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/lit/ - Literature

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2402939 No.2402939 [Reply] [Original]

Don't see one make one.

Need criticism on these sonnets:

If I talk about it is a nocebo
But I think this do needs to be addresséd
I have to tell all that I’m getting rotten
You do not need to care about what happens
I just want to tell what is rolling in me
You see how I am getting all different
I’m worried about the way I can change
I do not want to do harm any body
But I know that others do want to harm me
I want to apologize from down this place
Because soon I will not know who I have been
I do want help but I feel that all are lies
And so I will lie to myself on this way
So do not worry, you can’t do any thing.

—And—

All that matters now is that I am with you
I have never met you in any good way
But everything we do feels like it is all new
I’m worried because I can’t hear what you say
But you are a baby and I am all yours
For everything you need I take no few
And from now on remember that I own you
In my hands you are going to spend all too
You are so little I say you sha’n’t grow old
Call me daddy and I will call you all mine
You are my treasure and my world from now on
They said that seating you in my lap isn’t fine
They took her away, now she is all stardust.

>> No.2402940

Fuck amazing, OP.

Truly a game changer.

>> No.2402943

Epic, contact a publisher.

>> No.2402946

>>2402940
>>2402943
Come on now, guys. They're solid but not mind-blowing by any means.

>> No.2402951

>>2402939
>>2402940
>>2402943
Samefag.

>> No.2402954
File: 102 KB, 800x1000, 1324540198779.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2402954

>>2402951
>2012
>he still doesn't know how to check for samefag

>> No.2403003

lol @ op complimenting himself

>> No.2403009

>>2403003
>2012
>He still doesn't know how to read images
>@
>lol

>> No.2403010

>>2402954
I just did this and something seemed to happen, but I don't know what.

>> No.2403265

Graceful sundry forms all worthy of mention

A dance of critical coalescence

Matted by the time, the color and the shape

Of all things little and varicose in life

We’ve mastered the simple and the complex

So where are the many to look to in their endless curiosity?

To dive into dark and bottomless waters unfit for the frail

To climb to the heavens and challenge the King of the Universe, Nothingness.

Banes of worth and boons of nameless horrors in the wastes

Granted, I have seen the absolution of the great hive in the galaxy

Granted, I am a notorious liar

>> No.2403275

Simply amazing OP, I'm at a loss for words.

>> No.2403297
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2403297

>>2402940
>>2402943
>>2403275

>> No.2403325
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2403325

how now, brown bureaucrat?

>> No.2403735

Op here

so people really likes my stuff or im getting trolled?

>> No.2403873

>>2403735
im going to asume i was getting trolled