/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:28:38 2012 No.3279375 [Reply] [Original]

What does /lit/ think of my poem? I got inspired by a dream i had last night... Please give me some constructive criticism.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

She saw it from a distance. Her sister, and that asshole of a boyfriend she had. He grabbed her by the head and shoved little sister to the ground. Picked her up again and threw her head at the sharp corner of some chest in the garden. Blood splattered on the wall. A state of shock and horror.

She ran as fast as she could, as fast as her legs would carry her.

She arrived, but she had a feeling of despair. She felt a fear of loss.

She looked around, and then she realized that everything was different. They all looked similar, but they were different. And that's when she realized she had just woken up.

>>	sage sage Tue Dec 25 08:31:26 2012 No.3279380 Juvenile

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:32:27 2012 No.3279382 >>3279380 It is the first poem i ever wrote by my own free will...

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:35:59 2012 No.3279386 >>3279382 > wrote by my own free will... > my own free will... > free will... Stop right there.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:36:29 2012 No.3279387 Its okay, nothing spectacular. Don't know what you mean when you refer to some chest in the garden though.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:38:01 2012 No.3279391 >>3279387 It doesn't mean anything in particular, just had to be something sharp or else blood wouldn't splatter on the wall.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:40:16 2012 No.3279392 >>3279391 Some chest wouldn't be in a garden though.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:41:16 2012 No.3279394 >>3279391 > mfw tl;dr > mfw read that comment

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:42:16 2012 No.3279395 File: 51 KB, 450x337, Garden-Chest.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>3279392 orly?

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:43:16 2012 No.3279396 >>3279395 Just because you call the image garden chest, doesn't mean its in a garden, obvious lawn

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:47:16 2012 No.3279399 >>3279396 Garden, lawn, same same but different

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:48:16 2012 No.3279400 >>3279399 But poems need clarity or at least well guided ambiguity

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 08:52:16 2012 No.3279404 >>3279400 what do you think i should write instead then?

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 09:08:16 2012 No.3279414 >>3279392 I didn't get that either, but I figured it doesn't make sense because it's a dream.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 25 09:13:16 2012 No.3279419 >>3279414 exactly. It could have been any sharp object

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