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/lit/ - Literature

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2293434 No.2293434 [Reply] [Original]

>2012

>Not reading Samuel Butcher

What's your excuse, /lit/?

>> No.2293440

I suppose I'm too busy reading better works by more accomplished authors.

Polite sage.

>> No.2293451

umm who the fuck is that?

>> No.2293453

Ah, this is the cunt that 'promoted'' (read: spammed) his self-published book all over /lit/ to get people to read the turd he squeezed out onto paper. OP, seeing as you are Samuel Butcher back begging for money like Jimmy Wales and Bono's illegitimate buttsex baby, why don't you post the link to your godawful free sample and video/blog where you give us 50 reasons to pity and despise your existence.

Impolite noko

>> No.2293455

>>2293453
You spelled sage wrong.

>> No.2293463

>>2293455
I think people should be give the chance to see what a cocksmoker this guy is. It's a public service: it gives them hope that they're not as unjustifiably obnoxious as the aforementioned twattybollocks not to mention hope in their ability to grow facial hair that doesn't make them look simultaneously like a 12-year-old and a paedophile.
Plus, if he's universally despised he may fuck off

>> No.2293466

I want to read this. OP, post the link, ignore these guys, thay're just fags. I remember you got a lot of hate at first, but I just scrolled past, you can't be as bad as they say

>> No.2293470

>>2293463
He's a twat for spamming /lit/. However, I disagree with you about his appearance - as a homosexual, I actually find him quite handsome. But sage.

>> No.2293483

>>2293470
That makes me sick. I may not be gay, but he looks like a walking abortion. Disregarding my disdain for his writing, personality and determined-but-wholly-unsuccessful-rapist gaze, he looks like a walking abortion (now with 8% added facial hair patches). I once made some pancakes from a mix. They were horrible because it was over a year past its sell-by date. I put the pancakes into some tupperware and left it on the fridge. It fell behind the fridge. Just before Christmas, I was cleaning up and discovered them . Naturally, they had got mouldy and grown tufts of wispy, off-green hair. And the smell... Christ, the smell. Anyway, that looks similar to OP, but not as unattractive. To sum up, I would rather put my penis into that Dr. Suessesque green pancake than rubbing it up against the virgin crotch of Samuel Butcher, Neckbeard esq.. And imagine staring into those soulless but pitifully grateful eyes as he picks the jism from his eyebrows (which even in that jpeg are striving to meet in the middle of his disfigured nose) and cries tears of joy as you promised to maybe glance at a plot summary of his book

>> No.2293490

Found link. In awe of his edginess on front page.
>http://www.samuelbutcher.net/

>> No.2293492

>>2293470
From one homosex to another, you have horrible taste.

>> No.2293494

samuel butcher is the john the baptist to corazon di poeta's jessus

>> No.2293502

>>2293494
Hahah.

>> No.2293504

holy shit, read the About page on his website.

you can tell he wrote it, and it's fucking embarassing

>> No.2293512

>>2293504
Oh God, he was born in my city on my birthday. I think I might kill myself in the vain hope that Death fucks up the paperwork aand collects his corpse instead of mine.

>> No.2293514

>Samuel Butcher was born in London, England on the sixth day of October in the year nineteen hundred and eighty-five.

I don't have any face palm reaction images, but you get the idea.

>> No.2293522
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2293522

>>2293514

>> No.2293526
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2293526

>>2293514
Here, have this one

>> No.2293591

Samuel considers himself an Ethical Hedonist, Rationalist Deconstructionist Ignostic Athiest and a Libertarian Socialist.

>Ignostic
that's a new one. God, he can't even fucking spell right.

>> No.2293597

Never heard of him.

>> No.2293598
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2293598

>His brand is Pall Mall, as was Raymond Chandler's, Charles Bukowski's, and Kurt Vonnegut's before him. Samuel considers this good company.

>> No.2293614
File: 152 KB, 258x314, 1297025716456.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2293614

>Samuel is a Ne'er-Do-Well by disposition, and enjoys reading, cards, philosophy, sex, and a woman's silhouette.

>sex

>implying

>> No.2293644

Someone read through one of his short stories and report on it. I mean, this guy looks to be a spectacular twat, but if his writing is even halfway decent (or even if it's not) we probably shouldn't say much of anything. He's got what I can only assume is a larger body of work than most people on /lit/. What, 7 stories? It's potential crappiness aside, it does tell me he's at least writing a lot more than most of you. And that's really the first step to becoming halfway legit. He's several steps above most people who say they are writers or want to be, in that regard.

>> No.2293646

>>2293614
>>2293598
>>2293591
What an arsebasket

>> No.2293659

>>2293644

I'd give more respect to a man who built no houses than to a man who built seven that all fell down.

>> No.2293663

>>2293644
He's written less than me, and he's more of a dick about it. He takes himself and his own work so seriously, and disregards the initially constructive criticisms by /lit/ in countless previous threads as affronts to his genius. As far as being several steps above other wannabe writers, his books are self-published and sold almost nothing, if anything. He funded the publication of these books with donations from family members, begging/annoying the internet and, in no small part, his own arrogance. It's a fair assumption that the reason he is self-publishing is because he's been rejected by all publishers he has sent his 'work' to, perhaps because and I'm just guessing here he is a twat.

>> No.2293666

>Samuel considers himself an Ethical Hedonist, Rationalist Deconstructionist Ignostic Athiest and a Libertarian Socialist. He believes fervently that those words matter.

>Samuel is another spiritually blind hipster who likes recreational drugs and causual sex with chicks with personality disorders, and he is a vague and naive feel-good liberal. Given the chance, he will chew your ear off attempting to imbue these tedious preferences with world historic significance.

>> No.2293667

>>2293659
And then tried to peddle the rubble as a penthouse suite

>> No.2293669

>>2293644
I don't think any /lit/izens care about being halfway legit. For most of use it's either good or crap and Samuel Butcher is pure incestuous crap.

>> No.2293673

i don't see why this is even being discussed. everything said here was said before when he came here begging. yes, he's still a twat, yes, it's still quite funny, but giving him the first page of our board is not right.

i suggest you all go to his website and leave nasty remarks on his blog or something. at least that will be semi-productive and it hasn't been done before.

>> No.2293679
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2293679

>>2293666

Oops. I got devil trips for being cunty.

Chin up son, the deck gave this to you

>> No.2293682

>>2293673

Bumping for Sam Butcher

>> No.2293685

>>2293682
It's Samuel actually

>> No.2293689

>>2293434
why even pretend you're someone else, dude?

oh I see the problem here. you don't realize that literally no-one would ever advertise for you besides yourself, because you think that while you're maligned in the mainstream, there is a fringe of highly discerning readers who enjoy your work. let me correct that misconception. you are terrible. you are not "polarizing" like tao lin or something, where a minority of devotees thinks you're the bee's knees. your awfulness is so close to objective that its one of those few things that all of /lit/ can agree on.

you are so bad that many of us suspect you have some manner of mental illness. has anyone ever said that of you in real life? don't you think that's strange, that people keep saying that about you? I suppose many geniuses were thought mad in their time, but then, so were a great deal many more madmen.

>> No.2293705

His writing is rather infantile.

>> No.2293709

>>2293705
As are his sexual conquests

>> No.2293719

>>2293644
>>2293644
>>2293644

This is from the first paragraph of "Parable of a Relationship in Twelve Parts"

>Two is the moment you see her for the first time and that gunshot whiplash of knowledge that runs from your head to your toes and back again across every flashing spot of skin that screams in joyous requiem that this girl is something more than ordinary to you, is something more entirely and you can see the better moments to come stretch out in front of your eyes like a glazed montage and you wonder who and what and why she is and what she thinks about Kafka and if she smiles when she takes her first sip of coffee only when you’ve made it and if when she sleeps her breath is warm against your cheek because she sleeps curled up next to you as you stare at the ceiling in the gathering dark and watch the stars of pinprick light fade in and out from the traffic that streaks across your window.

"Joyous requiem?"

Suffice to say, I didn't have to read the whole thing to make up my mind.

>> No.2293723

>>2293719
I'm the guy that's been most vocal in my hatred of this nobjockey, but him mentioning Kafka in one of his brainfarts is disgusting on a level beyond subjectivity

>> No.2293726
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2293726

>>2293434
>Not reading Samuel Butcher
We would be, but the took /lit/'s money and never published him.

>mfw people actually donated to this schmuck.

>> No.2293727

>>2293719
That is an exceptionally ugly sentence.

>> No.2293731

>>2293685

Ok Sammy.

>> No.2293739

>>2293731
It's Samuel dammit, if you keep messing my name up how will posterity be able to access my genius?

>> No.2293741

someone should point this dingus to the alt/experimental lit scene so he stops having delusions of being a misunderstood genius.

maybe if he saw people writing way more unconventional shit and getting praised for it he'd understand that he isn't dismissed because he diverges from the mainstream, he's dismissed because he's bad.

>> No.2293778

>>2293591
To be fair, I just looked up agnosticism and it's actually really different from agnosticism and not at all the same thing.

>> No.2293781

>>2293778
Not only did I make a tautological statement but I spelt ignosticism wrong the first time. Fuck me sideways.

>> No.2293820

>>2293719
>>2293719

I have a feeling he was probably trying to be run-on on purpose, like stylistically. Like it's supposed to reflect the the rush of emotions the narrator is feeling. It's still crap, and shit it almost makes it worse.

>> No.2293853

Alright, he's pretentious.
Fair point. He's also young.
His writing is young, his arrogance reeks of youth.

Truth is, though. Everything everyone writes is 90 % shit. The last 10 % is what we remember them by. This guy has horrific poems that would curdle milk on his website, but every now and then you stumble on a little gem in there.

Dunno if you're OP, Samuel - but if you are, it's not bad. Keep it up, you're def publishable.

>> No.2293871

>>2293781

>>2293778 is paradoxical, not tautologous.

>> No.2293872

from his bio
>Samuel holds a Bachelor's of Science Degree in Political Science, a Doctorate in Metaphysics, and Letters of Ordination as a Reverend in the Universal Life Church. He considers each of these titles as insignificant as the last.

>implying he didn't spend money getting these degrees

whoops

>implying he didn't spend his parents' money

>> No.2293880
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2293880

>>2293778

i see the tautology now.

>really different from agnosticism and not at all the same thing.

Have you heard of the word pleonasm? I like it. It's handy. I'm very prone to this kind of verbal slip and shout "pleonasm pleonasm!" as a punishment in the hope of improving the quality of my articulations

If you haven't heard of the word before, it is my gift to you

>> No.2293887

>>2293853
hey sammy

>> No.2293894

Yo Mr Butler

A song. It is my gift to you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxZ4eCaAheE

>> No.2293903

>>2293872
degree, singular. the only one of those that (maybe) isn't a fraud is the B.S. The universal life church ordains anyone who signs up on their website, and I've never heard of a "doctorate in metaphysics" that wasn't just a degree mill

I mean you only need to look at his essays to see he's not any kind of rigorous academic, they read like the work of an arrogant high school student (which is especially sad given that he's 26-27 years old now)

>> No.2293915

Can we get this guy's ugly visage off the front page /lit/? it is seriously annoying having this homosexual half-beard staring at me the whole time.

many thanks and don't forget your sages.

>> No.2293927

>>2293853

He's 26. Not that young. Young enough not to have produced anything that good, but much to old to be dropping gems like "joyous requiem". I mean, think of all the MFA programs filled with 26 year olds who can write circles around this guy. And none of them have a website.

"Def publishable?" Are you insane? There is not a single work on the site that is close to publishable. I agree that if you read through some of it, there's a tidbit here an there that isn't too bad, but this stuff is pretty far from publishable. Sheesh.

I agree that 90% of what people write is crap. But this is presumably this guy's 10% if he found it suitable for a website.

>> No.2293962

>>2293927
I agree pretty emphatically with this post

I can't believe what 2293853 said, that's fucking ridiculous. this shit is like the worst of a freshman creative writing class and I'm not exaggerating one bit. I seriously doubt this guy has improved his writing one iota since high school and its pretty clear the reason why is that he's too arrogant to make a serious appraisal of his own work.

>> No.2293989 [DELETED] 

>>2293880
>shout "pleonasm pleonasm!" as a punishment in the hope of improving the quality of my articulations
This is the most Hemingway thing a person can do

>> No.2293991 [DELETED] 

>>2293880
>shout "pleonasm pleonasm!" as a punishment in the hope of improving the quality of my articulations
This is the most Hemingway thing a person can do

Saging only because OP's picture is making my throat collapse in on itself

>> No.2294023

>>2293962
The real problem, I think, is that he does edit his shit, but he does it in that line-by-line way that you're supposed to do around the third or fourth draft. I suspect he's not the type to excise entire pages from one draft to the next, and agonize over removing, rather than reworking, an entire paragraph.

>> No.2294108

If you must post, sage