people criticise something you like
>FUCK YOU GUYS, IT RULES. YOUR STANDARDS ARE GAY FART SHIT. MY STANDARDS ARE GOLDEN EMPEROR HULK HOGAN STANDARDS

Why even bother posting such a shitty post just to say "I am creepily attached to children's books (and probably children)"

>> No.4445266

>>4445195

This is unfortunately the mindset of pretty much every "asperational" young person these days. Their goal is not to become the best or to help others or even simply to establish a comfortable life for themselves.

What ambitious people want is to be famous.

>> No.4445269

>>4445252
It's not worth liking if you don't obsess over it

>> No.4445272

>>4445252

to embolden the hearts of people who aren't so afraid to look their bullshit biases in the asshole, why even bother doing anything else like posting in this topic in the first place. such a weak argument.

why did you reply to my response?

what's that feeling churning in your gut you had to follow up with a post to settle?

>> No.4445273

>>4445266
the root word of asperational obviously being aspere.

>> No.4445276

>>4445272
>why did you reply to my response?

>what's that feeling churning in your gut you had to follow up with a post to settle?

But you're the one whose first post in the thread was defensive

>> No.4445277

>>4445266

you dont know me bro, but i know bullshit behavior when i see it.

what does famous even mean?

all you see is us vs them.

they're not even people anymore.

just an idea.

an idea.

an idea.

you've made people an idea.

murderer.

why are you giving me anymore attention?

what's that feeling you've got to blow away in the wind?

>> No.4445306
File: 1.09 MB, 1280x643, anon come read HP with me.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4445306

I scrolled through this thread hoping somebody had another flattering picture of her. She really is gorgeous

>> No.4445358

>>4445306
>Imagine you were her Portuguese husband back in 1993 and chose not to divorce her and leave her a single mother.
You will be rich and spoiled by a hottie sugar mommy today.

>> No.4445376

>>4445358

Unless she wouldn't have written anything if not for that.
Maybe she'd be too busy housewiving and being generally fulfilled to bother trying to write or scrape some money together by getting published.

>> No.4446078

>>4444444