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/lit/ - Literature

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2502947 No.2502947 [Reply] [Original]

I tried my hand at "stream of consciousness" writing. Here's a poem. Please tell me if it's horrible and I should never try to write something like this ever again.


You are a bird
And I am a pilot
I fly my plane
You flap your wings
I feel blind to your worries
And you can’t conceive mine
These windows need to be cleaned

>> No.2502964

Im not saying it's terrible because you asked; I'm saying it's terrible because it is legitimately awful.

Find a new hobby

>> No.2502967

>>2502964
this.


I'm really sorry dude.

>> No.2502973

maybe just the last line by itself?

>> No.2502978

I thought it was funny.

do moar

>> No.2502979

>>2502973

"These windows need to be cleaned."

That's it. Hahaha.

Writing is such a hard thing to do. Everything I ever write always comes out sounding forced as fuck. I guess all I can do is read and practice. maybbe 1 dayyyy i wont succkkk.

>> No.2502983

>>2502979
Can't argue with a truth like "These windows blah blah blah"

>> No.2502987

>>2502978

It's just fun writing stupid poetry like this. Let it flow out of you. You'd be surprised the kind of shit you write down.

There are no bakers on my road
Instead I order my bread from mother earth
I write her a letter
"Give me your wheat"
she tells me
"plant seeds, dumbass"

>> No.2502993

okay op, here's mine:

i saw a zebra with a stick
he pointed it to yours truly and said "stop,
am i black with white stripes
or white with black"
i said "you are dinner."
the was bright.

>> No.2502995

>>2502993

the fire* was bright

>> No.2502996

>>2502987
this is more awful

>> No.2502999

>>2502996

that's the spirit, bud.

>>2502993

why so mad, anonymous prick?
if you were a man you would scroll
keep scrolling or
join in the fun
the fun
the fun
waiting for my fuck buddy to get off work
sushi, then sex.
such is the life of a white college student.
hoe nigga.

>> No.2503008

Can I try?

Walruses are fat and warm,
their moustache so scruffy,
I can't help but to be amazed,
I fail at facial hair,
but not all hope is lost

>> No.2503011 [DELETED] 

Contrary to convention getting drunk and vomiting your thoughts out it probably not going to make you rich.

>> No.2503013

you are the banana
i am the grapefruit
destined to long
destined to be alone
fuck destiny
fuck me

>> No.2503018

Fuck if everyone is doing it I'm gonna take a swing at it too

Heavily do Stalin's eyes droop
Fucking Stalin
Not a good man

>> No.2503021

What a splendid hurr durr thread,
spitting words like watermelon seeds,
famished nigger is a machine gun,
spitting everywhere on volcano,
why are his teeth so white?

>> No.2503022

everyone sucks
except for me
everything sucks
except for me
everywhere sucks
except for me

BUKOWSKI WAS RIGHT

>> No.2503035

guns shoot at zombies,
because zombies eat flesh,
now, how would you like a zombie eat your flesh?
that's why you shoot,
you should shoot them more often,
this is not enough,
the world dying around you,
but that's okay,
YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN, STEVEN

>> No.2503037
File: 49 KB, 488x364, 1280739150422.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2503037

>>2503022
Bukowski was constantly self-deprecating. His basic attitude towards this planet was a syllogism: all people are awful, I am a person, I am awful too.

>> No.2503042
File: 70 KB, 604x488, kimjongil_cucumber.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2503042

uh is this turning into stand-up stream of consciousness writing?
>>2502947
OP, your poem is heavily formal and worked. There's a kind of horrible nursery rhyme rythm in it (roses are red//...// fuck you), which suggests a humorous and self-mocking tone of voice. The poem as a whole elaborates upon one central, interesting simile...this is not stream of consciousness, but better-than-average observation.
If you dropped your atempts at the former and worked on the observation part, now that wouldn't be half bad (you can still keep your punchline, the central argument is nice as well).

>> No.2503043

The book is dusty
I feel like washing my hands now
but I also feel like fapping
so should i wash them first
or fap immediately?