/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.3354811]

shall we try and write a tao lin novel, guys? i mean, it can't be that hard can it?

let's give it a shot. don't worry if it doesn't make sense, i doubt he does either. the most important thing is to forget where your shift key is.

[Anonymous No.3354816]

>Dakota Fanning
>One million dollars
>You feel me?
>Holler

[Anonymous No.3354827]

Aaaaa Aaa Aaaa.

[Anonymous No.3354825]

ingested ~10 bags of cantaloupe with megan on the subway. an old man sat next to us. we giggled a lot. we looked at each other and giggled. afterwards when we were alone we looked each other in the eye for ~30 seconds and then said at the exact same time, "cantaloupe." and then we giggled again for ~3 minutes. we both agree that cantaloupe is the funniest fruit.

[Anonymous No.3354828]

i woke up this morning and got on 4chan
i saw a thread about tao lin, who is myself
i wondered maybe that was metanarrative, or maybe metatextual? idk, i don't know basic literary terms
for lunch i ate strawberry pocky sticks

rinse and repeat

[Anonymous No.3354832]

>>3354825
That actually gave me so much emotion. It's like a rothko.

[Anonymous No.3354836]

felt "aware" of my hands as i typed this sentence. felt "inauthentic" as i read the previous sentence back and realised there is no way i could be "aware" of the feeling of my hands as i typed that sentence as i had only just started typing that sentence and so could not have felt the sensation of my fingers hitting the keyboard at that exact time or else i would have been writing another sentence like "my head hurts" or "i want to go home and lie down" and then maybe afterwards i could have had a moment of "introspection" and noticed that i had felt feelings in my fingers as i typed things like "i wonder if david bowie will ever be 'relevent' again?".

[Anonymous No.3354837]

Sarah Connors said, "I don't like pizza. It reminds me of the moon," on google chat.

"The moon is weird," said Jim Belushi.

"Yeah."

"What if the moon isn't even there. It's like a mass hallucination."

"That would be cool because then I could a book about the moon and how it's fake then someday someone would read it and be like yeah, he was totally right."

Jim Belushi drank a soy milkshake. Sarah Connors put her TV on mute so she could listen to a song on her iPod.

"Why do you think soy tastes so good?" Jim Belushi said.

"I don't like soy."

"Oh."

[Anonymous No.3354844]

>this thread

[Anonymous No.3354847]

you see you guys are just aping him whereas he came up with the style in the first place. he is a genius and you are all jelly

[Anonymous No.3354849]

i want to get out of bed. i think about gmail chat. i want autism to get out of bed. i laughed about the rabbits. i go to the traintracks and we yell at the pigeons. "i like pigeons" said dakota fanning not on gmail chat. i looked at my knees and thought about how many xanax i should take

[Anonymous No.3354851]

>>3354836

looked back at this sentence and smirked. i enjoyed reading it back. sometimes i wonder if i should laugh at my own work. megan says i am funny so maybe it is okay. i read once that kafka laughed at his work too, but i don't think kafka is very funny. not in a "ha ha" way anyway. kafka is funny like a fruit that won't stand still on a table is funny. kafka is the orange that always rolls away.

[Anonymous No.3354852]

>>3354847
Almost there anon, you could almost get the feeling of his prose. Just a little more.

[Anonymous No.3354863]

my head hurts

i'm tired

i want to go home

[Anonymous No.3354859]

>>3354847
It's just the natural course of the Hemingway/Carver fascination in creative writing circles. No one wants to be Faulkner anymore...

[Anonymous No.3354865]

>>3354847
Go to bed, Tao.

[Anonymous No.3354869]

>>3354847
this

besides, apeing tao is sam pink's job.

[Anonymous No.3354877]

noticed how much my name sounds like "trollin'" and smirked for ~2 minutes. imagined my mother is taipei paying a seer to predict "internet culture" and then naming me whilst smirking widely and rubbing her hands together.

my bedroom floor is littered with lemon rinds. megan says i am a "lemon nut". i told her lemons are fruits and beat her to death with my macbook. jordan castro filmed it on his iphone and now we are going to sell it for ~$50,000.

buy my book

[Anonymous No.3354895]

i think people realise I'm a hack. i need to ride out this fifteen minutes for as long as I can. i scratched my ass and watched tiny toons.

[Anonymous No.3354901]

>>3354869
Sam Pink is a much better Tao Lin than Tao LIn himself, to be honest

[Anonymous No.3354903]

>>3354877
found a definitively accurate tao lin impression on 4chan's /'lit/', within a thread likely created by him himself in an obvious marketing attempt

keeps talking about his hipster wife/friends/lifestyle. doesn't provide any reasons as to why i should read another of his shit books. needs to be in bed

[Anonymous No.3354929]

when we got home we emptied the bags onto the floor. on the floor there were:

2 punnets of strawberries
6 oranges
6 kiwis
12 golden delicious apples
2 kale
1 lemon
4 mangoes

we looked at each other and grinned. "that is a lot of fruit," said megan. she was grinning. "yes," i said. i was grinning. i imagined taking the fruit and pushing it into megan's vagina. "i'm imagining pushing all this fruit into your vagina," i said. i grinned. megan grinned.

~2 hours later there was no fruit on the floor. i rolled megan to the frontdoor and left her on the sidewalk. the doorman looked at me sideways and grinned. "she is a dirty fruitslut," i said and went back inside. later i sat on my floor and thought about when it was ful of fruit. i had a little sad. "i am sad," i said, and started counting the fibres in the carpet until megan came back up looking exhausted. "my vagina is over," she said. "there are over 9000 fibres in this square meter of carpet," i said and grinned. megan looked in the fridge for more things to insert into her vagina. she looked over aat me and held up two vegan muffins. "no, i said. not the muffins."

[Anonymous No.3354957]

In order to emulate Tao Lin I would have to read something by Tao Lin.

I don't think I can do that. Not when there are so many better things I could be reading.

[Anonymous No.3354962]

"do you ever think about living in outer space?"
"no."
"jesus."

[Anonymous No.3354966]

absently thought "midget fucker" and opened a new tab. i typed "midget fucker" into google.

2,967,756 results.

"jesus," i thought.

[Anonymous No.3354975]

>>3354957
But that's not even true. You could easily produce a perfect imitation of him by simply imitating his imitators. That is just how simple and formulaic his style is.

[Anonymous No.3354982]

>>3354966
this made me smile.

[Anonymous No.3354984]

emo band called "live 4eva"

emo band called "vegan murder babies"

emo band called "all i want for xmas is a meatfree taco"

emo band called "performing puppies"

emo band called "i hate my life and i want to die, and i want you to know this"

[Anonymous No.3354995]

>>3354847
imagine myself aping tao lin. no, i think, instead i'll come up with an original style. consider taking drugs that stimulate my creativity.

[Anonymous No.3355007]

i put my ice cream in the microwave she said "why do you have to change ice cream? why can't you like it for what it is?" i stirred the ice cream. it was very milky. i said "those hairs on the joints of your toes are yucky."

[Anonymous No.3355012]

a north american cantaloupe opened a new tab and typed into google "north american cantaloupe". he clicked on the top result which was a wikipedia article.

"Cantaloupe (also canteloupe, cantaloup, mushmelon, muskmelon, rockmelon, sweet melon, Persian melon, spanspek (South Africa), or Garma گرما) refers to a variety of Cucumis melo, a species in the family Cucurbitaceae."

"jesus," thought the north american cantaloupe. the north american cantaloupe was surprised to see all of his personal details on the internet. "jesus," thought the north american cantaloupe and started to have what he considered the second most important "identity crisis" of his life.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3355033]

i counted like, twice as many tiles on my bathroom floor than yesterday, but i might have counted a few of them twice-- tweeted sarah michelle gellar, before she got off the toilet, pulled off the plug and walked away, leaving the vibrator chord to dangle out her vagina. the limp and totally resigned way it dangled reminded her of the emptiness inside her, which she usually filled with vibrators, to no avail. on the positive side, she had forgotten to take a shit and she kinda liked that feeling, which made everything a little better.

[Anonymous No.3355041]

tao just so you know the design for taipei is ugly as shit. no one is going to want to buy that garbage

[Anonymous No.3355051]

>>3355033
>>3355033

Haha, this is actually good.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3355062]

>>3355051

die in a fire

[Anonymous No.3355054]

imagined lying on a sofa whilst a stream of medium sized brown spotted hamsters ran down my leg, over my genitals, my belly, and into my open mouth. "jesus," i thought, and closed my mouth. my genitals tingled in a way i have only felt ~7 times before.

[Anonymous No.3355329]

OP,
Do you even /lit/?

[Anonymous No.3355484]

THE NEXT NIGHT WE ATE WHALE

[Anonymous No.3355507]

>>3355484

that was inspired you are a true talent

[Anonymous No.3355515]

I fucking love you, /lit/.

[Anonymous No.3355564]

>>3354825
megan said "no it isn't the funniest fruit" and went on explaining how it just sounds funny but the fruit itself isn't really that funny. "cantaloupe. cantaloupe. cantaloupe." I looked up at the old man and felt bad. Then I looked up at the person sitting next to him, giggled, and said to megan "she's a funny fruit". She didn't giggle.

[Anonymous No.3355656]

Lot of good and funny impersonations itt. Except for Stan. DYER?

[Anonymous No.3355987]

I like this. More.

[Anonymous No.3356045]

woke up and took the subway to sarah lawrence college. i drank a cold skinny white on the way. it had been left over night and the soy had begun to curdle and had a funk taste. imagined how there was probably an MFA graduate trying to sell this as artisan food in brooklyn.

on campus, tried not to look like a lecturer, like i am. some cute girls giggled behind me. felt embarrassed like they had seen me naked before realizing that they were watching videos on their iphones of portlanders falling off their bicycles.

went to the library because it was warm. my house isn't warm. necked some xanan with the last of my skinny white before entering the library. i had to check my talent privileged in at the cloakroom. they don't allow privilege at overpriced liberal collages like this. it makes writing much easier. i started writing.

around 13 megan messaged me on gchat. why is bukkake porn always so anti-climatic she asked. i thought about this for a while scribbling over commas in a random library book. i asked her if she watched celebrity cumshot videos. she didn't reply.

i was hungry so i left for dinner. i was going to go to a raw vegan restaurant across the road before remembering i only had three dollars fifty. decided to try shop lifting from whole foods instead. as i was leaving the library i stopped to collect my talent privilege from the cloakroom. the clerk went to fetch it then he returned and said 'sorry, talent not found'

[Anonymous No.3356046]

Tao Lin shadowboxing. And the wu-tang sword style. If what you say is true, the Tao Lin and the wu-tang could be dangerous. Do you think your wu-tang sword can defeat me. Enguard. I'll let you try my wu-tang style.

[Anonymous No.3356047]

>>3356045
This was awesome. Great job.

[Anonymous No.3356062]

>>3356045
I've only read half of American Apparel but this seriously sounds EXACTLY like Lin.

If you actually released a whole book of this with his name on it everyone would think it was him. When he denied it they'd just assume it's some marketing stunt and go on believing he wrote it.

[Anonymous No.3356069]

>>3356062
Agreed. Somebody has to Toe the Line.

[Anonymous No.3356071]

>>3356045
tao lin go to bed

[Sunhawk !M9PhF5nIzs No.3356099]

>>3356062

Agreed. His writing is just BAD. I know purple prose is bad, but in a way, this is even worse.

[Anonymous No.3356107]

If you've got Lin's style down and are looking for a story: https://encyclopediadramatica.se/The_Hipster_Grifter

[Anonymous No.3356364]

i was sitting outside starbucks trying on my macbook whilst i drank a fair trade certified decaf espresso roast. in the corner of the coffeehouse was a young man with a large moustache and a t shirt that said in large helvetica "helvetica". i thought this was funny and giggled. moments later i typed into the blank word document i have open "hipsters like to state the obvious. it is, like, ironic or post-ironic, or maybe post-post-ironic, or something."

i drank the rest of my fairtrade certified decaf espresso roast and closed my macbook and as i left i counted three pigeons on the street outside pecking at the discarded wrapper of what appeared to be a fat free vegan rasberry muffin. "muffin," i said.

[Anonymous No.3356391]

>>3356364
Where can I send you $50k advance?

[Anonymous No.3356395]

i took three xanax and lay down in the middle of the carpet. i felt like i had never been so horizontal in all my life. i thought about all the times i had been horizontal and compared how horizontal i may or may not have been with how horizontal i was right then. "i am at least 90% more horizontal than usual," i suddenly had the impulse to talk very loudly."i am a big flat line," i said very loudly and smirked. it was very loud.

after three hours i remembered i had told vice i would do a piece for them so i increased my verticality by ~80% and grabbed some paper and crayons that were on my desk and with the big red crayon i drew seven red hamsters eating one small hamster. they had crazy purple eyes. i looked at my drawing. i liked it. above the hamsters i wrote in pencil "this is my entire being on xanax. my entire being is seven red hamsters eating the smallest hamster of my being. my being is a being that eats itself. i feel sick".

the next day vice wired me $200 dollars. i looked at the numbers on my bank statement. "nice," i said, and put six xanax in my mouth.

[Anonymous No.3356403]

tao lin fanfiction is the best fanfiction

[Anonymous No.3356410]

His novels are all properly capitalized you fucks.

[Anonymous No.3356417]

Guys, you're upsetting the balance.

You're supposed to make fan works WORSE than the real thing, not better.

Jeez guys get with the picture.

[Anonymous No.3356425]

>>3356410

i opened a new tab and typed in "4chan". from there i navigated to the literature board of the site. the first thing i saw was a thread about me. every single post was written in lower case. "i don't write my novels in lower case," i thought. i typed into the reply box "His novels are all properly capitilised you fucks." and then filled out the captcha three times before it posted. i looked at my comment on the screen of my macbook. "i am so misunderstood," i thought. "jesus."

[Anonymous No.3356461]

What if this is actually tao lin writing his next novel on /lit/

[Anonymous No.3356468]

I want to read a Tao Lin book just because you guys have been talking about this shit for the last two years.

I can't ignore it any more, what should I start with, what's quintessential Tao Lin?

[Anonymous No.3356471]

became aware of banana residue on my lip via my nose. my nose was full of banana particles. i thought about how smells were really just tiny things. like, if i were to smell a fresh vegan rasberry muffin, i would actually have millions of tiny muffin particles floating up my nose. i imagined my nose was full of muffins and smirked for ~5 minutes. then i started to wonder what happens to the muffin if it is constantly disintegrating and floating up my nose. "do muffins disappear if i sniff them for too long?" i thought. this made me anxious.

i opened a new tab in google chrome and typed in "muffin science".

10,100,000 results.

"jesus," i thought, and put ~10% of a vegan blueberry muffin in my mouth. "muffin death," i thought.

[Anonymous No.3356474]

I'm going to assemble all the extracts in this thread then publish them under the name Bao Lin

[Anonymous No.3356475]

>>3356471

10/10

[Anonymous No.3356476]

bitches be like "yo"
I be like "bitch serve"

[Anonymous No.3356479]

>>3356471
pretty much this.

[Anonymous No.3356499]

>>3356471
Whoever is writing these is at least as good at being Tao as Tao without even trying.

[Anonymous No.3356527]

>>3356474

Surely it should be "Tro' Lin"

[Anonymous No.3356546]

>>3354832
hey fuk u man, I love Rothko

[Anonymous No.3356551]

>>3356499
Also the less effort you put into being Tao Lin, the more you are able to capture Lin's effortless style. Some people are trying too hard. Lin never tries too hard. He barely even tries. That's his secret.

[Anonymous No.3356808]

>>3356551
>>3356551

@tao_lin some people are trying too hard. i never try too hard. i barely even tries. that's my secret. #confessions

[Anonymous No.3356858]

>>3356471
become aware of the idea of "muffin science" and smirk for ~3 minutes. consider whether being a writer is more or less useful to the world than being a scientist who studies muffins. i thought about the fact that scientists who study muffins must have access to a nearly limitless number of muffins. "i wonder if they are all fat," i think. smirk for a few more minutes. imagine how much weight i would gain if i was a muffin scientist. this line of thought made me anxious.

i open up a new tab in google chrome and type in "muffin scientist."

on the first page there is an article titled "harvard scientists vs. the muffin."

"jesus," i think.

[Anonymous No.3356861]

>>3356471
Best. Some link this thread to Tao.

[Anonymous No.3356881]

>>3356471
This is fucking incredible.

[Anonymous No.3356985]

God, I love this thread!

[Anonymous No.3357030]

Andrew watched "Wuthering Heights" music video by Kate Bush 7-13 times in a row not sure if music video people are people. "Music... video... people... Fuck it," Andrew said. He looked in the mirror and noticed he couldn't watch his eye move and felt existentially abused. He tried to trick them like they weren't him anymore but something apathetically shoved into his head. "Move eyeballs... Fuck it," Andrew said, feeling existentially abused and listening to "Wuthering Heights" by Kate Bush."

[Anonymous No.3357083]

hooby dooby dooby i'm having fun with microsoft word a glooby glooby gloob, look how little I care about anything look how free I feel, look how liberated i am when i dont have to obey the basic tenets of english usage

full stops? For tryhards
capital letters? for bureaucrats!

I am the transcendent man, i am the man that da vinci painted, you know the juan i mean. The naked guy with the splayed arms, in the shape of the x, who shouts to the world "look how perfect I am, look how hard i am trying"

I thought about a bowl of cereal i ate in seventh grade back when I was into that sort of thing

"That ceral i ate back in seventh grade back when I was into that sort of thing was great" I thought.

I thought of phoning a girl I met at a poetry reading a week ago, and then phoned a girl I met at a poetry reading a month ago.

"Cecelia?" I said the moment the phone stopped ringing. I couldn't actually remember her name, but I knew that it began with C.

[Anonymous No.3357088]

>>3356858

i stared at the article, "harvard scientists vs the muffin".

i imagined a small army of scientists that all look like jonathon franzen and a very big muffin, like, maybe 9000% bigger than one of the franzen scientists. i imagine david foster wallace doing that dance he did for zadie smith as he walks between the franzen hoarde and the giant muffin. the franzen army becomes so enraged by wallace's superior showmanship that they sniff themselves into oblivion, and then david foster wallce eats the giant muffin.

when i clicked on the article, "harvard scientists vs the muffin" i saw nothing like what i imagined and feel very sad. "i am sad," i said.

[Anonymous No.3357093]

>>3356471
Do you have a book deal?

[Anonymous No.3357132]

>>3357093

no, of course not. i'm on /lit -- i'm unemployed.

[Anonymous No.3357483]

Is it bad that this style of writing really appeals to me? I realise that it can't even be called prose, but it just feels like tapping into the thoughts of a proper, fucking weirdo! Isn't there something we could learn from them?

[Anonymous No.3357520]

>>3357483
>Isn't there something we could learn from them?
You mean from ourselves? Where do you think you are?

[Anonymous No.3357597]

someone tweeted me a link to 4chan.org where i saw a thread parodying my work. there was a lot of fruit involved, sexual acts involving megan boyle, a war involving an army of jonathon franzens and a dancing david foster wallce, and vegan muffins. it made me hungry. i had some grapes on my desk and i ate them one after another greedily until they were all gone. my stomach hurt. thought "inane grape-situation." tweeted about my "inane grape-situation." thought "my life is a parody of itself". "i should have bought a muffin," i thought.

[Anonymous No.3357672]

>>3357520
That's my point, that we could learn about ourselves by studying him!

[Anonymous No.3357748]

>>3357597

[Anonymous No.3358080]

[Anonymous No.3358106]

>>3358080
WHAT THE DICKS AM I READING???

[Anonymous No.3358159]

i stood outside vice headquarters in berlin while eating 1/4 of a watermelon which i held in a red napkin i had found in my satchel. i felt 'mischievous'. standing there in the middle of the streets while germans walked around me made me feel 'mischievous'. i grinned 'mischievously' and ~40% of the watermelon juice in my mouth ran down my chin and onto my white american apparel t shirt which i had stolen the previous week. "jesus," i thought and tried to brush the stain away while i chewed and swallowed the remaining watermelon in my mouth, which was at this point ~25% of the amount of watermelon i had originally put into my mouth. i wondered what the people at vice would think of me if they saw me wearing a stained american apparel t shirt. "maybe they will like it," i thought, "maybe this is a good image. maybe i will be like the asian bukowski." i had been standing outside vice headquarters for 6 minutes and 46 seconds. after 8 minutes and 12 seconds i entered vice headquarters. "hehehe," i thought. "asian bukowski. hehehee."

[Anonymous No.3358186]

tao sat in his chair watching the screen flicker. he took hold of the mouse and clicked on the address bar and typed in "4chan.org/lit". he thought, "i hope they liked my new book". tao lin said "i'm checking 4chan i hope they like my book" over gmail chat to meghan. tao stared at the screen. tao had a neutral facial expression. tao took a bite of raw vegan cheerios. "cheerios are little planets and when i eat them i destroy worlds" said tao on gmail. "fuck it" tao thought. tao lin laid down in bed. tao lin fell asleep. he dreamed of giant cheerios.

[Anonymous No.3358243]

"I made and drank a dragonfruit smoothie even though I prefer lychee," said Megan on Gmail chat. "How are you. I'm going to buy some kimchee."

"I think I'm addicted to Xanax," said Jacob. "Is irony dead. I was accosted by a hairless Caucasian man in front of Whole Foods today while buying Xanax."

"What is irony," said Megan.

Jacob closed out of Gmail chat and closed his Macbook. He went on his iPhone and went onto Gmail chat. He didn't say anything on Gmail chat. He went on Twitter and Tweeted "i forgot how to use the tilde key on my iphone." He left his apartment and then he Tweeted "tilde40% ppl in nyc carrying tote bags w/ tildes in them." Jacob then Tweeted "thought 'wendy's crispy lychee sandwich'."

Jacob put his iPhone in his pocket with the Twitter app still running. He walked into Wendy's and asked for a Wendy's Crispy Lychee Sandwich. A hairless Caucasian man escorted him out. He took out his iPhone and Tweeted "microwaved frozen snapper tilde27mins." He then remembered how to use the tilde key and walked back into his apartment.

Jacob opened up his Macbook and went onto Gmail chat. He thought about his iPhone.

"Are you addicted to Xanax," Megan asked him on Gmail chat. "I owe my parents $600. What is Staten Island like."

Jacob left his Macbook open and went into the kitchen to make a salad. He didn't have any honey so he didn't make a salad. He thought about what it would be like to be addicted to honey instead of Xanax. He fished a Xanax pill out of his blender and swallowed it. He took out his iPhone and went on Twitter. He Tweeted "emo band called 'everchanging captcha'."

[Anonymous No.3358259]

>>3358243
>He went on Twitter and Tweeted "i forgot how to use the tilde key on my iphone."

laughed for ~1.5 minutes.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358287]

>>3355656

>except for stan

this is probably the single greatest compliment i've heard here. seems like no matter how hard i try, i just cant write garbage.

>how hard i try
>HERP DAS DE PROBLEM STEIN U TRYIN TOO HARD TOWELIN DUZNT TRY

understandably autists and effortless autistim go hand in hand

>>3356099

even suncawk knows better

[Anonymous No.3358310]

>>3358287
My mouth puckered reading that.

[Anonymous No.3358313]

>>3355062
>>3355062

B-b-but, why?

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358336]

>>3358310

you sound like a huge faggot

[Anonymous No.3358355]

This whole situation is honestly very dissappointing. This whole time I thought /lit/ hated Tao Lin. I don't even know you guys anymore.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358395]

>>3358355

lele there is nothing dissappointing about it. its easy to see how a bunch of awkward and effeminate recluses (80 percent of /highschool/) would identify with his faggotry. i mean, an overwhelming amount of /lit/ is made up of fucking gender relativists and high spectrum autists; nothing good can be expected of such a crowd. you really have to wade through the sunhawkish and taolinnish dregs to get at the few cool people on here.
awkward is the new cool within this idiotic niche community, beautiful language is weighed against the now dominant paradigm of "hurr trying hard is bad" and if it was up to these faggots literature would devolve to grunts and monosyllables.

[Anonymous No.3358413]

>>3358395

>literature would devolve to grunts and monosyllables.

brb stealing that idea, gonna make millions

[Anonymous No.3358417]

>>3358395

haha oh shit, you sure are mad. and all this because one guy said your attempt was shit. tut tut.

[Anonymous No.3358418]

>>3358395

You seriously need to stop posting.

[Anonymous No.3358422]

>>3358395

Well said.

[Anonymous No.3358433]

>>3358395
>>3358422

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358436]

>>3358417
>>3358417

haha is that why i told the anon who praised my attempt to die in a fire?
i'm honestly nothing but glad that i can't write like that.

>>3358418
youre being a little bitch right now

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358440]

>>3358433

except that youre wrong you faggot, id never samefag so obviously

[Anonymous No.3358444]

>>3358433

No way, would satan say something like this?

My favorite book is Gulliver's Travels.

[Anonymous No.3358458]

>>3358436

haha yea dude so glad that you took the time to try and contribute to the thread and then got shot down and its so funny now you cant stop defending yourself in the thread lol right lol maybe if you keep posting you can derail the thread lelel and make it completly about you lel post another really clever observation of /highschool/ lel im still laughing /highschool/ (lel) needs more good posters like satan

[Anonymous No.3358459]

>>3358395
I am confused because it sounds like you are saying that an overwhelming amount of ppl on /lit/ relate to Tao Lin. Which is weird because it seems to me like EVERYONE on /lit/ says Tao Lin is shit and his books are garbage. And any pro-Tao Lin thread is automatically assumed to be a Tao Lin self-post. Are we on the same /lit/? If /lit/ really was into Lin I wouldn't be here.

[Anonymous No.3358475]

>>3358436

>i'm honestly nothing but glad that i can't write like that.

>I'm glad that i can't properly discern an author's style and then use this knowledge to write an effective parody

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358476]

>>3358458

ele you need to seriously get off my dick

>>3358459

it used to be like that. but autists gonna autist and now he has sizeable following

>>3358444
>underage girls with big tits

haha, is that you sunhawk?

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358483]

>>3358475

effortless vs forced autism, get off my dick, etc.

[Anonymous No.3358486]

>>3358476

No, and this is the most offensive thing anyone has said to me all week.

[Anonymous No.3358495]

>>3358475

>>3358475

Being entirely truthful, it was fairly close. The only problem was the explicit sexual reference, which actually added to it, in my opinion.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358500]

>>3358486

haha my bad dude

[Anonymous No.3358506]

lol satan is flustered because someone told him he can't even imitate tao lin.

"whatever i'm GLAD i can't do it"

yea, that's always convincing. especially when it's stated after failing at it.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358517]

>>3358506

see >>3355051 >>3355062

[Anonymous No.3358521]

>>3358500

No sweat, bro.

[Anonymous No.3358531]

Michael Bay said on gmail chat while listening to Pink on his brand-new ipod, "Hey. Did you see that Nike commercial"
"No," said Samantha Bee.
"Oh," said Michael Bay
"Well," said Samantha Bee.
"Um," said Michael Bay, "it was the one where they try to sell you shoes."
"Oh yeah," said Samantha Bee.
Michael Bay then closed his gmail chat and shut the lid on his Macbook Pro. He turned off his iPod and unplugged his Beats by Dre headphones. He then went to the kitchen and made salad. It was good. But it wasn't a commercial. Apple.

[Anonymous No.3358532]

Another thread where we talk about Stan.

[Anonymous No.3358537]

seems bleak

[Anonymous No.3358555]

lol @ stan trying his very best

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3358556]

>>3358532

staying vs getting off the dick, the general tendencies of the bland and uninteresting in scrutinizing the charismatic, insults as means of coyish flirtation, i'm awesome, etc

[Anonymous No.3358557]

>>3358532
please don't capitalize his name around these parts.

[Anonymous No.3358565]

>>3358555
>>3358556
nostradamus

[Anonymous No.3358575]

>>3358556

You are awesome, you helped me break my prejudices against namefags.

[Anonymous No.3358576]

>Tao Lin Thread
>Howoriginal.jpg
>Look at a few posts
>Thread has been derailed
>stan has taken over
>It's like everything bad about /lit/ has been concentrated into one thread

[Anonymous No.3358584]

>>3358575

>inb4 he's a tripfag not a namefag

[Anonymous No.3358590]

>>3358576
post more oc then

[Anonymous No.3358924]

>>3354825

[Anonymous No.3358941]

My Tao Lin novel:

"Ha ha, ya foo'!"

[Anonymous No.3358962]

And now would be the time for someone to post an actual except from one of Tao's books and see if it passes as a shallow parody.

>Pic unrelated

[Anonymous No.3358971]

>>3358962
>Doesn't have any of Tao Lin's books
>Likes to shitpost and call Tao Lin bad

[Anonymous No.3359010]

>>3358971

[Anonymous No.3359011]

>>3359010
For comparison's sake.

[Anonymous No.3359019]

>>3354811

[Anonymous No.3359023]

>>3358962
Well, for one, I don't know why people keep not using proper punctuation or capitalization unless they're copying his poetry. I've only read Richard Yates, Shoplifting, Eeeee, and CBT so that may be something.

Haley Joel Osment stayed on his bed one afternoon reading The End of the Story lying on his stomach looking at the book on the floor. It was about a relationship that ended and Haley Joel Osment focused on finding things about his own life in it. One night at 1:30 a.m. Dakota Fanning text messaged "I miss you so much." Haley Joel Osment text messaged "I miss you, sad, editing stories, drank alcohol energy drink." He made a comic for her about a hamster that goes on a killing rampage against humans. She emailed three photos of herself. "You look like an elf, a tall person, and an elf," said Haley Joel Osment and thought that she had lost weight and looked very professional and clean and pretty.
-Richard Yates

[Anonymous No.3359037]

>>3358243
I, uh, can't say "yes" enough. 10/10

[Anonymous No.3359047]

>>3357083
>too many exclamation points
>sarcasm
>onomatopoeia
>classical references

0/10, not towelin at all.

[Anonymous No.3359295]

>>3359010
Is this from an actual Lin book?

[Anonymous No.3359315]

>>3359295
yes

[imafuckingbutt No.3359325]

>>3359037
>He Tweeted "emo band called 'everchanging captcha'."
>my sides

[Anonymous No.3360183]

>>3358243
>>3356471

best.

>>3356395

like that a lot too.

[Anonymous No.3360417]

>>3358395
weird that one of the few on-point things i'd read on /lit/ would be from a tripfag named satan

[Anonymous No.3360505]

Hey Tao, When is Richard Yates going to be reprinted? I can't find a copy anywhere.

[Anonymous No.3360618]

>>3360505
Find a hipster who likes the phrase "seems bleak" and shake him down.

[Anonymous No.3360731]

>>3358243
10/10 would "follow" your blog

[Anonymous No.3360761]

>>3358395
>to get at the few cool people on here.
>implying you like anyone on /lit/

[Anonymous No.3360809]

I hope Tao Lin gets to see this thread. Would probably like it.

[Anonymous No.3360815]

>>3360809
>you are now aware Tao Lin is the thread

[Anonymous No.3360823]

itt: tao lin pretends to write like tao lin in a gesture of post-post irony

[Anonymous No.3360832]

>>3360823
fuck lin.
he's everything wrong with hipster culture

[Anonymous No.3361120]

[Anonymous No.3361249]

>>3360832
thats weird, i see the two as very different.

hipsters = ironic, eclectic
tao's writing = sincere, minimalist

[Anonymous No.3361265]

>>3361249
Yes. But he's still part of the hipster mileu

[Anonymous No.3361340]

>>3361265
die

[Anonymous No.3361423]

>>3358336
"might as well let my lips pucker
like elton john, 'cause i'm just a mean cockSUCKER"
- M & M's™

[Anonymous No.3361449]

I feel like maybe this is the 'best' thread on /lit/.

[Anonymous No.3361482]

>>3358395
bro you are on-point, but your assumptions are confused.

I don't see anyone on here defending Tao Lin or even arguing that his works are of any merit, so essentially you are just re-affirming /lit/'s anti-Tao stance...

I mean, nobody actually takes his autistic hipster garbage seriously.... right?

[Anonymous No.3361500]

>>3361482

this guy does, apparently
>>3361340

But I have this feeling there are a lot of hipsters on /lit/ as of late

[Anonymous No.3361504]

>>3361482
Which Tao Lin works have you read?

[Anonymous No.3361522]

>>3361504
the h8rs always fuck off when asked this

[Anonymous No.3361529]

>>3361500
I don't have a real problem with hipsters, as that meaning enompasses any characteristic under the sun.

I just hate those few like Tao, smugly incompetent, rebellious against anything sincere, making easy mockery of anything and everything without realizing that they themselves are the joke.

Acting like they're in some special clique that's 2deep4u, 3edgy29allofu, acting like they deserve better than whatever it is the world has to offer them.

The don't deserve shit. That's what's wrong with MY generation. And people like them HATE me for saying things like this.

[Anonymous No.3361530]

Did you ever hear anyone say there's little of yourself in everything you hate? Think hard about why you hate Tao Lin. Try and justify your emotions for once rather than having your emotions justify you.

[Anonymous No.3361533]

>>3361522
>>3361504
samefag.

I read enough of his stuff to know that I hate it.

[Anonymous No.3361541]

>>3361529
Have you read any of his work? He is competent, sincere and not mocking at all. There's nothing ironic about his work.

[Anonymous No.3361544]

>>3361533
So you haven't even read one book he wrote?

[Anonymous No.3361548]

The first third of this thread was creative and fun and new.

And now look at it.

[Anonymous No.3361769]

>>3361548
I call it the counter-reformation.

[Anonymous No.3361857]

thought 'xanax panda' and felt genuinely worried about 'xanax panda' population for ~0.7 seconds while eyes focused intensely on iphone

[Anonymous No.3362129]

>>3354825
Go to bed, Tao.

[Anonymous No.3363021]

>>3361548
Yeah seriously, fuck stan.

[Anonymous No.3363035]

>>3361541
How do you know he is sincere? How could you possibly determine that? The irony of anyone saying toelin is not ironic is so next level ironic that it's almost inceptical.
inb4 have you read any? yes I have, Haley Joe

[Anonymous No.3363039]

>>3361529
>acting like they deserve better than whatever it is the world has to offer them.

So true. So annoying.

[Anonymous No.3363106]

>>3363035
How do you know he isn't? Your scepticism achieves nothing.

[Anonymous No.3363112]

>>3363106
Wrong. It achieves me more time to read better writers than TL.

[Anonymous No.3363119]

>>3363112
That's not achieved by your scepticism, silly, but by your bad taste.

[Anonymous No.3363123]

>>3363119
Go to bed Tao.

[Anonymous No.3363434]

I referred Tao to this thread, his response was "lol".

[Anonymous No.3363467]

>>3354811
lol tao lin is a bad writer am i cool yet?

[sage No.3363515]

>>3363434

Who do you think made the thread?

The towel in.

[Anonymous No.3363750]

>>3363515
This is getting old.

[Anonymous No.3363756]

>>3363750

The next night we ate whale.

[Anonymous No.3363792]

>>3363756
That never gets old.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3364179]

>>3360761
it aint even like that ya herd me

[Anonymous No.3364202]

>>3364179

Why are you always such a dick then?

[Anonymous No.3364235]

>>3364202

he's not a dick. he just embarrasses himself constantly and has to drop his trip to post replies to his own shitty posts to make it look like people here actually acknowledge him.

[sage No.3364255]

>>3364235

I laughed out loud while being unaware of my congruency to the bed beneath my body.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3364263]

>>3364202
not answering that question

>>3364235
the ironing in this post.
youre in love with me you fucking dickhungry faggot and im gay for your coyish hostility (in itself the most satisfying form of acknowledgement)

[Anonymous No.3364264]

>>3364263
I've just got into this thread, and while you're clearly a bright guy, you're a bit of a dickhead and don't contribute much to this board.

[satan !!1Fa7LzeI6u8 No.3364284]

>>3364235

>embarrasses himself

also, being on an anonymous imageboard on the fucking internet, each time i see posts of this category i literally lel the fack out of my cheir,

>>3364264
>>3364263

samefag

[Anonymous No.3364293]

>>3364264
>you're a bit of a dickhead and don't contribute much to this board.

This was a good creative thread until that attentionwhoring fuck came along.

Now it's just another fucking shit eating contest like every other piece of shit on this site. There's nothing on /lit/ anymore, and when someone tries it's either ignored or ruined in favour of petty arguments.