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/lit/ - Literature

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3517088 No.3517088[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

gentlemen, if you may address my short film.

https://vimeo.com/60788914

>> No.3517090
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3517090

bumping with oddities

>> No.3517095
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3517095

>> No.3517099

The images are pretty good, your editing is solid, but the sound could really use some work. I'm guessing you made this solo?

>> No.3517106
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3517106

>>3517099
yeah man.
i actually paid special attn to the sound. what do you think needs work with it?

>> No.3517110

one time showing is enough.
I hate plumb ... somethings falls.
But. I see. where you going. Keep going.
it's ok

>> No.3517114
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3517114

>>3517110
thx bro

>> No.3517116

It's inconsistent. The elements I enjoyed weren't really elaborated on in any real way, and I found some of the other intention pedestrian...just speaking of the sentiment I was getting while getting a general gist of the film.

At times the colors were vivid, and whatever settings you had the camera gave the best shots a crisp quality...but that was too inconsistent.

The patterned effect of the snow was very decorative in the film's best shots, but sometimes it reminded me too must of a cheap 'film grain' effect. Once in awhile, shots mediated this effect quite well...but I don't know if there was any whole to that intention.

The rhythms of the cutting were pedestrian, and that can ruin a film like this from the get-go.

I like when short films can be a study of a certain visual concept, but at times subtle, decisive judgement is needed to focus that.

>> No.3517122

beautiful.
for starters, this borrows heavily from modernist capitalist pre-isolationism. the train as the symbol of industrialized, mass produced, indifference and bourgeois ennui in stasis (contrasted/reinforced by its monotonous movement) the soldier as the ultimate capitalist sacrifice (loss of identity not of life) and of course we have the constant revert to the birdhouse, a symbol of post-anarchist post-scarcity, multiple non sequential shots demonstrate this winding back to the mode of classical representation, thus the primary paradigm,seen through the most identifiable mode of classical representation: the reflective water--broken of course by the crashing stone, which symbolizes our constant struggle against earlier 'primitive' modes.

actually im just kidding, its complete shit

>> No.3517128

>>3517106
>https://vimeo.com/60788914
heard you were having problems with the sound on the video an quick and easy fix for wind noises picking up on your video is to attack cotton to the front mic/external mic and it will cut down on wind noise without cutting down on natural sound

>> No.3517132
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3517132

>>3517116

yeah it snowed like shit the last couple days here and i just thought i'd take advantage of some of it.

thx for the input on shot pacing bro

>> No.3517136
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3517136

>>3517122

>> No.3517138

It needs something more; I cannot put my finger on what.

Also, I'm not even sure it was worth the effort to film all, or any, of that. I'm not expecting Brakhage; but, I just didn't catch on.

>> No.3517146
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3517146

>>3517128

dude that is such a legit tactic.

>> No.3517157
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3517157

>>3517138

can you elaborate on your dissatisfaction?

>> No.3517162
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3517162

After the close up on the soldier statue, you should have dissolved onto an american flag (with taps playing) then an Indian Chief with a single tear drop and an eagle cawing. Fade to black, fin.

>> No.3517179
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3517179

>>3517162
bravo

>> No.3517193
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3517193

>>3517179
I thought that gif was this for a moment

>> No.3517221
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>> No.3517235
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>> No.3517267
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>> No.3517422
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>> No.3517466
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3517466

thx for input, anon

>> No.3517496

>>3517162
instead you should have been an eagle with a tear dripping from its eye. then the camera cuts back to the bird house, you see several angles of the thing, then you realize there's something inside. you realize in the last scene that there's a copy of harry potter and the chamber of secrets inside the birdhouse, then the film suddenly ends. keen viewers are then left to realize the juxtaposition between the majestic american eagle, the patron saint of the american hero and j.k. rowling's pheonix at the end of her second novel and see the bird house as an allusion to the collapse of american civilization from within by the subversion of intellectual culture by popular culture.

im really letting my imagination run wild here.... take this as a bump op

>> No.3517905
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3517905

>>3517496

yeah man i was thinking a copy of harry potter or like a couple squirrel skulls, which would be creepier?

>> No.3517967
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>> No.3518022
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>> No.3518060
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>> No.3518585
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>> No.3518626
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>> No.3518641

you should add a sex scene at the climax

>> No.3518650

I would try /ic/. I see a short film posted there once in awhile.

>> No.3518654

Very good imagery. But where's the story? A film without story is nothing but spectacle.

>> No.3518688

>>3518650
thanks bro, i had no idea that board existed.

>>3518654
i tried to a tell a thematic story through rising intensity and then a dropoff. did u get that sense at all? i realize this film may fail in its intention, but this kind of thing is a work in progress.

>> No.3519346

>>3517496
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B-hSSiaEAw

>> No.3519382

>>3518688
Thematic story? You're full of shit. It was snowing, you have a camera, and you wanted to do something.

Thing was fine, a few good shots despite inconsistency of quality. Don't try and shoehorn pretensions into 2 minutes of snow you cuntbag.

>> No.3519452
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3519452

>>3519382
lol bro, doesn't mean i can't take advantage of the snow to CREATE a thematic journey. I attempted to represent the rising tension and release thru the shots and the sound cuts. no bullshit bro

>> No.3519459

>>3518654

>implying films can have stories

Eisenstein's bastards must have fucked your brain. Sequential pictures aren't stories.

>> No.3519466
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3519466

>>3519459
thats some next level shit bro

>> No.3519709
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>> No.3520094
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>> No.3520099

>>3517088
I thought it was alright OP.
good shots. liked the idea too. but you're really taking any risk.

>> No.3520103

>>3520099
aren't*

>> No.3521231
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3521231

>>3520099

thanks dude. how could i make it risky? how to better engage the viewer?

>> No.3521251

what the fuck do you think you're doing? gtfo

>> No.3521252

Actually not bad.

I liked the use of sound.

I didn't care for that upside-down shot at the end.

I think you could stand to think more about the way you frame some of your shots. You seem to have a good eye for what makes good composition, but some of your shots that might have been my favorite instead fell flat. I'm thinking of the one of the train going by the bird house, and the wide shot of the monument. What does the way you framed that monument tell me about that soldier? Nothing.

By comparison, the later shots, where you're doing close-ups on his face and mouth and stuff, communicate quite a bit.

/pretentious and completely uneducated bullshit film critique I probably have no place making

>> No.3521263

>>3518688

Nah, I got that. Starts slow, builds in intensity, gets very loud (and cold?) and then lets off. Snow starts melting, hard winter turns into wet mush.

Kind of reminded me of Koyaanisqatsi. Maybe even a little more audacious, because it didn't rely on music to imply tone, but just let the natural sounds do all the work.

>> No.3521275

Just a bunch of poorly-composed photographs taken on a video camera instead of as pictures. This is a thing now?

Also, wrong board.

>> No.3521276

>>3519452

I had to reverse image-search that picture because it looked so interesting.

Apparently one night in Madison Wisconsin, the bars closed, and a giant mob of drunks banded together to create a giant snowball. They rolled it almost a mile, from a Walgreen on State Street to University Avenue. The cops were annoyed.

>> No.3521295
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>>3521263

thanks man

>> No.3521298
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3521298

>>3521276

yeah that happened this winter. i live in wisconsin, and in madison that shit happens all the time. the cops get called out to break up 7 ft tall snowballs that people leave in the streets. it can get gnarly becasue there are some pretty intense and long downhill streets in madison, so you can guess where that goes

>> No.3521305

>>3521298

> tfw a ten-foot snowball crashes through your fence and crushes your dog

>> No.3521483
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>> No.3521489

>>3517088
if you would/will*

>> No.3521922
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>> No.3522048
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>> No.3522095

Breakfast in cemeteries, boy eating wild berries.......

I think the focus on the bird house, that is the empty, uninhabited bird house, implies not only the migratory patterns of those birds who would usually frequent this house, but the state of current postmodern society. Postmodernism is certainly implicit in the video. Nootice the snow-covered war memorial, unvisited, a single flag blowing in the wind. This, surely, is a reference to Jean-Francois Lyotard's famous rebuttal of modernism, condemning it's idealism and utopianism by referencing the atrocities such idealism brought about, mainly the rise of the Third Reich, but here in purely American terms, the Vietnam, Korean and other wars of a similar futile nature, spawned by idealism. We witness not onl a grave (the memorial), but a grave of a grave (the memorial buried by snow).

The empty swing sets, I would suggest, present with a mirror to modern childhood (mimesis of the 'youth of America' image). That is individualistic, confined,, more worryingly, numb. Numb with cold, or numb with the postmodern condition?

The turning point comes when the image we're presented with for the first half of the film is revealed, or suggested to be, an illusion. The camera returns to the symbolic anchor, the birdhouse, but then this shot is shown to be a reflection, which is disturbed by falling ice. Before this turning point the scene is predominantly centred around industrial, man-made symbols (the garbage can, the train, the car).

Again returning to the them of the postmodern, the ice begins blackening and melting quicker than before, the scene flicks back to the image of the train, the birdhouse now swinging wildly, and then back to the natural imagery, this time upside-down. The modern world, steaming towards self-destruction as it is, is capture in these later shots, and the black screen before the ending leaves us with a sense of dread.

>> No.3522205
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3522205

>>3522095

cheers dude

>> No.3522595
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>> No.3522663
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3522663

Why post it here?

>> No.3522693

>>3522095
I thought of that song too.
Well done, great analysis

>> No.3522706
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3522706

>>3522693

agreed

>> No.3522708

>>3522663

i always add a couple off topic tags just to fuck with ppl.

>> No.3522924
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>> No.3523073
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>> No.3523149

wait so all those videos I took of my backyard were "short films"?

>> No.3523719
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3523719

>>3523149

no, because you took no effort to make a shot list, edit the sound, and then proceed form a couple rough drafts to a semi-finished product. took probably 3 hrs of filming and 10 hours of editing on avid.

don't diminish works of art based on your perceptions of their simplicity. doing so only shows off your ignorance of the artistic method. its easy to talk shit and do nothing, assuming that creative ppl are just wasting their time.

that's the kind of shit ppl said about pollack: "oh anyone can just shit paint onto a canvas." yeah, but they didnt.

>> No.3523731
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3523731

Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities.

>> No.3523736

>>3523731
It's a short film.

>> No.3523740

>>3523736
No it isn't.

It's amateur hour on a Macbook.

>> No.3523741

>>3523740
Of course it's amateur-ish. He didn't suggest it's Bergman.

>> No.3523747
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3523747

Overall I feel its pretty good. Get a pretty solid feeling of of a dead or oppressive environment, further supplemented by a wall of sound that is then quickly turned off.

My criticism comes later in the video or just past mid-way. Throwing the snow in the first puddle of the distorted playground was great, but felt it came too early. It seems the more logical place to end the vid. Also the subsequent images of you dropping the snow seem forced or manufactured. Where the rest of the film is much more natural and a great insight to an environment or feeling.

The rest aside, the only part that could have used better camera work was the bird house. Felt that its motion along with the trains would have been better served with the greater stillness of the camera.

That said, I know in video you work with what you can get.

Good job :D

>> No.3523752

>>3523741
Shoddy work apologist.

>> No.3523762
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3523762

>>3523740
>implying macfag

i use avid pro on a windows pc, you jackass.

macs are for people like you

keep talking shit tho, i understand. its easier to hate than to create.

>> No.3523764

You need to look at the work of others. Vaguely /lit/ related short film:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-sxearrArk

>> No.3523766

>>3517088
Those are some fine places to shoot. Now you should consider doing a film there.

>> No.3523767
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3523767

>>3523752

>> No.3523774

>>3523764
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-sxearrArk

this is actually really good.

>> No.3523788

>>3523762
>>3523740
The fact that both of you are trying to make fun of each other based on the brand of computer you use shows how immature you two are. Time to grow up, kids.

OR

LMAO macfag!!!! PCfag!!!! hurrr durrr

>> No.3523792

>>3523766
Haha.

>> No.3523799

>>3523788
>Macfag detected

>> No.3523804

>>3523762
>macs are for people like you

Not my fault my parents are educated and wealthy which in turn made it possible for me to be wealthy and own a Mac and PC. Blame your poor uneducated patents.

>> No.3523811

>>3523788

what did u jsut say about me u little mac? i'll have u know i graduated first at WINDOWS PC school and i have 187 confirmed virus removals on my norton.

>> No.3523815

>>3523774
I was looking for my favourite straight 8 film, which I only saw after posting that:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hVcD8F4gV0

>> No.3523817
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3523817

>>3523804

CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE SON

>> No.3523821

literally retarded

you have no idea what the fuck you're doing

spatting a bunch of retarded and inane images together, with a shitty title and shitty editing and shitty everything else, does not make a good film

at least tell me what the fuck you're trying to accomplish so i can more accurately shit on your piece of shit

>> No.3523822

>>3523815

this one is great due to its absurdity. also i know ppl who fucking do that, pick up cig butts and smoke them like idgaf. so fucking aidsd out. ugh.

>> No.3523824

>>3523821

read the thread faggot

>> No.3523826

>>3523792
I'm serious.

>> No.3523827

Dat sum sepia????
OP be pullin out all the stops!!

>> No.3523834

>>3523824
yeah right

your shit is completely empty and gay and bad

>> No.3523841
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3523841

>>3523834

made u post ex deeeee

>> No.3523842

>>3523827

god damn no. it only looks like that cuz its fucking white ass snow.

fuck

>> No.3523876

>>3523822
Just goes to show, you can still make great stuff with no editing. Then there's some lovely pieces like this: http://vimeo.com/19787552
Also, no idea what's going on with this I'm a Mac I'm PC bs in this thread.

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>> No.3524084
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>> No.3524743
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>> No.3524818
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3524818

thanks for the criticism, helpful critics and hater faggots alike. ill probly recut this a bit later if im not too drunk.

>> No.3525417
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>> No.3525447

literature

>> No.3525851

>>3525447
schlitzerature

>> No.3525885

>>3525417
muh fucking dick

source?