/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Fri Sep 20 21:56:00 2013 No.4128241 [DELETED]

a classicist, altermodernist, boomer literature professor and critic was teaching a class on james joyce.

“before the class begins, you must get down on your knees and worship james joyce and accept that he was the most patrician writer the world has ever known, and that the quality of literature is measured by how hard it is for plebs to understand.”

at this moment, a millenial, autistic, vegan writer who had done 1500 readings at williamsburg bookstores and had read infinite jest 500 times and displayed an intricate understanding of the superfluous nature of excessive proliferation of adjectives, clauses, and other linguistic entities to the point of incomprehensibility while composing material of a textual variety stood up and held up a thing.

“what is this thing.”

the arrogant professor smirked quite pretentiously and smugly replied “why, it's a voluptuous, scarlet vase, filled with water like the tears of fallen angels. it is also a metaphor for whichever pre-socratic philosopher you know the least about.”

“wrong. it’s just a thing. if things needed more description than that... then you would have finished writing something by now.”

the professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of notes from underground. he stormed out of the room crying those patrician crocodile tears. the students applauded and all bought a copy of shoplifting from american apparel that day and realized that david foster wallace died for their sins. an eagle named “alt-lit” flew into the room and perched atop the american flag and shed a tear on the chalk. "e unibus pluram" was read several times, and tao lin himself showed up and read from his new novel.

the professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. he died of a heart attack while composing a book-length suicide note that nobody read or cared about.

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 20 21:58:00 2013 No.4128244 10/10

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 20 22:11:59 2013 No.4128260 >>4128241 I expected more spaghetti in this story.

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 20 22:13:00 2013 No.4128264 >>4128241 This is like if Stoner took place in the 21st century.

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 20 22:28:00 2013 No.4128284 >>4128241 >what is this thing. >. leld. good work op 8/10 seen better but original effort nonetheless

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 20 22:30:00 2013 No.4128291 tao lin doesn't like dfw tho

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 20 22:31:00 2013 No.4128292 >>4128241 Pretty good OP, made me smile Are there any other of these besides the one about the "marxist, post-structuralist feminist teaching a class on martin heidegger, known hermeneuticist?"

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 20 22:37:18 2013 No.4128300 thank you all, glad you liked it

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 20 22:45:04 2013 No.4128308 >>4128241 I love it. Going to show this to my prof.

Anonymous Fri Sep 20 22:50:05 2013 No.4128316
File: 491 KB, 500x290, 1368575099601.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

> and displayed an intricate understanding of the superfluous nature of excessive proliferation of adjectives, clauses, and other linguistic entities to the point of incomprehensibility while composing material of a textual variety stood up and held up a thing.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 21 01:38:57 2013 No.4128663 Well articulated social critique of 4chan /lit/ culture. Fucking a man, this prose. Have you considered taking it to Scribners?

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 21 01:42:46 2013 No.4128671 >>4128241 >it is also a metaphor for whichever pre-socratic philosopher you know the least about. My sides don't lie, Shakira.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 21 01:42:46 2013 No.4128672 File: 8 KB, 345x268, 1320576930171.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] 9/10

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 21 01:55:44 2013 No.4128702 File: 17 KB, 308x382, 111.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >"it is also a metaphor for whichever pre-socratic philosopher you know the least about.” There's something here for everyone

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 21 01:55:44 2013 No.4128704 >>4128308 >yfw he googles key phrases from it and finds out you post on a website about having sex with anime children

Anonymous Sat Sep 21 02:00:45 2013 No.4128710

>>4128241
Why is DFW some sort of anti-Joyce here? I mean, he was seeking to end postmodernism and was interested in the clarity of thought and all, but really, the guy's primary influence was Thomas Pynchon. It's not like he was a crusader against all ergodic literature or some shit.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 21 02:03:45 2013 No.4128715 >>4128704 Adding "Tao Lin" to the google list pushes it over to /lit/, but other key phrases just get me Infinite Jest pdfs.

Anonymous Sun Sep 22 02:02:00 2013 No.4130932

>>4128241
A man was talking about a green book.

He said some things, but they were meaningless.

Then I walk in and held up a thing.

"What is this thing?" I said.

The man's mouth turned up and he said some stuff about the thing.

"Wrong." I said.

The man shook and dropped his chalk and a book. The man left the room fast and cried. Everyone in the room clapped. They navigated to amazon.com and one-clicked Shoplifting from American Apparel by Tao Lin for mobile devices. A big bird flew into the room. It sat down. It cried.

People read some money out loud, "ONE" they said. "ONE" they said. "ONE" they said. They also said some other stuff. Then I read some stuff from my novel.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 14:58:06 2013 No.4131944 >>4128241 That professor's name? Albert Einstein.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 15:03:05 2013 No.4131954 >>4128241 7/10, enjoyed myself; thanks OP

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 16:59:45 2013 No.4132180 File: 32 KB, 600x857, bedtaolin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:05:16 2013 No.4132196 >>4128241 incredible, 10/10

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:19:17 2013 No.4132221 File: 206 KB, 284x409, 1364530099583.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>4128291 go to bed tao

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:26:18 2013 No.4132232 >>4128291 I thought he just hated DFW's bashing of the moviefication of Dune.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:27:17 2013 No.4132233 >>4128710 >primary influence was Thomas Pynchon Make that DeLillo, by Wallace's own admission.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:34:18 2013 No.4132243 >>4128291 He does, he mentions him all the time. They have different approaches to literature (DFW being pomo and maximalist, Lin being realist and minimalist), but Lin definitely appreciates DFW's talent.

Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:47:20 2013 No.4132263

A troll was saying stupid things on the internet and writting things in a thing

Then the troll shitted onto /lit/ and said:
In this Original Post I will demonstrate my sheer and boundless faggotry in as few words as posible

However, an Almighty Anon who has been a tripfag, but is also an Anon and a gigantic dipshit then said:
'OP is a faggot'

To this the arrogant OP then smirked and smugly replied: 'U mad brah?'

'You are absolutely correct, OP, I am mad at your sheer display of faggotry by demonstration, and at the fact that after reading this post, you will have lost the Game'

The OP was then visibly shaken, and began farting on /lit/ while crying faggot tears, muttering to himself 'ur mad, ur mad, I promis u has to be mad, huhhuhuhu'

An imaginary bird called Tzeentch then perched on the almighy Anon's shoulder and said in a voice that Anon imagined as 'Just as planned' while frothing his hands like a happy merchant

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:51:19 2013 No.4132273 the same fag is strong in this one

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:51:19 2013 No.4132274 >>4132273 >samefag You wish

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 17:58:20 2013 No.4132287 >>4132233 DFW hates being compared to Pynchon because his first book was rejected for being too similar to TCLo49, but really I don't feel anywhere near as much DeLillo in his work as Pynchon. DeLillo sucks anyway

>>	Tao Lin Sun Sep 22 18:12:20 2013 No.4132314 Hey, Tao here. I chuckled while reading this.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 18:14:20 2013 No.4132322 >>4132314 are you actually Tao Lin? can you provide proof...

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 19:17:55 2013 No.4132423 Everyone on /lit/ should learn from Tao Lin because he is very humble.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 19:22:54 2013 No.4132433 >>4132322 That's him. Fuck you Tao, learn to write

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 19:24:55 2013 No.4132436 >>4132423 You're really not that humble, Tao. It's false modesty. We can all see right through it.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 19:26:55 2013 No.4132441 File: 144 KB, 1255x505, image.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 19:26:55 2013 No.4132442 >>4132314 Hey, Tao here. I chuckled while reading this.

>>	Tao Lin Sun Sep 22 19:45:13 2013 No.4132480 >>4132442 Hey, Tao here. I chuckled while reading this.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 19:48:13 2013 No.4132486 File: 18 KB, 559x556, 1359481499317.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>4128241 >it is also a metaphor for whichever pre-socratic philosopher you know the least about.”

Anonymous Sun Sep 22 19:52:13 2013 No.4132492

A marxist post-structuralist continental Ecole Normale Superieure professor and feminist activist was teaching a class on Martin Heidegger, known hermeneuticist.

"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Nietzsche and accept that his genealogical method was the most highly-evolved theory the continent has ever known, even greater than Hegel's dialectics!"

At this moment a brave, rational, positivist analytic philosopher who had read more than 15000 pages of Popper and Wittgenstein and understood the raison d'etre of empricism and fully supported all modern hard sciences stood up and held up the constitution.

"How universal is this text, frenchie?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "It's not universal at all, fucking positivist, its "truth" is rooted in our shared understandings about culture, the subject and the nexus of power and knowledge."

"Wrong. It's been 225 years since human reason created it. if it was not universal, and post-modern relativism, as you say, is real... then it should be regarded as a myth now."

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of On Grammatology. He stormed out of the room crying those ironic post-modern crocodile tears. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Michel Foucault, wished he had pulled hiimself up by his bootstraps and become more than an AIDS ridden sadomasochist interested in fisting. He wished so much that he had some kind of truth to hold on to, but he himself had written to disprove it!

The students applauded and all rolled into American universities that day and accepted Wittgenstein as the end of philosophy. An eagle named "Formal logic" flew into the room and perched atop the copy of "Principa Mathematica" and shed a tear on the hardcover. The last sentence of "Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus" was read several times, and Karl Popper himself showed up and demonstrated how dialectics is nothing but a means of justifying contradictions.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and his "books" were disregarded for all eternity.

Anonymous Sun Sep 22 19:56:13 2013 No.4132502

A reformed Eurocommunist post-Marxist New Leftist Frankfurt School professor and social democrat was teaching a class on Nikita Khrushchev, known revisionist.

"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Leon Trotsky as the most class conscious revolutionary of all time and accept the Fourth International as the only legitimate representative of the interests of the workers of the world!"

At this moment a brave, revolutionary, unreformed Stalinist NKVD veteran who had an appreciation for socialist realist art and read a chapter of Capital every night before going to sleep stood up and waved the red flag.

"If Trotsky was so great, why wasn't the revolution permanent?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite bourgeoisly and smugly replied, "Because the Soviet Union was a deformed workers state, you idiot gerontocrat!"

"Wrong. Comrade Stalin purged Russia of the kulaks and all enemies of the workers. If your theory of revolution was correct, we would have achieved communism by now."

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of A People's History of the United States. He stormed out of the room crying those social-fascist crocodile tears. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Noam Chomsky, wished he had adopted the policies of the Third Period and become more than an infantile leftist bourgeois stooge. He wished so much that he had not betrayed the revolution, but he himself had sold it out!

The students applauded and all sang the State Anthem of the USSR and accepted Socialism in One Country as the best path forward for proletarian cause. An eagle named "Slavoj Zizek" flew into the room and perched atop a copy of "Pravda" and sniffed snot onto its print. The last sentence of the "The Communist Manifesto" was read several times, and Sergei Eisenstein himself showed up and demonstrated how to roll a baby down the Odessa steps.

The professor lost his tenure and was taken out back and shot the next day. He loved Big Brother.

The student's name? Lavrentiy Beria.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 22 20:31:12 2013 No.4132578 File: 522 KB, 490x265, 1363636296596.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>4132502 yes

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 00:01:16 2013 No.4132856 >>4132502 I have the weirdest boner right now

Anonymous Mon Sep 23 00:02:16 2013 No.4132858

A Jewish allied homosexual professor and Treaty of Versailles supporter was teaching a class on Theodor Adorno, known Marxist.

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Einstein and accept that he was the smartest man ever, even smarter than Gottlob Frege or Karl Schmitt.

At this moment, a brave, Aryan, 14/88 SS Obersturmbannfuehrer who had killed 1500 Untermenschen on the Ostfront and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by Nazi Germany stood up and showed a picture of an Aryan man.

”What can you tell me about this, Rassenschande?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “He is just a man, no different from an Untermensch, except the Jews are probably even smarter”

”Wrong. It is the proven master race, tracing his lineage back to every people that ever accomplished something and has every right to struggle for Lebensraum.”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of das Kapital in Hebrew. He stormed out of the room crying those Schmutzig-Judische crocodile tears. The same tears Judeo-Bolshevists cry for the “gassed” when they jealously try to claw justly earned land from the deserving Uebermenschen. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Schlomo Marxstein, wished his people were not causing all the troubles the Reich was facing, and wished he didn’t deservedly got what was coming to him for that.

The students applauded and all registered to the Nazi party that day and accepted Adolf Hitler as their Feuhrer. A Reichsadler named “Germanentum” flew into the room and perched atop the Nazi flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The first couplet of “Deutschland uber alles” was sung several times, and Thor himself showed up and roused the people for totalen Krieg all across the Reich.

The professor lost his tenure and was sent to Auschwitz the next day and didn’t die there because the Holocaust never happened.

Sieg Heil

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 00:03:16 2013 No.4132860 >>4132858 Go to bed, Röhm

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 00:07:16 2013 No.4132864 File: 74 KB, 250x250, 1319804683036.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>4132858

>>	fundamentally gay !!YcDrjsuwD4E Mon Sep 23 05:55:13 2013 No.4133292 File: 79 KB, 500x333, ......jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>4130932 >A big bird flew into the room. It sat down. It cried.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 08:18:23 2013 No.4133409 >>4132287 >but really I don't feel anywhere near as much DeLillo in his work as Pynchon. Have you even read White Noise and Infinite Jest? >DeLillo sucks anyway Underworld is the best American epic since The USA Trilogy.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 08:31:25 2013 No.4133417 >>4133409 No, and no.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 08:33:24 2013 No.4133419 >>4133417 the first no undermines the second. i doubt you've read much at all.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 08:38:25 2013 No.4133425 >>4133419 Whatever, nigga

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 08:53:23 2013 No.4133448 >>4132287 >>4133417 >>4133425 good 1 idiot

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 09:09:58 2013 No.4133466 >>4133409 Underworld? Have you read M&D? The only possible world in which M&D was not the greatest American novel of the last half century would be one in which M&D qualified as the best novel of any kind or language written in the last 50 years.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 09:13:58 2013 No.4133472 File: 171 KB, 1295x512, 1357963124555.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 09:14:57 2013 No.4133474 >>4133409 >since the usa triology please stop

>>	St. David Mon Sep 23 09:22:59 2013 No.4133485 >>4132480 Hey, Dave here. I wrote this.

Anonymous Mon Sep 23 09:22:59 2013 No.4133488

>>4133466
I have read Mason & Dixon and I liked it, but it doesn't come close to matching Pynchon's '60s and '70s output. Neither in terms of form or theme was it as revelatory or relevant as Gravity's Rainbow. It was trodden ground, in other words. And bloated around the middle. Frankly, I find that /lit/ overrates it somewhat.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 09:37:59 2013 No.4133507 >>4133448 Lol shut up Harold Bloom

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 12:51:21 2013 No.4133739 tl;dr - Ulysses is a shit novel, very third rate.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 14:03:30 2013 No.4133824 File: 231 KB, 500x298, 1374322996908.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] tao hasn't read infinite jest all the way through

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 14:21:35 2013 No.4133849 >>4133824 why does he keep name dropping it and taking pictures of himself reading it then? is he just a poser?

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 14:40:22 2013 No.4133896 File: 878 KB, 1232x1537, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>4133849 Of course he is.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 14:56:23 2013 No.4133926 >>4133824 Not that anyone can blame him

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 15:16:24 2013 No.4133974 >>4128241 >it is also a metaphor for whichever pre-socratic philosopher you know the least about I don´t get it. halp pls

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 15:19:57 2013 No.4133980 >>4133974 >Joyce >Ulysses

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 15:22:23 2013 No.4133988 >>4133980 homer was philosphor?

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 15:35:23 2013 No.4134010 >>4133988 It's making fun of Joyce's super extensive knowledge of Greek literature and references to them.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 15:40:24 2013 No.4134018 >>4132314 You left us your email? Bad mistake, Tao...

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 16:00:24 2013 No.4134027 File: 123 KB, 400x296, batemn.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>4132858 14/10 Would heil again.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 16:18:23 2013 No.4134040 more of these please

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 16:30:23 2013 No.4134059 >>4134010 >Joyce >super extensive knowledge of Greek literature lawlz

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 17:06:21 2013 No.4134131 >>4132314 I'M SORRY I STARED AT YOU AT THE BROOKLYN BOOK FESTIVAL AT THE MCSWEENEY'S BOOTH EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T NOTICE

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 18:33:51 2013 No.4134280 File: 1.47 MB, 320x240, Es98O.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>4128241 >dropped his chalk and copy of notes from underground. 10/10

Anonymous Mon Sep 23 18:40:53 2013 No.4134292

>>4132858
>A Jewish allied homosexual professor and Treaty of Versailles supporter was teaching a class on Theodor Adorno, known Marxist.
>”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Einstein and accept that he was the smartest man ever, even smarter than Gottlob Frege or Karl Schmitt.
>At this moment, a brave, Aryan, 14/88 SS Obersturmbannfuehrer who had killed 1500 Untermenschen on the Ostfront and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by Nazi Germany stood up and showed a picture of an Aryan man.
>”What can you tell me about this, Rassenschande?”
>The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “He is just a man, no different from an Untermensch, except the Jews are probably even smarter”
>”Wrong. It is the proven master race, tracing his lineage back to every people that ever accomplished something and has every right to struggle for Lebensraum.”
>The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of das Kapital in Hebrew. He stormed out of the room crying those Schmutzig-Judische crocodile tears. The same tears Judeo-Bolshevists cry for the “gassed” when they jealously try to claw justly earned land from the deserving Uebermenschen. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Schlomo Marxstein, wished his people were not causing all the troubles the Reich was facing, and wished he didn’t deservedly got what was coming to him for that.
>The students applauded and all registered to the Nazi party that day and accepted Adolf Hitler as their Feuhrer. A Reichsadler named “Germanentum” flew into the room and perched atop the Nazi flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The first couplet of “Deutschland uber alles” was sung several times, and Thor himself showed up and roused the people for totalen Krieg all across the Reich.
>The professor lost his tenure and was sent to Auschwitz the next day and didn’t die there because the Holocaust never happened.
>Sieg Heil
mary mother of god that was funny. fuckin saved

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 23 18:53:51 2013 No.4134307 >>4134059 >You >Being a retard Pick both

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