/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.3008160]

What makes bad writing?

[The Berserking Badgerman !nCpSAxk8YQ No.3008182]

Bad writers.

[Anonymous No.3008179]

>>3008160
>What makes bad writing?

It's all to do with what clothes grandma gives you for xmas.

[Anonymous No.3008185]

Adverbs

[Anonymous No.3008198]

>>3008182
oh ho ho ho
you funny.

serious tho i'd give that seven out of ten
i spat tea out my nose

[Anonymous No.3008223]

>>3008185
This plus adjectives. Basically any attention to detail.

[Anonymous No.3008238]

Someone poast a passage of good and bad writing side by side

[Anonymous No.3008275]

>>3008238
I love my fellow man. I need my brother as my brother needs me. We are one seamless entity. I love you.

The world is a cold dark place such as my heart. Fuck you and your dreams. I rape your daughters simply out of boredom. Cannabis is evil and should be blacklisted.

[Anonymous No.3008282]

>>3008223
tbh anything other than nouns should be nixed

[Anonymous No.3008293]

>>3008182

This. Seriously.
If the writer comes across as a self-loathing faggot I want nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous No.3008337]

>>3008293
so you can't really judge a body of work on its own merit. instead, you reject anything written by someone who reminds you of yourself. You can't handle that because you hate yourself and know deep down inside you are a self-loathing faggot who just wants to be laid.

[Anonymous No.3008342]

>>3008238
"[E]ach time she slept on my chest, and each time there was a puddle of spit in the crease by my heart. When she woke up after me she made these half-closed, Asiatic eyes, then blushed all over, even in her ears and said "Sorry, sorry" before trying to wipe and this led me to smiles and sometimes sweeter things."

"Here are his words as I remember them: "Will you be one of us, first of the queens who lay their very existence in the dirt to battle against the force of Chaos and Evil in the best interests of mankind?". Becoming a god meant immortality, power and an escape from my previous existence. I craved for the latter the most as I didn't want to spend my life carrying out rituals meaningless to me to perpetuate the shamanistic traditions of my people."

[Anonymous No.3008345]

Bad writing:

In the evening they came out upon a mesa that overlooked all the country to the north. The sun to the west lay in a holocaust where there rose a steady column of small desert bats and to the north along the trembling perimeter of the world dust was blowing down the void like the smoke of distant armies. The crumpled butcherpaper mountains lay in sharp shadowfold under the long blue dusk and in the middle distance the glazed bed of a dry lake lay shimmering like the mare imbrium and herds of deer were moving north in the last of the twilight, harried over the plain by wolves who were themselves the color of the desert floor.

[Anonymous No.3008349]

>>3008342

>"Here are his words as I remember them: "Will you be one of us, first of the queens who lay their very existence in the dirt to battle against the force of Chaos and Evil in the best interests of mankind?". Becoming a god meant immortality, power and an escape from my previous existence. I craved for the latter the most as I didn't want to spend my life carrying out rituals meaningless to me to perpetuate the shamanistic traditions of my people."

no stop you're hurting me

[Anonymous No.3008355]

>>3008345
was that written by a try-hard 9th grader who is into fantasy? shit is seriously gross

[Anonymous No.3008353]

>>3008349
I know, right? It's fucking horrible.

[Anonymous No.3008359]

>>3008345
> The sun to the west lay in a holocaust where there rose a steady column of small desert bats and to the north along the trembling perimeter of the world dust was blowing down the void like the smoke of distant armies.
....What?

[Anonymous No.3008374]

>>3008345

Awful.

[Anonymous No.3008387]

>>3008160
If the writer's soul is beautiful then it will show in their prose.

I love you, Jeff Mangum.

[Anonymous No.3008397]

Bad writing:

Then, pious Eneas, conformant to thc fulminant firman which enjoins on the tremylose terrian that, when the call comes, he shall produce nichthemerically from his unheavenly body a no uncertain quantity of obscene matter not protected by copriright in the United Stars of Ourania or bedeed and bedood and bedang and bedung to him, with this double dye, brought to blood heat, gallic acid on iron ore, through the bowels of his misery, flashly, faithly, nastily, appropriately, this Esuan Menschavik and the first till last alshemist wrote over every square inch of the only fools- cap available, his own body, till by its corrosive sublimation one continuous present tense integument slowly unfolded all marry-voising moodmoulded cyclewheeling history (thereby, he said, reflecting from his own individual person life unlivable, trans- accidentated through the slow fires of consciousness into a dividual chaos, perilous, potent, common to allflesh, human only, mortal) but with each word that would not pass away the squid- self which he had squirtscreened from the crystalline world waned chagreenold and doriangrayer in its dudhud.

[Anonymous No.3008404]

Bad:

The edge of a colossal jungle, so dark green as to be almost black, fringed with white surf, ran straight, like a ruled line, far, far away along a blue sea whose glitter was blurred by a creeping mist. The sun was fierce, the land seemed to glisten and drip with steam.

[Anonymous No.3008409]

My handkerchief. He threw it. I remember. Did I not take it up?

His hand groped vainly in his pockets. No, I didn't. Better buy one. He laid the dry snot picked from his nostril on a ledge of rock, carefully. For the rest let look who will.

Behind. Perhaps there is someone.

He turned his face over a shoulder, rere regardant. Moving through the air high spars of a threemaster, her sails brailed up on the crosstrees, homing, upstream, silently moving, a silent ship.

[Anonymous No.3008410]

>>3008397
Finnegans Wake.

All the people posting lines from classics they don't like ITT. Let's stick to the obvious bad and not the things we don't like.

""Remove yourself Sirrah, the wench belongs to me;" Blabbered
a drunken soldier, too far consumed by the influences of his
virile brew to take note of the superior size of his adversary.
Grignr lithly bounded from the startled female, his face lit
up to an ashen red ferocity, and eyes locked in a searing feral
blaze toward the swaying soldier.
"To hell with you, braggard!" Bellowed the angered Ecordian,
as he hefted his finely honed broad sword.
The staggering soldier clumsily reached towards the pommel
of his dangling sword, but before his hands ever touched the
oaken hilt a silvered flash was slicing the heavy air. The thews
of the savages lashing right arm bulged from the glistening
bronzed hide as his blade bit deeply into the soldiers neck,
loping off the confused head of his senseless tormentor.
With a nauseating thud the severed oval toppled to the
floor, as the segregated torso of Grignr's bovine antagonist
swayed, then collapsed in a pool of swirled crimson.
In the confusion the soldier's fellows confronted Grignr
with unsheathed cutlasses, directed toward the latters scowling
make-up.
"The slut should have picked his quarry more carefully!"
Roared the victor in a mocking baritone growl, as he wiped his
dripping blade on the prostrate form, and returned it to its
scabbard.
"The fool should have shown more prudence, however you shall
rue your actions while rotting in the pits." Stated one of the
sprawled soldier's comrades.
Grignr's hand began to remove his blade from its leather
housing, but retarded the motion in face of the blades waving
before his face.""

The Eye of Argon

[Anonymous No.3008411]

>>3008345
As the photons from the LCD screen sitting upon my ebon throne intermingled with the neurological units of my eyeballs, the God of Prodigious Literacy uttered unto me, "Thou shalt excrete thine innards with the force of ten billion exploding supernovas upon recognizing such filth!" to which I erupted into an effervescent globule comprised of the tears of Sudanese children whose bellies groaned for black liquorice and malt vinegar, and scuttled back to the womb from whence I came.

[Anonymous No.3008414]

What's the first excerpt from? Google has nothing. Thanks!

[Anonymous No.3008416]

>>3008414
Which one?

[Anonymous No.3008419]

>>3008342
What's the first one from? I can't find it on Google. Thanks!

[Anonymous No.3008424]

>>3008419
You made my day. It's from the novel I'm writing. The second one is from something I wrote a while ago.

[Anonymous No.3008431]

>>3008411
hehehe

[Anonymous No.3008438]

>>3008410
Jesus Christ, that is fucking horrendous.

[Anonymous No.3008439]

>>3008438
reminds me of this older neckbeard trying to get a novel published...it was from some documentary about dungeons and dragons on hulu. hysterical

[Anonymous No.3008440]

Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?

[Anonymous No.3008449]

>>3008424
You're welcome, Ramona. I really was hoping to read the rest! I've actually led a few writing workshop groups and edited a college lit mag if you're into sharing drafts. If not, I hope I'll pick it up randomly in a store someday.

[Anonymous No.3008452]

bad prose
stupid characters
flat characters
useless characters
formulaic plot
lack of conflict

I just described every Harry Potter book.

[Anonymous No.3008457]

>>3008424
Not the same person but good for you.
Get cracking and deliver.

[Anonymous No.3008461]

>>3008452
well, apart from that part about lacking conflict, yeah.

[Anonymous No.3008475]

>>3008461
No, they do lack conflict.

Harry farts around doing absolutely nothing for the entire book and then at the very end someone else solves the mystery. Harry is a character who overcomes nothing because there's never any conflict for him.

[Anonymous No.3008479]

Obviously good writing:

Oh comely, I will be with you when you lose your breath,
Chasing the only meaningful memory you thought you had left.
With some pretty, bright and bubbly terrible scene
That was doing her thing on your chest.
But oh comely,
It isn't as pretty as you'd like to guess
In your memory, you're drunk on your awe ,to me
It doesn't mean anything at all.
Oh comely,
All of your friends are all letting you blow,
Bristling and ugly, bursting with fruits falling out from the holes
Of some pretty, bright, and bubbly friend
You could need to say comforting things in your ear
But oh comely,
There isn't such one friend that you could find here.
Standing next to me,
He's only my enemy
I'll crush him with everything I own.

[Anonymous No.3008486]

>>3008337

Wow, you sho is mad

[Anonymous No.3008487]

>>3008479
/mu/ pls go

[Anonymous No.3008506]

>>3008479
Example of bad writing:

Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

[Anonymous No.3008520]

>>3008506

That's just a regional cliche. But yes, cliches are bad.

[Anonymous No.3008534]

>>3008486
I'm seething because I hate to see people in distress. Just accept yourself for who you are bro, don't run from your feelings, embrace them.

[Anonymous No.3008556]

>>3008506
>>3008520
Everything seems to be in its right place to me.

[Anonymous No.3008559]

If you say "I have got" instead of "I have".

[Anonymous No.3008558]

When the writer overuses profanity

[Anonymous No.3008562]

>>3008556
>to me

I understand, sir.

[Anonymous No.3008565]

>>3008355
That's Cormac McCarthy

[Anonymous No.3008577]

>>3008562
>me
Which of the two voices in my head are you refering to?

I need to go back to /mu/

[Anonymous No.3008582]

>>3008565
now I know to avoid any books with that name on them...thank you

[Anonymous No.3008591]

>>3008449
>>3008457
Thanks. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll whore myself on /lit/ if I ever get published.

[Anonymous No.3008600]

>>3008582
Good luck avoided the most respected and venerated author working today. Have you even read Blood Meridian or The Road? It's amazing to me that you apparently haven't even heard of him.

[Anonymous No.3008608]

>>3008591

Careful now, you don't want to lead these poor souls on.

[Anonymous No.3008616]

>>3008608
It's a really big if, and I'm sure they're aware of that.

[Anonymous No.3008633]

>>3008600
I haven't read either of them and no I haven't heard of him. I wanted to see the road after seeing the trailers but I never got around to it. caught some of it on tnt the other night. that passage that was posted really did disgust me though...I might be interested in reading the road but now I am unsure.

[Anonymous No.3008638]

>>3008633
That passage isn't a very accurate representation of his prose style, especially the document-like hyper-realism of The Road.

[Anonymous No.3008653]

>>3008638
I might have to check him out then after I get over this readers/writers block. was suspended from college a year ago for academia reasons.

[Anonymous No.3008710]

>>3008475
>1st book harry single handedly (hehehe) melts that guys face off
>2nd Harry kills the giant snake thing
>3rd that whole thing with Sirius and Wormtail and Hagrid going to Azkaban at the end
>4th has a wizard battle with Voldemort
>5th Another wizard battle in a hall full of snowglobes
>6th Him and Merlin go and do shit, then come back in the middle of a wizard battle at the castle
>7th he does all the cool stuff where he almost died or something

[Anonymous No.3008715]

>>3008710
>thinks that killing stuff is the same as conflict

[Anonymous No.3008720]

>>3008715
>two opposing forces in a fight
>not conflict

lol ok.

[Anonymous No.3008733]

>>3008720
No, they're not opposing because Harry has the privilege of being "special" and overwhelming them. He also has the privilege of being for the most part one dimensional, so no internal struggle.

[Anonymous No.3008751]

>>3008733
Just because he's a Marvin Sue guaranteed to win doesn't mean there's not conflict.

[Anonymous No.3008759]

>>3008751
But the only opposing force to Harry is that he doesn't win at something or get special treatment for some reason, but of course Rowling always makes sure that Harry gets a slice of the pie.

[Anonymous No.3008763]

>>3008751
Yes it does.
>implying someone stepping on an ant is physical conflict

[Anonymous No.3008795]

1. Overuse of adverbs and adjectives

2. Abuse of dialogue tags

3. Jarring prose / bad flow

4. Major characters that exist just to move the plot forward

5. Cliches / imprecise use of language

6. forced morals

7. ??

[Anonymous No.3008823]

>>3008795

8. Profit

[Anonymous No.3009606]

>>3008475
>>3008452
The bigger problem is that every villain is painfully obvious.

[Anonymous No.3009694]

>>3008345

hifive.jpg

hue hue hue hue

Keep it trollin', man.

[Anonymous No.3009698]

me lol

[Anonymous No.3009701]

>>3008559
>If you say "I have got" instead of "I have".

No, that's just standard American English.

[Anonymous No.3009771]

>>3008345
>The crumpled butcherpaper mountains
I have never finished a McCarthy book (I'm reading the Road, and I keep dropping it because it's so bleak and so beautifully written), but I knew you were trolling when I read this.

[Anonymous No.3009808]

>>3009771

Who's trolling? That paragraph is awful. He sounds like a teenager who just discovered adjectives.

[Anonymous No.3009900]

>>3009808
Because it's actually evocative. With a distinct voice and a distinct landscape. Though the second phrase could use a comma.

[Anonymous No.3009915]

>>3008345

That's beautiful lyrical prose. So poetic.

/lit/ is tasteless

[Anonymous No.3009918]

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2001/07/a-readers-manifesto/302270/

[Anonymous No.3009936]

>>3009915
>http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2001/07/a-readers-manifesto/302270/

You don't fucken know what 'poetic' means, you idiot.

(Also, 'lyrical' and 'poetic' are technically synonyms.)

[Anonymous No.3009944]

>>3009918
I tend to somewhat agree. The critics and their soundbites are unbearable.

>>3009936
English is my third language, and I don't have problems in deciphering this description. A lot less problem than I have following Balzac or Flaubert (in French, first language) meandering descriptions without being in full-on analysis mode (which makes them amazing instead of fucking boring).

[Anonymous No.3009945]

>>3009936
Really? "Lyrical" has always struck me as being concerned with the pacing of a sentence, i.e. how it flows, whereas "poetic" describes the language used

[Anonymous No.3009951]

>>3009918
I tend to somewhat agree. The critics and their soundbites are unbearable.

>>3009936
English is my third language, and I don't have problems deciphering McCarthy's description. A lot less problems than I have following Balzac or Flaubert (in French, first language) meandering descriptions without being in full-on analysis mode (which makes them amazing instead of fucking boring).

[Anonymous No.3009974]

The conveyor belt clunked forward, as it continued to carry workers in single-line uniformity through dark and grime ridden passageways. The tone of the machine deepened and pulsated with musical rhythm as it mechanically strained upon the weight it was burdened with. However it continued with its role, noisily trudging forward as it reverberated the tightly squeezed in walls with a howl.

[Anonymous No.3010026]

>>3009974
The first line is pretty good. The second line is a bit generic ("musical rhythm") but still evocative, though I'm not a fan of adjoining verbs describing the same action ("deepened and pulsated"). Howeeeeeever, the third sentence goes full retard.

[Anonymous No.3010095]

on topic:
“ It was a difficult situation but the men in the camp stood closely together as one strong force and were ready to fight for their freedom and for their commanders Joey, Maya and Captain Goran.

'It is wonderful to see when the people in this camp believe in their leaders and commanders but it is more wonderful when the leaders believe in their people,' said Joey and continued, 'maybe the time will come or has already come that we as leaders of this camp will pay a price to carry out our calling!'

'Bravo, Bravo, Bravissimo…' interrupted Gertrude, 'most people think that we are the bad ones but basically we bring peace to the world. My two friends and I have agreed to make you an offer which you cannot reject.'

“And what is this diabolical offer?' asked Maya standing between Joey and General Goran.

'This is not a diabolic offer. It is an honest offer because we are ready, willing, able and we have also agreed that we will let your men go free. They are all free to go home and they can take all their belongings and possessions with them and go back to their families.'

'You will let them go home?' Goran asked.

'Yes, they can go home… all of them. They do not have to fight our army of over ten thousand men which has your camp surrounded.' The army of ten thousand also cheered when they heard that they had not to fight.

'Under one condition, of course, will we let them go free… The condition is that Maya and Joey give their lives freely as human sacrifices in honor of our lord Abbadon the son of the great Apollyon.'„

[Anonymous No.3010152]

>>3010026
The first line would be better without that comma. It just doesn't seem to fit.

[Anonymous No.3010160]

Isaac was sauntering down each supermarket aisle, new at it, hoping to remember what he needed. A dirty looking girl walked by — laundry powder! He went to the relevant section and picked up a box to examine it, not only reading everything but tossing it between his hands, too, sizing it up, wondering how far he could throw it, was this the right brand for him. But a screaming child careened ‘round the isle corner in flight from its mother who was in hot pursuit— ‘I mean it Henry, stop!’ — and he dropped the box which burst open on the ground and sprayed white powder between him and the little turd, who did not stop — and slid right past Isaac with perfect balance, running on once on safer ground, laughing wildly.

[Anonymous No.3010185]

>>3010152
That too.

[yes i am using this thread to ask for feedback No.3010226]

>>3010160

Isaac was sauntering down each supermarket aisle, new at it, hoping to remember what he needed. A dirty looking girl walked by and he checked her out — laundry powder! He went to the relevant section and picked up a box to examine it, not only reading its instructions and ingredients but tossing it between his hands, too, sizing it up, wondering how far he could throw it, was this the right brand for him. But a screaming child came careening ‘round the isle corner in flight from its mother — ‘I mean it Henry, stop!’ — and, startled, he dropped the box, which burst open on the ground and sprayed white powder between him and the kid, who did not stop — and slid right past Isaac with perfect balance, laughed wildly and ran on.

‘Jesus — you could’ve grabbed him or something!’

Isaac turned to the mother. She was bent over, panting and furious. He shook his head and smiled. ‘Sorry.’ He looked to where the kid had run and watched him disappear from the aisle, then smiled at her again, this time wider. ‘Looks like someone needs a leash.’

She looked up. ‘Excuse me?’ But the sight of him seemed to disconcert her and she and strode off. Her walk was self-conscious and she was keeping something behind a neutral face — a smile, he guessed — as she passed. Only when she reached the aisle end, by which time Henry had the other of one a few along, did she call out her son’s name again. Her voice was less angry now, and more urgent.

[Anonymous No.3011405]

what makes bad writing is using words like holocaust and ejaculated in their lesser known context in attempt to seem mature but end up looking like a dickhead.

[Anonymous No.3011453]

>>3008424
They are both godawful.

[Anonymous No.3011516]

>>3011453
Th-thanks.

[Anonymous No.3011622]

>>3008410

The eye of Argon was about one small step away from greatness imo. You edit that bitch hard, and I bet it would read like Robert E howard. Subtract the grotesque adjectives, and it wouldn't be bad at all.