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/lit/ - Literature

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2960506 No.2960506 [Reply] [Original]

Hey guys, I am not very good at poetry, so I can totally understand if this is absolute shit, but what do you think?

http://pastebin.com/wiSDc9FY

>> No.2960527

>>2960506
Now lets type that out as prose.

Four slabs of metal buzz with a mechanical hum poorly camouflaged wrapped in tough vinyl. A joke of perception. An image available in nature, printed and manufactured. An artificial world within another complementing and hiding each other in a sad attempt to fool. Underneath this world and that world there is a conspiracy, a well thought out lie. Some cultic alien race. Some anthropomorphic cat. Some evil boardroom put together. A lie so sly so sinister and sweet so filled with contradictions and wonder. A world complete with reason and meaning liberation for all.

Now read it.

>> No.2960576

>>2960527
Yeah... I needed to write it for my creative writing class, but I have no concept of verse.

>> No.2960641
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2960641

Any more suggestions?

>> No.2960690

>>2960641

Read some poetry. Lots of poetry.

Otherwise, give up.

>> No.2960695

>>2960690
Good idea. I rarely read poetry. Know any good poets with strong meter?

>> No.2960703

>>2960695
Daffodils by Wordsworth is a really rhythmic poem.

I think it's iambic tetrameter?

>> No.2960712

>>2960695

Get a Norton Anthology of Poetry, and read through it, find someone you like and copy the fuck out of them until you develop your own voice. It's what everybody else does.

Try Auden - arguably the best British poet of the 20th century:

THE FALL OF ROME

The piers are pummelled by the waves;
In a lonely field the rain
Lashes an abandoned train;
Outlaws fill the mountain caves.

Fantastic grow the evening gowns;
Agents of the Fisc pursue
Absconding tax-defaulters through
The sewers of provincial towns.

Private rites of magic send
The temple prostitutes to sleep;
All the literati keep
An imaginary friend.

Cerebrotonic Cato may
Extol the Ancient Disciplines,
But the muscle-bound Marines
Mutiny for food and pay.

Caesar's double-bed is warm
As an unimportant clerk
Writes I DO NOT LIKE MY WORK
On a pink official form.

Unendowed with wealth or pity,
Little birds with scarlet legs,
Sitting on their speckled eggs,
Eye each flu-infected city.

Altogether elsewhere, vast
Herds of reindeer move across
Miles and miles of golden moss,
Silently and very fast.

>> No.2960794

>>2960703
>>2960712
Thanks. Is that what really everyone does? Just copy everyone? Well that sucks.

>> No.2960797

>>2960794

It's called "influence".

>> No.2960800

>>2960794
No you twat, you read and learn until you understand the framework and expand from there. Then you have the tools and knowledge to back up whatever choice you make.

You dont expect an random joe to build a house without any previous knowledge, do you?