/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.2777783]

/lit/,

give me your best spaghetti stories

[Anonymous No.2777786]

>>2777783
The bibliography of Haruki Murakami.
/thread

[Anonymous No.2777791]

>>2777786
my

sides

[Anonymous No.2777823]

>go to a restaurant for my first date with a girl
>pick the table closest to the bathroom so I won't have to walk too far when I go for my postprandial crap
>the waiter asks what we'd like to drink
>she orders white wine, I ask for a banana milkshake
>the waiter tells me they don't serve milkshake so I ask for a bowl of icecream instead
>my girlfriend asks why I ordered desert
>I tell her I'm going to mush the icecream up and then drink it, and she's probably very impressed but doesn't show it
>the waiter sighs and walks away
>there's an awkward silence so I ask what her favorite dinosaur is
>she says she doesn't know, so I inform her that mine is the pterodactyl
>several minutes later, after I've finished recounting the plot of 'Jurassic Park 3', her wine arrives
>I ask where my icecream is
>the waiter says he will bring it after we've finished our meals
>I tut loudly but don't complain
>she tells the waiter that she's ready to order and asks for the lobster bisque
>he turns to me
>"no, it's okay, I brought my own food," I inform him as I place my container of spaghetti on the table
>he exclaims something in French and hurries off to the kitchen

[Anonymous No.2777825]

>after a few more minutes of silence she says something, but I'm not concentrating
>I just laugh and say, "so true!"
>"what the fuck? You think it's funny that my dad has cancer?"
>I choke on my spaghetti and it sprays all over the table
>I reactively reach over and start picking the chunks of spaghetti out of her glass of wine
>she looks like she's about to throw up and runs into the bathroom
>I pursue her and try to tell her that only a tiny bit got on her dress, but she won't listen
>she slams the cubicle door in my face and I can hear her spewing
>an old woman comes out of another cubicle and screams at the sight of me
>"pervert! Pervert!"
>"what? No! My girlfriend is feeling ill and I'm just checking if she's alright!"
>from behind the cubicle my girlfriend shouts, "I'm not your girlfriend!"
>the old lady whacks me around the head with her handbag
>the strap hits me in the eye
>in a moment of (literally) blind fury I yell "Shuryuken!" and lunge at her with an uppercut
>I miss spectacularly and fall to the floor
>two waiters burst in and drag me into the kitchen where they tell me that after I pay I have to leave
>suddenly remember I spent all my money on my new fedora
>I try to make a dash for it but trip on my cape and go crashing into the lobster tank
>the lobsters start attacking me so I grab a shard of glass and slash them all to death
>everyone is horrified by the massacre I just committed and they flinch away from me as I collect my spaghetti and leave
>stop in the doorway and take one last look at the havoc I'd wreaked
>everyone cowers in fear
>alpha as fuck

[Anonymous No.2777827]

>>2777823
That was pretty funny...is that how the story concludes? Seemed pretty abrupt. If there is more, please post.

[Anonymous No.2777831]

I held a girl's books for her.

[Anonymous No.2777833]

>>2777825
hahaha awh dude, you started off with a lot of gusto, but you lost steam at the end. You're working well within the genre of spaghettic green-text story, but you have the talent to push it into new places. Haha.

I think you have motivated me to write one right this second.

[Anonymous No.2777863]

>Go to the beach on a hot summer day in a full-body wetsuit
>Start amateur snorkeling
>Girls start checking me out
>They think I’m a professional scuba-diver
>Shit is quickly becoming cash
>Need courage
>Sum up a Naruto quote in my head to give me the balls to approach the girls
>Believe it
> “H-Hey, so going, how’s it going?”
>Girls giggle
>They think I’m Jim Carrey!
> “Yeah, y-you too”
>What the fuck am I saying?
>They continue giggling
> “So yeah, that’s the Atlantic ocean, alright…”
>Shit Shit Shit, I’m losing my game
>Big Muscle-Head beach guy comes over and says
> “Hey ladies this guy giving you any trouble?”
>They giggle
> “No S-Sir, I was just here to maybe offer some lunch to these fine ladies, but you could join us too if you want, I brought enough for everyone”
>I proceed to unzip my wetsuit and take out zip lock bags of pristine spaghetti
> “It’s my own recipe”
> “dude, you carry around spaghetti in bags?” said the Beach-Hunk with a sturgeon face
> “Well yeah, it makes it easier for transportation” I said
>Silence
>Hysterical laughter
>This is the life I chose
>I leave embarrassed
>I sit down on my burlap sacks that I brought instead of towels
>Eat spaghetti from bag with hands
>The heavenly taste washes all the pain away

[Anonymous No.2777870]

Well done to all writers these are much better than the ones on /b/ but then again they should be

[Anonymous No.2777880]

>>2777863
Did anyone find this at all funny? I just wrote this 10min ago.

[Anonymous No.2777885]

>>2777880
I half smiled, 8/10

[Anonymous No.2777954]

C'mon guys.

[Anonymous No.2777963]

>>2777833
that's one of the originals compadre.

[Anonymous No.2777970]

Anyone have the "Only Prettier, and Less Slutty" Brownbear stories?

[Anonymous No.2777981]

>>2777954
>go to buy Catherine
>ugly shop assistant hits on me
>says something about "persona alpha"
>mumble in assent and walk out
>alpha as fuck

[Anonymous No.2778000]

>go to library
>my pocketful of spaghetti explodes in the middle of the fiction section
>strands, sauce and meatballs everywhere
>everyone stares
>they take spaghetti out of their pockets
>baptise me in marina, chanting 'one of us'

[Anonymous No.2778002]

MOAR!!!

[Anonymous No.2778009]

>arrange a date through an online dating site
>girl is rude throughout the entirety of the date and impossible to please, talks shit about my track pants, hair cut, etc.
>she goes to the bathroom
>I spit in her drink
>Waiter sees this
>I have to pretend that we were sending the drink back
>She returns and asks why I'm handing her drink to the waiter
>My heart is frozen in my chest and my head is spinning
>She says "whatever, I'm leaving."
>Waiter is laughing his ass off at me
>He asks me if I want the bill after she leaves
>I order desert in the quietest fucking voice
>I have to repeat myself three times
>I quickly eat a slice of chocolate cake alone while listening to conversations in the booths behind and in front of me.

[Anonymous No.2778103]

Best thread currently on /lit/, with so much potential for OC, ignored.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Roaches.

[Anonymous No.2778106]

>>2778103

Spaghetti stories are your idea of a quality thread?

OC =! good

>>>/b/

[Anonymous No.2778111]

>>2778009

>she leaves
>i order desert

[Anonymous No.2778112]

>>2778103
The "spaghetti" meme was boring before it even began. I have no idea what the ages of the people who post here are, but it's gotta be somewhere in the low teens due to shit like this.

inb4 "no fun allowed" There's better fun to be had than this crap. I'm dissapoint, /lit/.

[Anonymous No.2778117]

>>2777823
....Abed?

[Anonymous No.2778326]

>>2777880
I liked it, sturgeon face for some reason made me chuckle. Write another/more please.

[Anonymous No.2778338]

>>2778112
>criticizes meme usage
>I'm disappoint
Just stop it.

[Anonymous No.2778635]

>it's a beautiful midsummer's day
>my mom walks into my darkened bedroom and says I should be outside enjoying the weather
>"b-but, mom! I'm in the middle of writing a greentext story for 4chan!"
>she huffs and pulls the plug out of my computer
>"go to the mall with your friends or something. I need to clean this room anyway, it stinks in here!"
>get scared she might find my cum sock, so I put it in my pocket and take it with me
>head towards the comic book store in the mall
>notice the cashier who previously banned me for spilling spaghetti on the floor is there, so I walk past
>find a quiet spot and lean against the wall with my fedora tipped down low, like they do in anime
>a down syndrome child walks up to me
>he runs his toy car up my leg, making "VROOOM" noises
>his mom laughs and says, "aw, he likes you"
>"well, I do have a way with children," I say
>quickly adding, "b-but I'm not a pedophile"
>her smile falters and she tries to lead her kid away, but he won't budge
>I notice the toy car is slowly climbing towards my crotch
>I start trembling with fear and my penis becomes rock hard

[Anonymous No.2778639]

>>2778635
>she notices my bulge and pulls the kid away quite forcefully
>he grabs onto my crotch
>I spasm in orgasm
>the mother yells for help
>I knee the child in the face and sprint away as fast as I can
>crash right into a girl from school who I like
>blood is pouring from her nose where our heads collided
>"oh god, Laura, I'm so sorry"
>I reach into my pocket for a tissue but accidentally pull out my cum sock instead
>"GET OFF ME YOU CREEP! . . . And how do you know my name!?"
>"it's me, Melvin! We've been in the same class for the last 8 years!"
>at that moment a security guard tackles me to the ground
>while he holds me in an arm lock he asks Laura, "excuse me, miss, do you know this man?"
>"yes, his name's Melvin and he goes to my school," she says, and writes down the school's phonenumber for him
>I wet myself in fear, which causes him to slacken his grip
>I wriggle free and run out of the mall, glancing back once to see him slip to the floor in my puddle of piss
>finally arrive home to find my mom waiting for me, looking angry
>"Melvin, we need to have a discussion"
>I look past her and see an array of cum stained items of clothing and anime memorabilia piled on the floor
>FUUUU-

[Anonymous No.2778805]

>I
you're doing it wrong