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/lit/ - Literature

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File: 113 KB, 600x502, gregor brown.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3410426 No.3410426 [Reply] [Original]

Judge my writing, /lit/

http://pastebin.com/HkQf7FNW

>> No.3410454

0/10

>> No.3410477

stopped reading after the second paragraph. its not very good in its current form.

>> No.3410524

Did you sleep through english class?

>> No.3410790

>>3410524
Yes

>> No.3410796

if i saw this story approaching in the opposite direction i would cross the street

>> No.3410821

>>3410426
>http://pastebin.com/HkQf7FNW

read a few paragraphs. potentially pretty funny, but you haven't presented it well. as it is i feel you've just written it out as it came to you. redraft it a few times. rewrite paragraphs again and again until it sounds right and the images fall in the best way.

>> No.3410827
File: 98 KB, 554x762, gregor brown 2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3410827

>>3410454
>>3410477
>>3410796
>>3410821

Thank you.

>> No.3410905

<Protag with a cool name> was <unusual action to lure the reader>. <temporary distraction from the bait>.
Seriously, EVERY SINGLE excerpt you people post here starts like that. why