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/lit/ - Literature

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File: 54 KB, 269x401, Heart_of_Darkness.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4380898 No.4380898[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

We rewrite great books in 2 sentences. I'll start:

"Boy, it sure is boring on this boat, anybody know a good story?"
"Wow, that was quite a story."

pic related

>> No.4380926

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.
The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

>> No.4380929
File: 61 KB, 587x449, huck.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4380929

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

"Think I'll go hang out with Tom Sawyer."
"Think I'll get the fuck away from Tom Sawyer for a while."

>> No.4380931
File: 31 KB, 200x292, Oldmansea.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4380931

This thread is probably destined to fail, but whatever:

Boy, I've been trying to catch this fish for so long that it hurts. I feel so good to have caught it.

>> No.4380941
File: 43 KB, 324x500, The_Stranger.large.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4380941

"I'm heartless, I'm a murderer, I'm an exile and a victim. Moral world is my demise".

"I don't even care".

>> No.4380950
File: 162 KB, 728x900, God Emporer.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4380950

I can see everything but some things are beyond my sight. I have given up so much that you may continue forever.

>> No.4380954
File: 58 KB, 515x798, burgin96.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4380954

The Devil went down to Moscow
He took two people with him

>> No.4380965
File: 413 KB, 500x827, clockwork22.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4380965

"Well, ready for some cruel mischief and mayhem my Droogies?"
"Aint that a cute baby!?"

(British edition)

>> No.4381002

Franny and Zooey:
>I can't deal with the fact that people are phonies!
>When you put it that way, I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

>> No.4381004

>>4381002
Nah, more like.
>Existential "can't deal with the phones" Crisis, starts praying.
>Prayer gets answered, revelation overload.

I love that book so much.

>> No.4381009

>>4380898
Heart of Darkness basically is Dane's Inferno and Kurtz is Lucifer. Just saying.

>> No.4381014

Cat's cradle by Vonnegut:
>The U.S military has developed a new superweapon called Ice-9 - when it is used it will freeze any and all water it comes into contact with, effectively turning earth into an ice world.
>Oh fuck, I dropped it!

>> No.4381024
File: 20 KB, 260x260, 144e4c58d7c7f7c.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381024

>>4381014
my favorite KV book and you dun nailed it
10/10

>> No.4381029

American Psycho

All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed.

Not!

>> No.4381035
File: 76 KB, 505x800, gullivers-travels.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381035

"I think I'll be a ship's surgeon to practice medicine and feed my family."
People are shit, I'ma go live with the horses."

>> No.4381044
File: 1.10 MB, 800x1200, hammlet.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381044

"Your father's ghost has some unfinished business for you."
"We're one big happy (dead) family now."

>> No.4381223
File: 832 KB, 936x1539, 00.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381223

>>4380898

"I have a vagina."
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

>> No.4381227

>>4381029
More like:

"Oh man I'm the logical conclusion of materialism."

"The eighties sure suck!"

>> No.4381237
File: 19 KB, 260x402, 9781447468332_p0_v2_s260x420.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381237

"Unfathomable evil lies under the streets of Red Hook, Brooklyn. Mostly in the form of chinks and niggers."

>> No.4381239
File: 259 KB, 1160x1804, Onlyjesting.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381239

"This movie gets pretty addictive, but only when you watch it ironically."
"Fuck off."

>> No.4381265

>>4381237
hahaha god i loved that story

>dat santanic version of the story of christ

>> No.4381369

>>4381265

It really is the best. You rarely read anything with as much unbridled, seething hatred.

>> No.4381413
File: 41 KB, 332x477, 1387388164839.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381413

"Welp, time to write more manuscripts today!"
"Actually, now that I think about it, I WON'T write more manuscripts today!"

>> No.4381430
File: 9 KB, 174x290, kom.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381430

'I'm one righteous dude'
'Fuck it'

>> No.4381431
File: 133 KB, 1000x759, GERMAN FOR GERMANS.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381431

"Do what I say or I'll fucking kill you"
"Okay, hey, I may have been a little harsh, here, let's talk about it..."

>> No.4381448
File: 41 KB, 500x738, kafka on the shore tatoo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381448

"God I hate my dad"
"But my mom and my sister? Maybe I like 'em too much"

>> No.4381463
File: 974 KB, 2222x2212, bibbles.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381463

"Alright Jews, take daily showers and stop sacrificing your children and you'll get more than you could ever dream of."

"Stop fucking everything up, you fucking Jews, this isn't hard."

>> No.4381471
File: 29 KB, 200x315, 200px-Rye_catcher.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381471

"Holden, get that dick out of your mouth."
SLURP SLURP SLUUUUUURP.

>> No.4381481
File: 30 KB, 500x500, tolstoy.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381481

Why did the peoples of west march east?

Why did the peoples of east march west?

>> No.4381497
File: 23 KB, 250x393, notes from the underground.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381497

"I'm a shitty person, a liar, and there are tons of people around"
"My failure knows no bounds, like my dick knows not the inside of a prostitute"

>> No.4381504
File: 277 KB, 1296x852, Ask me if I give a fuck.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381504

>>4381497

>"My failure knows no bounds, like my dick knows not the inside of a prostitute"

Fucking perfect

>> No.4381510

>>4381497
Dostoevsky was a true neckbeard hero. When he was hanging out with other literary people, he would get trolled into saying something stupid and then when everyone made fun of him he would continue to defend whatever he said until he was basically screaming and crying and then run out of the room

>> No.4381520
File: 8 KB, 184x184, 1373111191083.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4381520

>>4381497

noice

>> No.4381528

>>4381510
He's my hero anyway.

>>4381520
>>4381504
I try, I try.

>> No.4381529

>>4381510
got a source?

>> No.4381569

>>4381471
*tips high school graduation cap*

>> No.4381583

>>4381569
>only high school kids read and know about The Catcher in the Rye
>only high school kids are allowed to talk about a book they'd read

>> No.4381586

>>4381583
More like,

>only high school kids criticize books they don't like by saying lol holden stop slurping that cock

Honestly you must be trolling me

>> No.4381706

>>4380898
test

>> No.4382212

>>4381586
>implying this thread isn't supposed to be about jokes

>> No.4382833
File: 35 KB, 400x251, 1331798024991.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4382833

"That motherfucking whale is mine"
"Things did not go as planned"

Alternately
"This isn't really the best idea Ahab"
"We warned you about the whales, Ahab-bro. We warned you"

>> No.4383266

>>4380898

"Man, I'm sure tired of riding around killing indians, lets just hijack this ferry boat crossing and extort people for a while.

"Also, avoid public restrooms and albinos."

>> No.4383271
File: 445 KB, 341x522, blood.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4383271

>>4383266

>book cover

>> No.4383283

>>4380898

Brave New World:

>tfw no gf
>tfw waifu is a slut

Fahrenheit 451:

>tfw no books
>tfw corrupt and tyrannical government

>> No.4383293
File: 139 KB, 1024x768, a-clockwork-orange-3-1024.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4383293

"How about a bit of the ol' ultraviolence?"
"Sick, I can go around raping and pillaging again."

>> No.4383304

>>4383293
>reading the american version that misses the entire point of the book

>> No.4383315
File: 165 KB, 640x1097, atlas-shrugged-book-cover.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4383315

"No! I must build the trains!"
"No Dagny. You are the trains"

>> No.4383317
File: 45 KB, 301x500, 51UaHxyW1SL.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4383317

"Okay guys, if we work together we can do this."

"Well, shit."

>> No.4383325

>>4383304
I've read both versions, I know the original has him realizing that was he was doing was reckless and he becomes responsible, but someone already posted that version, so I figured to post the american contrast.

>> No.4383375

>>4381510
Sandwiching my O's with L's if this is true.

>Gamestop and Spaghetti By F. Dostoevsky

>> No.4383527
File: 24 KB, 331x500, Twilightbook.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4383527

"I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"
"I almost died, but I still love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

>> No.4383568
File: 24 KB, 292x423, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4383568

Human creates monster, tells tale and dies.
Monster becomes humane and dies.

>> No.4383582

>>4383315
Could someone give me a compelling reason why I should continue reading this book? I am at the end of part I, and it does not seem like it is worth so much of my time.

>> No.4383599

>>4380929

lol based

>> No.4383603

>>4380931
but he didn't feel good to have caught it - in the end he even felt remorse, wishing for the fish to have won.

>> No.4383606

>>4383582
Who told you it was worth any of your time? I haven't read it, but AFAIK it's promoted in the States purely as capitalist propaganda and has no literary merit whatsoever. I could be wrong, though.

>> No.4383615
File: 85 KB, 620x620, TaipeiTaoLin_1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4383615

Paul seemingly stared at his macbook screen after ingesting adderall. He became aware of himself thinking about some crazy oblique shit.

>> No.4383774

>>4383615
Exactly. I'm not sure if reading that book was a waste of time or not.

>> No.4383790
File: 8 KB, 176x286, portrait.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4383790

"Aren't the formative experiences of your early life beautiful and amazing?"

"Yeah, until you turn into a smug teenager and start trying to impress everybody by explaining them in a philosophical way."

>> No.4383810

>>4381413
your description made me want to read it

>> No.4384502
File: 51 KB, 948x1462, 9780385474542_custom-s6-c30.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4384502

"Yamyamyamyamyamyamyamyamyam"
"Oh shit white people :("

>> No.4384535

>>4383615
>seemingly stared
hahahahaha, spot on

>> No.4384628

>>4384502
>"Oh shit white people :("
I laughed harder than I should've

>> No.4384671
File: 82 KB, 600x1064, 61Eq2t0s7VL[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4384671

"War is a hellish experience that serves nothing but to rip away very humanity of foolish youth and leaves them incapable of reconciling the horrors they've witnessed and committed, assuming they survive it at all"
"Germans are people too."

>> No.4384678
File: 8 KB, 200x256, 200px-UlyssesCover.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4384678

jambolaboa shnihiriti olieoalooep weoppoareoigigig sinaloeinas lather stairhead

yesokaysyes

>> No.4384681
File: 155 KB, 570x800, First+British+Edition[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4384681

"Androids are just like humans"

"They also might not be."

>> No.4384686

>>4384671

Well, actually, given authorial intent (Yeah, I know) it should be "The French are people too."

It was written by a German for Germans, not by a German for Non-Germans

>> No.4384699

>>4384686
Goes both ways, really. The point was that both sides are comprised of scared kids that didn't know what the hell they were getting themselves into.

So it should be "Germans and the French are both people" Or, more aptly "Everyone is a person who doesn't deserve the kind of shit we do to each other in war"

>> No.4384701

>>4384699
>"Everyone is a person who doesn't deserve the kind of shit we do to each other in war"

Yeah, that's probably the best.