/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.4203248]

Does anyone have have that greentext story of HP Lovecraft talking shit? It uses his style and I think it ends with something like "Let's see what beast of macabre come out"

Also /lit/ humor thread I guess.

[Anonymous No.4203250]

don't have it, but i'm always up for reposting /lit/ humor
given that we have precious little of it

[Anonymous No.4203252]

Still the funniest /lit/-related image I've seen. Gets me every time.

[Anonymous No.4203255]

>>4203250
Thank you. I don't actually have any /lit/ humor saved, but I appreciate you keeping the thread alive.

[Anonymous No.4203260]

[Anonymous No.4203265]

[Anonymous No.4203267]

[Anonymous No.4203271]

[Anonymous No.4203273]

[Anonymous No.4203277]

[Anonymous No.4203287]

Bumping with the original question.

Does anyone have have that greentext story of HP Lovecraft talking shit? It uses his style and I think it ends with something like "Let's see what beast of macabre come out"

[Anonymous No.4203288]

>>4203273
I remember that one. /lit/ is a small town.

[Anonymous No.4203292]

kek

[Anonymous No.4203300]

.

[Anonymous No.4203308]

>>4203300
:3

[Anonymous No.4203310]

[Anonymous No.4203313]

[Anonymous No.4203315]

A reformed Eurocommunist post-Marxist New Leftist Frankfurt School professor and social democrat was teaching a class on Nikita Khrushchev, known revisionist.
"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Leon Trotsky as the most class conscious revolutionary of all time and accept the Fourth International as the only legitimate representative of the interests of the workers of the world!"
At this moment a brave, revolutionary, unreformed Stalinist NKVD veteran who had an appreciation for socialist realist art and read a chapter of Capital every night before going to sleep stood up and waved the red flag.
"If Trotsky was so great, why wasn't the revolution permanent?"
The arrogant professor smirked quite bourgeoisly and smugly replied, "Because the Soviet Union was a deformed workers state, you idiot gerontocrat!"
"Wrong. Comrade Stalin purged Russia of the kulaks and all enemies of the workers. If your theory of revolution was correct, we would have achieved communism by now."
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of A People's History of the United States. He stormed out of the room crying those social-fascist crocodile tears. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Noam Chomsky, wished he had adopted the policies of the Third Period and become more than an infantile leftist bourgeois stooge. He wished so much that he had not betrayed the revolution, but he himself had sold it out!
The students applauded and all sang the State Anthem of the USSR and accepted Socialism in One Country as the best path forward for proletarian cause. An eagle named "Slavoj Zizek" flew into the room and perched atop a copy of "Pravda" and sniffed snot onto its print. The last sentence of the "The Communist Manifesto" was read several times, and Sergei Eisenstein himself showed up and demonstrated how to roll a baby down the Odessa steps.
The professor lost his tenure and was taken out back and shot the next day. He loved Big Brother.
The student's name? Lavrentiy Beria.

[Anonymous No.4203316]

[Anonymous No.4203322]

[Anonymous No.4203325]

A marxist post-structuralist continental Ecole Normale Superieure professor and feminist activist was teaching a class on Martin Heidegger, known hermeneuticist.
"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Nietzsche and accept that his genealogical method was the most highly-evolved theory the continent has ever known, even greater than Hegel's dialectics!"
At this moment a brave, rational, positivist analytic philosopher who had read more than 15000 pages of Popper and Wittgenstein and understood the raison d'etre of empricism and fully supported all modern hard sciences stood up and held up the constitution.
"How universal is this text, frenchie?"
The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "It's not universal at all, fucking positivist, its "truth" is rooted in our shared understandings about culture, the subject and the nexus of power and knowledge."
"Wrong. It's been 225 years since human reason created it. if it was not universal, and post-modern relativism, as you say, is real... then it should be regarded as a myth now."
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of On Grammatology. He stormed out of the room crying those ironic post-modern crocodile tears. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Michel Foucault, wished he had pulled hiimself up by his bootstraps and become more than an AIDS ridden sadomasochist interested in fisting. He wished so much that he had some kind of truth to hold on to, but he himself had written to disprove it!
The students applauded and all rolled into American universities that day and accepted Wittgenstein as the end of philosophy. An eagle named "Formal logic" flew into the room and perched atop the copy of "Principa Mathematica" and shed a tear on the hardcover. The last sentence of "Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus" was read several times, and Karl Popper himself showed up and demonstrated how dialectics is nothing but a means of justifying contradictions.
The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and his "books" were disregarded for all eternity.

[Anonymous No.4203327]

>>4203325

[Anonymous No.4203332]

A white heteronormative cisgendered CEO professor and Baptist preacher was teaching a class on Karl Rove, known Christian.
“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Jesus Christ and accept that you too can become straight through daily prayer, self-flagellation, and eating Chik-Fil-A every day!”
At this moment, a brave, trans-Asian, self-diagnosed pansexual demiromantic vegan multisouled person who had been free of all animal products and only bought products at the local transgender co-op boldly stood up, holding a glass filled with some white liquid.
“Hey, Professor, what is this?”
The arrogant professor smirked like a rapist and smugly replied “It’s clearly milk, you crazy faggot. What the fuck does milk have to do with political science?”
“Wrong. It’s an all natural vegan soy almond kombucha latte. No animals or transpeople were harmed or raped in the making of this product.”
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of the Wall Street Journal. He stormed out of the room, clearly planning some kind of rape. The professor realized that he had been playing into the hands of the kyriarchy of CEOs, investment bankers, the Religious Right, and psychiatrists. He then killed himself. The proper term for this is “trans-dead”.
The students checked their privilege, all diagnosed themselves with autism and gender identity disorder and joined the Gay-Straight Alliance. An obese trans-eagle furry otherkin waddled into the room and tried to perch upon the American Flag, bending the flagpole in the process. All parties involved gave up meat, Christianity, and the right to bear arms.
The students all lifted their glasses of soy fluid in a toast.
“That beverage’s name? Harvey “The One Percent” Milk.” said the vegan trans-autistic Korean.

[Anonymous No.4203336]

>>4203325
>>4203327
It's ... it's beautiful

[Anonymous No.4203355]

.

[Anonymous No.4203359]

#shotsfired

[Anonymous No.4203376]

>>4203300
>Bros
10/10

[Anonymous No.4203769]

/r9k/ patrician

[Anonymous No.4203789]

>>4203359

lol the fucking coward only had the balls to say this shit after DFW was dead

[Anonymous No.4203796]

>>4203359
>replace DFW by BEE

[Anonymous No.4203800]

>>4203359
>DFW is the best example of a contemporary male writer lusting for a kind of awful greatness that he simply wasn't able to achieve. A fraud.

This is rather true of DFW, but it's also rather true of Ellis.

[Anonymous No.4203807]

>>4203800
>>4203796
>>4203789

All these DFW dickriders

[Anonymous No.4203809]

Fuck Bret Easton Ellis, though.

Fuck him.

God, it was great to see Norm MacDonald going after him.

[Anonymous No.4203811]

>>4203359
Bret Easton Ellis's opinions literally deserve zero respect

[Anonymous No.4203813]

>>4203359
brett easton jealous

[Anonymous No.4203815]

>>4203811
"The talentless hack's talentless hack" is my favorite line from that

[Anonymous No.4203819]

>>4203811

#rekt

[Anonymous No.4203833]

Bret is always butthurt

[Anonymous No.4203847]

This is relevant given the recent influx of /pol/-tier posting

[Anonymous No.4203848]

>>4203811
whoops, I meant LESS THAN ZERO respect

#burn

[Anonymous No.4203850]

> mfw BEE desperately wanted to write the screenplay for 50 Shades of Grey but got passed over

[Anonymous No.4203858]

As far back as 1989, Mailer remarked: "In my mind, there is something silly about a man who wears a white suit all the time, especially in New York."

Wolfe brushed off the sartorial attack, simply pointing out that "the lead dog is the one they always try to bite in the ass". To which Mailer quickly responded: "It doesn't mean you're the top dog just because your ass is bleeding."

>Tom Wolfe getting blown the fuck out

[Anonymous No.4203860]

>>4203858
Yeah but none of that is nearly as good as "Once again, words fail Norman Mailer"

[Anonymous No.4203863]

>>4203858

More Tom Wolfe getting blown the fuck out:

Interviewer: You didn't read The Right Stuff.
John Irving: Oh please. If I were interested in astronauts I would have tried to be one. Bullshit.
Interviewer: No kidding.
Irving: He's a journalist, man, he's a journalist. He doesn't know how to write fiction, he can't create a character, he can't create a situation.
Interviewer: He says he's the Dickens, he's the real version of Dickens.
Irving: It doesn't matter what he says. You see people reading him on airplanes, the same people who are reading John Grisham, for Christ's sake.
Interviewer: You once said in...Shift magazine to me, that you don't believe in the McLiterature theory that if it's popular it's shit. I mean he's popular, it doesn't mean he's shitty.
Irving: I'm not using that argument against him, I'm using the argument against him that he can't write, that his sentences are bad, that it makes you wince. It's like reading a bad newspaper or a bad piece in a magazine. It makes you wince, it makes you wince. You know, if you were a good skater, could you watch someone just fall down all the time? Could you do that? I can't do that.

[Anonymous No.4203867]

>>4203863
Oh man, cuz John Irving is a fucking paragon of literature.

[Anonymous No.4203869]

>>4203860

Gore Vidal had top #bantz

“You know, he (Christopher Hitchens) identified himself for many years as the heir to me. And unfortunately for him, I didn’t die."

[Anonymous No.4203894]

>>4203869

Gore Vidal on Truman Capote: “He’s a full-fledged housewife from Kansas with all the prejudices.”

[Anonymous No.4203901]

>>4203894
>>4203869


Vidal on Truman Capote’s death : “A good career move.”

#rekt

[Anonymous No.4203906]

Dorothy Parker on Benito Mussolini’s -The Cardinal’s Mistress “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

John Updike on the name of a character in one of Rushdie's novels who has the same name as a German actor: Why, oh why, did Salman Rushdie, in his new novel ... call one of his major characters Maxmilian Ophuls
Salman Rushdie: A name is just a name. Why oh why ... Well, why not? Somewhere in Las Vegas there's probably a male prostitute called John Updike.

Harold Bloom on J.K. Rowling “How to read ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’? Why, very quickly, to begin with, and perhaps also to make an end. Why read it? Presumably, if you cannot be persuaded to read anything better, Rowling will have to do.”

Mussolini, Updike and Rowling getting #rekt

[Anonymous No.4203914]

>>4203332
>the proper term for this is "trans-dead"
keke

[Anonymous No.4203922]

>>4203906
I thought that Parker one seemed wrong, and on looking it up, it apparently is - Parker probably never wrote the line, and if she did, it wasn't about Mussolini.

http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/03/26/great-force/

[Anonymous No.4203929]

I enjoyed this cartoon.

[Anonymous No.4203933]

>>4203769
I know this girl who tells everyone about how much it reads and she spurts that "reading books makes you smarter than everyone else" shit, but you spend two days with her and you just realise that she's only into reading fantasy novels.

One day she left an essay she'd done for English on Modernist lit and it was the most fucking clueless thing I've ever read.

[Anonymous No.4203934]

>>4203929
I don't get it.

[Anonymous No.4203935]

>>4203934
>He doesn't get it

Ho man, I'm sad for you

[Anonymous No.4203942]

>>4203935

[Anonymous No.4203944]

>>4203906
Bloom, so tough, so brave, bashing a book for children

[Anonymous No.4203946]

>>4203934

Look at this faggot, look at him and laugh

[Anonymous No.4203947]

>>4203935
I don't get it either.

[Anonymous No.4203949]

>>4203947
I guess because he's calling him "God of Defense" instead of "God of War"...supposedly making light of Bush's preemptive strikes.

Still not funny, though.

[Anonymous No.4203953]

>>4203949
ha ha ha... is this what /lit/ thinks of as "smart"?

[Anonymous No.4203955]

>>4203949
see also, Department of Defense instead of Department of War

[Anonymous No.4203957]

>>4203944

Harry Potter as a cultural phenomenon and as works are not above criticism

[Anonymous No.4203958]

>>4203957
there is criticism and there's being contrarian because you can.

[Anonymous No.4203959]

>>4203957

No, but the quote from him in this thread hardly constitutes worthwhile criticism.

[Anonymous No.4203966]

>>4203809

When?

[Anonymous No.4203991]

>>4203949
If you read it out loud it also kinda sounds like "must get off the fence" with some kind of euroshit accent, like danish or something.

Though I guess that has nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous No.4203992]

>>4203958

> disliking Harry Potter
> contrarian

Or maybe it actually is shit children's literature?

[Anonymous No.4203995]

>>4203992
not that anon but great argument.

[Anonymous No.4204098]

>>4203995
thank you :)

[Anonymous No.4204324]

>>4203847
>mfw i know people like this irl

[Anonymous No.4204436]

/lit/ please
This is important

I need the HP Lovesauce screencap

[Anonymous No.4204439]

>>4204436
This one?

[Anonymous No.4204446]

>>4204436
???

[Anonymous No.4205076]

>>4204446
Always loved this.

[Anonymous No.4205110]

>>4203847
I like how the credit to RevLeft was removed/

[Anonymous No.4205153]

>>4205110
>posting on revleft

lol faggot

[Anonymous No.4205166]

>>4205153
No, I just saw it on /pol/

[Anonymous No.4205170]

>>4205166