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/lit/ - Literature

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[SPOILER] No.3210964[SPOILER]  [Reply] [Original]

Hey /lit/,
I could really use some constructive crit on a story I'm writing. It's not a story I want anyone to take seriously or for me to publish, it's simply school course work and my English skills aren't amazing so I would appreciate if people will point out what's retarded about it and needs to be improved etc.. Cheers in advance for any feed back. So far I only have an intro.

It's been almost 2 years since The Great Uprising and what's left of society seems like for every step it takes forward, it's taking two backwards. Currency has gone down the drain. Banks are non-existent. Poverty and suffering is imminent. Everything that was once too familiar to humanity has collapsed and anarchy breaking out on a vast scale seems to be just on the horizon. A ticking time bomb ready to blow. Living proof that Totalitarianism was a failure from the off. A dystopia of corruption, manipulation and greed where the state controls every aspect of your life.

>> No.3210966

>cont

The people you talk to. The media you see. The food you eat. The only detterent stopping people from going off the rails again was the fact that everyone's thoughts were still tinged with bitter memories of death and bloodshed. The people that died during The Great Uprising were widely regarded the lucky ones. What is it about death that plagues our minds with fear? Why do we spend our whole life running from the inevitable? The very essence and concept that makes every fiber in our body retreat. It's ironic how the one thing humans fear the most, is the thing people lusted for. Just the chance to switch off and find an escape route from the hell fires that consumed earth. It just wasn't possible. Immortality. Humanity's ultimate desire. The best super power anyone could ask for. What got be better? But if you're under to delusion this is the case, you're wrong... so very wrong. In a deathless society everyone is an adherent of the philosophy of negentrophy. The idea where the highest ideals are to produce order and knowledge. Death causes the loss of knowledge and it is seen as something absolutely abhorrent. Why do we as humans have such an obsession with knowledge and so much curiosity to find out more? Our brains were never made to hold infinite amounts of information and immortality coupled with too much knowledge is a cocktail of destruction.

>> No.3210976

For anyone wondering, yes I did make a thread a couple days ago and I got a deadline extension of a few days.. I'm still fucked.

>> No.3210987
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3210987

>> No.3211004

It's terrible.

>> No.3211029

>>3211004
Unless your story/protagonist intends to pick up on some or all of those questions you pose, it's going to suck.

>> No.3211037

>>3211029
I'll assume this is a reply to me.
So you mean unless I fill in the gaps its going to suck?

>> No.3211063

>>3211037
Switched on to my phone by the way.