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/lit/ - Literature

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File: 1.92 MB, 1710x598, Nosferatu Corul de Sange by Eric McCann.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216201 No.4216201 [Reply] [Original]

>Self publishing

>> No.4216220

>>4216201
I love these
Threads.

>> No.4216227
File: 236 KB, 830x749, 1380297037487.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216227

> Penguin publishing

>> No.4216229

>My name is Damien Van Nachstein, monster hunter extraordinaire...

The best way to introduce the main character.

>> No.4216232

>>4216227
this is actually pretty good prose despite subject matter

>> No.4216246

>>4216229
But it would have been better as "Hi, my name is Damien Van Nachstein..."

If you're going to break the fourth wall, might as well go for broke.

>> No.4216258

>>4216232
it's GR dude

>> No.4216263
File: 1.85 MB, 471x265, 1381689372510.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216263

>>4216201
>he said in a raspy voice
>I asked as I gestured to a chair for him to sit in.
>replied the hooded man as I realized he was telling the truth.
>he said as thunder clashed and a flashing light spilled upon the floor.
>I asked as he laughed.
>he warned as my heart started to pound.
>I asked myself as I then knew why

make it stop

>> No.4216271

>>4216263
What's wrong with that I ask as you stamp angrily.?

>> No.4216283

Is he romanian? ._.

>> No.4216294

>>4216263
The first two aren't that bad.

>> No.4216296

More pls

>> No.4216319
File: 1.43 MB, 260x146, mind = blown.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216319

>>4216201
>Nosferatu, dhampires, blood drinkers, vampyres, or in modern texts, vampires.

>> No.4216340

This is fucking gold. I'd organize reading parties for this sort of stuff.

>> No.4216349
File: 51 KB, 500x400, 1366487906181.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216349

>>4216201
>I went to my private airfield with my private jet on it

>> No.4216348

honestly are these really that bad? these are actually hilarious

>> No.4216350

>>4216296
http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-mccann/nosferatu-corul-de-sange/hardcover/product-21264668.html

There are some more preview pages available.

>> No.4216354

I honestly can't tell if you're doing this on purpose or not. This is God-tier literature.

>> No.4216365

http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-mccann/the-salvation/paperback/product-20677807.html

"A post-apocalyptic novel of a band of people struggling to survive a zombie infested world. In order to survive, they need to search the wasteland for a vampire called Bruce McCann. Once they do, they must defeat the monster who caused the end of the world."

>> No.4216370

>>4216365
>Jake and I were staring across the empty wastelands we once called New York. All that remains of it is the upper torso of the Statue of Liberty stuck in the sand, and the roof of the Empire State Building.

Their iconic recognizably saved them from the nuclear blast.

>> No.4216375

>>4216296
>he said in a raspy voice
Not really that bad, just hella cliche

>I asked as I gestured to a chair for him to sit in.
You only need to clarify the purpose of the gesture if it is something other than the intended purpose of the object and the context doesn't make that obvious.

>> No.4216376

>>4216201
Still better then Tao Lin.

>> No.4216389

>>4216375
>>4216294
the thing is you shouldn't really put action, description, or anything in dialog tags.

Dialog tags exist for one purpose: to let the reader know who's speaking. Not how they're speaking, not what the speaker looks like, not what the speaker is doing, not what the weather is like.

>> No.4216390
File: 64 KB, 617x631, 1380266147435.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216390

>>4216201
Not up to the quality level of From Nickels to Ounces.

>> No.4216429
File: 398 KB, 1149x676, Goodnight Kiss Adrian Johnson.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216429

The entire story of Goodnight Kiss can be read in the preview

http://www.lulu.com/shop/adrian-johnson-and-adrian-johnson/goodnight-kiss-the-story-of-a-nightmare/paperback/product-21131627.html

>> No.4216446

Anyone have that "her legs were coffee cups, PC speakers, mouse-mats," book? Where it spends two pages describing some chick in really odd ways.

>> No.4216452

>>4216429
>tfw reading terrible stories while my literature backlog keeps growing

>> No.4216454
File: 481 KB, 1000x813, Ron Miller Silk and Steel.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216454

>>4216446
Also available for purchase on Lulu.

>> No.4216478
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4216478

>>4216429
>Read the whole story in the preview
>Ends on page 33, the book has 62 pages
>Quickly browse through the rest, all blank
>Reach the last page
>mfw

>> No.4216567
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4216567

>>4216227
>Penguin publishing
>Book isn't about penguins

>> No.4216591
File: 211 KB, 319x478, joyce.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216591

>>4216478
Haha! God.

>> No.4216622

>>4216258
what's that?

>> No.4216683

>>4216622
Gravity's Rainbow.

>> No.4216706

>>4216454

This is what happens when a boy discovers metaphor at the same time puberty hits.

>> No.4216767
File: 368 KB, 789x597, 1365914071755.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216767

>> No.4216798

>>4216454
Is all of the book like that?

>> No.4216809

>>4216767
>sex scene in the 2nd person

I guess there's a reason this hasn't been done before

>> No.4216896
File: 149 KB, 1396x1344, 1381367216397.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4216896

>>4216201
>I saw one of my bretheren get decapitated, and it seemed like all the blood he ever drank or posessed exploded from his neck.

>Ruby-red tentacles shot from the stump of his neck whipped around as a high-pitched shrieking sound filled the air.

>The red tentacles then grabbed a human by the head and ripped it right off his shoulders and put it upon his own and the tentacles entered the eyes, the nose, the mouth, and his ears.

>> No.4217092

>>4216319
These are all synonyms, right?

The author seems to think they're all different somehow.

>I have yet to kill a nosferatu

That, or he's a vampire hunter with a shit ton of silver weapons whose never killed a vampire before.

>> No.4217116
File: 370 KB, 459x258, 1382664761654.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4217116

>>4216201
HE HAS RISEN!

>> No.4217137

>>4217092
I think he's aware that they are synonyms. The hunter is just bad at his job.

>> No.4217174
File: 1.16 MB, 1811x2762, BL8D SONG.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4217174

Self publishing.

>> No.4217451
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4217451

>Mankind is in danger, for an ancient evil is about to be arisen

>> No.4217656

>>4216809
>implying that isn't first person

>> No.4217750

>>4217092

Silver is also for werewolves, and he's dealt with them before. It's not like it's fucking difficult, you just have to think.

>> No.4217773

>>4216201
>And the wolves shall herd the sheep, I thought to myself as I smiled wickedly and licked my fangs
I can't handle this much edge.
>I then walked to hotel, grabbed the rest of my stuff and called a cab
I was expecting the Bel Air copypasta.

>> No.4217778

>>4216454
>Her buttocks were fresh-baked loaves

>> No.4217779
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4217779

>>4216454
>her pubes were a field of wheat before the harvest

In all honesty though, the prose really isn't that bad. I actually quite like it.

>> No.4217780

>>4217779
>were
*was

>> No.4217788
File: 24 KB, 400x346, troy.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4217788

>>4216246
>Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You may remember me from such fanfictions as Twilight Meets Twilight and Van Helsing The Hedgehog!

>> No.4218117

In three pages the main character goes to sleep twice and the pov switches six times.

This is just a goddamn mess

>> No.4218152

>>4216376
Or Tim Lebbon

>> No.4218161

>>4216454
>Her thighs were geese

>> No.4218439
File: 289 KB, 300x162, omg.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4218439

>>4216201

>> No.4218911

>>4216567
>Mr. Popper's Penguins

>> No.4219023

"It may be that I can help you"

This book is amazing.

>> No.4219074

>>4216454
>her breasts were... soft, sweet cheese
>her toes were snails, they were snails with shells of tears

i love this

>> No.4219083

>>4216809
it gives it a really rapey feel

>> No.4219085

>>4217174
>born for battle bred for war
what the fuck does that even mean

>> No.4219097
File: 546 KB, 1000x816, verypurple2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4219097

>>4216454
>this guy has a Wikipedia page
>the book is part of a trilogy
I'm horribly tempted to read this now, just to see if it's like this for three novels.

>> No.4219102
File: 529 KB, 1000x814, verypurple3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4219102

>>4219097

>> No.4219106

>>4219102
>Thud Mollockle

This guy knows exactly what he's doing.

>> No.4219114

>>4219083
Everything about it screams rape.
Except the girl; she didn't scream at all.

>> No.4219118

>>4219097
>>4219102
I bought this book a few years ago but still haven't read it.

>> No.4219146 [DELETED] 
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4219146

>Penguin Classics

>> No.4219286
File: 71 KB, 765x529, IMG_20131019_134658.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4219286

>mfw al of these are legitimately better than James Franco's short story

http://www.esquire.com/_mobile/fiction/james-franco-fiction-0410

>> No.4221698

>>4216201
Van Helsing: The Novel

>> No.4223244
File: 989 KB, 1042x914, selfpublishing.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4223244

>Self publishing

>> No.4223954

I may self publish. I don't want to end up here.

>> No.4224276

>>4216201
>as the man chuckled darkly
>chuckled darkly

Jesus Christ.

>> No.4224357

>>4219286
I was wondering, any advice on getting out of the "i this" "i that" writing?

>> No.4226378

>not self publishing

>> No.4226417

>>4216201

Thank you for this, OP.

I'm doing okay, or at least, I could be doing much worse. Much, much worse.

>> No.4226429

>>4219286
>The building is beige, but the shadows make it shadow-color.

>>4224357
Why would you need advice on how to do that? Are you saying you are literally unable to write he this / he that?

>> No.4226551

>>4216767
>holding your precious nipple in my hand

I must have a nipples the size of dinner plates to fill a palm.

>> No.4228552

>>4223244
Is she going to pull out her dick and fuck her?

>> No.4228612

My first paycheck from self publishing came in today. It was just under $100.
I have two books self published. For my third book I will be finding an agent and a publishing company. All three books are different stories, not in a series or anything.

I started a plan 3 years ago to write two books with the focus to learn as much as I could about writing before writing a third. Because as they all say "If you want to be a writer write". My third book is better written then the first two with a better story, I have had many people agree and say so. Hopefully my plan worked. Will let /lit/ know next year.

Even though I am self published I do agree. Self published stuff is laughable. Who ever has a goal to be self published?

>> No.4228648

>>4228612
Link to your books? How many did you sell to earn $100? How did you market your books?
I feel like if I ever put up any of my own works online to sell no one would give a shit or even know of their existence.

>> No.4229021

>>4228648
I'm not the dude you quoted, but If you release your work online for free and it is quality work, you get exposure for future published books.