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/lit/ - Literature

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2768927 No.2768927[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

hey /lit/, you should read this short story that i wrote for a creative writing assignment at uni and proceed to give me feedback/guess what mark i got.

http://pastebin.com/wzu2wEfu

>> No.2768933

i'd rather read something that's gone through an editor.

sorry if that's rude.

>> No.2768943

You should work on your punctuation. Just because there is a pause irl speech doesn't necessarily mean it needs a comma on paper.

>> No.2768961

I dislike the clumsy first sentence. Some of the prose seems a little sterile (The sound of plastic slamming on wood abruptly). It's a little manic pixie world (Sam wanted desperately to be walking along the drain one day and find the person responsible for the graffiti working on another piece so he could talk to them). I feel the metaphorical language and things mentioned in the world aren't used as effectively as possible (like namedropping the Dipossessed to no end).

Not bad, but wouldn't read for pleasure. Shows promise.

>> No.2769260

>>2768961
thanks for that constructive criticism, i have similar feelings myself.

>> No.2770618

i liked it