/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.2605798]

Hey /lit/ i wrote a poem. Keep in mind I'm still only 17- though i feel i have a better understanding of my experiences than alot of the people from before me. I'm not sure if it's finished

I left my body in the night time to wander out into the universe,
I walked along the asterisms to a place my father talked about,
In one of my earliest memories though maybe a mere dream,
Along the Sapta Rishi I followed to where his finger pointed,
My soul grew tired and my exhale fogged the air,
Life in my breath and creation in every interaction,
I manipulate the angles that pass me,
a god on my own terms
Freeing and releasing souls as I drag my fingertips through
The stars and the asteroids,
As my fathers did when he stroked the sky,
It was as beautiful as I imagined yet more than I ever could,
The epitome of movement and unobstructed freedom,
A waterfall of gasses, the rivers began streaming into my veins,
Without my awkward body and my rigid cartilage, I danced;
unrestricted by predetermined directions,
I expanded in all directions;
my perspective stretched across the spoon,
Luke Pluto

[Anonymous No.2605814]

I like it. Keep up the good work, OP. The world needs more good writers. Do you write prose creatively as well?

[Anonymous No.2605828]

I'm sorry, not sure what you're asking. I'm so inexperienced i wasn't familar with what the prose form was, but after wiking it i think that's exactly the form i tend to write in. I'll also have to look up this kurt vonnegut fellow.

[Anonymous No.2605832]

Didn't read it but can already tell from the length of each the lines that you're just shamelessly pouring fetal emotions trying to dress them up on stilts because of a naive obligation to use literary devices because clearly, like anyone who thought they could be a singer by blaring in the shower, you've put a lot of thought into expressing something that is of any value besides yourself.

[Anonymous No.2605847]

>>2605832
Wow wtf thank you for writing that! that was exactly what i was hoping for when i posted this on here. I'm not even being sarcastic, that was also a genuinely well constructed sentence-thank you so much

[Anonymous No.2605860]

I'd like more critisim about the content though. for some reason i don't feel the need to worry about the length of my lines etc.. The only poetry i was ever into reading, besides the curricular was Allen Ginsberg's

[Anonymous No.2605869]

>>2605860
>i don't feel the need to worry about the length of my lines
You don't seem to understand. You have no content. There is nothing if no one has read it. Stop singing in the shower...
>The only poetry i was ever into reading, besides the curricular was Allen Ginsberg's
because that is your problem. Read more. Not just poetry, learn from anyone who made themselves heard.

[Anonymous No.2605903]

>>2605869
That really resonated with me, thank you again! But i'm not entirely sure what you're suggesting though, i agree my writings should remain on my computar but if i were to follow the people being truly heard i would become a mainstream pop artist. I'm a musician first, so i'm applying your advice to that aspect of my creativity.

[Anonymous No.2605955]

>>2605828

Read Slaughterhouse-Five. You can do it in one evening, it's so short. I hope it reaches you in the same way it reached me. It really is an incredible book. You just have to know that absolutely everything, from the way time is described to the one-dimensional nature of the characters, is completely intentional.

[Anonymous No.2605968]

>>2605903

I'm not the guy you were replying to (I'm the Kurt Vonnegut guy), but I have advice for you.

Feel free to post your poetry, and show it to people who you think would appreciate it. If you have teachers that are open-minded and whom you like, show it to them. At the same time, you must read more poetry in order to be a good poet. It will open your mind to possibilities and styles that you might not even be able to imagine right now. Start with the regular stuff, like Poe. "The Raven" is "overdone," but it's still an absolutely fantastic poem:

http://www.heise.de/ix/raven/Literature/Lore/TheRaven.html

[Anonymous No.2606024]

>>2605955
I will check that out, i am very open-minded especially regarding art, im sure i'll enjoy it.

>>2605968
I've read this before but now after reading only the first stanza i see how inferior my work is. My mother writes poems in a book which she keeps to herself dearly. I think my work is more suited to remain in my bedroom, like hers/

[Anonymous No.2606055]

>>2606024

But art becomes all the more beautiful when expressed to others. No poet ever wrote a perfect piece the first time he picked up a pen, and you are no different. Open yourself to the world, and let the criticism internalize in your heart and shape your writing. With time, you will become as good as Poe or Owen.

In fact, have an anti-war poem by Wilfred Owen:

http://www.english.emory.edu/LostPoets/Dulce.html

"Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori" means "It is sweet and proper to die for one's country." It was a fairly common saying during the troubled times of war in the 20th century, but I suppose the informality of modern war has driven out most attempts at art.

[Anonymous No.2606100]

>>2606055
my god the language in that is magnificent. It's curious you post that particular poem as i had just watched 'Paths of Glory' and specifically thought about how foolish nationalism was. Thank you for collecting all this for me, you've really managed to influence me through 4chan means..