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/lit/ - Literature

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2881290 No.2881290[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

itt: excerpts from 50 shades of grey

my inner goddess is tap dancing

>> No.2881298

heh

>> No.2881303

we're all going to die

>> No.2881323

fuck never knew it was so graphic

>> No.2881326

>holding h me

>> No.2881333

What the hell is with the "inner Goddess" bits. I've opened and flipped through (never really read) the book a few times, and almost every page this bitch mentions her "inner Goddess." What kind of retard narration device is that? It's kind of like the chick who wrote this shit read Fight Club and decided to lift the "I am Joe's _______," bits, only on a much dumber level.

>> No.2881334
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2881334

>>2881303
i lost my shit

>> No.2881340
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2881340

I see your 50 Shades and raise you a Girl Gamer

>> No.2881346

>>2881340

>My Chemical Romance
>I didn't have to worry about being cool. With someone like Black Raven I could just be me.

This had to have been published through a vanity press.

>> No.2881350
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2881350

>>2881346
yfw it's not

>> No.2881353

This isn't real, is it...?

>Holding, h me in place
>And... a gently pulls my tampon out

>> No.2881354
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2881354

>>2881350

Impossible. Who the fuck titties would let this see the light of day?

>> No.2881357
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2881357

>>2881354
Dutton Juvenile

>> No.2881361

>>2881357

Well, on the bright side I feel much better about the children's novel I'm currently writing.

Thanks.

>> No.2881370
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2881370

>>2881340
So is this like, a My Immortal type thing?

>> No.2881372

have you virgins never pulled a chicks tampon out to fuck her?

>> No.2881375
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2881375

>>2881370
nope, it's published

>> No.2881380

>>2881372
Well I sure didn't toss it in the toilet afterwards. Who the fuck does that?

>> No.2881384

>>2881375
>Typical unpopular fat girl fantasies.
My god. This drivel.

>> No.2881387

Why are there so many ellipses?

>> No.2881388

>>2881333
It sounds like the analogy JK Rowling used in Harry Potter to describe Harry's pubescent teenage yearnings for pussy. I mean whatever that bitch is he hooked up with.

>> No.2881391
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2881391

>>2881375

What the...fu...Wh--why? Why would...?

I've read slash more competently handled than this.

>> No.2881393

>>2881388

Harry Potter had an inner Goddess?

Did she like getting slammed in the bleeding cunt too?

>> No.2881400

>>2881372

No, because you can fuck them while it's in there.

One time I put a used tampon in a teacup and took it to my boss with the string hanging out like a teabag.

Best. Resignation. Ever.

>> No.2881403
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2881403

>>2881400
I don't- I don't... what?

>> No.2881402

>>2881375

is this real life?

>> No.2881406

>>2881375
I need more examples.

>> No.2881412

You have got to be fucking kidding me!This is 50 shades of grey??? This is the national bestseller? This shit?? It's not even good as porn! I wrote better smut when I was in 7th grade, omfg.

Please, please tell me this is a joke lol

>> No.2881415

>>2881406

There is nothing more certain in this world than the fact that you most definitely do not.

>> No.2881423

>>2881415
Yes, but I want to sneer some more. I'm feeling very mean at the moment.

>> No.2881425
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2881425

>>2881412

>gasp
>???
>omfg
>lol

>> No.2881436

>>2881412

Ditch the punctuation overflow, or people will reasonably assume you're still in the 7th grade (whatever that is).

>> No.2881441

>>2881425
I still haven't decided if he/she is an actual teenager, a troll, or just weird.
It's pretty perplexing.

>> No.2881442

>>2881425
It's the internet, deal. or revel in the smug satisfaction that having superior online grammar gives you.

>> No.2881444
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2881444

>>2881406
I've only got a few more, I think

>> No.2881446
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2881446

>>2881444

>> No.2881452

>>2881442
How about baseline respect and the belief that the person on the other end doesn't suffer cognitive disabilities?
Is that a good enough reason for you?

>> No.2881457

>>2881444
Yes. Seizures. This is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you.

>> No.2881458
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2881458

>>2881442

>Insults the writing of a published author
>On a "literature" board
>with all the grammar skills of a thirteen-year-old girl in earnest
>Thinks she's still entitled to use sarcasm
Okay.

>> No.2881620
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2881620

>>2881444
>>2881375
>>2881340
Oh my God, is that that schock where she's like "They were all too narrow-minded, stewing in their high-school drama, but I, I would become A MANGA ARTIST."

Someone posted that excerpt before and I lost my shit. And of course there's always John Green's classic "She was a hurricane, I was drizzle."


>>2881446
>"Grandma's house was a study of crystal and glass and contained 1,153 unicorns."

I actually don't think that's too bad of an opening line. It almost sounds like an Aimee Bender story or something. I don't want to read the rest and find out otherwise.

>> No.2881635

>>2881444
ah yeh

thats the good shit