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/lit/ - Literature

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2601242 No.2601242 [Reply] [Original]

tfw you write such amazing poetry that you start freaking out about how good it is and you have to stop writing and lay down to handle it.

>> No.2601243

>>2601242

post some, OP, if it's good I'd like to read it.

>> No.2601263

>>2601243
Here is an excerpt for an unfinished poem:

A heart of gold,
sought by all and won by few.
It will drive a lover to obsession and possession:
Corrupt one’s very soul.
It is true what they say,
all that glitters is not gold.
The only way to be certain of its purity and foolishness,
is to bite into it.

The gift of a silver tongue
is one that retains its value by being polished,
or else it corrodes to naught.
Gilded tongue lashings cut deep and incur great rebuke.
Best not house a silver tongue in a glass jaw.

>> No.2601267

>>2601263

honest opinion:

5/10

sorry

>> No.2601276

>>2601263
It has good wordplay OP, but it reads more like clever prose that good poetry.

>> No.2601280

>>2601276
Yes, I get this a lot, my poetry is very prosey.

I'm working on that. I wrote this poem before I started dabbling with strict structure. Still, I think it's an indication of the neat and intricate ways I can relate ideas. I keep getting better at them.

>> No.2601292

>>2601280
Don't get too ahead of yourself, buddy. You're writing is clever but not as good as you think it is. You've got potential though.

>> No.2601294

>>2601263
is the last verse saying something around the lines of, someone who is all talk keeps his position as long as he keeps using his mouth, but his words will provoke an attack and he better be able to take a hit (best not house in a glass jaw)
and is the first verse about something completely different?

sorry, really quite new to poetry. the last line is really good though

>> No.2601297

>>2601292
>>2601292
I wrote this 2 nights ago, tell me what you think.

If I had any grace,
Then let me fall.
All that I’ve worked for,
Damn it all.

If the sky were to lose it’s balance,
Then let it fall
All that we’ve sinned for,
Damn it all.

If it is written in the stars
Then let them fall.
All that we’ve wished for,
Damn it all.

>> No.2601298

>>2601263
You are a neckbeard who reads too much Tolken and/or listens to too much Led Zeppelin.

>> No.2601314

>>2601297
Not bad.

>> No.2601326

this is very awful stuff OP

you can tell in your poetry that you think you're clever. for that you remain very pseudo.

>> No.2601329
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2601329

>>2601326
What can I say? I'm a modern day Voltaire.

>> No.2601334

>>2601329

You really aren't. Read more poetry, you could easily be more of a reader than a writer! So don't get down about it!

>> No.2601336

>>2601334
Your jealousy is literally oozing through the internet and gooping up my computer.

>> No.2601341
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2601341

You can't be serious, you're using cliche like "glass jaw" and "all that glitters is not gold," and it makes me feel nothing. You're supposed to be crafting language not borrowing from the TV guide.

>> No.2601340

Not OP, but what do you think of this?

The Mountaineer Speaks of His Burden

When I was young I passed an ancient man
in ancient rags beneath a heavy weight.
Both climbing up the steep and stony height,
I offered up my back to his great burden.

He said, "No—my whole life has been this climb
and, though it's heavy and I am repulsed,
I like it—I'm exhausted and repulsed,
and it's heavy—but the only thing that's mine

—I like it." I left him to struggle on and
continued through the rocks and freezing wind.

>> No.2601343

>>2601340
Homoerotic and...I don't really like it. Sorry bro.

Also, ripe off of Sisyphus.

>> No.2601344

>>2601341
You don't read poetry very often do you?

>> No.2601346

>>2601343
Agree about the ripoff of Sisyphus... never noticed the homoeroticism though. Thanks for the feedback.

>> No.2601348

>>2601346
"I offered up my back to his great burden."

How can you not?

>> No.2601352

>>2601348
I say run with it. Offer to get the guy's rocks off.

>> No.2601359

>thinks his poetry is good
Yeah, you should give up right now, any poets who have a chance are perfectionists who revise a single poem for years. Confident fag.

>> No.2601362

>>2601359
That is quite possibly the most autistic thing ever uttered on /lit/. That's quite an accomplishment.

>> No.2601365

>>2601362
Hey OP.

>> No.2601368

>>2601365
Are you a haxor?

>> No.2601376
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2601376

>>2601344

That's it, play the anonymous man, not the ball. You post your poems on /lit/ ask for the opinions of people who read. When you disagree with them you assume they don't know what they're talking about.

This man said it best
>>2601326
maybe stop believing that you're some innately gifted savant, work on it for a few years and come back. I promise you that no-one would touch this stuff and you'd bore an entire god-forsaken audience if you ever decided to perform anything like this.

>> No.2601381

OP if you knew anything about poetry you would know contemporaneous poets never read each other's stuff.
The secretly aspiring poets here on /lit/ would only despise you more if you did resemble the next Voltaire.

Also, you poetry is dreadful, are you in Highschool?

>> No.2601388

>>2601376
I judged that you don't know what you aretalking about based on the fact that "all that glitters is not gold" is from Shakespeare and not a "tv guide" (like you say).

Also, I've been to many poetry readings in my life, and I find that my excerpts are a much better and contain more merit than the stuff that some people put out there, which they get published and do live readings for.

I hate to say it, but I really don't see your opinion being worth more than what a pig could spit.

>> No.2601387

>>2601297
This one's bad because in the first stanza you sound spiteful towards yourself and in the following two you sound spiteful towards the world.
I don't think you can create such dissonance in a short poem of three quatrains; the result is muddled impressions.

>> No.2601386
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2601386

>>2601381
>OP if you knew anything about poetry you would know contemporaneous poets never read each other's stuff.
The sheer level of bullshit in this thread is unbelievable... I can't tell who's trolling who any more.

>> No.2601389

>>2601387
It isn't finished. I did it in 5 minutes, but it's a great foundation to build on (in my opinion).

>> No.2601391

>>2601386
". . . Probably the only hope lies in the fact that poets never buy other poets' stuff."

--Wodehouse

Wodehouse is more perspicacious than your hatted cat so go fuck yourself.

>> No.2601394
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2601394

>>2601391

child.

>> No.2601396

>>2601391
"go fuck yourself"

A bottom feeding urchin's retreating call.

>> No.2601398
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2601398

>>2601394
>Clarkson

>> No.2601399

>Probably the only hope lies in the fact that poets never buy other poets' stuff.
Well of course, they pirate it.

>> No.2601401

>>2601399
No such pirates existed in Wodehouse's times.

Also, bear in mind he's talking about contemporaneous poets; in the same essay he writes:

"Nobody ever thought of reading a book of poems unless accompanied by a guarantee from the publisher that the author had been dead at least a hundred years. Poetry, like wine, certain brands of cheese, and public buildings, was rightly considered to improve with age; and no connoisseur could have dreamed of filling himself with raw, indigestible verse, warm from the maker."

>> No.2601402

>>2601391
>PG Wodehouse said it so it must be true
Nice appeal to authority, but I think PGG Wodehouse was making a joke. Here you can read Robert Lowell's thoughts on The Dream Songs:
http://www.english.illinois.edu/maps/poets/a_f/berryman/dreamsongs.htm

Here Dylan Thomas talks about David Gascoyne, TS Eliot and Ezra Pound:
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-letter-to-my-aunt/

>> No.2601407

>>2601402
>Nice appeal to authority

Thanks I thought so too.

>> No.2601410

>>2601402
/lit/izen calling each other out on logical fallacies and providing links to interesting reads, thus expanding the discussion in a good way.

Who are you? Where are you from? I want to be on /lit/ every time you are on.

>> No.2601411
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2601411

>>2601388

In that case, enjoy making waves among the Cradle of Filth-inspired psueds in the arse-end of nowhere USA poetry scene.

>> No.2601412

>>2601407

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argument_from_authority#Fallacious_appeals_to_authority

>> No.2601414

>>2601410
hey dude, I indirectly referred to a cool Wodehouse essay you know?
I'm cooler than that guy, that guy tries to hard to be hip.

>> No.2601416

>>2601412
>Wikipedia

See, now you're appealing to a bad authority. At least I had the good taste to appeal to a proper one.

>> No.2601418

>>2601414
I'm sorry Sir, I forgot to include your post number in the thingy.

>> No.2601419

>>2601416

confirmed for troll.

>> No.2601420

>>2601416
That wasn't actually me.
>>2601410
Thank you. I'm someone who takes 4chan much too seriously.

>> No.2601423
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2601423

>>2601419
You: confirmed for arse slapped plebeain
Me: confirmed for godlike Übermensch.

>> No.2601424

>>2601416
Wikipedia, in my opinion, has become a legitimate resource to consult on matters of knowledge.

This is coming from a person who has a university search database, the 2012 encyclopedia Britannica cd-rom, and the online Oxford English Dictionary.

Wikipedia almost always wins when it comes to finding current ideas peculating in scholarly discourse.

>> No.2601428

>>2601420
Oh, so you won't tell me if you are from the U.K or something? Come on.

>> No.2601431

I think OP's poetry is pretty good. Then again, I don't think much of my own poetry. The only remarkable thing about my work is that it all comes from my dreams.

>> No.2601432

>>2601424
>This is coming from a person who has a university search database, the 2012 encyclopedia Britannica cd-rom, and the online Oxford English Dictionary.

Stop appealing your own authority you malicious fallacator.

>> No.2601433

>>2601428
Sorry, I'm from England, I'm male and I'm 19 years old.

>> No.2601434
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2601434

>>2601432

>> No.2601436
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2601436

>>2601428
Yes, I'm British. This was over before it started.
We British always win due to our superior naval vessels.

>> No.2601438
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2601438

>>2601433
Cheers ladmate.

>> No.2601439

>>2601438
spiffing