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/lit/ - Literature

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4398711 No.4398711[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Cant get this shit right. Talk to me /lit/!

The empire was a powerful force, a smart force with the most brilliant minds in the world at its disposal and the resources to put them to use. On the grand continent they had reach as far as they could however. The mountains of the country they referred to as the savage lands acted as a natural fortress that was as good as impenetrable. The villages that sat at the foot of the mountains had long since been laid to ash by the empires attempts to extend its hand even further. Even after the empires retreat the people of the savage lands considered those ruined villages cursed and would not take back their lands. From above, it could be viewed as a clear line between two different worlds. On one side was the omnipowerful empire, and the other side the savage unknowns.

That is that what this story is about though. Because the empire found a new land to reach for. Across the ocean that was once thought to be endless there was a new land. At the shore of this new land there was desert, followed by thousands of miles of more desert, but at the end of the yellow sea of sand there was something else: Eden. Was it something they needed? Probably not, but growth is predisposition and it must continue to grow. The empire reached for Eden, a task that was not undemanding and it would take time, but it could be accomplished. It is in this period that our story takes place. Mainly, the tool they would use to bridge the gap between themselves and the promised land. The answer was simple: Railroads.

>> No.4400389

This is literally a case of peroxide burn searing my derm

Start with action, reveal the description of the setting through the actions and words of characters/things in the story, through these set up a conflict. And don't be so complicated. Young children are natural storytellers.

>> No.4400425

>>4398711
Saying that your story takes place in the period and setting you are describing seems rather redundant. It should be assumed. Even if the audience doesn't know, they will find out as the story progresses. Also the last sentence seems...off. Unless you plan on continuing by explaining how they expanded using the railroad I don't see it working and even then it's iffy. I like the rest though

>> No.4400487

Please don't begin a story with exposition, in the name of the gods of half-decent literature, please.

>> No.4400516

>The empire was a powerful force, a smart force, its ruling elite consisted of the most brilliant minds in the world, and their resources were limitless. Yet of one thing they were in short supply, and that was land. The vast expansion that had followed the ascension of the current Emperor had come to a sudden halt when the cities reached the sea.

>> No.4400530

You got everything backwards

Put the tool before the work in story writing

Railroads - connection of these places - something empire something - contrast to savagery

This way you have perspective

>> No.4400599

thanks bros