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/lit/ - Literature

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3160295 No.3160295 [Reply] [Original]

>> No.3160300
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3160300

Henry Chinaski.

>> No.3160301
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3160301

could be worse

>> No.3160302

socrates

hm.

>> No.3160305
File: 171 KB, 600x914, tumblr_m7gwltzLLc1qc36fso1_1280.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3160305

I was just about to anyway.

>> No.3160308

>having sex with Menalque from Fruits of the Earth by Andre Gide

I'm not a fag, but they do make the fervor of the body be appealing no matter what. I'll eat strange fruits and lie on the grass all day, sleeping and fucking and eating and living and rejoicing.

Sounds cool.

>> No.3160311
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3160311

imokwiththis

>> No.3160313

Bill Bryson? Fucking hell

>> No.3160322
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3160322

okay

>> No.3160325
File: 97 KB, 1280x720, kokoro.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3160325

"Sensei" from Kokoro. Not so bad, I guess.

>> No.3160329 [DELETED] 
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3160329

Pedro Romero, if only...

>> No.3160335
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3160335

Underground Man

>> No.3160352

I've always wanted to fuck Jim Hawkins

>> No.3160363
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3160363

Satan, I guess.

>> No.3160365

Well are we talking about books I finished? Because I think it would be Ryu Murakami, then. A sensitive junkie. That's fine.

>> No.3160366

Rivethead guy.
Well shit.

>> No.3160371

>>3160295

Lanark. He seems an amiable kind of chap, I don't mind.

>> No.3160372

>>3160363
Milton would be proud.

>> No.3160379
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3160379

Last chapter was the pov of Natasha.

>> No.3160381

Levin

>I am okay with this

>> No.3160384
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3160384

Shit.

>> No.3160390
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3160390

What a delicious coincidence.

>> No.3160394

>>3160390
The main character is actually Humbert Humbert.

>> No.3160399

He's a dude and he's quite the cheeky one. Also loves words. I totally would.

>> No.3160400

Franny from Franny and Zooey? I'mokwiththis.

>> No.3160409

Benny Profane.

Well, I guess we can't use any toys.
>shlemiels amirite

>> No.3160414

Uurr...Louis Wu from Niven's "The Ringworld Engineers". Or, in this context, a dude.

>okay face

>> No.3160416
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3160416

Can I be the top?

>> No.3160425

Rinthy Holme, Outer Dark.
I don't know. Might be cool.

>> No.3160438

What if a book has two protagonists?

>> No.3160440

Philip Marlowe

>> No.3160441

Malcolm X.

This thread confirms /lit/ only reads male authors. Male authors most often have male main characters.

>> No.3160445

Cordelia

Give her the codpiece.

>> No.3160447

Aristotle and tim ferris if your going to go gay might as well go gay in style

>> No.3160449
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3160449

Great so I get Ted, can I least get him while his body is still normal?

>> No.3160450
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3160450

awwww yeah i get to fuck that brazen hussy hester prynne

>> No.3160451
File: 100 KB, 695x1013, temeraire[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3160451

Welp.

>> No.3160468

hmmmm yeah so one of terry pratchetts witches novels was the last thing i read...

well shit

>> No.3160469

Paul Tallard?

>> No.3160471
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3160471

Awww yeahhh; german school boys!

>> No.3160475
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3160475

Pic related. It's pretty much a death sentence.

>> No.3160479

Can I choose from the "A Song of Ice and Fire" cast?

>> No.3160481

Wong from John dies in the End.

I suppose it could be worse.

>> No.3160483
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3160483

>>3160479

So I heard you liked my books, Anon-kun~~

>> No.3160486

>>3160479
The main character is GRR Martin's ego and girth.

>> No.3160503

Emma Bovary—WIN

>> No.3160518

Alexander the Great

>> No.3160524
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3160524

>Fyodor Karamazov
Oh no. Oh dear God, no!

>> No.3160552
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3160552

Welp, it looks like I'm going necro.

>> No.3160555

Mrs. Dalloway

>> No.3160571
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3160571

imokwiththis

>> No.3160589
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3160589

>>3160571

Is this what a troll is?

>> No.3160590
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3160590

>>3160571
>an edgy, dark fantasy

>> No.3160596

Titus Groan, I guess.
Unless giant castles count in this game.

>> No.3160602

>>3160571
>just the right amount of humor
>title is a bad pun
Yeah, alright.

>> No.3160603
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3160603

>at least make it a threesome with the russian wife.

>> No.3160611
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3160611

markus wolf

feels weird mang

>> No.3160644

Just read The Tomb, by Lovecraft.

A mysterious uncle/occultist/house that wants to possess my body (not intended) and live forever/summon entities/return to the good ol times. ew.

>> No.3160662

L'Abbe C:

Libertine Priest Sex for weeks on end! He's probably a sadist. Bummer.

>> No.3160667
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3160667

I can't imagine anything more awkward.

>> No.3160672

Silas Marner. Eww.

>> No.3160699

>>3160602
>>3160590
>>3160589
one of my friends recommended it, she said that it was one of her favorites, it's not that bad, except for her writing changing from time to time and that the dialogue feels somewhat forced.

>> No.3160722

Henry Chinaski from Factotum :/

>> No.3160723
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3160723

Vin from the Mistborn series? A cute 16-20 year old?

Score!

>> No.3160725

>>3160667

Isn't it time you read a new book?

>> No.3160746

tao lin

fuck yeah

>> No.3160753
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3160753

The Man or the Boy...

>> No.3160755

>>3160753
the boy, obviously

>> No.3160758

Cloud Atlas...

Do I get to choose which one?

>> No.3160764

Alice's Adventures In Wonderland.

T-Thank you, OP. Thank you.

>> No.3160772
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3160772

>The Interpretation of Dreams

I guess sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but this isn't one of those times.

>> No.3160775

>>3160295
Fraa Erasmus of the Edharian Chapter of the Concent of Saunt Edhar.

Well...I haven't finished it yet, but I'm pretty sure he's still a virgin, perhaps it would be more pleasant if we had a dialog during the act.

I'm a guy btw.;_;

>> No.3160798

>>3160772

You have to have sex with the protagonist, not the author. Pick a book with a protag.

>> No.3160805

The Kid from Blood Meridian

>> No.3160817
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3160817

Dodger out of the Terry Pratchett book.

It's a while since I've buggered a teenage boy, but hey-ho, if Anon insists.

>> No.3160837

Edward Prendick

>> No.3160844
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3160844

>>3160295
Hrm.

>> No.3160868

>>3160798
I merely followed directions, and if I remember correctly, Freud analyzes his own dreams more than any other single person's.

>> No.3160872

Ishmael

So I'm fucking a psychic ape? mite b cool.

>> No.3160920
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3160920

>Katniss Everdeen
Well, i guess i'm lucky...

>> No.3160923

> Aging Professor of Hitler Studies
I'm glad I read White Noise after The Wasp Factory, I suppose.

>> No.3160934
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3160934

>>3160923
Wait, wait. With The Wasp Factory, it would have been a virgin psychotic transvestite girl with an enlarged clitoris. Unless the psychotic thing really turns you off, that's the wrong choice.

>> No.3160937
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3160937

Harker

>> No.3160951
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3160951

God damn motherfuckers. Time to pull the whips out.

>> No.3160957

getting valentine Michael smith and jubal hershaw in a three way. you grok me?

>> No.3161035
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3161035

Looks like Josef K is going to get screwed one last time.

>> No.3161056
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3161056

>> No.3161064

I just read "Orlando..."

So, am I really stuck having sex with someone who changes into a woman halfway through the novel? And am I having sex with the man, or the woman version of Orland?

>> No.3161072

Patrick Bateman from American Psycho
>but I'm not ready to die yet

>> No.3161088

>>3161072
unarguably the worst one in this thread

>> No.3161101

>>3161088

uhm

>>3160363

(!)

>> No.3161116

Cathy #1.
Thank you, OP. Rough sex with a pretty, dominant Yorkshire girl? Couldn't get better.

>> No.3161133

Candace Compson. Sure.

>> No.3161139
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3161139

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
>HELL
>YES

>> No.3161148

HAHAHAHAHAA

Eli had his penis chopped off and I'm female!!

>> No.3161186

Billy Pilgrim? Time traveling sex is cool I guess.

>> No.3161190

Quixote. Yes.

>> No.3161230

Hmm... Somehow I don't think I'm Sappho's type.

>> No.3161232

Oedipa Maas
I pictured her to be pretty hot so why not

>> No.3161236
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3161236

Well I ...

>> No.3161238

The last book I read was "Every Love Story is a Ghost Story" so it looks like I'm going to have to fuck DFW

>> No.3161240

>>3160295
Susan Cain |:

>> No.3161255

Reading about chinese shamanism and mythology sucks.....

>> No.3161264

Dorian Gray.
Well.

>> No.3161276

>Foundation and Empire

Its an ensemble, so do I get to pick? Bel Riose all the way

>> No.3161337
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3161337

>>3161238

>> No.3161357

Dammit, Charles Bukowski. If I hadn't read Love is a Dog from Hell yesterday, it would have been the Silmarillion.

>> No.3161391

I wish this was real;
Geomancer by Ian Irvine. Protagonist is a virgin, smart, and can build fucking tanks.

>> No.3161409
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3161409

Gustave Aschenbach

>> No.3161414

Justine? O sweet merciful Lord

>> No.3161425

>Yossarian
Welp.

>> No.3161444

Last book I read was the Thousand Nights and a Night.
...I'm either boning an Arab or a Jinni.

>> No.3161450
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3161450

i`m unfortunate

>> No.3161454

>>3160503
heh
same here, XIX century escapist french babes ftw

>> No.3161464

Darl Bundren?

>> No.3161470
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3161470

Sounds good man.

>> No.3161471

Stephen Daedalus.
Fuck.

>> No.3161472

>>3161464
>implying the main character isn't Addie

>> No.3161550

Jay Gatsby

>> No.3161559

I can't decide which character from The Man in the High Castle would count as the main character, but going for looks and sexual inclination, I'd have sex with Juliana

>> No.3161568
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3161568

>>3160335
mfw same thing

>> No.3161576

Steppenwolf...
Am I going to get stabbed?

>> No.3161585

>>3160335
>>3161568

Well that makes three of us. Threesome time?

>> No.3161607

Frederic Henry. He would take me in a manly fashion, whisper sweetnothings into my ear, lie about loving me, and take me away from all of this craziness.

>> No.3161618

The narrator of Hunger. Oh well, perhaps it would cheer him up a bit.

>> No.3161623

Mrs. Ramsay.

Hot milf?

>feelsgoodman

I don't mind doing it with her corpse either, if that's part of the rules

>> No.3161634
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3161634

Leah from NW.
>I'm okay with this.

>> No.3161679
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3161679

>Mistborn
Yes.

>> No.3161683
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3161683

Which of these two fine young people would that make it?

>> No.3161684
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3161684

I'd rather die or something similar: Karl Pilkington

>> No.3161703

>Animal Farm
Please no

>> No.3161710

>Eeeee Eee Eeee, by Tao Lin
I... guess I can.

>> No.3161711

why does this have so many responses? this it what it takes to get a 100+ post thread on /lit/? durr u sex last book u read durrr

fuck this thread

>> No.3161734

>>3161711
fuck this board

>> No.3161746

William Stoner.
From what I've read in the book he's very awkward in bed.
Great.

>> No.3161748

>>3160844
Ew. He'd be all nervous and jittery, and afterwards he would probably just turn away from you and stare at the wall.

>> No.3161752

A dead guy
I should also finish reading it

>> No.3161753

>>3161711
People like fun, man. If you don't like it, I suggest you remove yourself from reality

>> No.3161757

>>3161753

if this was my idea of fun i would remove myself from reality.

>> No.3161760

Tim Kreider (alright), or maybe George Bush (fuck).

>> No.3161763

>>3161711
These thread get so many post because it caters to a few different purposes in one thread and only requiring the poster to use a very quick and short reply to do so.
It's not like there's threads like this all the fucking time on /lit/, most of it is your tie-wearing-cup-of-tea talk about literature you think makes you look the most intelligent so stop projecting your own strict way of how we should talk about literature. Some of us just don't want to take it fucking seriously all the time, it's funny and interesting to look at a protagonist in a different way to before. hurr durrr stop liking what I don't like derrp.

>> No.3161766

Some guy named Meatball. Or Callisto. If short stories count.

>> No.3161768

Ian Malcom
2hot4me

>> No.3161773
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3161773

>Jean Valjean

My body is not ready

>> No.3161775

I just red 120 days of Sodom, by Sade. I'm so fucked...

>> No.3161777

>>3160524

>Fyodor
>Main character

You're doing it wrong.

>> No.3161779
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3161779

I guess I'd fuck schopey

>> No.3161789

The bible (for a Uni course)

Umm so what? Am I fucking God or a bunch of dead illiterate goat herders who may or may not exist?

>> No.3161790

The Box Man

He may smell a bit...

>> No.3161794

>>3161789
Well the Bible is comprised of many smaller books, so it depends.What book are you reading right now?

>> No.3161799

>>3161789
Dammit hurry up and respond, I desperately want to know what Bible character you're fucking.

>> No.3161812

>>3161799
Last one I was reading was Isaiah and Jeremiah. So illiterate goat herders...

>> No.3161815

>>3161812
Or am I fucking Israel? This book has an astonishingly bad narrative.

>> No.3161818
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3161818

fuck yeah. Edna would be crazy in bed.

>> No.3161845
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3161845

a rabbit , I guess

>> No.3161890

>Narcissus and Goldmund
I'm gonna be loved tenderly
Doesn't seem like there were many STDs back in that day, thank goodness

>> No.3161894

Hollis Henry from the Blue Ant trilogy? I guess.

>> No.3161895

Dorian Gray

not bad

>> No.3161904

>>3161812
>>3161815
You may return to reddit

>> No.3161916
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3161916

>>3161777
I wasn't really sure who to use. Alyosha is the only one who would be a good partner. Dmitri is unattractively primitive, and Ivan would be too duplicitous.

>> No.3161920
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3161920

>>3161812
>Jeremiah
>illiterate

>> No.3161954

I'm counting plays, so do I say Romeo or Juliet?

>> No.3161958

>>3161954
Nigga, everyone knows it's Friar and Nurse.

>> No.3161960

>>3161920
Jeremiah is implied to be the writer, not the main character. The only two 'characters' that are driving the narrative are God and the Israel, if you can consider Israel a character. As God doesn't exist I'm considering the possibility that the most main-like character to be someone mentioned. Besides the King, most of the people mentioned by Jeremiah were probably illiterate (though less likely goat herders as it's implying they live in the city).
Besides, most of the Books of the Bible, old or new are unlikely to be written by the people it says they are.

>> No.3161989
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3161989

>Danny McCoyne

I don't know how to feel about it, but he'd probably kill me

>> No.3162019

>Anna Karenina
Fuck yeah

>> No.3162026

I've found myself feeling a little gay for Ishmael anyways, so I wouldn't mind.

>> No.3162028

>Hari Seldon
Not gay, still would do it.

>> No.3162045
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3162045

Rand al'Thor

Strangely, I'm ok with this

>> No.3162072

Achilles

How fun.

>> No.3162085
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3162085

nita callahan.
but i'm a female..

>> No.3162093

Frederic Henry

If I was female I might be into it.

>> No.3162096
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3162096

I don't know what to say... I guess I have to take one for Gilead. At least I didnt pick up the magic tree house lately... *shivers*

>> No.3162102
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3162102

>>3161960
If God isn't real, why can't you accept him as a fictional character?

>> No.3162118

Titus Groan... um, so the baby is supposed the main character right?

SCORE!

>> No.3162128

John Glock is gonna Locke and load my ass.

Its our social contract.

>> No.3162143
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3162143

Doc Holliday, if not for the whole tuberculosis thing.

>> No.3162150
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3162150

Blue, a +/- 30 y/o private detective growing sociopathic and paranoic over the seemingly pointless case he's currently working on.

>> No.3162171
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3162171

Who the fuck is the main character in this?

>> No.3162178
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3162178

>Hamlet
My body is ready

>> No.3162211

The Penultimate Peril

hmm I guess Dewey Denouement or Count Olaf

>> No.3162214

Huck Finn

>> No.3162217

>>3162171
Either Sutpen or Quentin, I guess.

>> No.3162231

Gregor Samsa as a bug. This'll be interesting.

>> No.3162233
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3162233

>"Maid" of Tarth

NOT FOR LONG

>> No.3162414
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3162414

Professor William Race.

he's covered in monkey urine.

>> No.3162493

Ana Karenina

>> No.3162500
File: 493 KB, 350x187, mustcockblock.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3162500

....Harry Potter.

I'd much prefer Hermione

>> No.3162520

Judas Unchained...

an epic, um... guess we are having an orgy eh

>> No.3162532

>>3160295
The self-articulating proletariat?

That's a lot of people to fuck.

>> No.3162543
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3162543

>Sumire from "Sputnik Sweetheart"

You have no idea how ready for this my dick is.

>> No.3162551

>Logan's Run

Guess I have to sleep with a flat mattress

>> No.3162555

>>3162096
THIS

Ca… can I choose Susannah?

>> No.3162567

Ralph from Lord of the Flies...
im okay with this

>> No.3162573

Therese Raquin, sounds fucking great

>> No.3162589

>16
>F
>Very athletic

Awwwwwright.

>> No.3162604

>>3161916
alyosha is the main character. so you're good.

>> No.3162716

Kilgore Trout

>> No.3162781

Franny & Zooey from Franny & Zooey.

...I'm okay with this.

>> No.3162824

>>3160295
You know how there is a thread saying how moot thinks /lit/ is a shithole?

This thread gives him some justification. Come on plebs, enough is enough.

>> No.3162839
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3162839

Sheeit

>> No.3162842

>>3162824
Faggot cares what moot says

>> No.3162849

>2012
>reading novels

I only read nonfiction, bitches. Who reads shitty novels when you have TV shows and vidya?

>> No.3162871

>>3162849
>implying there are more than a handful of good TV shows
>implying vidya is any good for anything other than vegging out

GTFOOH and take your mush you call a brain with you.

>> No.3162982
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3162982

As long as it is Ilia, I am okay with this.

>> No.3163062
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3163062

Could be worse i suppose. Väinämöinen seems like cool dude

>> No.3163121
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3163121

I´m reading Heidegger´s ramblings on him right now.

>> No.3163160
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3163160

>>3163121
Make sure he uses a condom.