/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.3732405]

/r/ing the "no discernible talent" greentext story

[Anonymous No.3732406]

Sure, >>>/r/

[Anonymous No.3732412]

>sitting alone in Starbucks reading Finnegans Wake
>cute hipster girl approaches me
>start trembling with fear
>"Hey! You're reading Finnegans Wake? Is it any good?"
>"I-I think you'll find Finnegans Wake transcends the normative good-bad dichotomy, actually"
>she says she doesn't understand
>snort with laughter
>coffee spurts from my nostrils, along with a single strand of spaghetti
>panicking, I swiftly pull the tablecloth to my nose and blow
>more spaghetti falls out
>try to catch it all in my fedora, but it quickly overflows
>the girl is staring at me in horror
>I stand up, knocking my chair over, and sprint towards the door
>trip on a string of spaghetti that was dangling from my nose
>as I crash to the floor a wet bubble of bolognese sauce escapes from my ass
>attempt to stand but slip on a meatball that has rolled out of my trouser leg
>by now everyone is laughing hysterically
>I try to explain the opening sentence of Finnegans Wake but my mouth is full of spaghetti
>start vomiting uncontrollably
>the spaghetti wraps itself around my neck
>can't breathe
>beg for help but no one can hear me over their laughter
>before dying, make my last confessions:
>"I have no idea what's going on in Finnegans Wake!"
>everything goes black

[Anonymous No.3732420]

>>3732406
I don't understand /r/. How does it function? If people only go there to /r/equest things, the odds of someone happening to have what you're looking for seem really low unless you're looking for something pretty common.

[Anonymous No.3732430]

>>3732412
Very good.

[Anonymous No.3732448]

>>3732420
yep, but there are some robin hood fags who prowl the night

[Anonymous No.3732458]

>>3732405
can someone just explain to me this comic?

[Anonymous No.3732466]

>>3732458
I believe the point is that a knowledge of literature makes one both attractive and sexually potent.

[Anonymous No.3732470]

>>3732412
8/10- greentext about Finnegans Wake should ideally end with the last sentence joining on to the first.

[Anonymous No.3732475]

>>3732466
It's like that one comic where the literature major gets handed a bunch of money, fame, and ladies for being a silly bookworm.

>Oh if only it were true!

[Anonymous No.3732480]

>>3732475
>literature major gets handed a bunch of money, fame, and ladies for being a silly bookworm.
si solamente

[Anonymous No.3732489]

>See qtπ girl reading Infinite Jest at college
>Walk up to her
>"So you like DFW huh?"
>"Yes, he's brilliant!" she responds, clearly excited
>Decide to engage her in an intelligent literary discussion
>"Did you know that he killed himself because he hadn't any talent?"
>"E-excuse me?" (she is clearly impressed by my expertise)
>"He can't write, he can't think; there's no discernible talent"
>"Ooo-kay..." she says and turns back to her book
>I tear it from her hands and launch it across the room with all my strength
>"Why don't you read some real literature instead?"
>"What the hell!?"
>"I recommend Hemmingway. Now there's a man's man"
>"I don't like Hemingway!"
>"Hemmingway," I correct her. "It has two m's"
>She collects her book from where it lies three metres away and storms off, completely defeated by my insoluble logic
>I open my laptop
>That feel when no gf

[Anonymous No.3732498]

>>3732466
i like how when I ask a question on this board people answer it :D

[Anonymous No.3732519]

>>3732489
Oooooh that was good. Is that the one OP wanted?

[Anonymous No.3732528]

That feel when I wrote both of the stories ITT.

I have some more but they're not /lit/ related. Should I post them anyway?

[Anonymous No.3732534]

>>3732528
sure

>annex acehere

[Anonymous No.3732540]

>day of the high school prom
>I haven't arranged a date so I'll just have to woo a lady whilst I'm there
>slick my hair back and style my facial hair into a Fu Manchu moustache
>wear my finest silk kimono, with my lucky Jigglypuff t-shirt on underneath
>arrive fashionably late and ride my segway into the hall like a boss
>find a seat near the snack table and start playing 'Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney' on my DS
>a group of jocks start throwing chicken drumsticks at me
>one of them informs me that Melanie, the hottest girl in school, has a crush on me
>I jump to my feet and shout "Yatta!"
>suddenly remember I have a phobia of dancing and start shaking violently
>reluctantly shuffle onto the dance floor
>maintain intense eye contact with her as I half-heartedly do the robot
>everyone's looking at me
>slowly move closer until I'm right in the middle of her group of friends
>by now my face is bright red and tears are streaming down my cheeks
>"konichiwa," I say, and bow deeply as I offer her my hand
>her friends burst into laughter and shove her towards me
>I embrace her and whisper into her ear that I always knew she would be the one to take my cherry

[Anonymous No.3732542]

>>3732540
>she screams and her previous dancing partner comes running to her aid
>she falls into his arms and tells him I tried to rape her
>I am dejected, but the rules of bushido dictate that I must defend my honour
>I challenge him to a duel
>he sucker punches me in the face while I'm still withdrawing my Yu-Gi-Oh! cards
>my red velvet fedora goes flying off my head, even though I had fastened it on with a chin strap
>wake up a couple minutes later to find a crudely drawn penis on my forehead
>get really mad and focus all my energy into going Super Saiyan
>strain so hard that a wet burp of shit splatters my underwear
>my maths teacher puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "I think it might be time to leave, Eugene"
>I nod solemnly and climb onto my segway
>"so, how was it, son?" my dad enquires as I arrive home
>"it was okay"
>"you get lucky?"
>he nudges me
>I patiently remind him that 3D women are pig disgusting and I wouldn't go near one for a million yen
>he sighs and cracks open another beer
>I return to my lair
>discover that the spaghetti in my pocket is still warm
>'K-On!' marathon until 4AM
>everything went better than expected

[Anonymous No.3732553]

>>3732542
You're pretty talented.
Do you write?

[Anonymous No.3732559]

>>3732553
No, I've never tried. I don't think I have anything to write about except neckbeards.

>cute girl in my class called Kelly
>ask /r9k/'s advice on how to approach her
>they tell me to stop being a beta faggot and just walk up to her and ask her out
>I have no choice but to heed the advice of such seasoned lotharios
>get my hair cut, buy some new clothes, take two showers just to be sure
>as I'm walking out the door my mom says I look nice
>imbued with new found confidence, I swagger up to Kelly during lunch break
>"Hey, Kelly, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me?"
>she lets out a snort of laughter and says, "what?!"
>"I-I just think you're pretty is a-all..." I mumble, my face flushing red
>"Speak up, nerd, I can't understand what you're saying!"
>"Will you be my girlfriend? Please respond!" I say too loudly
>she shoves me away and I fall to the floor, my head bouncing painfully off the concrete
>"Don't come near me you creep!" she screams, becoming hysterical now
>I begin to apologize but my voice comes out an almost inaudible choke
>some jock sprints over and asks what's wrong
>she just sobs and points at me
>he lurches forward at her command and starts stomping me like a roach
>a group of guys who had watched the whole ordeal join in, aiming their kicks at my face and crotch
>"Die, you fucking creep! Die!"

[Anonymous No.3732560]

>>3732542
Beautiful

[Anonymous No.3732562]

>>3732559
>blood is fountaining from my facial orifices
>they flinch away from it and finally leave me alone
>Kelly swoons and plants a kiss right on the jock's mouth, "My hero!"
>they walk away and leave me convulsing on the floor
>a passing group of younger kids spit on me
>a teacher walks up and says, "Anon, get up at once! You're making a mess and class started 10 minutes ago!"
>he pulls me to my feet and drags me to my math class
>"So you've finally decided to join us!" Mr. Davies, my math teacher, quips
>"Since you're obviously so clever that you can just waltz in whenever you want, answer the question on the board for us"
>I cant read it because my glasses are broken
>"Ah, so you're not so smart after all, eh?" Mr. Davies says
>at that moment some guy pantses me, my underwear and all
>the whole class, including Mr. Davies, laugh uproariously at my penis
>"It's so small!" one girl shrieks
>my bladder releases in embarrassment
>the laughter turns into shouts of derision and people begin throwing things at me
>metal pencil sharpeners hit my face with such force that chunks of my flesh spray everywhere
>the principal walks in and notices my exposed penis and the puddle of piss on the floor
>he calls my parents in for a meeting at once to inform them that I'm being expelled
>he recounts the story of my misconduct
>my dad sighs
>"Why can't you be normal, son?"

[Anonymous No.3732577]

>>3732489
I love this more than life itself.

[Anonymous No.3732585]

>>3732540
>>3732542
Oh god. I can't stop laughing.
10/10

[Anonymous No.3732587]

>>3732540
>>3732542

[Anonymous No.3732594]

>go to a restaurant for my first date with a girl
>pick the table closest to the bathroom so I won't have to walk too far for my postprandial dump
>the waiter asks what we'd like to drink
>she orders white wine, I ask for a banana milkshake
>the waiter tells me they don't serve milkshake
>I ask for a bowl of icecream instead
>my girlfriend asks why I ordered dessert already
>tell her I'm going to mush the icecream up and then drink it
>she's visibly impressed by my ingenuity
>the waiter sighs and walks away
>there's an awkward silence so I ask what her favorite dinosaur is
>she says she doesn't know, so I inform her that mine is the pterodactyl
>several minutes later, after I've finished recounting the plot of 'Jurassic Park 3', her wine arrives
>I ask where my icecream is
>the waiter says he will bring it after we've finished our meals
>I tut loudly but don't complain
>she tells the waiter that she's ready to order and asks for the lobster bisque
>he turns to me
>"no, it's okay, I brought my own food," I inform him as I place my container of spaghetti on the table
>he exclaims something in French and hurries off to the kitchen

[Anonymous No.3732596]

>>3732594
>after a few more minutes of silence she says something, but my mind is on my spaghetti
>I just laugh and say, "so true!"
>"what the fuck? You think it's funny that my dad has cancer?"
>choke on my spaghetti, spraying it all over the table
>reactively reach over and start picking the chunks out of her wine glass
>she rushes off to the bathroom as if she's about to throw up
>I pursue her, trying to tell her that only a tiny bit got in her hair
>she slams the cubicle door in my face and starts retching
>an old woman comes out of another cubicle and screams when she sees me
>"pervert! Pervert!"
>"what? No! My girlfriend is feeling ill and I'm just checking if she's alright!"
>from inside the cubicle my girlfriend shouts, "I'm not your girlfriend!"
>the old lady whacks me around the head with her handbag
>the strap hits me in the eye
>in a moment of blind fury I yell "Shoryuken!" and lunge at her with an uppercut
>it misses spectacularly and I fall to the floor
>two waiters burst in and drag me into the kitchen where they tell me that I must pay and leave immediately
>suddenly remember I spent all my money on my new fedora
>try to make a dash for it but trip on my cape and go crashing into the lobster tank
>the restaurant staff advance on me
>I start flinging lobsters at them as I back slowly towards the door
>the lobsters rampage through the restaurant, snipping everybody while I laugh maniacally
>"It's Zorro!" I hear one kid whisper to his mom before I make my exit
>but where's my spaghetti?
>we have to go back
>L O S T

[Anonymous No.3732610]

>go alone to see 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2'
>arrive five minutes late because the cab driver took me the long route
>start to sweat profusely as I notice the hot ticket girl
>shuffle towards the counter, being careful not to trip over
>stutter that I'd like one ticket to Harry Potter
>she smiles slightly and says, "that will be $7.80 please"
>I only have $7.60 because my cab cost more than I anticipated
>she tells me that I'll have to borrow 20c from one of my friends or something
>"I-I don't have any friends"
>she says, "then I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to leave the queue"
>a lump forms in my throat and I feel like I'm about to cry
>some normalfag who was standing in the queue gives me 20c so I can watch the movie
>too shy to say thank you so I snatch it from him and pay as fast as I can
>hear him mutter "asshole" as I walk away
>get my ticket ripped by the ticket stub guy
>"enjoy the movie!"
>"you too"
>immediately realize my mistake and try to disguise it with a fake coughing fit
>a blob of phlegm accidentally shoots from the back of my throat onto his lapel
>he gets mad and tells me to wipe it off
>I laugh awkwardly and try to walk away, growing increasingly red
>he grabs my cape and wipes the phlegm on it
>try to escape but he won't let go of my cape

[Anonymous No.3732613]

>>3732610
>it tautens until it looks like he's holding me on a leash
>a crowd is gathering now
>a little kid gets excited and shouts "Avada Kedavra!" and punches me in the thigh
>I force a smile and pretend it didn't hurt, even as I slowly keel to the floor
>a group of teenage girls begin to laugh hysterically
>the kid rests his foot on my head in a gesture of triumph, as when David slew Goliath
>pretend to have a seizure so he'll leave me alone, but get self-conscious and only do it half-heartedly
>"okay, enough's enough, dude," the ticket stub guy says as he forcibly drags me to my feet
>presently I limp into my screen and find a seat right in the middle of the theater
>withdraw my tin of baked beans and can opener from my fanny pack
>forgot to bring a spork so I have to drink the beans straight from the tin
>the man sitting behind asks me to remove my wizard hat
>I mumble an apology and take it off, which causes my secret stash of spaghetti to run down my face
>panic and start eating it as quickly as possible, before someone sees
>it goes down the wrong passage and I start choking
>the woman sitting next to me gives me the heimlich maneuver
>I get an erection and my penis pokes out of my fly, which I now realize had been open the whole time
>she screams and flings me over a row of seats
>I tumble onto a little girl's lap
>the little girl says "mommy, why is that man's pee-pee so small?"
>I climax, then enter a state of delirium from the choking
>two Death Eaters grab me and escort me outside to wait for the police
>"Ron! Hermione! Help meee!!!"
>receive two year sentence in Azkaban for sexual assault on a minor

[Anonymous No.3732614]

>See a qtp2t at college
>She's reading Game of Thrones.
>Walk up to her like a Gatsby boss
>"H-hey, w-why are you r-reading that when you could be reading some real l-literature?" I say like a boss
>"Excuse me, do I know you?" she says having immediately fallen madly in love with my alpha male persona
>Spin around rolling backpack with flourish that I've been practicing for the last 8 months
>Nailed it
>Take out copy of Ulysses
>"here is a real book." My voice romantically cracks as I try to slap the pleb lit out of her hands.
>"Stop, what the fuck are you doing?" She says still holding on to the, heh, book.
>The copy of Ulysses is too heavy and it falls into my rolling backpack knocking my copy of Finnegan's wake to the ground and spaghetti goes everywhere.
>"Oh my God." She starts laughing, betraying me on our first anniversary.
>I try to get all the spaghetti back into my copy of Ulysses, but it's ulyssless.
>Start laughing at my own pun. Guy walks over to girl, obviously trying to be the cool guy.
>"Is this retard giving you problems?" He asks
>I call him a plebeian.
>He calls me a faggot and kicks me in the throat and tells me to stay away from my girlfriend.
>To add insult to injury he takes my fedora and throws it into the spaghetti.
>This ignorant world will never understand my genius.
>I'm persecuted like Jesus, ironic because I'm too smart to fall for that nonesense, I'm an atheist all the way.

[Anonymous No.3732624]

>>3732614
you've turned greentext into high art. round of applause for this guy.

[Anonymous No.3732637]

>>3732624
Thanks but the real artist is>>3732610
>>3732613
>>3732594
>>3732596
>>3732559
>>3732562

[Anonymous No.3732641]

>>3732614
>To add insult to injury he takes my fedora and throws it into the spaghetti.
>not punching him in the throat for being a fagget.GISTYAV lANDAFF

[Anonymous No.3732644]

>>3732596
>that punchline
OK, I L O S T it.

[Anonymous No.3732650]

Respect for greentext as a literary form: increased.

[Anonymous No.3732662]

>>3732614
>>I'm persecuted like Jesus, ironic because I'm too smart to fall for that nonesense, I'm an atheist all the way.
You missed quoting some Ginsberg there.

[Anonymous No.3732664]

>>3732475
The comic you're mentioning is done with heavy overtones of irony. The comic OP posted lacks that redeeming trait.

[Anonymous No.3732665]

>>3732489
>Hemmingway
Oh God, I love you, /lit/

[Anonymous No.3732676]

>>3732673
>she notices my bulge and pulls the kid away quite forcefully
>he grabs onto my crotch
>I spasm in orgasm
>the mother yells for help
>I knee the child in the face and sprint away as fast as I can
>crash right into a girl from school who I like
>blood is pouring from her nose where our heads collided
>"oh god, Laura, I'm so sorry"
>I reach into my pocket for a tissue and accidentally pull out my cum sock
>"GET OFF ME YOU CREEP! . . . And how do you know my name!?"
>"it's me, Melvin! We've been in the same class for the last 8 years!"
>at that moment a security guard tackles me to the ground
>while he holds me in an arm lock he asks Laura, "excuse me, miss, do you know this man?"
>"yes, he says his name's Melvin and he goes to my school," she says, and writes down the school's phonenumber for him
>I wet myself in fear, which causes him to slacken his grip
>I wriggle free and run out of the mall, glancing back once to see him slip to the floor in my piss puddle
>finally arrive home to find my mom waiting for me, looking angry
>"Melvin, we need to have a discussion"
>I look past her and see an array of my cum stained items of clothing and anime memorabilia piled on the floor

[Anonymous No.3732673]

>it's a beautiful midsummer's day
>my mom walks into my darkened bedroom and says I should be outside enjoying the weather
>"b-but, mom! I'm in the middle of writing a greentext story for 4chan!"
>she huffs and pulls the plug out of my computer
>"go to the mall with your friends or something. I need to clean this room anyway -- it stinks in here!"
>get scared she might find my cum sock, so I put it in my pocket and take it with me
>head towards the comic book store in the mall
>the cashier who previously banned me for spilling spaghetti on the floor is there, so I walk past
>find a quiet spot and lean against the wall with my fedora tipped down low, like they do in anime
>a down syndrome child walks up to me
>he runs his toy car up my leg, making "VROOOM" noises
>his mom laughs and says, "aw, he likes you"
>"well, I do have a way with children," I say
>quickly adding, "b-but I'm not a pedophile"
>her smile falters and she tries to lead her kid away, but he won't budge
>the toy car is slowly climbing towards my crotch
>my penis becomes rock hard and I start trembling with fear

[Anonymous No.3732687]

>>3732673
thanks man
thats spa-great-y :)

[Anonymous No.3732881]

>Standing in line at the cafeteria
>qt3.14 girl in front of me is browsing her phone in one hand, holding a copy of Gravity's Rainbow in the other
>My interest is piqued and I enjoy a slight swelling in my pants
>I adjust my fedora to get a better view of her phone
>She's on Reddit's literature subreddit
>Engaging my new hardboiled persona, I breathe into her neck and start tutting loudly
>She flinches and turns to face me
>'Can I help you?'
>I chuckle inwardly. How ironic that she should ask me that.
>Outwardly I inform her that 4chan has a far superior forum for discussing literature
>To soften the blow to her ego I make a joke about Tao Lin needing to go to bed
>She stares at me
>I let out a manly giggle and elbow her playfully in the ribs
>She stumbles backwards
>'What the hell?'
>I immediately apologise and bow
>'I'm sorry to have offended you, my lady. I know your culture is based on honour.'
>'I'm from California you creep.'
>Still maintaing my bow, but the surprise causes my fedora to slip off
>My copy of Lolita is visible to all, highlighted and beginning to ooze spaghetti
>I back away slowly but trip over my trenchcoat
>The whole cafeteria is now staring at me
>I hear someone mention how 4chan is 'that paedo website'
>Someone else starts calling the police
>A true hardboiled detective knows when to make his move
>Slowly, never avoiding eye contact with the qt, I begin crabwalking towards the door
>I'm nearly out by now, but my work is not quite done
>I start to educate the crowd on the distinction between paedophilia and ephebophilia
>Wake up in a holding cell
>I join a long tradition of radicals persecuted for their beliefs
>Just call me Aleksandr Sole-sin's-yelling

[Anonymous No.3732930]

>Be sitting on the train waiting for my station reading Chaucer in full slight of all the ignorant plebs.
>See Qt future gf reading Sylvia Plath's Bell Jar
>I decide I must educate her in literature.
>Unsheath cane sword and attempt to slash book out of her hand
>Everything goes wrong when the center of gravity on the train shifts and I swat a large negro gentleman listening to his ipod.
>QT wife screams "Oh my God he has a sword!"
>Lean over to QT and say "Be not afraid ma'am I'm saving you from ignorance.
>Negro fellow says "What?!" and slaps the fedora off my head.
>Metro cop tackles me to the ground, my spaghetti goes flying all over the Chaucer.
>QT gets off at stop.
>Ignorant plebs laugh and call me a freak
>Its like we are living in 1984 but I don't full give that credence because that's a pleb book, and it's beneath me.

[Anonymous No.3732971]

I'll write a true story:

>Browsing the philosophy section at St.Marks library.
>Qt is leafing through Cioran's At the Heights of Despair.
>I try to speak but my throat is dry so i cough two times.
>T-that's a great book. I say.
>She turns around and smiles. Is it? Have you read it?
>Yes, I say. And I walk away.

[Anonymous No.3732979]

>>3732971
Are you stupid?

I'm not the most sociable guy, but that's just stupid.

[Anonymous No.3732987]

>>3732971
now write it in sonnet form

[Anonymous No.3732993]

>>3732979
Correction: it's enigmatic and intriguing.

[Anonymous No.3733001]

>Be working on my bachelor involving Heidegger and Kierkegaard
>This shit is hard, I need a break
>Let's go on 4chan
>see this thread
>made my fucking day

I love you /lit/

[Anonymous No.3733002]

>>3732979
I agree it was incredibly stupid. I don't act like that usually.

But it was kinda a series of factors: I just moved to ny from europe, sleepy and jetlagged, lots in my mind. So I talked out of an impulse and then I just blanked out and I didn't know what to say so I just walked away only to realize what a moron I've been.

[Anonymous No.3733003]

>>3732971
you're a romantic wonder.

I live for moments like that:

>The other day I was getting off the bus
>I open the door for a qt20something getting off at my stop.
>"thankyou! chivalry is so rare these days, are you going to 'X' uni (she saw me reading on the bus) ?
>"No worries, yeah. I'll see you there."
>light a fag and walk the long way.

/fa/ggot /lit/.

[Anonymous No.3733006]

>>3732993
It would have been if only I could have put my fedora on as I walked out of the bookstore.

[Anonymous No.3733030]

>>3733001
Aron?

[Anonymous No.3733043]

>>3733001
>kierkegaarde and heidegger

i love you.

[Anonymous No.3733059]

>>3733030
Nope - Who's Aron?
>>3733043
Why I love you too Anon

[Anonymous No.3733304]

>>3732613

you're a genius

[Anonymous No.3733742]

>>3733059
Chris.

No doubt about it.

[Anonymous No.3733770]

>>3732420
The idea is that while you are there waiting for your request to be filled you scan the board and help anyone out you can. In this manner you don't get a board full of people just making requests and are trying to help each other out and you prevent other boards from having to deal with "hurr guys please give me this funny image I saw" threads.

[Anonymous No.3733772]

>>3733742
I'm not Chris, but he do sound like a nice fellow; to avoid further misunderstandings my name is Anders in real life

[Anonymous No.3733843]

>>3732540

>wear my finest silk kimono, with my lucky Jigglypuff t-shirt underneath

I laughed so fucking hard. There was a guy I went to high school with who wore one of the robes from Bleach to school every day. Every single day.

[Anonymous No.3733844]

>>3733772
Ah. Well my mistake. Btw, had a peer of mine attempt work on Heidegger and Kierkegaard. Was shit. Good luck. He mostly referred to works of love and being and time (obviously).

These days i tend to think the connection between neitzsche and Heidegger, especially as Derrida reads it, as being an interesting question.

Bonne chance, mom ami!

[Anonymous No.3733861]

>>3733001
T-Terrence Malick?

[Anonymous No.3733863]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ydRc8XVkGGM#t=121s
How I imagine most people from /lit/ approaching women.

[Anonymous No.3733864]

>>3733772
Good to know you're doing something productive with all that free time, Anders.

[Anonymous No.3733876]

>>3732673
best one yet

[Anonymous No.3733879]

>>3733844
Thank you for your kind words. I happen to be Danish, which helps somewhat in reading both Kierkegaard and Heidegger. I have heard of several people drawing connections to the work of love, but my focus is a bit different than drawing similarities: I'm trying to read Kierkegaard in an Heideggerian way, that is: to use Heideggers concept of destructive phenomenology on Kierkegaard to find out in which way Kierkegaard ask about Being and tries to answer it. I'm mainly working with The Concept of Dread and his Sermons, since this is where Heidegger says that Kierkeggard instead of being a philospher is thinking.

I think Heidegger is applying the same way of reading Nietzsche as I am trying to read Kierkegaard, and I also find his perspective on Nietzsche very interesting, although I'm not familiar with Derrida's reading of his reading

[Anonymous No.3733930]

>>3732614
>but its ulyssless

HAH.

[Anonymous No.3733959]

>>3732412
fuck i laff'd hard.

[Anonymous No.3733961]

>On train heading home from the days adventures
>Snuggle comfortably down into one of the bench's, engorged in the lavishness of my turtleneck-sweater
>As I begin to pull out Infinite Jest for this months re-read, I pick up the rustle of turning pages from somewhere else in the car
>I remove my phone and turn on the reverse camera so I can peer behind me in full secrecy
>Notice a busty young harlequin perusing through some dog-eared copy of The Da Vinci Code
>A burst of passion swells in me, to fulfill my duty as a Knight of the Literature Lifestyle
>I storm majestically towards her and shout "HAIL!" with my beautiful soprano voice
>She appears shocked, no doubt swooning internally
>I swipe the garbage from her hand and toss it across the car
>Thankfully I brought along my second copy of Infinite Jest with me that day, and hand it to her
>"It's high time, my young Fraulein that you indulge yourself in some real literature. I bestow upon thou this great work, for thine enjoyment and pleasure."
>Clearly intimidated by my brevity, she slowly reaches up and grabs the book from my hand, still flabbergasted from my erudite prowess
>At this exact moment the train arrives at my destination, so I depart with the young lady posthaste, knowing full well that another young heart was won that day by this modern Casanova

[Anonymous No.3733971]

>>3732412
tbh this would be better without the last four >s

[Anonymous No.3733975]

>>3733961
>giving away your second Infinite Jest

What are you, a pleb? Now how are you going to read the story and the endnotes simultaneously?

[Anonymous No.3733979]

>>3733971
Yeah, probably. I liked the guy's idea earlier to end it on a sentence that links back to the beginning, in imitation of Finnegans Wake itself.

[Anonymous No.3733983]

>>3733975
>implying I don't have the endnotes tattooed on my arms

[Anonymous No.3734026]

>>3732489
Excellent.

[Anonymous No.3734048]

>in lecture waiting for class to start
>hear obese girl on phone to her room mate telling them where she'd put the bread
>she mouthbreaths and mumbles "in the cupboard"
>in my head thinking 'who the fuck keeps bread in the cupboarD?'
>suddenly a rush of bravery comes over me
>i stand up, and yell loudly
>'T-TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT, NOT KEEPING YOU'RE BREAD IN THE FRIDGE'
>some frat guy and his guido buddies yell back at me 'why did you say 'you are bread'?
>obese girl asks me if i was talking to her
>i have yet more courage and manage "y-yes, no pun intended"
>everyone laughing, but trying to suppress it
>fat girl yells back at me "are you serious?"
>still in throes of spaghetti-free euphoria
>shout back at her with "none taken"
>suddenly i remember i'm the prof. in this class
>try to get up from my seat and wonder why i had sat among the students in the lecture hall with 200+ students
>trip and fall over everyone as i go
>awkwardly land in the lap of huge bearmode guy
>eventually get to the aisle
>forgot my lunchbox

[Anonymous No.3734054]

>>3734048
>black guy who i was sitting next to found it and starts showing it to his friends
>'EYY YO BRO, DIS CRACKA GOT SPIDERMAN ON HIS LUNCBOX EYEY'
>all courage has gone at this point so try to forget about it
>manage to get half way down the stairs of lecture hall without any further incident
>suddenly black guy yelling again over everyone's stifled laughed
>'EY YO EVERYONE. LOOKS LIKE DIS CRACkA GOT ENOUGH SPAGHETTI FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNA'
>look back at him an nervously laugh
>have stopped on the stairs next to some 2/10 who was sitting on the end of the row
>laugh and try to play it cool and tell her 'h-heh, that's just m-my post-natal snack, heh heh'
>she looks bemused and says 'post-natal snack? what?'
>had forgotten i started a conversation with her and had started making my way to the bottom
>get to the front of the class, take off my samurai sword holder belt and trenchcoat
>take out my lesson plan and quickly try to hush the class
>'g-guys, g-g-guys please be q-quiet, please'
>black guy from before says 'EYYY YO MAYBE HE GOT DA RECIPIE FOR DIS SPAGHETTI SAWCE'
>everyone hushes

[Anonymous No.3734058]

>>3734054
>i say 't-thank you everyone, l-let's get started. w-w-w-welcome to gender s-studies 101, i-i'm profes---'
>suddenly cut off as the real professor barges into the room and gives his apologies for being late
>he sees me at the front and asks me what im doing
>told him with vigour (i'd forgotten all the other people were even here) and animation that i was exercising my right to free speech and quuoted the relevent passage in the fourteenth amendment
>he tries to tell me the 14th amendment was about nationalising the definition of citizenship
>inform him that i know more than him, and have read all the classics "r-rand, buckley jr., t-t-the list could go o-on, heh'
>our highly intellectual conversation is suddenly interrupted when the black guy shouts out "EY YO PROF. WHY DIS CRACKA WEARIN A MY LIDDLE HORSIE TSHIRT TRYNA TELL US BOUT YO CLASS PROF, KICK HIS ASS'
>prof laughs it off
>"w-w-what is so funny?" i muster
>i go to get my samurai sword from its holder
>realise i'd packed the holder with extra spaghetti in the event i lost my lunchbox
>walk out of the door, thank god that's over
>can hear entire class laughing behind me

[Anonymous No.3734068]

>be reading Moby Dick at cafe
>girl asks if she can sit across from me to share my power outlet
>agree, keep reading
>she keeps looking up at me and smiling as I ignore her
>an hours passes like this
>she starts packing up her stuff and mumbles "so why didn't you talk to me?"
>ignore her
>she looks frustrated, finishes packing up her stuff
>"well thanks for letting me use your power outlet"
>take puff from my pipe and give a hearty seaman's laugh
>"BLOOD AND THUNDER! WHO'S TO DOOM WHEN THE JUDGE HIMSELF IS DRAGGED TO THE BAR!!!??"
>raise my harpoon, throw it, impale her navel
>she screams "what the hell?" and collapses on the ground
>kneel before her corpse
"SWERVE ME? THE PATH TO MY FIXED PURPOSE IS LAID WITH IRON RAILS, WHEREON MY SOUL IS GROOVED TO RUN!"
>go home and cook spaghetti dinner

[Anonymous No.3734067]

>>3734058
>so distracted that i trip on the stairs outside and end up banging my head and being out cold for 45 minutes
>woken up by the black guy and a crowd of people looking down at my curled up body
>'EYY YO EVERYBODY LOOK... DIS PASTY ASS BOI WEARIN SOCKS WID PICTURES OF SOCKS WID KARL MARX ON DEM
>try to inform him that they're actually custom printed socks of Charles Darwin, the founder of modern atheism
>can't muster up any more courage
>allow myself to lie there as paramedics take me away on stretcher and rush my into an amulence
>they ask me if im allergic to penacillin
>too beta to say yes
>they give me some
>start having a fit
>start singing 'Carve My Life Into Pieces' by Papa Roach while struggling for breath because the song always motivates me to pull through hard times
>paramedic driving starts yelling back to me 'ITS CUT MY LIFE NOT CARVE MY LIFE'
>as he's looking into the back of the ambulence trying to correct me he swerves off the road and the back doors swing open as he tries to get control of the ambulence
>my stretcher trolley becomes unhinged and i go flying all the down the huge hill the ambulence was climbing
>eventually reach the bottom

[Anonymous No.3734071]

>>3734067
>in some ghetto area in the middle of the road
>start shitting myself, too beta to get up
>group of black guys from my class come up to me
>they start searching me and stealing my stuff
>took literally everything from me but my underwear and took all the medical equipment
>as they're walking away hear one saying to his friend
>'EYYYY YO, DIS CRAZY CRACKA GOT A SPIDERMAN WATCH'

[Anonymous No.3734096]

>>3734048
>>3734054
>>3734058
>>3734067
>>3734071
tour de force

[Anonymous No.3734105]

>>3734067
I want those socks.

[Anonymous No.3734119]

>Take creative writing workshop.
>Class of ten with woman lecturer who starts talking about plot development and hero's journey.
>"Implying I read for plot," I shout through cupped hands.
>Class glares at me.
>"two thousand and thirteen,"I tell everyone
>Teacher tuts and starts discussing character development in Harry Potter.
>"Do you even read?" I shout. "Go back to mew"
>Ginger man to my left tells me to shut up.
>"I bet you haven't even read Ulysses or Dee-Eff-Double-you" I tell him
>Class starts shouting at me, asking me to leave. It was all that ginger man's fault.
>I turn back to him
>"Your filthy roach. I bet you read fifty shades and genre fiction."
>He stands up and tells me to get out.
>"No," I said. "I'm the only real reader here. I read for prose, you're just a fucking casual"
>He hit me right on the nose, the cartilage cracks, blood sprays over my desk.
>I get up and walk out, grinning to myself at how superior I am.
>Filthy roaches. I bet they're talking about Kerouac now.

[Anonymous No.3734125]

>sitting on the bus
>girl from university notices me and comes up to say hello
>"Excuse me, but my transit reading time is very important to me"
>she says that's alright and sits next to me anyway
>take out an old leatherbound Loeb Library version of Virgil's Bucolics
>"Is that.. is that Latin?"
>I assure her that it is
>tfw got a wicked handy on the bus that morning

[Anonymous No.3734157]

>Sitting down in an empty public bathroom stall taking a dump
>Some guy takes the stall next to me
>Feel awkward, so I try to break the ice and ask him if he likes books
>He doesn't respond
>Start getting nervous, repeat my question but this time louder
>He says "not really"
>Ask him if he has ever read DFW
>He says "No"
>Feel kinda mad and hit the wall of the stall that he's on in a fit of rage
>Instantly regret it
>Say "Sorry"
>He doesn't respond
>Feel really bad
>Hold a $20 bill under the stall as a peace offering
>He doesn't take it
>Tell him to take it
>He says no
>Toss it towards his feet
>He stomps on it and kicks it back
>Feel really freaked out so I wipe, get up and leave
>Wait outside the door of the toilet to apologize
>See him come out
>Say "I just want to apologize"
>He says "Fuck off"

>mfw stalking him three weeks later I saw him renting Infinite Jest

[Anonymous No.3734174]

>>3732542
Good god it's the most hilarious thing I've ever read. Aww man, the Super Saiyan bit. That used to be me. Not in public but at home.

[Anonymous No.3734201]

>>3732489

[Anonymous No.3734216]

>>3732540
>>3732542
>I am dejected, but the rules of bushido dictate that I must defend my honour
>I challenge him to a duel
>he sucker punches me in the face while I'm still withdrawing my Yu-Gi-Oh! cards
>my red velvet fedora goes flying off my head, even though I had fastened it on with a chin strap
You comical genius

[Anonymous No.3734227]

>>3734216
"Wet burp of shit" is a powerful image of the superbly pathetic.

[Virgin 20/m/UK !VIRGIN/FJM No.3734240]

>being taken for a pleasant stroll around town in my horse-drawn carriage, dressed in my aristocratic attire.
>wave amiably at the meek and downtrodden plebs
>chuckle softly to myself as they shoot back resentful scowls
>my carriage is forced to halt by a particularly dirty peasant who stands to obstruct its path, waving his arms about and shouting in protest
>step down from my carriage to confront the importuning good-for-nothing
>look down haughtily at his meager and unwashed body
>"and for what reason do you stop my carriage, sir?"
>he lifts his arms and flails around in his hand a scrappy, beaten book, opens his mouth, speaking like a mad preacher, "ATTENTION-WHORING TRIPFAG!"
>"Pardon?" I say, maintaining my civility
>"YOU! YOU ARE A TRIP-FAG. WHY NOT DRESS AND SPEAK DIRTY LIKE US FOLK"
>incredulous, about to turn back to my carriage seat and tell the coachman to carry on our path without heed for the madman
>he grabs my shoulder with his clumsy paw and tries to pull me around
>I turn and he waves his nasty tome in my face
>"SEE, YOU DON'T NEED TO LOOK SMART TO READ GOOD BOOKS"
>I snatch the rotten thing from his hand and see that it is in fact "Infinite Jest" by one "David Foster Wallace"
>"ah, I mistook you for a philistine. My apologies, sir, I see you have very fine taste in deed. You're welcome to join me on my carriage if you like."
>he blushes and grins, telling me "it's OK" and apologising for his rudeness
>return to my seat and open my Virgil, shaking my head.

[Anonymous No.3734258]

[Anonymous No.3734266]

This entire thread needs archiving or saving, somehow.

[Anonymous No.3734272]

>>3734266
This

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT

[Anonymous No.3734274]

>>3732470
>end with the last sentence joining on to the first
I've a feeling you should have spoilered this. I haven't read it.

[Anonymous No.3734288]

>>3734272
I've done one, 3 to go

[Anonymous No.3734299]

Uhh, y'all know about our archive over on fuuka.warosu.org/lit right? Every thread is autosaved there.

[Anonymous No.3734331]

copy pasta thread?

>Doing some grocery shopping.
>Walk through the store, notice a small woman stacking the shelves, farther down my aisle.
>As I come near she falls from her stair as she tries to put something heavy on the top shelf, the goods going to the floor.
>She notices me and shrinks back slightly before being paralyzed with fear.
>Her eyes widen as I come closer, pupils shrinking as I reach for the goods.
>Her lip trembles as I pick up the box and put it on the top shelf, no stair required.
>I reach my hand out to help her up, and tears well up in her eyes.
>“T-thank y-you”, she says, as she takes my hand and gently pull her to her feet.
>Men are grinning at me, someone starts the slow clap, as all the other women look at her with scorn and pity at the same time.
>I bare my teeth in a mischievous grin, and she begins to sob softly.
>I continue my shopping under raucous applause.
>“It was… my privilege.”

[Anonymous No.3734521]

>>3734240
Jesus virgin you are an awful poster. is it possible to try any harder?

[Anonymous No.3734766]

>>3734274
>spoiling Finnegans Wake
I'm not sure that's possible.

[Anonymous No.3734770]

>>3734048
>dat twist about two-thirds through