/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.2306404]

Would /lit/ be interested in reading the worst book of all time? It's entitled "Dante Drake Dracula", written by an overweight Russian 17 year old at my school. It's basically "The Room" of fantasy literature. I thought the first chapter might warrant a posting. What say you?

Pic related. The first chapter is called "What's Up Zeus".

[Anonymous No.2306410]

go for it friend

[Anonymous No.2306411]

GO THE FUCK AHEAD

I don't care if you invented yourself a friend, just improvise if you want

[Anonymous No.2306412]

Is it in English or you're going to translate it? Might lose some of the creative juices in the process.

[Anonymous No.2306413]

Here goes. This is only the first chapter. It really does not do the whole book justice. I'll post select quotes later.

I am so stupid, so damn stupid. Our armies are about to clash, and I did nothing but make our enemies stronger than ever thought possible. I led them to power, let them grow, and now they have turned. My army is strong, my allies are many, but will it be enough? My warriors are tired and weary from the last battle, but there is only one thing to do — fight. Maybe this time it will be different, I am here this time around. But will that really change anything? I am only one and he is gone.

[Anonymous No.2306414]

What format?

[Anonymous No.2306416]

>>2306413
Let us start from the beginning, I am Dante Drake Dracula. I am kin of Dante, the writer, and Dracula, the human angel of death. Six years ago, when I turned sixteen, I found out that I was a sin of nature. An anti-Christ some might say. I have even been called a demi-god by a few ignorant pagans. Yet when ever, where ever and however, I truly am and will always be the savior and destroyer. Even though this war started because of me, I believe that I can write my own destiny and make things better, somehow.

On the morning of my sixteenth birthday, May fourth, I was taken. Made sure to suffer and pay for my sin, my sin of birth. I was taken by Michael and Lucifer. Surprising right? Two brothers destined to fight for all eternity, working together to take me somewhere. However, that somewhere was not of this world or the next. For, we didn’t fly through the sky, or space, not even time for that matter. What I saw was beyond this world and any Mortal comprehension. I watched as everything around me just stop and what I would later find out is called a Centrisign opened up as if out of nowhere. It was a purple spiraling portal that opened mid-air, so that we could traverse. Everything, light and even sound, smashed together. We were going to another dimension, I hoped.

More?

[Anonymous No.2306419]

>>2306416
May 4th is his actual birthday, by the way.

I know he browses 4chan, but I don't think he has it in him to click on anything other than /b/.

[Anonymous No.2306422]

>>2306413
>>2306416
This is UH-MAZING!
Tell me where to buy the book

[Anonymous No.2306426]

>>2306416
Once we got through the Centrisign, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The trip through the tunnel had been surprisingly short, but still one of the most unbelievable experiences of my life, was not as magnificent as what the morning suburbs of Miami had become. My perfect, little neighborhood suddenly changed into a bright park that made even the parks at Versailles and the Central Park in New York look like dumps. Nothing so beautiful have I seen in all my life.

The weirdest thing or things were actually the amount of see-through people just walking around as if they were just living in a giant park. No one did anything out of the ordinary, well at least, not out of the ordinary for people at a park. People or I guess they were spirits, played with spirit dogs while spirit birds bathed in the bird bath. Some of the spirits held picnics with others. A few read books while they lay on the ground relaxing. A few were jogging and there was even a yoga class in session near a big spirit tree. Everything was as if a spirit. As I look back at it now and to be honest I still do not believe it was real.

[Anonymous No.2306432]

>>2306416
> worst book of all time
>actually pretty decent
OP jelly

[Anonymous No.2306434]

>>2306432
>For, we didn’t fly through the sky, or space, not even time for that matter
>decent

[Anonymous No.2306435]

Why are you not posting all of it? Looks like finest piece of literature

[Anonymous No.2306438]

>>2306434
You're totally right, I suddenly think as you. Oh god, the retardation...

[Anonymous No.2306439]

>>2306426
Then Michael spoke, “the imagery that you see in front of you is Zeus’s perfect world. As soon as you touch the Holy Grounds, it will change into your inner wanting of a perfect world, but only in your eyes.” Boy was he in for a surprise, but he was so unemotional while looking at this magnificent world that it shocked me. No, he did have some emotion, some inkling of tone behind those words. At the time I didn’t realize it, but he loathed me. He loathed me because my trials before the Immortals would surpass even his, and all those who loved and praised him would either abandon us all or follow me through life, death and revival.

Before I could even say anything, Lucifer began to command me, “don’t you dare speak unless spoken to. Do not move unless permitted, do not even breathe you crime of nature. No, you are not nature, we couldn’t hav…”

“Shut up you imbecile, you know what happened and now you’re trying to hide it. You shouldn’t even be here, nor should he,” Michael interrupted with a forceful bark.

>captcha "that oodante"

[Anonymous No.2306440]

>>2306439
I had no time to comprehend what was happening, for as if out of nowhere, two giant golden gates similar to those in front of royal palaces popped up in front of us. I felt an eerie essence radiating from the whole area. None of the spirit people or spirit animals dared to come close to the gates, while we were about to crash into them. Right as we were supposed to crash, the gates disappeared, just poof, into thin air. With that, I was utterly stunned and disoriented. I didn’t understand what was happening. I was prepared for a hit to the head, but instead, it was as if the gates passed through my very being. I did however get a hit to the head, just not the one I was expecting.

I tried my best to formulate thoughts. Random, incomprehensible ideas flowed through my mind. I tried my best with the few seconds I was given, but the first thoughts I had were created purely from denial and panic.

As we sped through I managed to take control of my mind. Yet all that came out was “why? Why are two archangels bothering with just a regular teenager?” Oh how wrong I was, I was… I am the farthest thing from a regular, status quo teenager.

[Anonymous No.2306442]

It does look like the guy is trying at least. It's just that he went complete bonkers with the material. Sounds like he'll become a great fantasy author

[Anonymous No.2306443]

>>2306440
Soon after the gates, we came up to a giant building. Well it was much more than a plain, old building. It was more like the coliseum, but even grander. Around ten times bigger than the one in Rome, and trust me, that thing is huge. The angels threw me to the ground and as soon as I blinked, everything changed! Instead of this great, peaceful place, it was a dark abyss. I could not see anything. Everything and I mean everything was black. It was dark, darker than any place I had ever seen.

I felt around until my hand came upon some sort of liquid. My eyes grew wide as I realized I was in a pool of blood. How did I know it was blood? Well, it was the only thing that wasn’t black. I stumbled to my feet and started running in the direction of the coliseum. Here and there were pools of that awful red elixir, well maybe not awful. That’s when I tripped, over a body. A dead body nonetheless. I got back up in a panic and started running.

Maybe I'm finished for now.

[Anonymous No.2306447]

>>2306443
> Around ten times bigger than the one in Rome, and trust me, that thing is huge.
confirmed for unreliable narrator

[Anonymous No.2306468]

>>2306447
That's one.
Any others to check off, for this Russian would be Chekhov?

[Anonymous No.2306514]

Meh, at least he's trying. As long as he doesn't have any delusions that this is actually a great piece of writing, I have no problem with the guy.

[Anonymous No.2306531]

>>2306443
>How did I know it was blood? Well, it was the only thing that wasn’t black.
Wat

[Anonymous No.2306560]

>Oh how wrong I was, I was… I am the farthest thing from a regular, status quo teenager.

Does anyone else get the vibe that he is living out his inadequacy through this?

Also, obligatory:

>combining Lucifer/Zeus/Dracula/Dante

released in 2013, steven spielberg has agreed to adapt the book into a blockbuster

[Anonymous No.2306570]

>>2306514

thats not funny, he dreams about this stuff.