/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.3860370]

Critique thread. I wrote this today as a fiction exercise, I haven't written in a while. The prompt was to use synesthesia in a subtle way.

When he opened the door, Hugh was stopped in his tracks by a deeply unpleasant scent. As soon as the transition from hallway to individual room was made, the relative nasal silence was replaced by a queasy bass drone. Hugh immediately covered his face, but it had little effect; the smell at once seemed to permeate everything like a strong acid. The room itself looked fairly innocuous: an average hotel room complete with two beds, a bathroom, and a small closet. The source of the smell was not at once apparent. Something rotten, no doubt. Hugh ventured further into the room. Scent increased in volume. Hugh first checked the closet. Nothing. The bathroom door was slightly ajar, and the light was on. Heartbeat a tattoo against his chest as he slowly dragged himself closer to the door. Room had been booked through the next week. Hugh's hand on the doorknob. Neighbors complained about the smell. Door opened.
A smell so strong it was a physical presence hit Hugh as he entered. The nasal bass drone became fingernails on chalkboards. Shower curtain drawn and covered with dark stains. Sink's faucet was running. Turned it off. Reached for shower curtain. Pause. Opened shower curtain.
Slaughtered pig? No. More human than that. Human. Curtains shut. Backed out of the bathroom. Slammed door. Image imprinted on his eyes like a bad taste stuck in the mouth. Out of the hotel room. Vomited. Concentrated on that instead.

[Anonymous No.3860400]

>>3860370
lot of cliches. lrn 2 not do that