/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.3319592]

describe the experience of depression

[Anonymous No.3319599]

>>3319592
it's boring

[Anonymous No.3319604]

It's like my spirit has been running an endurance race and has finally collapsed from exhaustion. It's a kind of tiredness but not the sort that makes you want to go to sleep - more like everything becomes an enormous task, nothing feels new, and the verve that other people seem to have seems so foreign - I wonder why it is that they want to get up and dance in clubs and seem to be enjoying themselves, when that just makes me feel even more isolated.

Rather than getting out of bed and having breakfast, I often just sit at the table with my head in my hands - even eating feels like an exertion. All the bad memories play on repeat and are embellished upon, and all the good ones seem to disappear or have no effect. I think an awful lot about it would be so much better if I could just not have been born.

[Milktoast No.3321737]

I would, but I have no motivation. I'm going to lay on the couch with my eyes closed instead and feel guilty because my description wouldn't be honest anyway. There's no such thing as honesty anyway.

/example

[Anonymous No.3321766]

Tired, rundown feeling. De-press is accurate enough.

[Anonymous No.3321781]

I set the alarm for 9:00 AM today. It keeps on ringing and ringing but I can't seem to force myself out of the bed over to table my phone is on to stop it. On the fifteenth ring or so, my massive headache motivates me to go switch it off; it falls off the edge of the table as I walk back to my bed, putting myself under the covers again, and staring back up at the ceiling.

I don't really know why I bother setting my alarm at these arbitrary times. I have no job, nor motivation to get one. My alarm times vary from 1:00PM to 6:00AM, the time being more of a function of self-hatred than anything else; I refuse to let myself have more than seven hours of sleep, yet once the alarm goes off I just go back and stare at the ceiling until I slip off into a dreamless sleep. Another day of forcing some semblance of desire or structure back into my life has failed yet again; I'm none the better.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ No.3321832]

>>3319592

[Anonymous No.3321854]

>>3319592
See: Neon Genesis Evangelion (series), the End of Evangelion (feature film)

[Anonymous No.3321930]

It's when you realize there's just hard existence, and you. Things lose their meaning, because you've thought about them too hard. You take yourself out of conversations, events, enjoyment, and you only reflect on them. You doubt their importance, only relative to the moment is there any significance. You doubt your own actions, and what's making you act. Old people, and people your age walk busily along the streets. They're not affected. They wear their personalities on their cuffs, ready to throw it out into the world. They continuously move up the ladder achieving goals, while you're sitting at the bottom. Their dilemma's financing a car, having children, and promotions, but you're just stuck at existence.

[Anonymous No.3321938]

It's a heavy exhaustion in the core of yourself. Every action has a weight to it like you're moving heaven and earth just to get up in the morning.

[Anonymous No.3323151]

>>3319592
Lel, that pic describes a large part of my life. Feeling fine now though.

[Anonymous No.3323157]

Language can't do justice.

[Anonymous No.3323162]

It's an addiction to sad thoughts. Addictions are when someone only uses one neural pathway. The brain should look like a tree with many branches when all of its pathways are used, but to the addict, they have one constantly fired lighting bolt of a pathway.


This is, of course, only if your depression is not caused by external factors. Many people who claim to be depressed for "no reason" are actually sad about being single or some other circumstance.

[Anonymous No.3323167]

>>3323162
>sad about being single
The most plebeian of sadnesses.

[Anonymous No.3323171]

>>3323167
Go to /r9k/, it is the kingdom of plebs.

[Anonymous No.3323174]

>>3323162

>muh pop psych bullshit

Calm down with the pontification, kiddo.

[Anonymous No.3323194]

>>3323174
I put what I said in simple terms, but nothing I said is untrue.

[Anonymous No.3323198]

>>3323167
nothing a whore cant cure for a few bucks though

[Anonymous No.3323251]

>>3323167
Is an absence of love in your life as a cause for sadness really that plebeian?

[Anonymous No.3323390]

Personally I can't distinguish the difference between strong bouts of depression and solipsism.

[Anonymous No.3323392]

>>3319592

depression is when you believe your own bullshit

[Anonymous No.3323394]

>>3323251
the most

[Anonymous No.3323398]

"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

[Anonymous No.3323402]

>>3323398
A level of psychic pain wholly incompatible with human life as we know it

a double bind in which any/all of the alternatives we associate with human agency — sitting or standing, doing or resting, speaking or keeping silent, living or dying — are not just unpleasant but literally horrible

a nausea of the cells and soul

[Anonymous No.3323494]

>>3323392
This.

I had a spell the other night where I couldn't stop crying and repeating "Everything is nothing" over and over. I still can't figure out how that isn't an incorrect statement, but I can say/think it now and it's not so bad. It's just when I'm super down the negativity echoes louder in my head and really gets to me.

[Anonymous No.3323509]

It sucks.

[Anonymous No.3323523]

Can you still have depression and not be suicidal?

[Anonymous No.3323544]

In high school I really hated myself more than anything. It was a very painful existence compounded by just how bad high school and living with my family was. It was agonizing to the point where I just wanted to pull into an intersection to get demolished by a semi on a regular basis. Had we had a gun in the house I would have blown by brains out repeatedly to quell the pain that was in my head. (It's nothing like a headache either, it's a deeper pain than that).

Now that I'm at the tail end of college it's honestly just watching the hours turn into days, turn into months. Time just slips away. It's hard to get up, it's hard to fall asleep, even when I have really important shit to do. I'm not suicidal anymore and don't really hate myself, but just have no energy. It is especially tough on relationships with other people as I don't have the energy to deal with small talk and get bored or find most people stupid. It's the feeling that I don't want to get out of bed for my alarm, miss class, miss lunch, eat a large meal because I finally have to and then don't leave the house for days.

[Anonymous No.3323551]

>>3323523

Yes.

[Anonymous No.3326034]

>>3323151
long periods + affecting healthy lifestyle = illness i guess.

[Anonymous No.3326039]

>>3323544
this is pretty spot on

zero energy all the time and periods of intense self loathing

[Anonymous No.3326048]

Constantly living in fear that your fuckups will extend in magnitude beyond your wildest predictions, and that anxiety paralyzes you. The absolute certainty that you can't do anything right or become anything worthwhile, no matter how true that may actually be. Your brain feels constant need to remind you of this as you try to get through the bare minimum of what you should do that day.

At least that's how it was for me, I was treated for anxiety at the same time though so ymmv. SSRIs worked really well for me, I feel like I can be more objective about my failures and successes instead of seeing everything as a life-ending disaster and maintain a modest bit of self-esteem now.

[Anonymous No.3326100]

a good day is when i'm not so constipated from stress that i am finally able to take a normal man sized shit

that is the highlight of my good days. i wish i were joking.

[Anonymous No.3326104]

>>3323544
>It's hard to get up, it's hard to fall asleep
>have no energy
>I don't have the energy to deal with small talk and get bored or find most people stupid
>It's the feeling that I don't want to get out of bed for my alarm, miss class, miss lunch, eat a large meal because I finally have to and then don't leave the house for days

This is exactly me. I do all these things, I've felt all these feelings. But I've never been depressed. I'm the happiest guy I know. I never worry about mortality, about what awaits me in life, nor do I dwell on mistakes I've made. I don't give a damn what people think about me and I never lapse into self-pity, no matter how shitty my situation gets. Still, I never thought I'd have so much in common with a depressed person.

[Anonymous No.3326108]

>>3326104

>I never thought I'd have so much in common with a depressed person

you don't
you're just really really lazy

[Anonymous No.3326115]

>>3326108
Well, that's a bit reductive. But essentially, yes. I am lazy. That doesn't change the fact that I'm exhibiting a lot of depressive behaviours without actually being depressed. I'm a miracle of science.

[Anonymous No.3326137]

>>3326115

>i'm happy, but i'm, like, tottallyyy like you guys!

fuck off faggot

[Anonymous No.3326139]

>>3326115
congrats on not having a dehabilitating chemical imbalance, here's a sticker

[Anonymous No.3326148]

>>3326115
Dude. Stop. I get headaches sometimes but I don't go around to people with brain tumors being all "oh yeah aren't I fascinating, had a headache and didn't manage to get a tumor. Fucking miracles man."

[Anonymous No.3326168]

>>3323251
Yes, because you are such a boring person that you need something to love to give you endorphin releases to feel like you're actually enjoying life. You lack passion and determination to actually set out to complete goals and better yourself in whatever way to gain long term satisfaction from it. If the only thing you want from life is a bit of love to make it feel less empty as opposed to having this desire to live all the goddamn life around you then you're a dull person... A loser too.

[Anonymous No.3326207]

Most days, I wake up and struggle to go back to sleep, to cling to whatever vestige of dream is still running in my head. When that inevitably fails, I get out of bed. Then I move to the computer and begin my daily quest of escapism in the form of reading, listening to music, playing video games, etc. Whatever it takes to take my mind off of my miserable life.

I wait until late at night to take out the trash. I try to avoid social contact with others, because deep down inside I know they have judged me and found me wanting.

On my better days, I try to find work, which unfortunately means going out into the world. Sometimes I get an interview. I put forth my best face and effort, but to no avail. I'm physically repulsive and all the charm in the world cannot overcome that.

I try to eat well. I cook delicious meals that nobody but myself will eat, because I never have company and my one friend in town eats like a bird. Most days it's standard fare but on occasion I'll binge for that bit of joy I get from the taste. It's not the feeling of fullness I want, but the physical sensation of flavor. This always ends with self loathing.

I masturbate almost every day. When selecting my material, I show more care and discrimination I ever had with any physical partner I've had in the past. It has to be just right, as this is one of the few things I feel I have any control over. Here I get to be the judge, and I find most to be wanting. Frequently I will choose movies or clips featuring less than attractive women. This isn't self-loathing as much as it is snubbing those I know I can never attain in real life. They can't reject me when I reject them.

When I climax I feel a brief euphoria, followed by a hollow emptiness.

Sometimes it gets overwhelming and I weep. This happens only a few times a year because I hate myself for this.

When I finally lay down back in bed, I go over every mistake I've ever made and relive my life in a superior fashion. Then I sleep.

[Anonymous No.3326210]

>>3326207

You need weed, friend.

[Anonymous No.3326222]

>>3326210

And probably prozac.

[Anonymous No.3326231]

I'm becoming more and more like these descriptions I read on 4chan. I know I'm heading to the abyss and that I should do something about it, but I don't.

[Anonymous No.3326243]

My depression manifests itself in moderate social anxiety and a tendency to abuse substances and form addictive habits. I'm not usually "sad," so to speak, but I am often engaging in self destructive behaviors that, while providing a momentary surge of pleasure, wound me deeply in the long run.

A word of advice: do not smoke weed if you are depressed. It might make your symptoms worse. I developed serious feelings of depersonalization after smoking weed, and they have yet to dissipate. My family and home occasionally seem alien to me, and whereas I used to be philosophically indifferent, I now constantly question reality and my place in the universe.

Reading is how I escape from myself.

[Anonymous No.3326250]

>>3326210

Depressed people do not weed. That is destructive advice.

[Anonymous No.3326255]

>>3326250

It's worked for me the past three years

[Anonymous No.3326256]

>>3326250

I'm the one he suggested it to. I used to smoke. It actually did help take the edge off. Less anxiety and could slip deeper into my escapism.

[Anonymous No.3326259]

People who say things to the effect of, "It's your fault you're depressed"- which is essentially victim blaming- have very little understanding of human psychology and brain chemistry. These people need to shut the fuck up.

[Anonymous No.3326260]

>>3319592
cannabis as I like to call it, made my anxiety much worse, even after i've stopped it months ago, it's dangerous stuff imo

[Anonymous No.3326261]

>>3326259

It doesn't bother me. They just can't possibly understand. I used to think everyone felt this way every day and didn't understand how everyone else could cope so well. It runs both ways.

[Anonymous No.3326269]

>>3326255
>>3326256

We know nothing about each other, and should not go prescribing medicine to one another. Especially when the medicine in question can easily back fire upon people with mental illnesses. It happened to me and it could happen to anyone reading this.

[Anonymous No.3326273]

>>3326269
I'm gonna prescribe you some "Shut the fuck up" pills.

[666devilslut No.3326280]

its like a pandirectional inertia or being a paralyzed trout in a rapid
but when actual sadness looms for whatever reason its actually cathartic because its like that paralysis has been ruptured, if even at some insignificant point

[Anonymous No.3326281]

>>3326273

Does my attempt to help people annoy you? Better to be a dick and make jokes, right? That's what this world really needs.

[Anonymous No.3326282]

>>3326281
Wow you're totally right, how did I not see everything from your point of view? You obviously know what the world needs because of your expertise in pharmaceuticals and prescribing drugs to people.

[Anonymous No.3326290]

I was bullied a lot when I was younger. When I talk about bullying, I mean leaving school with bruises and being verbally harrassed everyday. Parents never really cared, usually blamed me for not standing up for myself. I moved schools in 6th grade and it still happened but on a level that was much worse. Everyday people would spit on me, insult me, steal from me, etc. Eventaully people started telling me I should kill myself, how useless I was, and things along those lines.

I was in 8th grade at this time, and I took a bandana and tied it around the bar that went across the stall in the bathroom. I stepped off the toilet. I hung there for a few seconds before the bandanna came untied.

I fell to the dirty floor and cried bitch tears like I've never done before. And then I decided I could not go on living like this. I waked to the councilor's office and spilled everything. I told him not to tell my parents. But he did.

My parents where pissed, and I was grounded for a few months. Not allowed to see my only friend and such. I became the butt of there jokes aswell.

By freshman year, I had took up drugs, mostly pot but I did try harder drugs. So I decided to try some cocaine my friend , who was a senior at the time. I had a fuck terrible trip and started texting a few girls that went to my school (They uber popular ones), telling them hat I was cutting myself(I was, never told anyone up till then), and that I was gonna kill myself.

1/2

[Anonymous No.3326292]

>>3326282

Stop white knighting me. I'm a dude. I'm not going to suck your e-dick. You're just being an obnoxious prick and nobody cares about this but you, so go be someone else's nanny.

[Anonymous No.3326299]

>>3323251
If romantic love is a prerequisite for happiness for someone he is not only misguided but also seriously fucked. Everyone who seeks happiness in external conditions is, but of all those conditions romantic love is the most fickle, together with ones own youth and beauty.

[Anonymous No.3326300]

>>3326292
What are you even talking about mate? I'm telling you to suck anyone's dick, you're just being kind of a prick so I said something about it. It's not about what you said, it's about how you said it.

[Anonymous No.3326303]

>>3326300

I'm not the guy who recommended anyone smoke weed. I'm the guy he recommended it to. Now go fuck off and quit telling people what they can and can't do.

[Anonymous No.3326304]

>>3326300

I didn't say that (guy you're arguing with.) I think he meant to quote me.

[Anonymous No.3326305]

>>3326290
>So I decided to try some cocaine my friend... I had a fuck terrible trip

cool story bro

[Anonymous No.3326311]

>>3326290
So they tell their parents, and then they contact my parents.

My parents were above pissed, while they didn't know I did drugs that night, they knew everything else.

I was strip searched and was told to take everything out of my room except my bed. I did, and then my Dad took my door off the hinges. He told me I was never to talk to my friend again, and that I was grounded indefinitely. I didn't cry. By this time I was a shell of a person. I went to school and the councilor made me tell him everything.

Of course, she didn't buy into the bullying part and thought I was doing it for attention. And how could she, the people who had been came and told them nothing had ever happened.

Eventually we moved to a small rural town in Louisiana, from NY.

I made a few friends and began to study hard as fuck, lifting every day aswell. I did it because I knew I was a failure and needed to improve. Nobody bullied me, and now as a senior I can say I am 1000x happier than before.


tl;dr
Don't take teenager depression as bullshit, it can be but a lot of the time it's not. "Kids will be kids" is bullshit aswell.

[Anonymous No.3326363]

I feel like I am drowning in myself. I want so desperately to be a good person, a "normal," likable person. I live in constant self-analysis, trying to keep myself out of the trap of blaming others for my problems, and yet I am STILL finding more things to blame myself for. No matter what people tell me I am good at, I feel like I suck. The things I want to be good at, I feel like I suck at. It is so easy for me to burst into tears when I think of all the things I do or have done wrong.
(even writing this, I am already considering hitting 'delete'... I'm sure I'll wish I had, later)

[Anonymous No.3326476]

Nick Drake's Pink Moon.
that's all you'll need.

[Anonymous No.3326504]

A sinking feeling of hopelessness when you can't focus on anything other than dwelling on self-loathing.

At least, that's what it is for me.

[Anonymous No.3326514]

This big black enormous thing I'm doing all I can to run away from.

[Anonymous No.3326535]

Depression is an individual's loss of robustness to function normally in their everyday lives.

[Anonymous No.3326544]

>describe the experience of depression

reading this fucking thread
seriously you guys are major downers

[Anonymous No.3326555]

How do I know whether I'm depressed or just really lazy and unfulfilled?

I don't think I really am depressed, but it would be a nice explanation for what a pathetic, disgusting human being I have become.
People tell me being 18 is when you are at your most energetic, joyful etc. etc but honestly there just doesnt seem to be a point

[Anonymous No.3326562]

>>3319592

[Anonymous No.3326574]

>>3326555

If you have to ask, you're not depressed.

[Anonymous No.3326586]

>>3326574
ok
back to hating myself I guess

[Anonymous No.3326590]

>>3326544
>go to depression thread
>whine about lack of cheery optimism

[Anonymous No.3326608]

>>3326574
this is dumb and untrue

>>3326586
it sounds like youre depressed. go to a gp and get some anti depressants or something

[Anonymous No.3326611]

>>3326555
Does the thought of suicide fill you with a sense of relief.
Do you have a plan for it and the necessary equipment at hand at all times (bonus points if the kit contains items you had to specifically acquire for that purpose)?

[Anonymous No.3326638]

>>3326611
Yes to the first one, no to the second.

[Anonymous No.3326667]

>>3326638
You're probably depressed, just not very pragmatic.

[Anonymous No.3326669]

Do anti-depressants really help?

[Anonymous No.3326672]

>>3326669
pro-tip: they don't

[Anonymous No.3326679]

>>3326669

They didn't do shit for me. CBDs are where it's at.

[Anonymous No.3326685]

Had to take AD, but it's different from today. I was a kid: my depression started when I was 14, and it ended when I was 19 (that's when I stopped taking ADs). Back then, I had panic attacks all the time. When I didn't have panic attacks, I spent my time doing nothing, in my bedroom. I hated everything and everyone. I was partly cured when I started university and when I started intensive internships. I then found a purpose in my life: it didn't matter if nobody loved me, at least I am useful and I have a sweet job. I have money, and everybody wants money. Even if they hate me, I have something they are ready to kill for. I was naive, yes, but admit it: most of the people want money, included those of ignore you and made your life shitty.
Nowadays, I am now 21. I sometimes face some depressive phases, like right now. I'm on a holiday break for two months and it's fucking killing me.
That's it, the only thing I have in my life, is work. Without work, I want to fucking kill myself. That's what I am experiencing right now. I might have a love interest and I'm jealous because my love interested just went back to work last week, with over 70 hours of work per week. I want that back. That's all my life.
I know that I might sound sick or scary but that's all it remains in my life. My love interest is the same as me, but we will never admit our feelings because we lack a lot of self-confidence. We're good at work, we're excellent at work, we can get any job we want but we fucking suck elsewhere.
Fuck, I'm mad. I need to find some bullshit job, even if it's unpaid. I still have one month left.
I feel my soul heavy. I can't lift it anymore. My eyes are dropping. My brain is half-dead. I don't even want to go out and yet I feel shit at home. I'll probably kill myself if one day I'm jobless because that's the only point in my life. Nobody gives a shit about me, despite my top university degree and everything. I lack a lot of self-confidence and social skills.

[Anonymous No.3326690]

>>3326669
They can but you'll be on them for life if you can't get therapy to stick. I guess the source of your depression matters too, it can be situational or biological (obviously it's a spectrum but some can be significantly one or the other).

[Anonymous No.3326700]

>>3326667
it's not like i feel like this all the time, though. used to, then I was almost fine for some time and now back to this

[Anonymous No.3326702]

Jeez, yous ad pieces of sickly shit, I'm truly sorry for all of you.

[Anonymous No.3326707]

>>3326700
and I don't feel any real pain. honestly, I would like to. at least I would feel human that way

[Anonymous No.3326714]

>>3326685
Is there truly nothing you enjoy outside of work?

I've got the opposite problem. I like everything but work. So I've got very little money but all the time in the world. As soon as I have any recurring obligations I get depressed. I'm perfectly content doing nothing with my life. I'd be a pretty good bohemian except for the fact that I can't really be bothered with creating art. I just curate the virtue of idleness for posterity.

[Anonymous No.3326716]

>>3326363
Anon, I'll give you some advice that helped me when I was in a similar, though not quite as severe situation to yours. I can't promise you'll find it helpful or relevant, as depression tends to be neurological in nature, but try it out anyway. If it helps, good, if not, well good luck.

From what you've written, it seems as though you rely almost exclusively on external validation as a source of self-worth, and live in a cycle of striving for this validation and inevitably failing, leading to feelings of hopelessness & self-loathing.

I've been there. And strangely enough, for me, the "solution" came about through reading about the life of Diogenes (the Cynic - if you've never heard of him, I'd recommend you look him up).
Basically, he was a Greek guy who lived in a tub whose life was a big fuck you to the world. He didn't need a justification or validation for what he did - he did it based on his own (moral) convictions. He was dirty, rude, shameless and generally unpopular but, ultimately, he was content.

I suppose the pragmatic message from all this is to live your own life. Do things because you want to do them and not for others. As you do, over time you'll find self-assurance & self-respect and (maybe) happiness.

tl;dr: check out Diogenes (and try the Stoics too)

[Anonymous No.3326729]

Imagine a big black dog and he's kinda being an asshole staring you out and then occasionally he'll let off one of those real bad dog farts that smell like egg and turd. Some days he might be such an asshole he even takes a shit right on your floor and treads it in everywhere.


That's what depression feels like.

[Anonymous No.3326731]

>>3326714
So far yes. I'd love to confess my feelings to my love interest and ask whether we should live together or not. That's one of my goals. But I'm so shitty with social skills: I look good, I am good at school but damn. That will improve my life a lot. Why this person and no one else? Because we truly understand each other. We only have work in our life. We don't like the "invasive" type of person, we don't always want to bother with social stuff morning to night. We sometimes want to be a lone, like at least 50% of our daily routine. That's all. "Normal" people (I hate to use that word) would want to hug, kiss, send texts and have sex on a daily purpose. We don't really want that. So this person is the only one who's like that and I don't want to lose my single chance. I am not a very social person but I don't want to be that legendary 40 year old virgin wizard in his dungeon. That would be too sad and it might even destroy my career.

[Anonymous No.3326734]

>>3326716

>cure your need for external validation by validating yourself externally

[Anonymous No.3326746]

>>3326731

>That will improve my life a lot.

Relying on a partner to provide worth in your life will end up doing nothing but tearing you both apart.

[Anonymous No.3326756]

>tfw got all the behaviour, feelings and physical with none of the thoughts
Honestly, I'm happier than I've ever been. Whats up with that?

[Anonymous No.3326762]

>>3326729
to continue your metaphor further, sometimes you just want to get rid of this dog, but you can't. You take him to the park, remove his leash, and let him go, but he turns and gives you those puppy dog eyes and the next thing you know he's sat on the passenger seat on the way home. But really, you love this dog. He's mangy and mean and stops you getting where you want, but really he's your dog. Its not gonna happen.

Nice Churchill reference by the way.

[Anonymous No.3326765]

>>3326729
>>3326762

This is such bullshit.

Kill yourselves.

[Anonymous No.3326766]

>>3326734
How so? My advice was for Anon to justify his actions internally rather than externally. Diogenes was an exemplar of this lifestyle, but his was not the only one possible. Anon should live however he sees fit. Diogenes did that, and that's why I used him as an example.

[Anonymous No.3326768]

>>3326765
Stop having fun.

[Anonymous No.3326772]

>>3326766

>Diogenes externally justified my 'internal' justification

[Anonymous No.3326777]

>>3326731
As the other anon said, it's very risky to rely on someone else to make you happy. But good luck to you.

[Anonymous No.3326788]

>>3326716
Just in case you're not familiar with these works yet:

http://www.mediafire.com/?zp2ppnxjwj28c

[Anonymous No.3326790]

>>3326746
I know, that's why I don't want the "invasive" type.
What I want, is just be a little happier once I go back home at 11pm, after a day of work, make dinner and eat together, talk about my job and my upcoming novel that will never be completed. That's what we want. We don't want to do extraordinary things because we are half-dead in the inside. And then during week-ends, we can spend half of it outside, chilling out a little bit. Once per week is nice. Not too much. That's the perfect life. My life was like that before the holiday break, once per week, we'd just go outside, walking for hours, have some snack at the local coffee shop and talk about literature and art and sometimes about finance because that's our jobs, except that I live alone. And yet, none of us takes the first step, despite the fucking hints I received like "Hey let's go somewhere together for 4 days", why am I that stupid.
It's still better than killing time during week-ends, locking myself and doing nothing.

[Anonymous No.3326800]

>>3326790

> a little happier once I go back home

Once you realize that she's not the antidote you thought you needed, what then? What about when you realize that relying on another 'half-dead' person to make you feel more alive is morbidly selfish and incredibly dangerous for you both? Co-dependency is the least healthy way to go about having a relationship, especially when the reason you're getting into the relationship in the first place is to have a crutch. That's not genuine and it isn't respectful to her or to yourself.

If you're ever going to be a partner that somebody deserves, you'll have to be good on your own first. What you do to get there is up to you, but never force another person indirectly into holding yourself up. That you would be willing to lean on someone who's already struggling to stand their own ground is indicative of nothing but your own selfish approach to the entire thing. You're doing this all wrong, and your attitude is very immature.

[Anonymous No.3326832]

>>3326800
Like I said, I just feel shit because I need work. I'm having a holiday break right now, and I still have one month to kill (my company is dead during December-January and they don't need people like me during that time). I will be back to my normal state once everything is back.
What I'm trying to say is that my life would seem perfect to me (hey everyone is different, some people like to do nothing, some don't) if I just get a partner. If I don't have one, well, that's too bad, I'll just kill my time reading or playing some games.

I'm just having a little more pressure than usual because people like her are extremely rare. That person is exactly like me, with the same shitty childhood and background, hell, we even have the same rare medical condition. It's the first time I've fallen in love with some, I've never felt so comfortable with someone. I used to don't give a shit about anything else than my work, but this person there is my only exception. I have the feeling that if I don't go for it, it might be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. That's all. Maybe that person thinks about the exact same thing, I don't know. Lack of self-confidence is terrible.

That person won't be the definitive cure (or maybe actually) but it will definitely improve a little, and I'm very happy whenever we see each other.
I'm kind of lost because I have nothing to do. All I do is read here and there, write a little and get on 4chan. Sometimes I force myself to find some work related to my company but there's almost nothing to do, since the new year has just begun. I just need to wait another month and I'll become super active again.

[Anonymous No.3326838]

>>3326832

It sounds like what you're describing is a lot closer to boredom than depression

[Anonymous No.3326849]

>>3326838
Yeah. It's no real big deal. I look depressive because I'm not doing anything, I don't even care if my alarm clock rings anymore, not giving a shit about anything.
I love reading, writing and drawing, but even these are not enough. I just like to be at the office, despite my shitty job, from 9am to 11pm (because I always add more duties). Even my parents don't understand why I don't want to work for their company and earn a might higher pay (not enough work to do).
It's just a "phase" like I said. Everything will be back to normal when my holiday break ends.
I used to be depressive when I was a teen but that's over.

[Anonymous No.3326852]

>>3319604
This

[Anonymous No.3326874]

>>3326800
>she

Pretty sure the dude is gay

[Anonymous No.3326877]

>>3326685
>despite my top university degree and everything
What uni?

[Anonymous No.3326882]

>>3326874

That's fine. Point stands.

[Anonymous No.3326895]

>>3326877
I have a degree from the University of Paris (which is pretty good in some fields), from ENS (one of the most most selective school of France, but I went in because of my thesis' subject, so I didn't go in through an exam) and another one from one of Yurop's best business schools. I went into university at 16 years old, just like my mom.
Also, I'm an Aussie.

>>3326874
Nah. It's really about a straight relationship.

[Anonymous No.3326900]

>>3326669

totally subjective, and you'll likely have to try a few different medications before you find one that suits you. i've been on 3 different anti depressants, and only one has actually made a difference, but its a huge difference and definitely helped me through a really rough patch.
then usually once im feeling better ill start to slowly go off them. and then i'll manage to feel fine without any medication.
if you have thoughts of suicide etc i recommend also seeing a therapist as well as taking medication.

[Sunhawk !M9PhF5nIzs No.3326901]

Depression is pretty bad.

[Anonymous No.3326907]

>being depressed

[Anonymous No.3326914]

Reading this thread I realise I'm not actually depressed

[Anonymous No.3326930]

>>3326907
>being stupid

[Anonymous No.3326934]

>>3326788
Hey, the where to start.txt is new.
Tnx mate.

[Anonymous No.3326938]

>>3326930

you're the one depressed

[Anonymous No.3326952]

>>3326938
No correlation.

[Anonymous No.3327048]

I used to pretend to go to school in the mornings and then return home once my parents had gone off to work only to drink myself back to sleep. Sometimes I'd have a good cry. I'd start praying to God or doing enormous amounts of acid, coke, whatever was at hand in order to find something, anything to believe in. I was really hoping for someone to help me but I wouldn't let anyone close, it scared me and felt undeserved and I felt like a burden, which I probably was. I stopped talking to people and doing the things I used to like because they were a drag. I knew that there's no point to life and I couldn't really do much else but think about the uselessness of it all. It sounds kind of ridiculous in hindsight. It seemed ridiculous to me already at the time and I hated myself for it, iirc. I don't know, it was all justified and it's hard work to push it to the back of my mind all the time but having silly ambitions does do the trick alright. I still get urges to go outside and jump in front of a train but I remind myself that things will get better again someday. Also, it's too exhausting to walk to the next train station and it's really cold outside.

[Anonymous No.3329026]

A constant nagging feeling of boredom.
An apathetic stance toward things.
Feeling as though something is missing.
Very very rarely (maybe once every 7 or so weeks) feeling content and even then your good mood is easily ruined.
A constant nagging feeling of boredom.
The lack of any real joy. Doing things only to briefly alleviate your boredom.
Feeling horrible because your dream of becoming an immortal dictator in order to create a dystopian future in which the overall standard of life is raised for all and things such as war and torture are completely removed from the world will never be accomplished.
Feeling bad about feeling bad about yourself because of your circumstances because there are people in the world experiencing far worse suffering than you.
Wanting nothing more than being that dictator and existing (not being materialistic or able to love) and thus seeing no point in trying in anything past the point of making sure that you don't end up homeless.
Having no purpose.
A constant nagging feeling of boredom.
Not being able to drink or do drugs because of personal views on existence.

That's just my experience with it though.

[demiurge No.3329061]

anhedonia
loss of enthusiasm about your "interests"
muted perceptions ("feeling like i'm always between two mattresses")
desire for non-being (not particularly death)
desires for desires
distressing boredom
being very uncomfortable while sober
insomnia
having a muted, dull sort of contempt for everything and everyone, especially if its interacting with you

having pic related as a face all day is a good sign

[Anonymous No.3329495]

>>3326716
wonderful I will check this out for sure

[Anonymous No.3329511]

Yeah. Being depressed is like being too smart for the world. That's why I sit around doing retarded shit all day. Being too smart turns you into a retarded piece of shit. Fucked up but true. Damn, it really sucks being so smart, intelligent, and aware of the human condition that you have to sit around jacking off, drinking, and posting on the internet in a semi-catatonic state all day. Sometimes I wish I was slightly less smart, but not really.

[Anonymous No.3329514]

>>3329511

[Anonymous No.3329624]

>>3326243

hell yeah mother fucker. embrace the horrible shit weed does to you. What you described exactly happened to me last year. from august 2011 to ~july 2012 I was a fucking wreck. I always felt a little "high" in that I would, like you said, feel depersonalized. I cant describe it all that well other than I always felt uncomfortably anxious, and when I thought about drugs in general, I would start to basically freak out worried that I had fucked up my brain with some of the stuff I had done.

i smoked weed less and less frequently-- once a month, once every two months, and then I stopped completely. (i smoked about two weeks ago for graduation but i took two weak tokes in a lively party environment, not an isolated place--that is a horrible idea for people who are prone to think while high. I was fine) The reason I say embrace you horrible experience is because stopping the drugs might very well be the key to a perfectly normal life for you like it was for me.

[Anonymous No.3329631]

>>3329514

[Anonymous No.3329633]

>>3329061

This.

I was diagnosed with major depression earlier this year and this couldn't be a better check list.

[demiurge No.3329647]

>>3329633
i might be depressed too if that list is correct. did you get any sweet meds?

[Anonymous No.3329659]

It's natural to feel down sometimes, but if that low mood lingers day after day, it could signal depression. Major depression is an episode of sadness or apathy along with other symptoms that lasts at least two consecutive weeks and is severe enough to interrupt daily activities. Depression is not a sign of weakness or a negative personality. It is a major public health problem and a treatable medical condition.
The primary symptoms of depression are a sad mood and/or loss of interest in life. Activities that were once pleasurable lose their appeal. Patients may also be haunted by a sense of guilt or worthlessness, lack of hope, and recurring thoughts of death or suicide.
Depression is sometimes linked to physical symptoms. These include:
Fatigue and decreased energy
Insomnia, especially early-morning waking
Excessive sleep
Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
Depression can make other health problems feel worse, particularly chronic pain. Key brain chemicals influence both mood and pain. Treating depression has been shown to improve co-existing illnesses.
Changes in appetite or weight are another hallmark of depression. Some patients develop increased appetite, while others lose their appetite altogether. Depressed people may experience serious weight loss or weight gain.

[Anonymous No.3329696]

>>3329647

Not really, just SSRI's which have no recreational value.

The first meds they put me on completely flipped me out though. Felt like I was standing on the edge of lucidity for months, and the withdrawal process was horrible.

[Anonymous No.3329742]

>>3326100
i feel your pain my nigga
god i wish i were able to take a moderate sized shit every other day
i have to practically give myself a coffee enema to have a small one.. otherwise it just builds up for weeks

[demiurge No.3329746]

>>3329696
oh, that's a shame. good luck anyway anon

[Anonymous No.3329748]

>>3319592
Why don't you just bend your depression over a white picket fence and fuck it up the bum?

[Anonymous No.3329758]

>>3326207
I empathize with you completely and love you for it. It was like reading about myself except less pathetic. You're trying; you're going out into the world and cooking yourself meals. You have a friend. But I understand how you feel. I don't know if that will make a difference, probably not, but it's true.

[Anonymous No.3329761]

>>3326210
>>3326222
Actually recommending Prozac is more destructive than recommending weed.

[Anonymous No.3329780]

>>3329511
>tfw
>can't relate to or make friends with anyone
>wish I was of average intelligence

[Anonymous No.3329812]

>>3329780
>intelligent
>can pretend to be extroverted and have dozens of superficial "friendships"
>can get along with people i hate everything about
>i'm a fake piece of shit
>i'm a shell of a person that can fill itself in an instant with whatever is appropriate for a situation
>i could be out having a life but instead i sleep for at least 12 hours a day, read shit on the internet, study things i'll never apply to my life, and play video games
>life is unbearable without being constantly high and drunk and it feels beyond awful to be sober
>there are people i love but i'm such a piece of shit that i don't talk to them or try to maintain relationships with them
>try to write but everything is shit
>sometimes get to that peak of despair where all i feel is a black hole inside my chest and all i can do is smile

[Anonymous No.3329825]

>>3329659
Did that pasta originate in the Abilify ad?

[Anonymous No.3329826]

>>3321781
r u me?

[Anonymous No.3329829]

>>3329812
Faux-socializing leaves me exhausted and feeling like an even bigger piece of shit than before.

[Anonymous No.3329831]

>>3329829
I have to be alone to regain my mental and physical energy after socializing with people I genuinely like. Faux-socializing is even more tiresome, and also moderately painful, when sober.

[Anonymous No.3329837]

>>3329812
>tfw i just read notes from underground
>related way too much

jesus christ btw, i relate with you way too much

[Anonymous No.3329838]

>>3329831
ARE YOU FUCKING ME?

thank you for letting me know i'm not alone guise

not that it really matters anyways

[Anonymous No.3329847]

>>3326716
>those diogenes anecdotes

my fucking sides, the guy was amazing

[Anonymous No.3329849]

>>3329838
I guess we're all too busy shut away browsing 4chan and reading to meet the people who are like us.

[Anonymous No.3329855]

>>3329849
we wouldn't like each other anyways

[Anonymous No.3329864]

Its like being suspended in thick black syrup.

Its like having a cold of the soul...

Feels bad man, feels bad.

[Anonymous No.3329870]

I'm bipolar, and every time I read about others depression it seems completely different to mine, however I was psychotic so here I go

I WANT TO DIE!!! Holy shit why did I say that? What the fuck is going on? Why do people parade themselves on their faults. Why can't I survive in this faulty world? Why not change it? Why not create? Ok, here I go..... (i want to die).... I'm not getting better.

[Anonymous No.3329875]

>tfw i'm going to speak to a sergeant about getting mental help tomorrow(air force)

i hope to god they discharge me. this place is a prison

[Anonymous No.3329879]

>>3329855
The irony of Misanthropes Anonymous might have amused a younger me :...(

[Anonymous No.3329926]

>>3329837
>>3329831
it's a small comfort knowing that you're out there somewhere and that we're alike. on the one hand i want to be horrible drunken pieces of shit together but on the other
>>3329855
it's almost certain we wouldn't like each other.

[Anonymous No.3329927]

>>3326104
you are an interesting shade emotions. would make an interesting protagonist if you could describe that really well.

[Anonymous No.3329928]

Funny thing is, i bet if half of you neckbeards had a 10/10 hot chick in love with you, and devouring you with attention, you would quickly snap out of your wallowing self pity depression.

[Anonymous No.3329939]

>>3329928
Women are shit. Annoying, boring, and stupid. I can be those things on my own.

[Anonymous No.3329943]

>>3326261
>I used to think everyone felt this way every day and didn't understand how everyone else could cope so well.
my nigga.

[Anonymous No.3329946]

Please, everyone, move the conversation to /r9k/. We need more fucking janitors.

[Anonymous No.3329951]

>>3329928
>Women are shit

> Implying all humans do not need "Oxytocin"

Google that shit bruh, maybe thats why you all feel so shitty. Nature is boss.

[Anonymous No.3329953]

>>3326790
The girl I've fallen in love with is like this. She has tried hard to both push me away and keep me around, even threaten suicide. And I've been so not-understanding... i just want her to show me that she loves me, but she either can't or doesn't want to. And every time she needs space and doesn't tell me, i misinterpret it as disinterest. And I say things I don't want to say. She'll never love me the way i need her to, and I can't break that need of external affirmation.

Fuck lit. Where my feels at.

[Anonymous No.3329957]

>>3329928
Implying once we had obtained what we chased, we would be content. Do you know nothing of man?

[Anonymous No.3329959]

>>3329951
>not being part of the gay master race

[Anonymous No.3329968]

>>3329953

Had those felts, way back when. Ditched the girl, married a happy, sane girl who is a constant source of joy, and never looked back.

Be happy you're where you're at, though, anon. Without going through the crazy girl grinder, you'll never know how wonderful the sane ones are.

[Anonymous No.3329972]

>>3329742
Are you me?

Not really depressed though. I was mildly depressed, but cutting out weed, cigarettes and porn did wonders. I still plan on returning to weed one day though

[Anonymous No.3329976]

>>3329959
>Gay master race
>Implying the gay community doesn't entirely rely on heterosexuals for the production of more gays
Pls.

[Anonymous No.3329977]

I like animals because they are real.

[Anonymous No.3329982]

>>3329977
Why do you like reality?

[Anonymous No.3329983]

>>3329939
Most women, but not all. All human beings have a unique mix of testosterone and estrogen, there are many women whose unique balance allows them not to be vapid and useless. They're a minority, but they're out there.

[Anonymous No.3329987]

>>3329951
> implying i cant get that chemical release from hugging my mother and pet dog.

[Anonymous No.3329994]

>>3329983
> implying i even consider that and not just grateful for the slightest form of attention from them

[Anonymous No.3329997]

Porn addiction can be a huge contributor to depression and chronic procrastination. Start gradually cutting down on your fapping folks, it works wonders.

Also, never smoke weed without an accompanying productive/creative activity, at least the vast majority of the time.

[Anonymous No.3330002]

>>3329968
Will take to heart

Th-thanks...

[Anonymous No.3330007]

I am not sure if I was actually depressed but this is what I went through this semester

>Lost interest in vidya which was my life for the longest time
>Lost interest in my major and started to not give a shit about any of my classes
>Felt like everything was pointless and no matter what I was doing I felt like I was just wasting time
>I was really tired all the time

[Anonymous No.3330011]

>>3329997
the internet psychologists folks

[Anonymous No.3330044]

>>3319592
What's the source on that picture?

[Anonymous No.3330046]

>>3330011
The masturbation part is accurate. Quitting porn won't instantly cure depression, but it's much more of a contributor to mood and motivation than most people recognize.

[Anonymous No.3330443]

>>3329997
depressed people are often shut-ins
shut-ins fap way more than usual

Doin it back to front

[Anonymous No.3330523]

>>3326115
I don't get this. How can you just not give a fuck? To me, it seems that during those periods you're just wishing that you did give a fuck.

[Anonymous No.3330536]

>>3326207
You should really cut out the masturbation. Having some self control is infinitely more empowering than whatever "free will" you feel over your increasingly selectivity over your carnal urges.