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/lit/ - Literature

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2978217 No.2978217[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Hey /lit/, eighteen year old writing a book here,
>Wait, don't go
and I am looking for any sort of discussion. My friend is suppose to be reading it right now, but he is pretty swamped and I sent him roughly ninety pages of unedited and unfinished shit. I need to compress that into a few posts so I think I'll just...
Prologue features four of the five main characters, and features the main character telling seemingly unconnected short stories of the daily life in a weapons transporter in a desert. The actual book is told from four different characters. 1 God of life. 1 Genius human. 1 Normal guy that assist the genius. 1 Normal guy that follows the God around on different expeditions into human absurdities. Ends with Genius killing God with the creation of a life-controlling machine. The style is episodic and disconnected. A lot of surreal elements. A lot of symbolism. My tone, along with my writing style, is all over the place from chapter to chapter.
Questions, comments, critiques? Feel free to sage and call it shit because that is all I've seen people say about other people's ideas here.
>Pic unrelated

>> No.2978218

sage. shit.

What is it even about? What HAPPENS?

>> No.2978222

Dude, I want to say keep doing what makes you feel happy, but I think it is also important for you to somehow try to understand that you are still very young and fairly unexposed to literature, the world around you, and the general sage that comes with age. I guess everyone has their own journey... but yours just happened to pop up in my /lit/ feed and piss me off.

>> No.2978223

How long have you been writing for?

>> No.2978284

>>2978218
I guess I'll just break down the plot.
Prologue: Begins with the unnamed first character talking about the sand that he constantly has to deal with. The sand is the first surreal and symbolic element. It cuts through flesh very easily and every soilder has several scars where gusts of wind forced it in between the chinks in their body armor. He then enters a dialogue with his friend who is looking at a picture of his (ex)girlfriend and tries to comfort him. The friend had received a video-chat invite at their base, and he had accepted to see a wooden (wood is another symbol, I build most of my symbolism on the wood and sand) framed photo of his girlfriend sucking the dick of another guy, presumably the one holding the photo in the video.
From there, the prologue cuts to them earlier discussing the best way to transport barrels full of grenades, commenting on a pair of snails that someone are surviving in the desert until Narrator shoots them, and watching suspected terrorists get shot by firing squad before beer and t.v. is provided. The prologue ends with their driving duties being suspended and them having to go on patrol to the local village. There, Friend has a mental break down, and Narrator eventual shoots him in the head.

>> No.2978290

>>2978222
Sorry my post offended your special eyes.

>>2978223
About six months maybe? I tend to write very little. I do when I'm in the mood to, which is very sporadic.

Moot ate all my time. I'm going to sleep, I'll add more if this is still up tomorrow.

>> No.2978294

>>2978284
Dude that's NOT a plot summary.

Post up a one or two paragraph plot summary. That is how you get people hooked on the idea and wanting to read it.

>> No.2978299

>>2978217

>episodic
>surreal
>symbolism
>all over the place

confirmed for "practice novel."

you've written short fiction here and there, decided you wanted to write a novel, and taped all your short fiction together.

you are 18. realize that what you've done was practice and not actually a cohesive story. move on. plan and write something that is actually a novel.

in my opinion.

>> No.2978305

>symbolism and surrealism
No.
Just fucking no.
You write a book that works as a book. Symbolism is what we call "lazy writing by 2deep4ufags".

>> No.2978317

Post a sample, OP. Then grit your teeth and prepare for pain.

>> No.2978322

>>2978299
>plan and write something that is actually a novel
I would have thought planning and writing short stories would be better practice.

>> No.2978324

>>2978222
>the general sage that comes with age
Heh, I like this.

>> No.2978325

>>2978284
> The sand is the first surreal and symbolic element
What's surreal about sand?

>> No.2978331

An 18 year old writing a "surreal" novel about God and life with lots of "symbolism" (sand and wood, lol). Sounds hilarious. Please post a sample so we can all enjoy a hearty laugh.

>> No.2978348

>>2978331
>yfw it turns out to be earth-shatteringly good

>> No.2978349

>>2978322
Not really. In terms of the satisfaction of actually finishing a story it's great. Writing lots of short stories can teach you some elements of writing longer fiction but in general they're two completely different monsters. Writing short stories is bad practice for writing novel length stories.

>> No.2978352

>>2978348
If a book with "surrealism and symbolism" turns out to be mind-shatteringly good, I'd be more concerned about backing that shit up on all available drives and alerting literature preservation groups immediately. It would be the first in the world, completely groundbreaking.

>> No.2978362

Seeing as OP isn't here, maybe /lit/ should write the novel based on what we have?

>> No.2978366

You just gave me an idea for something to write.
Thanks.

>> No.2978367

if you feel compelled to mention your age it's most likely not good

>> No.2978371

> he is pretty swamped and I sent him roughly ninety pages of unedited and unfinished shit
Um... friends don't send friends unedited, unfinished shit. You should reserve that kind of trick for your enemies.

>> No.2978378

>>2978362
"Sand... shit."

There was nothing out there but sand. Whirling, shrieking, howling around the tent, impossibly loud. A million million particles, each one a miniature crystal, a thing of placid beauty, stirred by the wind into spinning deadly madness. Surreal. Symbolic. Sand.

My fingers tracked down across my back, under my standard-issue pants. I already knew what I'd find there. Sand. Sand all up in my crack.

"Shit."

>> No.2978402

>>2978378
I turned my attention from the sand in my crack back to Mike. Mike must have had sand in his crack too. But he was in no mood to care.

"But you get it, right?"

I don't get nothing but sand. Not out here in God's country.

"Just... a fuckin' hand, I don't even know whose hand... holding up that fuckin' picture. It was my girl, man, I know it was. And she's got..."

Oh shit. Mike's going to cry. Water flowing in the desert.

"She's got her mouth around... some guy's... ah, fuck."

I put a hand out as he started to shake, feeling mechanically for his shoulder. These things happen. Probably wasn't worth it anyway. You're better-

"It's fuckin' crazy, man. The picture was fuckin' FRAMED."

Wait, what? Framed with what, Mike? Framed with what?

"Looked like fuckin' wood or... what the fuck does that matter?"

Wood. A wooden frame. The tree of knowledge of good and evil. The cross. Jesus was a carpenter. Symbolic. Pregnant with meaning. Wood and sand... I turned away, leaving him to cry into the dirt. Something was happening here. Something symbolic.

And not a little surreal.

>> No.2978420
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2978420

>>2978217
I thought I recognized that image.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmp5IiALTzc

>> No.2978425
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2978425

>>2978420

>> No.2978467 [DELETED] 

>>2978402
like all of the rough drafts people post here, this is not very good. it is rambling and needs tightening up.

for instance, the digression about wood should be cut completely. symbolism should occur within the piece itself, not be explained to the reader.

also, the narrator knows he's going to find sand in his crack? if he can't feel that already, he needs medical attention.

etc.

learn to edit. fix your shit because that is how you will improve your writing

>> No.2978473

>>2978467
Erm... anon was taking the piss out of OP. See how he replies to the comment about /lit/ writing it in OP's absence?

Yeah...

>> No.2978475

>>2978473
i have failed at reading comprehension.

>> No.2978521

>ask a friend to read your awful novel
>send him 90 pages of "unedited and unfinished shit"

WHY. At least polish it up before you send it.

>> No.2978536

>>2978473
>anon was taking the piss out of OP
Indeed I was... but now I think the tale of a sociopathic narrator obsessed with meaningless symbols has some potential.

>> No.2979132

OP here, didn't expect to find this.
To answer the questions on sending it to my friend, I did it to see if he liked the overall premise. We send some rough stuff to each other like that.

To answer about the symbolism, I think we have different takes on what constitutes "symbolism". It was probably the wrong word to use, and it is only prevalent in two of the narratives. When I introduce it into the third, the character recognizes it and says "fuck it" to the entire novel and leaves.
>>2978299
To answer this directly, no it is not a collection of short stories. I say episodic in the sense that the chronology and location of the chapters changes. That is one of the dynamics I will definitely have to work on. But, it really is a practice novel and will need more editing than I can really imagine right now.

>>2978402
>>2978378
Thanks for the laugh.

Sorry, got to go to class so I'll be back if this is still up.

>> No.2980393

>>2979132
>tfw OP pops in and out of the thread without posting any of the book

>> No.2980409

That sounds fucking terrible. If you're 18, there's no way that you have experienced enough of what life has to offer to write a book about a 'god of life.'

>> No.2980414

>>2980393
>yfw OP is actually a genius because posting anything you've written on /lit/ that's not absolutely perfect and to everyone's tastes will get torn to shreds

>> No.2980420

>>2980414
A genius wouldn't care. He'd sit there quietly mocking /lit/ the same way Pynchon does when he posts on here.

>> No.2980449

>>2978284
It's shit. Wouldn't read.

>> No.2980521

>18
>writing a book

nope. go to school you bum

>> No.2980605

Look how angry /lit/ gets about kids attempting to write.

>> No.2980622

>>2980605
I know right? I was considering posting some good things but when I got back and saw this stick to the first page, well... how about some 2.5/10?

Chapter Main Character 1.1
[italics]Crazy is a herd of wholly mammoths, but I'm a hunter with connections. [italics]

Infinity. I love infinity. I love a finite word describing an infinite thing with more finite definitions with infinite implications of the finite descriptions.

Warm wafts of exhalation spilt into the air, drifting outward from the terrified face. The pistol floated up and froze at my passing form, each of my steps answered by another pull of the trigger. The first bullet split in two, carried to my other self across the room. Soft pieces of concrete sprung themselves upwards and broke apart. Cracks littered the walls, webbing out into more and more pieces as my footsteps multiplied. The air, the bullets, the space, I took it all. Every angle occupied, every atom a smiling face and a glinting blade. The heat of my lurching bodies pressed into me ad nauseum as I laughed at the melting bullets. The officer could only look on with a useless gun as everything became me. My form pressed into him as he screamed into an empty vacuum. With a cataclysm, my knives gutted each and every individual part of his body. The walls shattered and the ground erupted. Every sight, every sound, every smell, every touch, every taste, everything of his was me and mine and only I. Again, I stabbed into mush that was his body

-SWING!-

From the largest sum to the smallest part, all things cannot accurately be described as finite. There is too much lost in that explanation.

>> No.2980624

>>2980622
My voice was a chorus and my hands were a storm. Blood gushed by the gallons and flesh was chopped into the tons. Pound after pound, I grinded out of existence; I evaporated out of space; I pinched so small it fell out of time.

-CUT! CUT! CUT!-

The blade squelched against bone and sinew, cleaved the bone and popped the nerves…

And then, even more is lost when you combine the pieces into their sum. The best way to describe this would be to describe humans. Sixty percent water. Fifteen percent fat. Fifteen percent muscle. Ten percent of increasingly microscopic salts and sands. But, none of these pieces are sentient by themselves.

… And there was nothing. Not even a puddle. I regroup, recollected, and decided that it was the best course of action to do so.
[End]

There you go /lit/. Analyze, deconstruct, and hate to your hearts' content. I'll check and see if this is still up tomorrow.

>> No.2980726

>>2980624
>>Warm wafts of exhalation
This is stupid. If you can't look at this and understand why it's retarded, you just need to wait before writing more.
>>Sixty percent water. Fifteen percent fat.
This is an ancient cliche. Ooooh, you're defiling the sacred! Making the animate inanimate!
It might have been original when it was first written, but this is just trite, man.

I mean, you have an okay vocabulary. Everything starts too quickly, an epigraph makes your shit seem self-important, thereby making it even more embarrassing, and your constant hammering in of these SYMBOLIC THEMES (atoms, chopped, grinded, pinched so SMALL).
This is bad. But you'll probably get better, if you go to school, read more stuff, and generally let yourself age.
Write stuff like this for practice, but don't show other people, and, for God's fucking sake, don't clog /lit/ with this shit.