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/lit/ - Literature

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2673596 No.2673596 [Reply] [Original]

>two scientists walk into a bar
>they sit down
>barman walks over and asks "what'll it be fellas"
>scientist 1 says "I'll have some H2O."
>scientist 2 says "I'll have some H2O too."
>the bartender says "woah there fella, H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, that'll kill ya"
>scientist 2 says "that's not what I meant you dense idiot, and I can't imagine why you would have any in a licensed food and beverage establishment anyway. now bring me a glass of H2O."
>the bartender serves two glasses of water
>the scientists drink them down, with no adverse effects

>> No.2673600

>the past, the present and the future all walked in to a bar at the same time
>it was tense

NERD JOKES NERD JOKES XDDDDDDDddddddddd

>> No.2673603

Ha. It's like that one joke only it's not.

>> No.2673607
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2673607

>two He atoms walk into a bar
>one goes "Oh no I've lost an electron"
>the other goes "Are you sure, wait fuck off you're helium lel"
>they sit on opposite sides of the bar

>> No.2673608
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2673608

>>2673596
>A man finds an old violin and an oil painting in his attic and takes them to be valued.
>‘You know what you’ve got here,’ says the antiques dealer. 'A Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.’ ‘>Wow!’ says the man. ‘So they must be worth millions.’
>‘Unfortunately not,’ replies the dealer. ‘Rembrandt made the violin and Stradivarius painted the picture.’
comedy gold XD

>> No.2673609

the joke is that scientists order water in a bar because theyre uptight nerds who will never get laid

>> No.2673610

>argon walks into a bar
>the bartender says GET OUT WE DON'T SERVE NOBLE GASSES HERE
>argon doesn't react

LOLOLOOOOOLOOLOLOLOLOOLOL

>> No.2673613

>I had a dream last night that I wrote Lord of the rings, I was Tolkien in my sleep!

>> No.2673618

>How many philosophers does it take to plug in to a light bulb?
>fish

LOLLO FISH LOLOOL

>> No.2673620

>two scientists walk into a bar
>they sit down
>barman walks over and asks "what'll it be fellas"
>scientist 1 says "I'll have some H2O."
>scientist 2 says "I'll have some H2O too."
>"This is the third time this week you nerdy motherfuckers, time to face me 'ol shrapnel spitter!"
>With a furious glare the barman pulled out the already-loaded shotgun, and before the two scientists could reach for their revolvers, their brains had been quantified all over the nearby customers.
>the barman sinks back behind the bar, holstering the smoldering barrel back in its place amid screams of escaping patrons.
>"Fuck salt." decrees the newly-satisfied barman.

>> No.2673623
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2673623

>> No.2673629

>>2673608
Actually made me laught

>> No.2673666

My mate Kelvin reckons the temperature of his nut sack is -273ºC.
Absolute bollocks.

>> No.2673669

>>2673596
>>2673596
thats what it would ne like if ignatius was a character in that joke

>> No.2673682

>>2673620
>had been quantified all over the nearby customers.

deine: quantify:
Express or measure the quantity of

- it's very hard to quantify the cost


Define the application of (a term or proposition) by the use of all, some, etc., e.g., “for all x if x is A then x is B.”

>> No.2673690

>>2673682
it means their brains were splashed out in a manner that would make it easy to measure assess observe and count them. a little criticial thinking goes a long way. words arent confined to certain scenarios. they can be used loosely or metaphorically

>> No.2673698
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2673698

LOOK AT HOW INTELLIGENT EVERYONE ON /LIT/ IS, THEY DON'T LAUGH AT JOKES AND EVERYTHING!

>> No.2673710

>Three logicians walk into a pub.
>"Three beers?" the bartender asks.
>"Don't know."
>"Don't know."
>"Yes!"

lelxD

>> No.2673719
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2673719

>>2673710
YOU POSTED A JOKE, SUGGESTING PERHAPS THAT YOU FIND IT FUNNY, BUT THEN YOUR REMARK AT THE END SHOWED THAT YOU WERE CLEARLY ABOVE SAID JOKE. SEEING AS IT WAS A NERDY JOKE, THIS CLEARLY MAKES YOU AN INTELLECTUAL GIANT.

>> No.2673795

>>2673719
I like to criticise irony with irony because irony is only funny when you can't tell whether it's funny or not and because Abed is my favourite character on Community. LOOK HOW INDIFFERENT MY SHOES ARE.

>> No.2673799

>>2673710
i dont get it

>> No.2673806

>two scientists walk into a bar
>they sit down
>barman walks over and asks "what'll it be fellas"
>scientist 1 says "I'll have some H2O."
>scientist 2 says "I'll have some H2O too."

Leave the rest of the joke out and it's actually quite good>>2673596

>> No.2673809

>bartender secretly resents them for not purchasing anything and resolves to charge for tap water next time