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/lit/ - Literature

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3329063 No.3329063 [Reply] [Original]

Would like a rate on these 77 words.

Perfect dormancy wherein neither heart nor thought may endure. No constituents of dream, no ingredient, a sleep to crush a man and inflict tinnitus on the cold spectres in the cold room who watch. We do desire death, wake with no black trophy. All death is one death and that is not sleeping, not the dreamless and cold sleep of a psychopath, and not the freezing black water of the ocean in the endless night under there.

other works and rates welcome

>> No.3329072

3/10

under-edited, redundant and there are signs of trying too hard

>> No.3329083

>>3329072
edit it please

>> No.3329094

>>3329083
i don't want to

>> No.3329129

painful. stop trying to sound smart and just say what you need to say.

>> No.3329956

>cold
>cold
>death
>death
>death
>cold
>freezing

if you're going to be macabre, then scare me, and stop obscuring concepts with language. also more vocab, plz

>> No.3329995

Just no.

>> No.3330012

>>3329063
Pretentious. You are not H.P. Lovecraft. Keep it simple.

>> No.3330033

>Perfect dormancy wherein neither heart nor thought may endure.
There's this place without anything where there's not feeling, and there's not any thinking either.

>No constituents of dream, no ingredient,
^^there's not this stuff too.

>a sleep to crush a man
I don't know what this is.

>and inflict tinnitus on the cold spectres in the cold room who watch.
I thought we were in a void. Now we're in a room. A room's got stuff in it, even cold ones. And there's specters, which is just fancy talk for spooky ghosts. Like little kids in sheets.

>We do desire death, wake with no black trophy.
I don't know.

>All death is one death and that is not sleeping, not the dreamless and cold sleep of a psychopath, and not the freezing black water of the ocean in the endless night
Technically true, because those things aren't the same.

>under there.
Now we're under the room with the annoying brats in it. You can hear their fucking high pitched screams. I'm trying to sleep down here! Get it? Dirt nap? Christ, what a nightmare.

10/10 because I hate brats and halloween, and my heat just went out so I really know where you're coming from.

>> No.3330111

Something about this is familiar and I know I read it on this board. Something about "blah blah an explosion that INFLICTED TINNITUS on whoever was watching" or some shit, and thought to myself that 'inflicting tinnitus' was the dumbest fucking way of explaining that agents present for a physical event are experiencing a new condition as an effect of their proximity to the actual physical occurrence of the event. And that 'inflicted' implies intention as attributed to non-sentient physical agents or forces, a concept I find childish, and worse, amateurish.

>> No.3330138

>>3330111

Furthermore, this thread I'm speaking of asked us to try to find the author of the quote, and something about him being all obscure and shit and how google won't help you or some equally shitty needlessly obscure crossword puzzle shit.

I'm led to believe that the OPs are one and the same; some kid who is shitty at writing and still a way of from only approaching 'decent' in terms of flourish and construction, Someone desperately interested in a career in writing, but has no idea that good writing doesn't mean good self-promotion, it means good writing.

>> No.3330145

>>3330111
Also TRIPS BIATCH

>> No.3330177

Nothing can survive here. No dreams or ingredients, sleep gives people tinnitus in the cold. We want to die. Death is the same and a psychopath is a bit chilly, it's night time and the water is cold.

>> No.3330227

>>3330145
go back to the reddit board or wherever you came from

>> No.3330278

/lit/ is hilarious and can't recognize Faulkner.

Good show, OP.

>> No.3330299

>>3330278
It's not Faulkner.

>> No.3330305

>>3330299

Yes it is, you twat. I just read this passage last month.

>> No.3330310

>>3330305
The burden of proof is on you.

>> No.3330312

>>3330310

“You get born and you try this and you don't know why only you keep on trying it and you are born at the same time with a lot of other people, all mixed up with them, like trying to, having to, move your arms and legs with strings only the same strings are hitched to all the other arms and legs and the others all trying and they don't know why either except that the strings are all in one another's way like five or six people all trying to make a rug on the same loom only each one wants to weave his own pattern into the rug; and it can't matter, you know that, or the Ones that set up the loom would have arranged things a little better, and yet it must matter because you keep on trying or having to keep on trying and then all of a sudden it's all over. Perfect dormancy wherein neither heart nor thought may endure. No constituents of dream, no ingredient, a sleep to crush a man and inflict tinnitus on the cold spectres in the cold room who watch. We do desire death, wake with no black trophy. All death is one death and that is not sleeping, not the dreamless and cold sleep of a psychopath, and not the freezing black water of the ocean in the endless night under there. "

>> No.3330316

>win the nobel prize
>you're not good enough for /lit/
OP, you are sharp. Thanks for this laugh.

>> No.3330345

>>3330312
That's of course not the quote, you simply copy and pasted it in.

http://books.google.com/books?id=fQzx7x43RRUC&q=You+get+born+and+you+try+this+and+you+don%27t+know+why+only+you+keep+on+trying+it+and+you+are+born+at+the+same+time+with+a+lot+of+other+people%2C+all+mixed+up+with+them%2C+like+trying+to%2C+having+to%2C+move+your+arms+and+legs+with+strings+only+the+same+strings+are+hitched+to+all+the+other+arms+and+legs+and+the+others+all+trying+and+they+don%27t+know+why+either+except+that+the+strings+are+all+in+one+another%27s+way+like+five+or+six+people+all+trying+to+make+a+rug+on+the+same+loom+only+each+one+wants+to+weave+his+own+pattern+into+the+rug%3B+and+it+can%27t+matter%2C+you+know+that%2C+or+the+Ones+that+set+up+the+loom+would+have+arranged+things+a+little+better%2C+and+yet+it+must+matter+because+you+keep+on+trying+or+having+to+keep+on+trying+and+then+all+of+a+sudden+it%27s+all+over.+Perfect+dormancy+wherein+neither+heart+nor+thought+may+endure.+No+constituents+of+dream%2C+no+ingredient%2C+a+sle#v=onepage&q=psychopath&f=false

>>3330316
OP this is the oldest trick in the book. Of course you would know that if you weren't from /v/.

>> No.3330372
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3330372

>>3330316
>Faulkner gets posted
>/lit/ thinks it's convoluted and pretentious
>/lit/ is correct

>> No.3330371

OP here

How do I delete thrad?

>> No.3330412

>>3330372

>OP posts his shit writing
>I come in and say it's Faulkner
>anon believes me and thinks he can shit on the greatest American author ever to have lived

>> No.3330415

Wow, I hope this is out of context because Faulkner sounds shit.

There's this jingle to it as well. Yuck.

>> No.3330418
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3330418

>>3330412

I don't know what to believe any more.

>> No.3330419
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3330419

>>3330415
It's not fucking Faulkner.
You got trolled.
God, it's like people don't know how to google anymore.

>> No.3330422

3/10 boring would put back on shelf

>> No.3330424

>>3330412
>2013
>Judging authors by their name and not the merit of their work
Shit, you might as well read Meyer.

>> No.3330431

Funny how, when I read it as if it were Faulkner, I was more lenient on it. Good reveal of my psychological biases, fellow anons. Now I'm positive I don't like things for their inherent quality alone. Might as well kill myself.

>> No.3330435

>>3330431

This. I feel like a terrible person. I guess we should be silent for an hour and take this as an important lesson.

>> No.3330460

>>3330431
It's not fucking Faulkner, you retarded mongoloid nincompoop.

>> No.3330469

>>3330424

>Judging authors by their name and not the merit of their work

Who is doing this and where?

>> No.3330470

>>3330460

It's evident that our friend is aware of that.

You're not a bright one, are you?

>> No.3330479

I still love the line 'wake with no black trophy', as I mentioned in your previous thread.

Keep it up, it's halfway there.

>> No.3330561

>>3330312
Op, this is your writing?
I like the flow, it's relentless. Good stuff

>> No.3330596

>>3330561

Use google, friend.

The first part of that quote is an excerpt from Faulkner's 'Absalom, Absalom!'

>> No.3330628

>>3330460
>as if it were Faulkner
>as IF it were
>as IF
>IF

>> No.3331225

>>3330470
Apparently not. I apologise.