/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.3677528]

/lit/ humour thread.
I don't have much, but I think this is pretty funny.

[Anonymous No.3677530]

[Anonymous No.3677531]

[Anonymous No.3677536]

[Anonymous No.3677538]

[Anonymous No.3677563]

[Anonymous No.3677567]

[Anonymous No.3677570]

Post some good ones now.

[Anonymous No.3677575]

>>3677570

[Anonymous No.3677596]

>>3677575

more like hilary mansmell, ammirite guise?

[Anonymous No.3677599]

>>3677596

[Anonymous No.3677612]

>>3677596
Actually laughed.

[Anonymous No.3677619]

>>3677612

[Anonymous No.3677651]

Wow, literary jokes are just not funny. A bit snobby maybe.

Let's lower the tone. What's round and dangerous?

[Anonymous No.3677653]

>>3677651
Vicious circle?

[Anonymous No.3677662]

>>3677653

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."

[Anonymous No.3677665]

What's red and silly?

A blood clot

[Anonymous No.3677670]

A book just fell on my head.

I've only got my shelf to blame.

[Anonymous No.3677673]

>>3677670

I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!'

I thought, "That's just spam."

[Anonymous No.3677679]

/lit/ is by far the least funny board.

[Anonymous No.3677683]

[Anonymous No.3677685]

What's one type of candy you can't eat?

John Candy

What stone can you get blood out of?

Emma Stone

What ray-gun cannot be used to shoot rays?

Ronald Reagan

etc. etc. etc.

[Anonymous No.3677688]

>>3677679

Eh, you just can't into wordplay.

By the way, my plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat.

[Anonymous No.3677689]

lol ebooks

[Anonymous No.3677695]

Do you know what really makes me smile?

Facial muscles.

[Anonymous No.3677697]

[Anonymous No.3677699]

I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis.

Guess now that I'm single again, I'll have to take Matters into my own hands.

[Anonymous No.3677705]

Is that you bruv?

[Anonymous No.3677707]

I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery.

I've had it right up to here with them.

[Anonymous No.3677709]

A man knocked on the door of the Kremlin.

"Is Len in?"

[Anonymous No.3677714]

I only just managed to scrape the necessary marks to get my PhD in Scottish poetry.

I have third degree Burns.

[Anonymous No.3677718]

Is it just me or does anybody else find pressing F5 refreshing?

[Anonymous No.3677721]

"You won't like me when I'm angry.

Because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources."

- The Credible Hulk

[Anonymous No.3677725]

A man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him.

His condition is described as stable.

[Anonymous No.3677731]

Whiteboards are remarkable.

[Anonymous No.3677733]

"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge!"

"What's come over you lately?"

"A taxi and two buses."

[Anonymous No.3677735]

My wife has packed her bags and gone - just because of my fetish with touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

[Anonymous No.3677739]

this thread sucks. dumping what I have

[Anonymous No.3677741]

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.
I asked her, "What can I do to stop my addiction?"
She said, "Whatever means necessary."
"No it doesn't," I said.

[Anonymous No.3677747]

William Shakespeare walks into a pub.

"Get out, ya Bard!"

[Anonymous No.3677756]

[Anonymous No.3677760]

[Anonymous No.3677762]

[Anonymous No.3677764]

Needs the classics.

A marxist post-structuralist continental Ecole Normale Supérieure professor and feminist activist was teaching a class on Martin Heidegger, known hermeneuticist.

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Nietzsche and accept that his genealogical method was the most highly-evolved theory the continent has ever known, even greater than Hegel's dialectics!”

At this moment, a brave, rational, positivist analytic philosopher who had read more than 15000 pages of Popper and Wittgenstein and understood the raison d'être of empiricism and fully supported all modern hard sciences stood up and held up the constitution.

”How universal is this text, frenchfag?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “It's not universal at all, fucking positivist, its 'truth' is rooted in our shared understandings about culture, the subject and the nexus of power and knowledge”

”Wrong. It’s been 225 years since human reason created it. If it was not universal, and post-modern relativism, as you say, is real… then it should be regarded as a myth now”

[Anonymous No.3677766]

[Anonymous No.3677767]

I'm done with my charming wordplay, please resume your pretentious lofty trash.

[Anonymous No.3677768]

>>3677764
The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of On Grammatology. He stormed out of the room crying those ironic post-modern crocodile tears. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Michel Foucault, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than an AIDS ridden sadomasochist interested in fisting. He wished so much that he had some kind of truth to hold on to, but he himself had written to disprove it!

The students applauded and all rolled into American universities that day and accepted Wittgenstein as the end of philosophy. An eagle named “Formal logic” flew into the room and perched atop the copy of "Principa Mathematica" and shed a tear on the hardcover. The last sentence of "Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus" was read several times, and Karl Popper himself showed up and demonstrated how dialectics is nothing but a means of justifying contradictions.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and his "books" were disregarded for all eternity.

[Anonymous No.3677770]

[Anonymous No.3677771]

[Anonymous No.3677772]

[Anonymous No.3677774]

[Anonymous No.3677775]

and >sittting a ronin stun Dear, readegin finnegans awake
>acute hipstergirl encroaches me
>stark tremblin' afeard
>Ahoy ured finagalings Quake question lisitany good question
>eye-eye think Hewell find finiginsuayke trans-incense theN ormandy goodab dyke a(ctually)natomy
>sea shells she sellsn't oversit
>insulllfate con mirth
>cafe Sprite de mis nosetrils, sa slong single strand sof /sp/ag GET.
>pAnakin! gET dOwn! I swiftlipool tableclothe. Tomb I know simbol ow.
>Moral: /sp/ag GET. fall out boy.
>Trite Toque. Cachet. Shit. Tall. Jeremy Lin. Federal (G-Men hate) butt-i quickly understops
>Thug Earlsssssssss raring me in Horrah. The horrah. The horrah
>Flavouir Ice Stand! Upkno,,cking my chair over, et Sprint towards le door.
>Pert on 1 stringSSSSSSSSS of spaghetti twas hat danglin' de me narise.
>tt I crash to le floor un wet bubble de Bolognese sources capes from my Bu
>.........................editor i had left some puncjewation owt off my furst edition please feel free to salt and peppet as you wish to tatse
>attept toucan sand Ass lip onamonameatball tha thas ruled ute ufe mi trooser loog.
>"Bye!" Know Ebony won Iceland (-ing!) Hysterectomy!
>I try tie explie thie openie sentie Fi Ni Guy Why bye my my Sigh fi fi spaghettye
>starthrowg un cunt role able y!
>thespian ghetto praws fsleif acircle mi neck.
>Cunt breath.
>beg four help Ass know won can heremoi sur there LMFAO.
>be four dye Ying-Yan comma Mike Ma cunt fessessionalslast
>eye haff k N.O.I.D. wuts going gi[n]g go[in]g fake win again
>todo es Dark Ness.
>mon visage qu

[Anonymous No.3677780]

[Anonymous No.3677783]

[Anonymous No.3677787]

It's often that I've found myself at dinner with the fam, the droopy father sitting kitty corner to the perky, pent-up mother, who'd rush on over to my side, intent on giving me 'huggles'. The attempt is deflected with a gimp oblong shrug, coupled with my shrieking howls, in flawless Shakespearean pentameter:
:
'DO NOT TOUCH ME YOU FILTHY FUCKING CA'

She pauses, horrified

'SUAL.'

At this point, I'm generally given to retreating darkly to my basement, where shelved in the hue and pattern of an offset Serpinski triangle is my perpetually festering collection of dust-gathering hardbacks. I gaze at the collection, meta and non-metaphysically patrician in form and content, and begin to feel the trouser snake emerge.

In heat, I unbury my Martin Heidegger Real Doll™ and wrap his continental lips around my throbbing member, cooing gently as his bushy liptuft tickles my pubis. Pumping furiously, I read from my perpetually open copies of Gravity's Rainbow and Infinite Jest with my left and right eyes, respectively. I stroke my braille copy of Ulysses with my right hand, guiding Heidi™ up and down with my left. I come furiously down his ravenous, hungry throat and pull out, looking deep into those soulful German eyes as we share a cigarette in post-coital bliss.

I tuck Heidi™ away and stare at my books, thinking maybe I should read one of them.

My mother shuffles into the room and pats me on the head, singing

'Hahaha, time for 4chan.'

[Anonymous No.3677788]

[Anonymous No.3677789]

[Anonymous No.3677791]

[Anonymous No.3677792]

[Anonymous No.3677795]

[Anonymous No.3677797]

"Dear Lord, Why Did I Agree To Write This: The Altogether Forgettable Life of Anon"
by Dan Brown

When viewed in retrospect, Dan Brown's actions were entirely ridiculous. One night, while going through his routine of reading through the daily obituaries, the famed author was struck by the face of one particular young man - Anon Anonson, who had recently passed away out of sheer mediocrity.

An 18 year old Liberal Arts degree hopeful, the pitiful life that was Anon Anonson's spoke to Brown as being one that was "...beautifully plain. Really, this boy did nothing." Taking it upon himself to seek out the boy's parents and his friend, Brown soon learnt all there was to know about him. Publishing a thoroughly researched and cross-referenced encyclopedia of knowledge pertaining to Anon Anonson, "The Altogether Forgettable Life of Anon" hit the stores as an exceptionally unremarkable 30 page novella detailing a young boy's dreams of eventually becoming a young man.

Critics panned the work as being "if nothing else, terrible" and particularly found fault with the main character who was noted as being "wholly unlikable" and who "deserved his grim and unfortunate end". The book was quickly forgotten and discarded, as it was too shoddy to hit mainstream appeal, and not terrible enough to achieve cult status.

[Anonymous No.3677798]

[Anonymous No.3677802]

[Anonymous No.3677804]

U FAT?

[Anonymous No.3677832]

>>3677662
Hah. You're pretty funny.

[Anonymous No.3677833]

[Anonymous No.3677840]

[Anonymous No.3677845]

[Anonymous No.3677902]

>>3677775
laughed

[Anonymous No.3677989]

>>3677683

[Anonymous No.3678016]

[Anonymous No.3678029]

>>3677775
Well done.

[Anonymous No.3678061]

this is the worst thread ever
have this

[Anonymous No.3678062]

>>3677768
Is wrong that I have the same views as the teacher?

[Anonymous No.3678094]

>>3677688
made me smile
>>3677679
you should browse /g/ for approximately 3 minutes

[Anonymous No.3678101]

Most of the ones I'm going to post were made when /lit/ was awesome.

[Anonymous No.3678104]

[Anonymous No.3678115]

So what was the big deal about King Laius' death? I though it was rather trivial.

[Anonymous No.3678126]

>>3678061

[Anonymous No.3678161]

[Anonymous No.3678162]

[Anonymous No.3678170]

[Anonymous No.3678199]

>>3677528

[Anonymous No.3678200]

[Anonymous No.3678208]

http://fuuka.warosu.org/lit/thread/S3176901

[Anonymous No.3678238]

>>3678162
I love Beatons work so much

[Anonymous No.3678260]

>>3678238
>work

They're comics, don't be a cunt.
Pre-emptive she's not 'indie', her comics are published by D+Q

[Anonymous No.3678310]

[Anonymous No.3678315]

[Anonymous No.3678340]

>>3678260
Comics are work, I don't know what your problem is.

[Anonymous No.3678834]

[Anonymous No.3678856]

[Anonymous No.3678879]

>>3677662
I didn't get it.

[Anonymous No.3678881]

>>3678879
yes, we see ya

[Anonymous No.3678888]

>>3678881
Ohhh

Thanks!

[Anonymous No.3678915]

>>3677536
is the humor here rooted in the codeswitch of the OP?

[Anonymous No.3678965]

what a shitty thread

"Palahniuk stylistic quirks?" she tells me. "Annoying isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind," she tells me.

"See also: Survivor," she tells me.
"See also: Fight club," she tells me.
"See also: Invisible monsters," she tells me.

"Loathsome isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind," She tells me.

I am Joe's twitching eyelid.

"See also: Choke," she tells me.

I am Joe's gritted teeth.

[Anonymous No.3678991]

>>3678094

[Anonymous No.3679014]

[Anonymous No.3679034]

>>3678200
My OC! They love me, they really love me!

[Anonymous No.3679044]

[Anonymous No.3679053]

>>3678260
>don't call comics 'work'
>she's not indie
>"don't be a cunt"

Hipster douchebag detected.

[Anonymous No.3679098]

>>3677775
11/10

[Anonymous No.3679115]

>>3678260

>>work
>They're comics, don't be a cunt.

Get some fucking taste you massive shitcunt.

[Anonymous No.3679206]

>>3679053
ah, so that's where she got the title for her blog...

[Anonymous No.3679213]

[Anonymous No.3679242]

[Anonymous No.3679348]

>>3677767
How old is this pic? I remember seeing it over my 56k internet over 10 yrs ago - background? Sauce?

[Anonymous No.3679479]

>>3677695
>>3677721
>>3677756
>>3677762
>>3677770
lel

>>3677768
If you think "On grammatology" is bogus, then read the Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus. It's mental wanking. Wittgenstein later admitted that what he had written as a young man was extreme and wrong. Besides, it's unreadable.

[Anonymous No.3679484]

>>3679479
dat bloody sage cookie

[Anonymous No.3679499]

[Anonymous No.3679522]

>>3679479
>o no mathematical logic is 2hard&deep4me therefore the tractatus is poopy-poo

[Anonymous No.3679524]

>>3679522
/lit/ is scared of anything that remotely looks like actual formal logic

[Anonymous No.3679559]

>>3679479
are you seriously responding to copypasta?

[Anonymous No.3679624]

>>3677845
lel'd

[Anonymous No.3679645]

>>3679524
ur mom loves it when I rub my hard binary system on her fuzzy logic

[Anonymous No.3679701]

I once made a greentext story on Plato's allegory of the cave, someone said he screencapped it but it's nowhere ITT
too bad :(

[Anonymous No.3680091]

>>3679522
>>3679524
>1 The world is all that is the case.

>1.1 The world is the totality of facts, not of things.

>1.11 The world is determined by the facts, and by their being all the facts.

>1.12 For the totality of facts determines what is the case, and also whatever is not the case.

>1.13 The facts in logical space are the world.

>1.2 The world divides into facts.

>1.21 Each item can be the case or not the case while everything else remains the same.

>2 What is the case--a fact--is the existence of states of affairs.

>2.01 A state of affairs (a state of things) is a combination of objects (things).

>2.011 It is essential to things that they should be possible constituents of states of affairs.

>2.012 In logic nothing is accidental: if a thing can occur in a state of affairs, the possibility of the state of affairs must be written into the thing itself.

>Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus

If this makes sense, then I'm the batman.
People swear by it, because, as the Bible, it's cryptic and nobody read it. Thus, the interpretations are infinite and a cult following may follow.

[Anonymous No.3680135]

>>3677840
That's wrong, no one interprets it that way

[Anonymous No.3680171]

im prepared to argue that this qualifies as /lit/

[Anonymous No.3680286]

>>3680135

If you believe that you're an idiot. The commas matter.

[Anonymous No.3680307]

Bumping with this Nietzsche wallpaper I just made.

[Anonymous No.3680333]

this one makes me proud

[Anonymous No.3680347]

>>3677683

[Anonymous No.3680374]

>>3680171

[Anonymous No.3680383]

Did anyone save those screens of the book about ducks that the guy written when he was 7?

[Anonymous No.3680422]

Best one.

[Anonymous No.3680429]

>>3680383
Probably. That thread was pretty great.

[Anonymous No.3680438]

>>3680429
>>3680383
This is the only page from the book that you need to see

[Anonymous No.3681975]

[Anonymous No.3681979]

tfw dasein

[Anonymous No.3681990]

>>3677768
>>3677768
Facts are knowable
p.s.: „Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muss man schweigen.“

[Anonymous No.3682133]

[Anonymous No.3682158]

[Anonymous No.3682184]

A marxist post-structuralist continental Ecole Normale Supérieure professor and feminist activist was teaching a class on Martin Heidegger, known hermeneuticist.

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Nietzsche and accept that his genealogical method was the most highly-evolved theory the continent has ever known, even greater than Hegel's dialectics!”

At this moment, a brave, rational, positivist analytic philosopher who had read more than 15000 pages of Popper and Wittgenstein and understood the raison d'être of empiricism and fully supported all modern hard sciences stood up and held up the constitution.

"How universal is this text, frenchfag?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “It's not universal at all, fucking positivist, its 'truth' is rooted in our shared understandings about culture, the subject and the nexus of power and knowledge”

”Wrong. It’s been 225 years since human reason created it. If it was not universal, and post-modern relativism, as you say, is real… then it should be regarded as a myth now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of On Grammatology. He stormed out of the room crying those ironic post-modern crocodile tears. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Michel Foucault, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than an AIDS ridden sadomasochist interested in fisting. He wished so much that he had some kind of truth to hold on to, but he himself had written to disprove it!

[Anonymous No.3682186]

>>3682184
The students applauded and all rolled into American universities that day and accepted Wittgenstein as the end of philosophy. An eagle named “Formal logic” flew into the room and perched atop the copy of "Principa Mathematica" and shed a tear on the hardcover. The last sentence of "Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus" was read several times, and Karl Popper himself showed up and demonstrated how dialectics is nothing but a means of justifying contradictions.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and his "books" were disregarded for all eternity.