[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

View post   
File: 339 KB, 1280x1024, dayandnight.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002053 No.3002053 [Reply] [Original]

My brother is a pretentious snob and he is forcing everyone to bring a book to his wedding.
What is the most offensive/stupid book I can take?
I instantly thought "Mein Kampf" but that's so obvious people will assume it is an attempt to be witty or ironic.
Please help.

>> No.3002060
File: 32 KB, 480x360, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002060

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8131491-the-vagina-ass-of-lucifer-niggerbastard

>> No.3002073

>>3002060
wow, that's good. Perhaps, a little on the nose?

>> No.3002081

What? He's forcing everyone to bring a book? I don't get it. Is the book for him?

>> No.3002087

>>3002081
No. All guests bring a book and leave with one brought by another guest.

>> No.3002090

>>3002087
Ha, sounds like The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Niggerbastard is a good fit then.

>> No.3002091

>>3002053

http://www.amazon.com/Ass-Goblins-Auschwitz-Cameron-Pierce/dp/1933929936

>> No.3002096

are you just trying to base a joke on this recent item:

http://onion.com/NwBB16

>> No.3002100

Alternatively to vagina-ass (which is retelling of the Aeneid) you could bring Ass goblins of Auschwitz.
Is there a book equivalent of birth of a nation?

>> No.3002101

http://www.amazon.com/The-Baby-Jesus-Butt-Plug/dp/0972959823/ref=pd_cp_b_1

>> No.3002103

How about something a bit less obvious and immature, like 120 Days of Sodom?

>> No.3002108

Any of these
http://www.amazon.com/Carlton-Mellick-III/e/B002BMAZDW/ref=pd_sim_b_bl_28

>> No.3002112

I don't think asking people to do a book swap makes one a pretentious snob.

>> No.3002118
File: 36 KB, 350x427, 1346151368175.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002118

>ctrl+f
>no Tao Lin

/lit/....

>> No.3002119

>>3002112

At a wedding? Yes it does.

>> No.3002123

>>3002103
Inadequately offensive.
You could just bring a really shitty book like 50 shades or a second hand manual on surveying.

>> No.3002126

I think OP is quite jelly of his brother. Obviously, he is the 'bad' sibling out of them two.

>> No.3002130

>>3002123
there will probably be enough copies of 50 shades floating around as it is

op should bring finnegans wake and act as pretentious as possible. sneer at whatever book your brother brings, even if it's like proust or something.

>> No.3002134
File: 246 KB, 245x200, gurrrrl.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002134

>mfw I would like to suddenly receive tons of books

>> No.3002136

>>3002053

>Not bringing 50 shades and having sex with the bridesmaids

>> No.3002140

>>3002119

It's his wedding you cunt. Or is he not allowed to have something fun at his wedding because his whiny faggot brother doesn't approve?

>> No.3002145

>>3002140

He can do what he wants, but it's still pretentious.

I don't give a fuck - I've been to some really pretentious weddings in my time, as long as there's a free bar and some decent nosh, I'm sorted.

>> No.3002147

>>3002145
If you don't give a fuck, why are you trying to make a joke out of it by bringing a shitty book?

>> No.3002162

>>3002147

It's not my brother getting married you tit.

I doubt I'm even invited. Am I invited, OP? If it's in Clapistan I'm pretty sure my visa's still valid.

>> No.3002171

>>3002140
You have to admit it's pretty fucking pretentious to force people to swap books at a wedding. What the fuck have books got to do with a wedding? And I'm sure he full well knows that most people don't read these days. He just wants to advertise that he's more cultured than everyone else, basically. I am in full support of OP's plot.

>> No.3002175
File: 32 KB, 391x470, 1346703648668.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002175

Infinite Jest

>> No.3002177

Hey OP, it's your "pretentious" brother here. Why do you always have to be such a pessimistic pleb faggot about everything? God, dad should have beat you more.

Besides you're just jealous of my smokin hot fiancé. Admit it.

>> No.3002182

>>3002177
Prove it.

>> No.3002183

>>3002177

Hey, can I come? I'll bring an awesome book, and I won't bang the bride, I promise.

>> No.3002185

50 shades of gray
But then again that would only work if a guy took it home

>> No.3002188
File: 14 KB, 193x200, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002188

>>3002182
Here you go faggot.

Our honeymoon's gonna be so cash.

>> No.3002194

>>3002188
ur a fage

>> No.3002199

>>3002171
I doubt it's 'forcing'. He probably asked people to participate in a book swap. OP's reporting it as 'forcing' so you'll help the poor sod do something infinitesimal and immature to his bro's wedding.

>> No.3002202

50 Shades of Sodom
Anything by Tao Lin
The Quran if they're christian (or something to this idea)

>> No.3002208

>>3002171
>>And I'm sure he full well knows that most people don't read these days.

I think his wedding is pretty much the only legitimate situation in which to force the people he cares about to consider a hobby that he cherishes and they might enjoy if they try it. Fuck you OP, stop trying so hard to be a party-pooper, you suck even at that. Just try to get a phonebook from 10 years ago somewhere, that would teach em.

>> No.3002211
File: 14 KB, 300x358, schopenhauer.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002211

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

>> No.3002216
File: 40 KB, 431x648, monogamy.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002216

This. Do it OP.

>> No.3002221

Finnegan's Wake

>> No.3002229

>>3002221
>Finnegan's

>> No.3002238
File: 72 KB, 347x347, Widdly+_071235b7c2994bf2458a73a5b51a082f.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002238

>>3002171

i would personally do it to make light of the liars. the majority of people lie when they tell you they enjoy listening to classical music. then when you ask them what their favourite piece is they say or make reference to.. Pachelbel's Canon.

>> No.3002244

So we should all act like everybody else and feel bad about being different and wanting to be creative.

>> No.3002250

"The groom's jealous brother" by Hermpfdert Schkzpfoo

>> No.3002258

>>3002118
>TAO LIN DESPERATELY TRYING TO SELL ONE BOOK

>> No.3002263

If you bring a printed and bound copy of Voltairine De Cleyre's speech "They Who Marry Do Ill," I will personally give you a handjob.

>> No.3002269

>>3002171
What on earth does the word 'pretentious' mean in your vocabulary? This action in itself without context cannot constitute pretentiousness. At this level of information and context, it's a misnomer, and it is akin to calling someone a communist because they think poor people should exist.

>> No.3002285

>>3002229
Yeah, it's called Finnegan's Wake. Because it's about a guy called Finnegan, and his metaphorical awakening, right? And because Joyce had his whole Irish slang thing, 'awake' became 'wake'.

I'm James Joyce, I don't know why he made that choice.

>> No.3002286

>>3002285
It's called Finnegans Wake.

There's no apostrophe in the title.

>> No.3002289

>>3002285
Joyce didn't use an apostrophe in the title you dork.

>> No.3002290

>>3002285
*I'm not James Joyce

>>3002286
Yeah, but that's not true. How can you even come to this website and not know the name of Finnegan's Wake?

>> No.3002296

>>3002290
There is no apostrophe in the title. Look it up if you are confused.

>> No.3002306

>>3002296
itsatrollman

>> No.3002310

>>3002306
iknowmanjustletmefeeditinpeace

>> No.3002333

>>3002238
Fuck you I love that song sincerely, it lifts my spirit beyond the dreary reality of everyday existence.

>> No.3002338

Diary of a rapist

>> No.3002367
File: 15 KB, 350x329, GRD_951_va_big penis book 3D.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002367

>>3002285
Actually it's a play on "fin negans," which is an alchemical term for "end denier." I mean, it's also the thing about his funeral and stuff but that's why there's no apostrophe.

Also, if the suggestions ITT are too out and out offensive, you could get pic related
There's others in the series as well if anything else strikes your fancy, such as The Big Butt Book

>> No.3002403

But you ARE trying to be witty and ironic.
Honestly you're probably the pretentious snob out of you and your brother.

>> No.3002439

>>3002367
> The Big Butt Book

Me like.

>> No.3002505

>>3002367

The image made me laugh in its suggestion that the book and its content don't exist in 3D anyway.

>> No.3002655

If it was with videogames or CDs it wouldn't be pretentious right? You're like the people you hate.

>> No.3002707

>Ctrl + f
>Colouring book
>0 results

Come on /lit/ i though thought that was obvious.

>> No.3002766
File: 23 KB, 336x307, Nick32.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002766

>>3002073
You'd like that wouldn't you, you dirty minx. Trust me you'd want more than a little by the end, hyuk hyuk

>>3002090
oh it is, in fact it's juuuuust right, double-hyuk

>> No.3002775

>>3002199
OP here. I suppose you are right, force is a heavy word. I could choose not to bring a book as some sort of protest but I don't want to cause an argument.

>>3002403
>pretentious
no
>snob
possible
I honestly just don't want to be judged for or have to make conversation about the book I bring. The right book would shield me from that.

Also thank you all for the great suggestions. Some I haven't ever heard of before.

>> No.3002784

>>3002216
Best suggestion so far.

>> No.3002838

Buy a kindle. Fill it with the sickest, most twisted, horse erotica. (at least 9 volumes) That you wrote. About your brother and his forbidden romance with a horse on the farm. His soon-to be-wife keeps catching him and their relationship slowly declines, climaxing quite literally in the harsh winter months, whereupon finding him with the horse, she snaps. Defending the leather-clad-horse, he accidently impales her with the pitchfork they've been bdsming with in the barn. They both fuck the corpse. Starring you the horse.

Then if someone picked it up they'd have to weigh up getting a kindle versus what? Social humiliation for all parties? I'd like to think it's fool proof

maybe

>> No.3002869
File: 26 KB, 300x300, memories.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3002869

>Thanks for the Memories: The Truth Has Set Me Free! The Memoirs of Bob Hope's and Henry Kissinger's mind-controlled slave

>> No.3002871

The Herpes Survival Guide: Steps to Living Happy and Healthy after Herpes by Gary Samuels