/wg/ Writing General

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/wg/ Writing General Anonymous Mon Dec 18 04:07:11 2023 No.22840894 [Reply] [Original]

Pennsylvania is a cute nation of vampires.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 14:13:46 2023 No.22842251 your a nigger

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 14:16:37 2023 No.22842253 >>22842251 Learn English, faggot. That’s kindergarten shit.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 14:17:02 2023 No.22842254 yuor'e*

Anonymous Mon Dec 18 14:18:53 2023 No.22842260

Here's the missing OP, since the poster has no idea what the hell he's doing...

Brutalism edition

Previous: >>22819082

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
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Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.

If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.

Simple guides on writing:

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>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

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>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 14:44:00 2023 No.22842308 >>22840894 all hushed a sound rain falling time

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 15:07:26 2023 No.22842352 It's depressing to speculate at the future of literature and novels. I feel like I'm wasting my time but I can't stop writing.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 15:08:08 2023 No.22842355 Whatever happened to Gardner? Who won his nano contest and how famous are they now?

Anonymous Mon Dec 18 15:09:00 2023 No.22842357

How important do you think is matching your prose with the expectation of the targeted audience? I mostly read progression fantasy and YA for escapism while enjoying more serious literature for the prose and deeper characters. So my writings have been described as "smelling purple". My point is I want to write a litrpg or cultivation fantasy book with the level of sophisticated prose found in great literature, but I fear even if I could avoid the navel gazing nature of the more literary styles, my target audience would be aliened by something too out of usual, at least compared to lowbrow authors like john green or sanderson.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 15:29:59 2023 No.22842407 >>22842355 Don't even mention his name. And the odds are he's waiting out his latest ban for his recent spam-shilling sperg-out.

Anonymous Mon Dec 18 15:30:54 2023 No.22842409

>>22842357
This is something I've spent a good amount of time contemplating and practicing. The execution comes down to the writer's goal.

I'm big on literature, but the last thing I want to create at this point is a book that filters people. I want to write in the sweet spot between the 7th grade reading level expectation of the common man and graduate literature. There are more things to consider than just the density of prose. There is still composition, narration, pacing and rhythm, and, of course, all of the difficulties that come with allegory and the like.

If you look at the big bad academic novels like Gravity's Rainbow, you can see pretty easily how these aforementioned aspects of fiction are cranked up to 10. I think by adhering to a more traditional structure and point of view you're already increasing your potential for readership by a sizeable quantity when compared to the extreme, but when making that same comparison not to the extremes of POMO but to the expected standard of the genre, you are, just in the purple prose alone, creating a bit more of a challenge than people may be expecting or willing to read.

The simple solution I've come up for in my current project has to do with rhythm. People enjoy making progress in the plot. For me, writing a more character focused story, I've been trying to find the sweet spot between sitting still and moving the story. I've also been trying to create these moments for the prose to pick up before settling back down. I'm almost trying to create these flashes of density that still aren't too dense. I figure if I can get them hooked early and not betray their expectation too much I can make a fan of the piece, and maybe even entice them to read more traditional literature in the process.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 15:33:17 2023 No.22842419 >>22842407 I am sorry. I shall self flatulate.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 16:21:19 2023 No.22842534 >>22842419 Do you mean “self-flagellate”? Flatulate means “to expel intestinal gas through the anus,” retard.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 16:36:40 2023 No.22842578 >>22842534 I meant what I said >rips one louder than Dante's demon

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 18:15:15 2023 No.22842802 >progress stalling >flaws popping up Damn it. I'm going to have to rewrite it all from the ground up... One more time.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 18:24:18 2023 No.22842817 >>22842357 always write down. never write up.

Anonymous Mon Dec 18 18:34:30 2023 No.22842849

>>22842352
Look at Goodreads awards this year.
Winner for Fiction category is "Yellowface". Metafiction about how fiction perpetuates stereotypes. This is somehow groundbreaking in 2023, when there are already movie trailers for "Society of Magical Negroes" which is about? You guessed it. Metafiction about racism.
Why do these writers lie to themselves as if they have oppressed themselves by trying to pander to white men, and are now so desperately attempting to break the shackles on their mind? It is beyond pathetic.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 20:54:22 2023 No.22843240 >>22842849 It’s called “deconstruction” and is a valid form of analysis. Maybe you should stick to reading Sanderson.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 21:08:09 2023 No.22843286 >>22843240 marxist critique is also a valid form of analysis. doesn't make it any less retarded and faggy - it certainly isn't groundbreaking. maybe you should stick to discord

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 22:19:21 2023 No.22843524 >>22842849 Yikes

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 18 23:07:07 2023 No.22843648 >>22843286 Fuck you, faggot! Fuck you so far up the ass that cum erupts from your mouth!

Anonymous Mon Dec 18 23:53:42 2023 No.22843796

>>22842817
Why?
>>22842409
I have been thinking this too. The one thing that keeps people reading is a moving plot and the ever important question "what happened next?" If you manage to get your readers to ask this question you are already 80% there. Cutting down the fat is important, and so is a varied rhythm. Save the bombastic prose for the more important scenes, while using short, simple but effective sentences for the irrelevant shit

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 00:18:24 2023 No.22843890 >>22842849 it's the conundrum of post-postmodernism. everything becomes so meta that nobody knows how to construct anything from the truths of necessity, pragmatism, and natural law.

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 00:28:52 2023 No.22843935

>>22842849
Do not bother yourself with popular "award winners". They are all trite. When was the last time anybody bothered with a "newspaper bestseller"? People recommend rubbish crap there because it's "antiracist" or "feminist" or any of the other current year buzzword.
Literature is a medium that has lasted thousands of years. Do not waste your time being bothered by current year slop.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 01:27:40 2023 No.22844138 My book: >I'm scared of being bullied so I'm going to marry the Demon Lord so he can protect me!

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 02:06:13 2023 No.22844238
File: 415 KB, 671x493, I'm a stud, I'm ballsy.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>22842357
What makes you think your prose has to be consistently purple?

I treat my writing like an anime episode. Some scenes will have the essence of sakuga and be more purple.

Other scenes will be mostly furrowing brows, smirking and walking. Nobody needs to prance and take a step by step with a swing of their arms, confidently strolling from point A to B every fucking line. They can just walk.

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 03:09:06 2023 No.22844393

>>22843796
I feel it is our generation's responsibility as writers to create with the intention of increasing interest in the arts. It may be a losing battle and we may be going the way of poets, especially so in the face of A.I. but god damn it we can try.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 05:51:35 2023 No.22844727 What determines whether somebody will understand a setting element as one piece of a bigger system, or just see it as some random bullshit with no deeper connections?

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 05:52:16 2023 No.22844729 >>22844727 Intelligence. Do not write for retards, please.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 05:56:20 2023 No.22844741 >>22844729 retards give money, smart people are poor and won't buy your book no matter how good it is. Moby Dick still doesn't sell when compared to YA today like Sarah J Maas books

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 05:56:41 2023 No.22844742 >>22844729 I'm writing cultivation slop though.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 06:13:52 2023 No.22844772 >>22844742 just make numbers get bigger, and technique names longer and longer

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 06:17:04 2023 No.22844781

>>22842357
I put a lot of effort into my fan fiction's prose and get a decent readership and occasional compliments about how well it flows. I don't usually overdo it with the vocabulary, or if I do I make sure the context is enough to get the gist. You can get pretty refined without getting overly challenging.
But Royal Road is pickier than AO3 from what I've heard. I don't know if that extends to style.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 06:38:20 2023 No.22844812 File: 183 KB, 1200x803, ny.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22844727 basically symbology. the best symbols are the ones that can't be argued against. but how you get there is something like how well you can study and dream.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 07:31:21 2023 No.22844912 >get completely stuck in my book >Need to make allies to enemies >But the MC doesn't know who the antagonist is >Need MC to work for villain until villain betrays him Ahhhh what's a believable set up?!

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 08:02:44 2023 No.22844993

>>22844912
The answer depends heavily on the villain and the hero.
I had a suspicious guy who was friendly with my MC turn to a villain, and I did this by having him be introduced to my MC as someone who needed help with his research.
My MC decided to trust him because he also has a history of people unjustly thinking ill of him, and he had an explanation for every rumor about him.
He made my MC ignore the red flags that were in front of him by playing to his faults, his known past, his persecution, his knowledge that if he hadn't had friends and family, he would've turned into a much worse person than he is.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 08:05:52 2023 No.22845002 >>22844993 is this anakin and sheev?

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 08:12:09 2023 No.22845014

>>22845002
No, but that isn't a bad comparison.
In the end, my MC doesn't even know that he was evil all along until after his plan mostly succeeded.
Ultimately, when this man mentions a desire to kidnap my MC's wife and kill their newborn to the man who introduced him to my MC, who went from being more friend of a friend, to a real friend, he kills him and defects from the rebel faction.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 08:36:55 2023 No.22845076 Ankalaev vs Walker 2 only on ESPN

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 09:23:47 2023 No.22845164 >>22844912 have the protagonist betray the villain when he realizes just how deep into batshit insane territory the villain's willing to go to achieve his goals

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 09:28:53 2023 No.22845179 >>22842355 He's fucking his satire-hustling boyfriend's sloppy tits

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 10:08:38 2023 No.22845262

How much description is too much? too little? I find something like gormenghast tedious to read through becauae of the description, which while well written are just boring. On the other hand when I write I find myself forget to include details quite often. For example, when I'm writing a campfire in the woods at night I would skim through the vivid image of isolation in a sea of darkess, even though it was the most striking image and impression in my mind, I end up forgetting to invoke that image because it already seems obvious to my mind. But the reader's mind doesn't necessarily work the same, they may instead imagine a jolly camping time with the mates or something, so if I leave to much to their imagination the vision of the scene I end up convey is misshapen and inconsistent when I go on to describe the character's feeling of loneliness and melancholy.

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 10:30:35 2023 No.22845311

>>22845262
The purpose of description is to let the reader visualize the scene accurately enough, so that they can see the same thing the author sees, and the events aren't just talking heads in a blank void.

When the details given aren't at all necessary to understand what's going on and detract from the narrative instead of supporting it, then you've done too much. When you lose track of where the people are and what they're doing, and things feel jumpy, there isn't enough paint on the canvas. Very simple.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 10:57:17 2023 No.22845368 >>22840894 i'm writing an irc bash quote, it's supposed to be a day in a roleplaying community chatroom. i like how it's turning out but i already want feedback

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 11:00:01 2023 No.22845372

>>22840894
I wish there were more writing prompt threads on /lit/ that people actually put time and effort into. People say the quality has gone down bc there's not enough discussion about actual books, but i don't think that's it. Thats still around and it always devolves into the same circular crap as before.
At least with poetry and prompt threads, there's room for creativity and people actually have fun writing.
But when I create them, they die fast and I hardly see anyone else create them anymore. So I guess we will just discuss Nietzsche, DFW and McCarthy until we all die.

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 11:03:52 2023 No.22845378

1/2
Lake Money: it works every time
KillerCanadian joined
azure familiar joined
KillerCanadian: ey
azure familiar hey everyone
Lake Money: and then I told him if he doesn't have a plan he won't be sampling Pink Floyd
hunter2: because he didn't eat his meat?
azure familiar: I can play Money on bass lol
FaceSmile:yeah but your church is a megachurch that gets millions of dollars every year, why does he need a plan?
Lake Money: it has to make sense. You can't just say “fish for dinner” and expect him to show up
FaceSmile: Christianity has to make sense?
Jennybug: speaking of fish, heard you caught one Minnow
hunter2: lol how did Minnow catch a fish?
Minnow: I went fishing with my dad
azure familiar: so your dad caught the fish
Lake Money: LOL, you think Christianity doesn't make sense?
Wallace Thaddeus joined
Lake Money: I pray every day and have accepted Jesus into my heart, it works
Wallace Thaddeus: Man, I'm starting to think college isn't for me.
azure familiar: Minnow do you want to do a thread?
WallaceThadeus: tomorrow I have to do a presentation, and frankly I'm worried
KillerCanadian: I'm going to a concert tonight
Wallace Thaddeus: I regret listening to my guidance counselor
Jennybug: It's just a presentation
FaceSmile: if God is real why do bad things happen?
Minnow: sure Az
azure familiar: what band?
KillerCanadian: He Is Legend, they're pretty new
azure familiar: in the future we should do a convention and go to a show together
azure familiar: cool, what should the thread be about?
Spiral joined
azure familiar: actually i'll brb
azure familiar left
KillerCanadian: ey
Jennybug: Hey, Spiral
Lake Money: if something bad happens it's because you want to tell God to fuck off
FaceSmile: telling God to fuck off is a lot deeper than praying to a wall or whatever
Wallace Thaddeus: God might be a dick, but Jesus is more of a stick
Jennybug: I used to bend over backward to accommodate this God talk but it's all low hanging fruit
KillerCanadian: is AIM down right now?
Minnow: I thought Canadians use msn
Lake Money: he just wants to see when someone logs on so he can summon
Karasawa joined
The First Barrier joined
swordgirl joined
Wallace Thaddeus: tag Ryusei
Karasawa: k, took you long enough
ChemBomb: can I get a mod ruling on this duel?
Karasawa: link?
ChemBomb: [link]
KillerCanadian: lol wtf
Karasawa: seems fine to me
ChemBomb: turning like that would kill someone
Karasawa: he bought a special item for it
hunter2: ah, yes, custom items. truly what separates the rich from the poor.
Karasawa: shut the fuck up, you're a little bitch who doesn't know what he's talking about
Spiral left
Spiral joined
Karasawa: weba
Spiral: ty. is anyone up for some Halo 2?
Line Melter joined
ChemBomb: anyone seen this guy's profile? [link] I have never seen less effort.
Line Melter: …
Line Melter left
Spiral: lol
ChemBomb: LOL ooops
hunter2: quote that

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 11:04:55 2023 No.22845382

>>22845378
2/2
swordgirl: hey Az
The First Barrier: ey Az
Spiral: wb
azure familiar: ey, ty
azure familiar: so do you still want to do a thread, Minnow?
Minnow: sure just let me have some cereal
azure familiar: I can start the thread while you eat
Minnow: sure
Wallace Thaddeus: tag, Jenny
Jennybug: Alright. By the by, does anyone want to play the pairing game?
azure familiar: I'd rather play Adventure
Lake Money: You emerge in a field of green. Do you go left or right or forward?
azure familiar: I check my bag
Jennybug: Do you mind if I post tomorrow?
Wallace Thaddeus: sure
Lake Money: believe it or not, you just died, Az. Would you like to play again?
azure familiar: EVERY TME
hunter2: lol
FaceSmile: ok let's do pairing game
Jennybug: Give me some time to set it up
Karasawa: [link]
The First Barrier: nice
Wallace Thaddeus: that's awesome
Jennybug: Alright, pick two numbers
KillerCanadian: afk
The First Barrier: 21, 27
FaceSmile: 11
Spiral: 1
azure familiar: thread's up Minnow
Jennybug: alright [Character 21] and [Character 27]
hunter2: who the hell is [Character 21]?
Jennybug: TC's
hunter2: oh lol. It's fine I guess
Minnow: cool Az
FaceSmile: it doesn't get gayer than that
Lake Money: TC and Bomb don't RP together so this would never see the light of day
Jennybug: 1 and 11 is swordgirl and me
azure familiar: you don't have to post right now Minnow, no rush
Spiral: the thing I hate most about being an undergrad is they expect you to remember so much stuff
Lake Money: God approves of that one
swordgirl: well, we can't really top that I guess
Lake Money: just depends on if addition is the treat, I guess
FaceSmile: Christians don't do math
Lake Money: but we have written the Bible
Karasawa: how about 7, 8 and 9?
hunter2: lol
Lake Money: your mom went to college
Karasawa: did your mom ever tell you where the lake came from?
azure familiar: rofl
Spiral: jesus
ChemBomb: yeeeees?
Karasawa: [link]
Wallace Thaddeus: I wish I could just make my presentation a slideshow of these
hunter2: holy shit is it already Thursday?
Minnow: How about 4 and 8?
hunter2: anyone wanna get some threads going for the weekend?
Karasawa: [link]
azure familiar: maybe hunter, what did you have in mind?
hunter2: I need credits so a couple duels I guess
ChemBomb: sure, but if they're still ongoing by Monday I will probably lose interest
Jennybug: Smile's and 'sawa's
Lake Money: you know what makes me really sad?
FaceSmile: god doesn't speak directly to you in private?
Lake Money: he does
Reimage joined

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 11:16:15 2023 No.22845407

>>22845262
I can't give the best advice on this because my writings are schizoid. But thats what I like to read most, too.
I tend to avoid much description at all unless it evokes a psychological mood. Hard for me to describe...I'd never describe a characters facial hair, simply so that the reader can sit there and "visualize" what it looks like. For that I'd just say "bearded man," maybe "a bright red beard," nothing too wild.
I tend to imagine my audience is as mindful as I am and would feel bogged down or pondered to by lines like "his beard was red as crimson, like the blood-soaked uniforms of his compatriots," it's not important, I roll my eyes.
If the beard was leaving a psychological impression on the MC that was important to his characterization, that's where I'll indulge in descriptive talk. "His beard was bright red, and reminded (name) of Yukon Cornelius, from the island of misfit toys. Back then, in his own such island, (name) and the other orphans would stay up past dark and sneak glimpses of those holiday films, glimpses of what real childhood innocence must be like. For them, all boys who were too disillusioned to believe in something like Santa, the otherworldly scent of wholesomeness, happy families; this was more akin to magic than anything a planet-hopping home invader could bring about.
And just as a child's descent into reality is christened by the unveiling of the "big Santa lie," (name) would never have long to dwell; the TV was always inevitably heard, or perhaps the warmth of its glow felt, by the icy veined reptiles who ran his life. He continued this practice every year, well into his teens, despite knowing how juvenile it was. By then, the beatings were more unrestrained, as he was older and less sympathetic, and the blood from the welts would tinge his budding, blonde facial whiskers. To cheer himself up, after the nuns had left and the doors had locked, he'd stand in the mirror, smear the plasma more evenly over his jawline, and pretend that he was Yukon on the island of misfits, booming with laughter amid the reality of despair.
It was an adequate enough escape, then; but while this was the memory he reverted to in the moment, the bearded man in front him certainly was no Yukon, and the blood that was soon to be spilled, would have nothing to do with beards, or children's games."

Something like that you know. Except less shitty.

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 11:27:01 2023 No.22845438

My culture rarely ever allows for awkward conversations. We're expected to just hold it in if we disapprove of someone's lifestyle unless it somehow harms us - at least until they're out of sight.

Makes it really hard to write scenes where the multicultural protagonist group talk about or criticize each other's weird habits. The scene in specific that made me realize this was one where one of the heroines is slightly put off by the MC offering to cook a meal for the group.
Why? Because she's from a more traditional culture, so it weirds her out to see men being so willing to go into the kitchen when women are present. As far as she's concerned, it's HER duty to carry out the housework.

Not that she's complaining, of course, but I wanted them to actually talk about it. Ended up cancelling the scene because it felt too awkward.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 11:28:32 2023 No.22845441 >>22845438 You could force the conversation through the awkwardness and in spite of it and turn then entire scene itself into a commentary on how these cultures avoid even talking about their own arbitrary customs.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 11:34:35 2023 No.22845450 >>22845382 i'm thinking of folding the interaction between Minnow and azure to be a 'pairing' that happens at 4pm and 8pm (story starts at 2:50ish and is supposed to go until late. 9pm is when you can say what's on your mind btw)

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 13:55:52 2023 No.22845720

>>22843935
You can tell it's trite because the novel tells you what it means before you even open it. Bradbury rightfully said people don't read to morals, and planning a story from the groundup to head that direction isnt compelling at all. If I see a book that admits that, not going to read it.
>>22843240
Even if it is valid, it's deconstructing from a false premise. I'm not the boogieman and I'm not responsible for writers oppressing themselves. Authors of that kind are mentally ill. They should write a real story instead of asking their mentally ill readers how to make the boogieman go away.

Anonymous Tue Dec 19 16:56:21 2023 No.22846167
File: 1.59 MB, 600x337, 1696370496732593.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>finished chapter by chapter outlining of a five book series.
>by the end of it had to force myself to not try and write the whole chapters.
>struggled to keep the fifth books outline below 14kwords.
>Move onto a new project for a break.
>Start trying to outline again.
>Start writing whole chapters again.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 17:03:43 2023 No.22846186 >>22842357 >out of usual yea you dont have to worry about sounding smart

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 18:47:09 2023 No.22846474 huh, i guess the no cap reading holds up too. i made my own big mac!

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 18:50:53 2023 No.22846480 >>22846474 Translate this for me.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 18:53:24 2023 No.22846486 Anyone here write shitty Young Adult novel with AI to sell on Amazon?

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 18:54:04 2023 No.22846489 >>22846480 into what language

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 18:55:05 2023 No.22846492 >>22846489 English. The only thing that I can gather, I think, is that making a big mac refers to making money.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 18:55:36 2023 No.22846494 >>22846489 yeah they're very popular round these parts

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 18:58:51 2023 No.22846501 >>22846486 we all do that

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 18:59:40 2023 No.22846506 >>22846501 I don't. I write my shitty story all on my own.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 19:26:48 2023 No.22846570 >>22846167 Why not just let your flow state proceed naturally? I'm confused.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 19:39:24 2023 No.22846603 >>22846492 yeah my dude, but you know i have to learn how to breathe first. the big mac is the brand. no cap is the brand. it's like making a brand name product with your own ingredients and then not paying for it

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 19:50:22 2023 No.22846640 >>22845720 Fuck you kike.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 19:52:11 2023 No.22846653 >>22846640 You've got it backwards.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 19:57:42 2023 No.22846675 >>22840894 >Pennsylvania We're full.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 19:59:57 2023 No.22846683 >>22846675 Full of tranq zombies in Philadelphia, you mean. I have no desire to visit your failed state.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 20:05:58 2023 No.22846696 >>22846640 Retard.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 19 21:31:12 2023 No.22846969 File: 121 KB, 1024x1024, 1696744900843488.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22846570 Because i wanted to try a new style of writing before the end of 2023. I've done it but god fook it it was more annoying then i thought.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 00:18:20 2023 No.22847554 >>22840894 If you mean Christians are blood-drinkers, then YES

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 01:31:27 2023 No.22847850
File: 16 KB, 320x240, G54od.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>22840894
I wanted to write a weapon somewhat similar to the Oxygen Destroyer in my scifi setting.

However instead of disintegrating stuff I wanted it to make it explode. So my idea was that it creates several tiny irradiated particles that penetrate materials and violently energizes them with the radiation, causing them to explode.

Think that's enough explanation?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 01:43:11 2023 No.22847911 >>22847850 reminds me of a star trek thing. though don't have to go to the same extremes https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Omega_molecule

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 02:14:45 2023 No.22848090 >>22847911 Neat. That molecule not having a proper containment method is a good idea, I was thinking the weapon would need some sort of drawback making it difficult to use

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 02:22:52 2023 No.22848132 >>22840894 >>22846675 >>22846683 How about Pittsburgh?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 04:21:34 2023 No.22848565 >>22846167 >chapter by chapter outlining >not scene by scene outlining ngmi

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 04:44:38 2023 No.22848594 >>22848132 Pittsburgh sucks too, central PA is however, unfiltered Pennsylvania Dutch kino

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 05:21:25 2023 No.22848673

I'm combining two genres.
Shonen-style Martial Arts tournament and Horror.
>Some of the foes our heroes face are outright fucking nightmare fuel, like a guy who has all kinds of severe mutations that make him increasingly horrifying to look at.
>There's an ominous atmosphere throughout the whole tournament, as many of our characters question why they're going through with this shit, some even wondering if the sizable prize money is worth it
>As our characters receive increasingly severe injuries, their minds also start to break down from the fatigue. Sure, they're all flat-out superhumans but they're still taking beatings.
>Although nobody exactly dies, the injuries some of these people take are horrifying.
>There's someone who's setting all this up and we don't know who or why. Someone watching them all.
>Fighters who are defeated sometimes mysteriously vanish
How does that sound?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 05:22:27 2023 No.22848677 >>22848673 real bad

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 05:22:52 2023 No.22848678 >>22848677 Is it because I said Shonen

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 05:26:16 2023 No.22848687

Setup: Our heroine, Mia Platts was a "girlboss" who nominally ran a quasi-government facility where they did human experiments, and when she announced that she was turning good/captured because she wanted out. Unfortunately, she's also some sort of semi-immortal metahuman that hasn't been fully explained. (All names have been changed from the stuff I'm writing just for originality concerns)
>For the last two weeks it had been like this. Every day she had trudged out for them to perform some sort of mengelian experiment. One day they cut off her fingers, with them regrowing the next day. One day they drowned her, only for her to wake up the next day. Smashed her face repeatedly against the wall. Poisoned her with a cadmium-laced drink. Every day she just endured it. She had done many of those things to herself when she realized that she wasn't normal. If the goal of Bignose Steinberg had to relish her tear-stained cheeks as he tortured her to death, he wasn't having it.
>Still, she was not without emotion. When they left her alone, Mia laid in her bed in the tiny cell she now had to call home. She wrapped herself in a blanket and shivered. All her clothes were taken away, she only had standard uniform of female E.R.I.C.S. prisoners--a short-sleeved bodysuit and leggings. She gazed at her reflection at one of the metal posts that made up her prison. She was still modestly attractive and the form-fitting clothes complemented her figure well. But it was just vanity. She had no way of escape, with only the holder of the Telliks that could save her and dismantle E.R.I.C.S., permanently. That would depend on several factors beyond her control, and no fate could save her. As she drifted into slumber, she wondered her fate. Was this her punishment for doing evil, or her suffering for doing good?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 05:42:01 2023 No.22848730 >>22848678 shonen premises are automatically bad literature but it's because they are pigeon-holed to visual action fan service for boys that can be extended out across many installments. however if you wanted to make it a manga then it sounds fun.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 05:46:39 2023 No.22848742 >>22848730 Is it just me or do the writers here have disdain for stories with a lot of fighting? I say "Shonen" because how else do you describe something in the same vein as Kengan Ashura, Baki, or whatever the fuck you call it

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 05:54:58 2023 No.22848755 >>22848673 >shonen-style marts art tournament >le ebin tv tropes >nobody ackchyually dies but it's real scary, mmkay? sounds like it belongs in the garbage

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 06:00:56 2023 No.22848772 >>22848755 So you really just hate seeing people fight and would rather read a shitty SOL. Great

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 06:06:00 2023 No.22848788 >>22848730 >shonen premises are automatically bad literature I promise you if you adapted One Piece as a novel instead of a manga it wouldn't be awful.

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 06:08:23 2023 No.22848797

>>22848772
But just for the hell of it, there's stuff outside of the fighting, such as
>Loss and recovery of faith in God (Character watched something horrifying happen, lost faith in God, but regains it when he sees the victim hasn't let it break him)
>Revenge being fruitless (Our MC gets his ass kicked by the guy he wanted revenge on. No "Revenge is le bad" shit here, he just wasn't strong enough)
>Standing up to abuse (Our MC helps one of the characters get away from an abusive relationship based on codependence)
>>22848788
No, it would

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 06:16:26 2023 No.22848824 >>22848797 Also, what I mean by that second one You get your ass kicked by a guy? Don't try fighting him again because you can never close that gap. Ever. It's physically impossible to get stronger than someone who's already stronger than you

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 06:33:41 2023 No.22848879

>>22848824
That is actually an interesting point.
In my story, my MC was split into two, and when they begin to meet one another again, the one that remained in his homeland is friendly, but guilty over feeling like he stole the life of the original (the original also directly tells him that he resents the fact that his life is going well and he married the woman that they loved and had a child with her while he has been fighting for his life and witnessing the brutality of the outside world) and eventually they do clash over a moral issue and the original completely destroys him, there isn't a single excuse that can be made for the loss.
This gets way under the skin of the copy because he knows that at the time of their split, they were both exactly as strong as one another, and they shared 99% of the same memories.
So he'll try to get involved with the local war to hone his own skills like the original did with an outside war, but no matter how much he tries, neglecting his family and his wife in the process, he can't ever catch up, because the gap grew too much in the year and a half that they were apart.
I intend to end with him being beaten by the original again, where he once is pissed off at the copy for trying to throw away the happy life he has because his pride was so wounded by losing. He'll realize that he is an idiot and that all of it was just a waste, and he missed milestones from his daughter growing up because he was trying to be the greatest he could be.
Apologies if I'm rambling, I've been drinking root beer and bourbon at a friends suggestion.

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:01:55 2023 No.22848944

>>22848879
Among other things that happen in my story
>Kung Fu is a fraud
>Ireland is cool because it's rainy
>Porn actors live awful lives
>As it turns out the more attractive you are the more you suffer
>"Punch it in the face" is the best solution to any problem.
>Mental illness is only in the eye of the beholder
>People don't care what kinda science-defying bullshit they're watching as long as it doesn't offend them
Imagine a combination of Kengan Ashura and Mulholland Drive. That's the kind of story this is

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:03:45 2023 No.22848950

>>22848944
>Ireland is cool because it's rainy
Yeah, of course, the clouds overhead and the rain lowers the temperature. Do people not realize that the UK is a fairly cool climate? That's why heat waves are such an issue there, because their homes are designed to protect from the cold more than the heat.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:04:39 2023 No.22848952 >>22848950 Kek. I have a Russian guy who wants to move there because it reminds him of his country before everything went to shit

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:08:41 2023 No.22848958

>>22848788
Writing is a skill most don't possess. I don't have a really good writing skill and you most likely don't either. To get as much value from words as you can get from visual media you need a lot of work and it can't just be an adaptation. Also lit, even LN slop needs its own accommodations, can't just copy narrative and action from a comic.

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:10:34 2023 No.22848963

Its a song help me make it better
Is the imagery good and interesting? Suggestions please

Lighthouse

There is a lighthouse
Seeping over at Devil Hill
Everconsuming

shining away
in the night
in the mirror of the shore

and everynight
they come from the sea
disjointed shapes
scratching the land

and everynight
they come from the sea
unnatural shades
like moths to a flame

and everynight
creeping shadows dance
under the twilight

The sea is their audience
infinite stars
as spotlights

I wonder what roams there
irredeemably old
in the shadow
- of the lighthouse

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:31:29 2023 No.22849016 >>22848742 Those are called "Battlers." Not all Shonen series are Battlers Shonen just means adolescent boys. Not all battles are Shonen either because there are also Seinen battlers. Seinen means 17+.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:33:10 2023 No.22849020 >>22849016 The irony is that the youngest fighter there is 11.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:39:39 2023 No.22849036 File: 6 KB, 183x275, images.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Alright, anons. Sell me on yourselves. Why should I put my writing on here for you to critique? How many books have you traditionally published? What are your credentials?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:46:59 2023 No.22849060 >>22849036 I'm a published author I'm also handsome

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:48:47 2023 No.22849065 >>22848963 irredeemably old is fucking kino Almost like being so old it is forbidden Very cool anon keep it up

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:54:02 2023 No.22849081 >>22848952 When was that? Before the Mongol invasion?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 07:57:20 2023 No.22849088 >>22849081 >his friend is Koshchei

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 08:01:50 2023 No.22849096 >>22849036 Because everyone is anonymous, this is one of the only places where you can receive truly honest and unfiltered criticism. Don't post your work here unless you are ready to hear the harsh truth.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 08:05:01 2023 No.22849108 >>22849081 Before commies

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 08:23:44 2023 No.22849164

>>22849108
Now that I think about it, my story is really about a lot of people who don't like the circumstances they're forced into as a result of their culture or life. I created this trend in my story by complete accident.
>Russian who hates his country as it is and wants to leave
>Muslim lady who despises her religion and fucking fled her country as a result of choosing to follow her personal passions
>"Gay" dude who absolutely hates the fact that he's a sex object for turbofaggots, and wants to get into proper shape so he can look at himself and not vomit from disgust
>Little girl with incredibly abusive and exploitive parents who feels despair over having no way out
And so on.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 08:27:02 2023 No.22849174 >>22849036 I don't ask for your money. And I have >145 IQ.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 08:34:20 2023 No.22849188 File: 3.16 MB, 4586x2120, Ilia_Efimovich_Repin_(1844-1930)_-_Volga_Boatmen_(1870-1873).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22849108

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 09:34:50 2023 No.22849344

>>22849164
A trend I have noticed in your greentext descriptions of your story is you're trying to cram as much cliches as possible into it. Not gonna lie that is more honest than most beginner writers are willing to admit. Still wouldn't read something so cliched though

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 10:01:09 2023 No.22849411 >>22849344 The sense I'm getting is that anon is more interested in having his own tv tropes page than he is in writing a story.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 10:02:00 2023 No.22849415 >>22848673 Conveying visual horror through prose description will be very difficult. Books are a great medium for atmospheric and psychological horror but you should make a manga if you're focused on visual stuff.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 10:10:10 2023 No.22849431 >>22849344 >>22849411 Damn you didn't need to destroy him like that bros

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 10:11:16 2023 No.22849438 >>22849415 This is why Lovecraft talked about things like slime. It's evocative and disgusting to imagine. Reminds me of this gem of a video: https://youtu.be/c8P4U0ip3T4?si=YKg4sNOLKeI0fVEQ

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 10:11:30 2023 No.22849439 >>22849065 Thank you anon! >>22848963 Someone else?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 10:12:07 2023 No.22849443 >>22849431 NTAs but this is 4chan. If you can persist here you can persist against any criticism.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 10:53:59 2023 No.22849525 File: 155 KB, 1427x1059, profiteroles2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22840894 My diary desu? Wagies BTFO. Would anyone buy this if this were a book?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 11:41:32 2023 No.22849627 >>22849525 There is a kind of humour to a character written like this that I think people would read.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 11:50:29 2023 No.22849653 >>22849525 (Based)

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 12:14:14 2023 No.22849691 >>22848132 Cheap and unique culture because half the population has left and no one has moved in since 1960. Only baseline level of societal decay. Comfy

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 12:49:16 2023 No.22849762 >>22849525 This reminds me of a certain author who shall not be named because he's shilling himself too hard

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 14:37:12 2023 No.22850003
File: 444 KB, 953x1405, untiteled-wip.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>22849060
>>22849096
>>22849174
Okay, sure. I don't know if you are regulars but I posted about my issues on here before. That is, issues with writing groups. Their (mostly just one feminist-type person's) feedback was never constructive and was just concerned with forcing diversity into my writing or just being negative, shitting everything I wrote, even when I wrote in different genres. Anyway, this made me really skeptical of all feedback in general.

I will review your guys' works too when you post in this thread. It seems like no one has dared to do so, so far.

https://pastebin.com/uWq1vb3S

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 15:03:55 2023 No.22850094 >>22850003 The lighthouse poem is mine

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 15:09:01 2023 No.22850106 >>22850003 >>22850094 That said, I'm going to bed now but I'll be sure to read it and give you some feedback. Those feminist types are the worst. Just uh huh them until they shut up and ignore.

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 15:22:30 2023 No.22850147

Is this purple? Everyone seems to have a different threshold but what are your opinions?

>Even in the obscuring twilight, and behind the lightly floating veil of snow, the Wanderer was clearly no more than a humble old tramp freighter. The most imaginative, the most romantic eye could have detected nowhere about her that lean grace, those sharply cleaving contours which the landsman looks for in a craft all set to embark upon a desperate adventure. For the likes of her, the down-at-heels support of the Hoboken pier was plenty good enough. There, with others of her kind, she blended into the nondescript background of the unpretentious old town: she was camouflaged into a comfortable nonentity. There she was secure from any embarrassing comparison with the great lady-liners which lifted regal and immaculate prows into the shadows of skyscrapers on the distant, Manhattan side of the river.
Her crew knew that deep in her heart beat engines fit and able to push her blunt old nose ahead at a sweet fourteen knots, come Hell or high water. They knew too that surrounding her engines, and surrounding also that deep steel chamber which puzzled all of them and frightened not a few, was a staunch and solid hull. Landsmen, however, drawn to the waterfront by that nostalgia which ever so often stirs those whose lives are bound by little desks and brief commuter train rides, looked over her rusted, scaling flanks and sputtered ignorantly:

>"Lord! They don't call that a sea-going craft, I hope!"

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 15:42:39 2023 No.22850204

>>22850003
>As the rumors of what had happened spread, Lyxnad felt ever more powerful and feared by the local folk, who would bring him gift baskets of various food items, such as apples and apple pies, or they would bring him money, dropping to their knees and begging they be spear the skinning their neighbor's been subjected to because the forgot to pay their dues the Lyxnad had set up, capitalizing on his reputation.

Jim Theiss tier genius, anon.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 15:48:01 2023 No.22850210 >>22850147 It is. Too complicated for something structured in such a symple way, like a plain description. You need rhythm, action or playing with the reader. Also you split sentences, this is confusing.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 15:49:50 2023 No.22850219 >>22845441 Nobody wants to read awkward conversations.

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 15:50:41 2023 No.22850221

>>22848963
>>22850094
You have good imagery. And you manage to create a certain vibe very efficiently. Stormy, lonely vibe. Your poem is minimal and you make every word count. You don't make it purple, which is something many people really struggle with. But consider further refining the structure for a smoother flow, and work on the rhythm. This I feel is the biggest problem with it currently. To nitpick, I would say that I would remove "Seeping" entirely. This would draw more attention to the word "Everconsuming", making it more impactful, and generally improving the flow. You should also change "the sea" to "depths". Sounds better with "shapes" etc.

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 16:22:12 2023 No.22850292
File: 2.43 MB, 1728x1344, 1699092672722372.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>22848565
sorry, i explained it badly, i should have said that i plot pointed the major goings on demarked by chapters eg;
Chapter 1
>Anon complained about having to write
>Other anons shared their sloppa and complained
>Another anon asked why he was being a retard
>More miscelanious slopp, complaining and name calling postings
Chapter 2
>Yet another anon told him he was shit
>Some anon posts hypothetical hyperbole
>Frank tries and fails to make himself in any way relevant again.
>More random withering critique
Chapter 3
>Yet more shit posting in reply to earlier shit posting
>The anti-AI-Fag starts crying again
>Thread melts down
>Some retard starts a new thread early while trying to self advertise.

The above is entirely fictional and any resemblance to this thread is mere happenstance.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 16:33:33 2023 No.22850315 >>22850292 You sound like a faggot who likes the idea of writing more than the actual writing part

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 16:42:59 2023 No.22850335 >>22848772 >you really just hate seeing people fight this is not the medium for that. if you were making a comic book you could have pages and pages and pages of fighting which could be entertaining

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 17:02:31 2023 No.22850381

From the ending of a short story I've been working on where a mystic has visions of her Civilization getting obliterated in some apocalypse but lies about it because she is too tormented by dreams and decides to let everyone not worry about it and party when the end comes

She heard the first bells ringing in the distance then the fire works popping and shooting off Into the air.
Oh it's started it wouldn't be long now she mused to herself
They had expected her to be at the celebrations but she had made up some excuse not to go, a bad back or an aching stomach. She was old, and frail so they forgave her for not joining in she had done more than e ough for them. This would be the last night of their lives, and final days on earth. She no longer cared for dancing, or drinking and wanted to be wrapped up warmly and comfortable in her own bed when the end came. Soon it would all be over, and she could rest for all eternity where the dreams would bother her no longer and she could finally be at peace.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 17:41:11 2023 No.22850494 >>22849344 How is a Russian guy hating his country and wanting to leave cliché? The nationalistic Russian stereotype is always used. I also have the characters use really obscure methods of fighting

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 18:46:12 2023 No.22850760

>>22850494
Not them but thanks to Pelevin my mental stock Russian does think Russia is fundamentally miserable. (If his characters leave though it tends to be through Buddhist means.) There are also many real-life Russians who hate Russia and want to leave, especially recently.
I don't know how common these various stereotypes are in various genres. But if you told someone about your other characters, and then only said that this character was Russian, they might be able to extrapolate the rest from that.
Characters can get pretty flat if their problems directly follow from a three-word description of their political identity. Most people's abnormalities are more arbitrary than that. Though if you have a theme of externally imposed problems that does force you a little into that direction.
The last story I read had a lot of different dysfunctional personalities. Sociopath looking for religious redemption, charismatic girl with fragile self-esteem, committed but underperforming officer in a paramilitary cult, and so on. Their problems did relate to their situations but it was clear that in better situations they would simply be having different problems because they were broken as people. It was delicious.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 18:59:10 2023 No.22850830 >>22850292 >Frank >relevant again He was never to begin with

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 19:20:56 2023 No.22850937

>>22850494
NTA but this
>Little girl with incredibly abusive and exploitive parents who feels despair over having no way out
Is so similar as to be practically identical to a stock wuxia protagonist. Child befallen by tragedy becomes powerful through martial arts mastery. There's nothing inherently wrong with having cliches in your work of course, as long as you're doing something interesting with them.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 19:28:30 2023 No.22850968 >>22850937 She doesn't get out through martial arts mastery, the mastery is literally why she's abused. Her parents fucking exploit her talents and strengths to make more money for themselves.

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 19:28:51 2023 No.22850971

>>22850760
Just because Russians think it is miserable doesn't mean they don't like it. Chekhov even pointed out in one short story, I forget which one, that it is a Russian characteristic to be bitter about the present and then look on it with fondness once it is in the past.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 19:31:48 2023 No.22850985 >>22850968 Based realistic female martial artist writer. She should also marry her trainer and defend him from the cops when he beats her.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 19:33:48 2023 No.22850993 >>22850985 ....She's 11

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 19:38:08 2023 No.22851017 >>22850993 He should be around 27 then for maximum realism

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 19:42:21 2023 No.22851039 >>22851017 He's 22

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 19:49:39 2023 No.22851081 Has anyone figured out a way to deal with the issue of only getting ideas late in the day, right before going to bed. Took the day off to write and now I'm just sitting blankly but at work all I can think about is writing

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 20:04:20 2023 No.22851148 How do I determine if my prose is too flowery. I like writing in a flowery and poetic way, and I feel it adds texture to the story, but I don’t want to lose clear and concise meaning in the process.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 20:09:41 2023 No.22851174 >>22851148 Post an excerpt

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 20:09:58 2023 No.22851175 >>22851148 If your trying to make it sound smart, it's probably too flowery. A writing blackpill is that guys like Melville, Dostoevsky, and Shakespeare wrote from their hearts. Just they had extremely complex thoughts

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 20:13:43 2023 No.22851187 File: 1.53 MB, 1752x2916, IMG_0871.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] How would you write a poem for this dead bitch, mocking her skank face

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 20:20:03 2023 No.22851213 >>22851175 >A writing blackpill is that guys like Melville, Dostoevsky, and Shakespeare wrote from their hearts How is this a blackpill?

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 20:28:57 2023 No.22851262 >>22851213 Well if you don't have anything good to write it's a blackbill lol. Talent can't be f9rced

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 21:04:11 2023 No.22851413 >>22851262 Anons need to live life and get better at reflecting upon it. That is something you can work at.

Anonymous Wed Dec 20 21:56:33 2023 No.22851601

>>22851175
>Dostoevsky
>extremely complex thoughts
I MURDER TWO WOMEN FOR LITTLE TO NO REASON AND NOW I MIGHT GO TO JAIL AAAAAAAAAAA!! THE EXISTENTIAL TERROR OF PUNISHMENT HANGING OVER ME FOR MY CRIMES! Oh nvm I just got 8 years for double murder lmao.
Moral of Dostoevsky's story; r*ssian lives are worth only about 4~ years in real world.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 22:20:02 2023 No.22851703 >>22849525 I like it actually

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 23:21:06 2023 No.22851981 I completed the final revisions of the manuscript and am moving on to formatting for self-publishing next year. Suicide has been postponed until after its release in 2025.

>>	Anonymous Wed Dec 20 23:46:49 2023 No.22852090 >>22851213 >>22851262 >>22851413 Here's >>22851601 an example at hand of an utter lack of talent. I'd say you are still probably gmi so long as you are better than this poster

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:06:04 2023 No.22852167 >>22851981 Just a forewarning, but killing yourself won't make the book sell better, too many writers just do that anyway.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:10:28 2023 No.22852177

>>22850494
>my story is really about a lot of people who don't like the circumstances they're forced into as a result of their culture or life.
This alone is hardly anything unique. But I agree with the other anon, it's the execution that matters
Also
>Little girl with incredibly abusive and exploitive parents who feels despair over having no way out
Look, dosmestic abuse is probably one of the most overused edgy backstory in the world
The others are just as eye-rolling. There's hardly anything unique about a brave feminist icon "oppressed" by reactionary religion/culture. Someone defying gender role. A self hating russian hating his country in the current political landscape.
It's like you are just writing your twitter/facebook feeds as character. I would say more about your other posts but it is not unusual for writers to only begin to fully explore their characters and ideas as they write so I won't discourage you further. And it may be that you have some unique ways to use these character even if they are hardly groundbreaking. So don't let me stop you.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:34:45 2023 No.22852266

>>22851981

If you self-publish, they will just take your listing down after you die anyway and it will just disappear from the face of the earth like it was never written.

You should try to publish traditionally and you have to spend some time after that to promote it.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:36:21 2023 No.22852270
File: 76 KB, 622x328, sample_cd153a3b389871b29f051ba7a91b14ebe3393a56~2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

What might be a good reason a fantasy race has this magical immortality granting ability to those they breed with?

Should I just go magical realm with it?

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:36:42 2023 No.22852273 >>22851081 Some days there's just nothing you can do about it, but most of the time a regular schedule will keep you productive. You just have to be at the chair and chipping away at it, if you can't write then you edit.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:41:28 2023 No.22852285

>>22852270
My first thought is that they like want to have a breeding stock of high quality, and they would grant this immortality so their offspring are always from this good stock until another being comes by with better genetics.
But as the creatures became more intelligent and no longer considered breeding to be of great importance, they began to select their partners for other reasons, such as love or them just being a good lay.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:42:32 2023 No.22852288 >>22850147 The issue isn't so much that it's purple but that it's confusing, and that's even ignoring the obvious typos or missing conjunctions.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:49:36 2023 No.22852312 >>22852177 So what, you want me to just have them submit?

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 00:51:20 2023 No.22852318 File: 3.13 MB, 1200x1600, 1688875849382360.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22850315 (you) seem like a friendly and well rounded individual, i shall take (you)r take to heart. >>22850830 Touche.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 01:09:34 2023 No.22852393 >>22852177 The difference is that their motivations for leaving aren't a desire for any sort of sociopolitical change or anything. It's literally >I fucking hate it here

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 03:34:50 2023 No.22852760

>>22850003
Just woke up. I appreciate the comments on my poem! I will ponder them carefully. I like your writing and the creativity on yours. One piece of advice I can offer is regarding the world-building/setting. Maybe instead of just branching out the prose to explain where The Torturer got his title, where the Sword came from, etc, you might consider putting it as pieces of the conversation so as to not interrupt so much the flow of the story. In my opinion gets a bit tiresome to read and crams up too much info in a short space. If not, go all the way and consider carefully making a separate paragraph to explain the contents of the world. For example, fullstop the sentence where they go into the inn, and describe it in detail, both the name and the physical structure. It will add much richness and stretch your creativity even further.
Those are my thoughts. I like your fantasy writing and consistency. Thank you for posting!

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 04:16:05 2023 No.22852859 Just wrote a short way too good to post here. Feelsgoodman

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 04:16:51 2023 No.22852860 >>22852859 I doubt it

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 04:19:40 2023 No.22852868 >>22852860 Yeah in retrospect it's garbage but I'm still not posting it

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 04:24:58 2023 No.22852879 >>22852868 Alright

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 04:30:52 2023 No.22852893 >>22852879 False alarm. I just reread it and it's actually is great.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 04:33:35 2023 No.22852899

>>22850985
Oh, and just for the hell of it a ton of the story is about how Eastern martial arts are terrible.
The MC is impressive not because he makes it to the semifinals, but because he did so using Muay Thai, showing that he was above the rest of the absolute scrubs

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 05:28:45 2023 No.22853058 >>22852893 >>22852868 Only one way to know for sure anon

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:10:49 2023 No.22853149 I wrote a good one now bros

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:23:53 2023 No.22853173 File: 80 KB, 736x613, aa87b6d3fc10ff4afe9786549279096f.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Man I really like this quote and want to use it for a fictional royal family but I am not sure how to change it so that it is not obviously a rip off.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:27:31 2023 No.22853180 >>22852899 There's a shitton of mcdojos in East Asia Shit like Shuai Jiao, Kyokushin, and anything with actual sparring is good, but they're buried under tides of kata only and wushu schools.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:28:07 2023 No.22853183 >>22853173 Remove "only thing" and use "one thing", remove "itself" and re-instate the name of the family. Remove "tear down" and maybe use shatter? Dismantle? The only thing that could decide anons prose was himself

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:29:16 2023 No.22853185 >>22853173 It is basic as fuck. As the anon above points out, it is twitter speak at that.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:31:59 2023 No.22853192 >>22850971 Pelevin sometimes notes that Russia has always been terrible and keeps finding new ways to be terrible. Neither he nor his characters exempt the past. It plays into his Buddhist metaphors though so who knows.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:37:53 2023 No.22853202 >>22853180 That’s the point. No Asian martial arts are good. Only MMA and other adjacent arts are good

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:42:07 2023 No.22853222 >>22853202 I wish PRIDE was still around, their take on MMA rules was pretty cool. Although their blatant lack of any steroid or ped testing probably resulted in shittons of injuries

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 06:58:42 2023 No.22853258 File: 148 KB, 734x1176, No+roids+changes+a+lot_458114_11143114.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22852899 >>22853222 Speaking of steroids, is your story gonna delve much into PED use in MMA? Is the MC gonna use them?

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 07:02:46 2023 No.22853271 We talmbout mma in this thread?

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 07:19:17 2023 No.22853297 >>22852266 Tradshill.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 07:20:50 2023 No.22853300 >>22853258 No. Only one guy uses roids and good god do they make an example of him

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 08:53:06 2023 No.22853488 >>22850003 paragraph this shit and I'll read it

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 09:05:56 2023 No.22853523 >>22852899 The martial arts audience is one of the most autistic and easily jimmy-rustled out there so I hope you're ready for the seething such commentary will generate.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 09:19:22 2023 No.22853552
File: 353 KB, 1080x1349, lx1ncryapfe81[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>22853300
well in an ideal world there'd be actual consequences for people caught using gear, instead of shit like today where the top 10 sprinters for the 100 metres have almost all been caught using drugs and can still compete

So your story is hopeful in that area, pretty good

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 11:33:42 2023 No.22853795

>>22852270
Immortality and breeding are hard to resolve together, with breeding being the collective alternative to immortality among mortal creatures.
I would recommend an approach like that of Greek mythology, wherein immortals breed with mortals not as a matter of course but out of intelligent desires like fulfilling a prophecy or spiting other immortals. So conferring immortality onto the mortal in question would play into that, eg a need for multiple heirs born thousands of years apart to the same mortal mother, or possessing a priestess or similar rightly belonging to another immortal in death by prolonging her earthly life indefinitely to spite that other immortal.
You have to restrict it with lore to avoid the Tolkien elf problem, ie they're all sexy eternally youthful immortals and should fill middle earth coast to coast like fucking Hong Kong after so many thousands of years but just don't because elves don't have vice or whatever lame reason it is. A good option would be that the sex act would ordinarily kill the mortal participant so you have to give them immortality to get progeny.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 17:14:17 2023 No.22854619 >>22853552 No, I mean he gets obliterated because drugs only make you more aggressive, not truly stronger

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 17:26:20 2023 No.22854642 >>22851981 Do you want a cheap editor? I can make it salable

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 18:07:18 2023 No.22854747

>>22854619
>drugs only make you more aggressive, not truly stronger
performance enhancing drugs most certainly do make you stronger, faster, have more stamina, etc. depending on the drug

It'd be more sensible for the guy on roids to get cardiac arrest mid-fight because that's an actual potential side effect of using anabolic steroids

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 18:30:04 2023 No.22854815

>>22854747
I did high doses of TRT before and it made me feel good all the time. Like depression vanished, huge self-esteem too. Had to stop for now, maybe will pick it back up later.
Even with relatively lower doses of test, I had to donate blood a couple times a year to control my blood viscosity, or what they call hematocrit. For people that seeiously abuse it, that shit will stop your heart. Especially if they also do HGH, then its basically unavoidable.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:16:57 2023 No.22854965 >>22842251 You're*

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:26:10 2023 No.22854989

Here’s an excerpt from something I’m working on. Is my prose clear and understandable? This is it here:

>Cleanliness permeated the desks and drawers of eggshell white. Fresh scented clothes hung neatly behind a closet door left casually ajar. And the sand-smooth walls bearing the texture of cotton candy coupled with the daylight sun to create an atmosphere both effeminate and welcoming.

>Even the sprouting weeds of teenage cynicism had done little to sully the distinctly girlish charm of that quaint little room.

>Childish momentos of a youth well-lived were wed with posters of gaudy tween pop stars, and the flower patterned calendar was graced with a gabble of twinkish hunks— Showing the rousing of a latent lust that any young girl could share with their grandma without a blush.

>It was an ordinary room for an ordinary girl — A sheltering shade in which the fern of adolescence flourishes towards womanhood. The only horror that those four walls provided was how uncannily they contrasted with the rest of the dilapidated wreck in which they were imprisoned.

Any pointers are appreciated.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:28:32 2023 No.22854993 >>22854747 He's not using steroids though. He's on crack

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:39:11 2023 No.22855022

>>22854989
How the fuck can cleanliness permeate something? Fresh scented? How can walls be sandy, smooth, and cotton candy-textured? "...girl could share with their" instead of "with her" since we know it's a woman? The last excerpt is really awkward also. You have to unlearn the jarring word usage and cut these sentences down.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:40:35 2023 No.22855027 >>22853488 Midwit missed the point

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:43:44 2023 No.22855037 >>22854989 You're trying too hard and it's cringe. You do not understand the English language well enough to do what you're attempting to do here. Try again in a few years.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:46:32 2023 No.22855048 >>22855037 I’m not even trying. That’s the thing. Trying to write “plainly” just feels wrong and I default to this style of writing.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:50:23 2023 No.22855058 >>22855048 All that means is you don't know how to write well and aren't trying to learn.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 19:59:52 2023 No.22855086 >>22855058 I’ve been writing things for 10 years. I’m in my mid 20s now. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to “progress” past this point.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:00:19 2023 No.22855089 >>22853058 No, it's too political, you'd hate it purely for the subject matter

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:07:52 2023 No.22855115 >>22854989 Yes, your prose is clear and understandable. >>22855022 lol this autist doesn't like how flexible language can be >>22855037 Ignore this mindless disparagement.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:12:26 2023 No.22855131 >>22855086 >he only started writing in his teens dude what? how'd you get through school?

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:18:48 2023 No.22855155

>>22855131
Let me clarify:
I’ve been writing since I was a kid, but my teen years where when I gradually began to shift into this style. My prose has actually gotten less purple with age. In fact, re-reading a lot of my teen stories makes me cringe because it was so unbearably pretentious.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:21:59 2023 No.22855164 File: 879 KB, 245x230, 7914255866130.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22855155 >He can't shift his style to suit the demands of the piece lol

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:25:48 2023 No.22855183

>>22855164
Oh, I can. This is just the still I have the most fun with because it comes naturally to me. Besides, I feel as though purple prose suits this particular piece. My goal in posting an excerpt here was just to make sure I’m not sacrificing clarity for verbosity.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:27:00 2023 No.22855186 >>22855115 Samefag homosexual. The writing is bad because you're trying to write in a specific style. But you have not mastered the language enough for it to work. It comes off as clunky and embarrassing.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:28:29 2023 No.22855192 >>22854989 it gets very repetitive when you force yourself to modify every single noun >sprouting weeds >teenage cynicism >distinctly girlish charm >quaint little room it reads like a compulsive tick rather than a thoughtful application of language

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:28:52 2023 No.22855194 Are there any sites meant for streaming and/or live collaboration writing?

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:29:49 2023 No.22855198 >>22855186 You're projecting faggot, your posting style tells me you haven't mastered English

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:31:26 2023 No.22855204 >>22855194 openscreenplay.com but it's only for screenplays and you shouldn't waste your time on collaborative shit unless you're married/related to the one you're writing with

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:31:27 2023 No.22855205 >>22855115 Wrong. >>22854989 >The eggshell white desks and drawers were exceptionally clean. Fresh-scented clothes hung neatly behind a closet door. And in the daylight, the cotton candy textured walls created a welcoming, effeminate atmosphere.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:32:34 2023 No.22855214 >>22855198 But you see I'm not even trying. That's just my style! It comes naturally, so I shouldn't be critiqued for it.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:32:57 2023 No.22855215 >>22855204 I have crippling extroversion and can't focus on anything if I don't have the veneer of working with others.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:33:16 2023 No.22855217 >>22855205 Nice work, you took his cool purple prose and made it bland and generic

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:35:06 2023 No.22855224 >>22855214 >noo you can't just critique my critique

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:35:54 2023 No.22855225 >>22855217 There is nothing wrong with boring

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:40:31 2023 No.22855243 >>22855225 There is when you're not a dullard

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:41:18 2023 No.22855246 >>22855217 Don't you mean "Commendable craftsmanship, you have rewoven his tapestry of literature into naught but a vapid, lackluster potato sack"? Maybe try a little more purple next time......

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:43:26 2023 No.22855254 >>22855246 That'd be an insult to potato sacks

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:47:13 2023 No.22855265 File: 1.33 MB, 269x164, 1563591970531.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >mfw the characters are waiting for me to write down what they did and I'm sitting here shitposting

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:47:25 2023 No.22855266

>>22855217
Okay second try:
>In a fashion that can only be described as meticulously thorough and impressively pervasive, an undeniable aura of pristine cleanliness gracefully extends its reach to every nook and cranny of the desks and drawers, all of which boast a delicate and refined eggshell white hue, lending an air of sophistication and cleanliness to the room overall. Hanging in an organized display behind a closet door that has been left casually ajar, garments of a freshly scented nature dangle with a quiet elegance as a visual tableau of organized haberdashery. Walls, reminiscent of the fluffy tendrils of cotton candy in both their chromatic allure and delicate texture, conspired harmoniously with the benevolent rays of the diurnal sun. This harmonious collusion gave rise to an ambiance that was, in equal measure, effeminate and hospitably embracing, as if the very walls themselves were engaged in a choreography of warmth and congeniality.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:51:21 2023 No.22855281 >>22853523 I'm right though. A true martial art is MMA

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 20:57:28 2023 No.22855300

>The desks and drawers were arranged as in God's court, as though assembled for and by Angels of some exalted order who tolerate neither clutter nor dust nor askewed arrangements—and yet a dull whiteness brought an Earthly sheen to it, a distinct humanity to what should otherwise gleam with all of His Holiness the Pope's authority.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 21:00:16 2023 No.22855307 >>22853180 I don't think you get what I mean. I mean any martial art that comes from Asia is automatic garbage and using it is a losing battle

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 21:22:41 2023 No.22855368

>>22854989
>Cleanliness permeated the desks
To permeate is to spread through something, usually by penetration. You can't permeate wooden furniture with much beyond industrial chemicals while treating it, such as sodium hydroxide and sodium sulfite. This is a roundabout way of saying no, it is not very clear or understandable. Perhaps you meant to imply that a fresh scent permeated the furniture, judging by the next sentence.
>Fresh scented clothes hung neatly
I'll give you a pass for one adverb.
>behind a closet door left casually ajar
And you just lost the pass. What exactly about the door indicates that is has been left open "casually"?
>the sand-smooth walls
>bearing the texture of cotton candy
Pick one image and stick to it. You don't want people picturing sand and cotton candy at the same time.
>Even the sprouting weeds of teenage cynicism had done little to sully the distinctly girlish charm of that quaint little room.
Better than the first few sentences. More clear and understandable, in any case. There is however probably a better and more elegant way to word this.
>Childish m[e]mentos of a youth well-lived were wed with posters of gaudy tween pop stars, and the flower patterned calendar was graced with a gabble of twinkish hunks
Again, there doubtless exists a more elegant way to phrase this sentence. Remove the words tween, twinkish, gabble, and rewrite it.
>It was an ordinary room for an ordinary girl — A sheltering shade in which the fern of adolescence flourishes towards womanhood. The only horror that those four walls provided was how uncannily they contrasted with the rest of the dilapidated wreck in which they were imprisoned.
Perhaps I am overly critical because I'm not a fan of this kind of writing, or the subject matter itself, but it seems to me that you over complicate things for no real reason. Please don't be discouraged.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 21:25:19 2023 No.22855380 >>22855266 about halfway through this, I realized it was probably a troll. kek

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 21:29:38 2023 No.22855392 >>22855368 God you autists have such a dull conception of how language can be used. Stopped reading your dumb post after you tried to insist cleanliness can't permeate a room

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 21:37:21 2023 No.22855416 >>22855392 Cleanliness is the absence of dirt. It's not a substance that can permeate

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 21:42:22 2023 No.22855433

>>22855392
An aura of cleanliness can permeate a room. The abstract concept of cleanliness generally does not permeate random individual pieces of furniture. The original post asked if the prose was clear and understandable. You are probably not the original poster, so you should shut the fuck up with you retardedly positive affirmation of an amateur.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 21:43:32 2023 No.22855437 >>22855392 Cleanliness can permeate or whatever else you wish as long as the writing is good. The issue is that you write like shit.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 21:55:24 2023 No.22855476

>>22855368
I’m the original poster. Thanks for that. A lot of these criticisms I agree with.

This is a just first draft, so I want to polish it as much as I can. It comes out as a garbled stream of consciousness when I first write it, and I’m polishing it so it’s not too overwrought without losing its overall tone.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 22:15:15 2023 No.22855527

>>22854747
Certain types of muscle and connective tissue injury are associated with steroid use, like biceps ligament tears and pectoral tears, and catastrophic muscle injuries are more likely generally. Usually this in the gym irl but for a drama it could happen mid fight.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 22:17:34 2023 No.22855534 >>22855115 Based saboteur

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 22:32:22 2023 No.22855577 >>22855476 Your genuine response is appreciated and reminds me why this board is still worth browsing, despite the rampant faggotry. Best of luck.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 22:45:22 2023 No.22855612 >>22854993 >He's not using steroids though. He's on crack Huh? Sounds different from: >>22853300 >Only one guy uses roids >>22855527 Also works too. >>22855307 Sure it is.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 22:48:58 2023 No.22855618 >>22854642 What's your rate? The manuscript is ~170K words.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 22:58:43 2023 No.22855641

>>22854989
It is clear enough what you mean but this reads very amateurish and I think the main reason is that you progress through a list of fancy descriptions that aren't mutually supportive or collectively developed into any kind of overall impression. Any one of the concepts raised individually has some level of artistic potential but you just scattergun them in there with no real purpose. It's just fancy way of saying this, fancy way of saying that, often within the same sentence, and you aren't in fact saying anything in particular. Writing gets called purple because of this, because it is directionlessly elaborate for the sake of superficial prettiness. You would be surprised at how much wordwanking a reader can tolerate if there's a cohesive point to it.
In a first draught, this garbled structure isn't necessarily a problem if your method is to discover the essence of this scene by reviewing it and throw a lot of themes around to see what feels like the direction you want to take it in. Writing blind with no idea isn't ideal but it's better than writing nothing if you don't have a clear idea for a scene yet.
As far as pointers go: try experimentally choosing any one of the various artistic concepts raised in this version, eg the active, aggressive characterisation of cleanliness, and rewrite the passage in a way that supports and develops it, contrasts it, subverts it even.

Misc.
>twinkish
Using the terminology of gay porn in reference to an adolescent girl's bedroom is a choice that will set certain expectations for the piece outside of the 4chan bubble
>The only horror that those four walls provided was how uncannily they contrasted with the rest of the dilapidated wreck in which they were imprisoned.
This is the worst part, largely because of structure. Three main nouns, three verbs, an adjective, and an adverb. What this sentence is trying to convey needs a lot more breathing room to be elegant. Two or perhaps three sentences.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 23:08:14 2023 No.22855669 >>22854815 Ever read Rich Piana's autopsy? Dude had a heart and liver that both were double the normal weight. That might be an interesting story, a guy torn between chasing the body of his dreams at the expense of fucking up his internal organs.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 23:25:17 2023 No.22855719 >>22855612 Roids, crack, both stimulants

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 23:28:14 2023 No.22855727

>>22855669
In a /wg/ thread, it would be remiss to mention Rich and not post the poem some /fit/ anon wrote for him:

>Do not stand at my grave and weep,
>I am not there, I do not sleep.
>I am a thousand pounds of whey,
>I am the oats that start your day.
>I am the squats down to the grass,
>I am the gains in your muscle mass.
>When your strength begins to drift,
>I am the rush that helps you lift!
>Of faithful bros the do inspire,
>I am your charm when bunnies mire.
>So do not stand at my grave and cry.
>I am not there, I did not die!

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 23:30:27 2023 No.22855734

>>22855641
To my own credit, the excerpt I posted is somewhat out of context.

I figured I’d post a purely descriptive excerpt that doesn’t give any plot or character details since the prose is what I wanted critiqued. What I’m saying is that there is an actual direction in what I’m saying, since the larger context is that this room is in an otherwise dilapidated house which was described earlier, and all this description is trying to set up how the room is basically the complete opposite of every other room in the house. I totally agree that it looks purple as fuck without the passages that it’s piggybacking off of though.

It’s part of why I’m seeking advice, honestly. I WANT it to be a bit purple, since it adds to the vibe I want to create for the story, but the last thing I want is to lose the reader with navel gazing. It’s a tough act to get right.

>twinkish
I definitely want to keep this word if possible, since it I want it to create exactly the kind of impression you’re thinking of.

>>	Anonymous Thu Dec 21 23:31:43 2023 No.22855740 >>22855719 Stimulants are completely different from anabolic steroids. Also I don't think crack is a common stimulant used in sports. Googling some common stimulants athletes get caught using would probably be better than defaulting to crack.

Anonymous Thu Dec 21 23:40:11 2023 No.22855764

>>22855734
What I mentioned applies as much to the scene in isolation as it does to its part in the story as a whole. A list of metaphors that don't go anywhere isn't interesting or affecting to read. If your intention is to build to or on a contrast with the rest of the house, you still get there by supporting that with your subjects and imagery, ideally with all the other elements you need to convey incorporated into it smoothly.

My reaction to the word twinkish is due to me being a 4chan user and would be very different if I wasn't one.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:06:41 2023 No.22856075 >>22855416 >>22855433 >>22855437 Not him and your crit is garbage. >>22855476 >falling for groupthink ngmi

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:07:19 2023 No.22856079 >>22856075 >I am very intelligent offer your own or stfu

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:09:38 2023 No.22856089 >>22855534 >accuse your opponents of doing what you're doing Have fun writing dull shit

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:12:35 2023 No.22856104

>>22856079
Anon asked if his prose is clear and understandable. I confirmed that it is because it is.
Note that none of those autists expressed confusion about what he meant by "cleanliness permeated the room," they just threw an anal shitfit because a word was used creatively.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:15:02 2023 No.22856117 File: 538 KB, 512x512, 1661511400723356.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22856104 >seething because he accepted legitimate feedback that you wouldn't be able to handle yourself

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:16:49 2023 No.22856127 File: 385 KB, 500x382, 1575067462169.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22856117 Anon was being polite with you freaks. I have the balls not to be.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:17:41 2023 No.22856133 >>22856127 maybe reddit is more your speed if you don't want people to tell you what they really think buddy

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:17:57 2023 No.22856135 Honestly? I thought it sucked ass but I am not smart enough to explain it.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:18:54 2023 No.22856142 >>22856133 I really think that the crit he received was dumb as fuck. Take your own advice faggot.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:23:34 2023 No.22856175 >critque someone's critique >they get assmad and accuse you of being offended >it's not even your work they were critiquing Is there no self-awareness?

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:25:20 2023 No.22856186 >offer critique when prompted >some random person gets offended and makes this known to everyone >their own critique is literally "it's good" Is there no self-awareness?

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:27:10 2023 No.22856193 >>22856175 >>22856186 Huh, so what am I supposed to take awat from this?

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:31:40 2023 No.22856215 >>22856193 That /lit/ is useless because it's an infinite crab bucket and you're better off going elsewhere if you want actual help.

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:33:14 2023 No.22856226

>>22856104
Again, the problem isn't necessarily with using a word creativity, but with his writing in general. Quality writing can support creativity. But when you can't write, you shouldn't be creative. If a great author like David Foster Wallace (PBUH) wrote about permeating cleanliness, we would praise him. His writing is good, so we would give him a pass. As was pointed out by multiple anons, OP's mistakes are much deeper than that one word choice in that one sentence.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:38:14 2023 No.22856244 >>22856193 Forge your own path anon

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:38:47 2023 No.22856247 Is exposition dump actually bad, or is it just bad when it breaks immersion?

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 01:57:17 2023 No.22856293

>>22856247
Been having this problem myself.

I am writing a indulgent fantasy novel as practice but because it has several magic things going on that become necessary to understand later, I keep slowing down the pace and adding chapters that are basically just exposition dumps of one character explaining shit to another.
I am 8 chapters in and I am finally getting to good stuff and it feels so much better. But I know I still got shit to explain so that means more delays before I can properly introduce the true main conflict. So far I have only been able to hint at something vaguely being wrong.

At least my first chapter had a fuck ton of action. Still, I worry a reader besides myself would get bored and stop reading by now.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 02:10:50 2023 No.22856314 >>22856186 Never said it was good. Just called out the autists for getting triggered over creative use of the word "permeated."

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 02:12:23 2023 No.22856320 >>22856314 based bad faith arguing midwit

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 02:17:56 2023 No.22856341 >>22856127 anybody have that picture that they published in playboy once of him sucking c*ck?

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 02:19:01 2023 No.22856346 >>22856293 >>22850003 An excerpt from my novel for reference

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 02:27:21 2023 No.22856371

>>22856346
Why did you reply to my post with this?
And why does it seem like it's intentionally formated in the same way they format 500 page house bills that aren't meant to be read?
It's clearly designed to be as unpleasent and difficutlt to get through as possible. To say nothing of the contents, which contains a exessive amount of run-on sentences and is frankly bewildering in areas.

Are you trying to imply I wrote it?
Is that the joke?
I didn't.
My writing is more pulp inspired by gothic literature and is mostly just a exercise to get my over-fondness for pretty prose, grim subject matter, and overly complicated magic systems out of my system before I try to write something worth publishing.
Has a self insert and everything just so that I can get that out of my system too.

I won't pretend what I am writing is good. But it's not like that.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 02:33:39 2023 No.22856387 I stopped reading at permeated.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:02:13 2023 No.22856458 >>22856320 >puts words in my mouth >accuses me of arguing in bad faith You're pathetic

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:03:36 2023 No.22856460 >>22855740 The whole point is that it's a crazed druggie on enough of the shit to kill a horse

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:04:38 2023 No.22856463

>>22856458
>hey guys is this clear and understandable
>yes it's clear, no need to change anything, you're so hecking valid even though you're an amateur writing a rough draft asking for feedback
at least I gave him the pointers he asked for. you didn't give him shit to go on and improve his writing with except meaningless positive affirmation, faggot.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:08:24 2023 No.22856470 >>22856463 >your crit is valid because it's negative >my crits is invalid because it's positive This place has rotted your mind. Anon's excerpt is clear and comprehsible. His creative wordplay is absolutely valid. Get fucked

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:12:23 2023 No.22856483 >retardation permeated the thread

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:13:54 2023 No.22856484 >>22856470 Yours is retarded because it didn't say anything. What did you like about it? Did you not dislike anything about it? Or is it literally just "absolutely valid?" Just fucking don't speak if you have nothing to say, nigger.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:16:42 2023 No.22856497 >>22856484 I neither liked nor disliked it. Anon posted too little to tell. But what he did post is clear and comprehsible. And his use of the word "permated" makes perfect sense. Why haven't you gotten fucked yet?

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:17:47 2023 No.22856502 >>22856497 you misspelled the word you care so deeply about. the other anon wins

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:18:04 2023 No.22856503 >>22856497 >Why haven't you gotten fucked yet? Your post wasn't clear or understandable enough.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:18:33 2023 No.22856506 File: 3.57 MB, 498x441, 1703215099291.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>22856502

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:18:42 2023 No.22856507

>out of state for most of the week to visit family
>staying at my grandpa's farm
>cell tower literally at the end of his lane
>hotspot is spotty anyway
That's it, I've been using google docs since it is convenient for me since I may want to write on my laptop sometimes and other times on my desktop, but at least while I'm here, I'm switching to writing in a text file and then transferring it to google docs afterward to have a cloud version.
I could also just write on my phone, but don't understand how anyone can do that for long periods of time. Maybe it is just because I didn't grow up texting people and I got big hands.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:19:40 2023 No.22856511 >>22856503 Faggotry permeated (you)

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:32:26 2023 No.22856546

>>22856247
I've avoided it generally speaking, and one of the more common bits of praise I've gotten is my natural exposition, and at the same time, people have criticized my writing for not explaining everything immediately which confuses people who are expecting a dump at every turn like I'm writing wuxia.
I think what constitutes a dump isn't that you are just sitting someone down and having someone talk at them, but rather how it comes across in the story.
The worst I've done it is by far during an actual school setting in my story, because naturally the teachers do explain things, but I think it is saved in how I wrote it.
You don't want your character to just have someone talk at them and then they just accept everything, you want them to actively engage in the conversation, and at times, have them question the exposition.
Remember that your characters are in this world too, you may be using them as a vessel to explain things to, but they have some understanding of their world already that they've absorbed through osmosis, and that they have their own ideas about what is true or false.

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 03:33:44 2023 No.22856552

>>22856460
I thought you wanted the whole realism with the bullshido being torn down, steroids vs stimulants are a realistic divide in performance enhancing drugs.

Also if all Asian martial arts are garbage, does that mean Brazilian jiu jitsu is too in your view? Or is it cause Gracie learned it from Maeda and then altered it it's okay?

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 05:09:41 2023 No.22856785

>>22856552
This is "Realistic" in the same way Kengan Ashura is realistic.
If a character can do something completely insane, it's not because of chi magic or some catch-all technique
>Our main character literally takes advantage of the fact that he doesn't have his left arm from the elbow down to get out of a hold by gut checking a guy from a range so short his right arm can't be used
>The Luchador is extremely dangerous because as it turns out not holding back with pro wrestling moves like you would normally can be borderline lethal. Like, a piledriver would straight up snap your neck, come on
>The fucking little girl wins the whole thing because one, despite her size her muscles are at least 10 times stronger and denser than those of a normal child. Genetic bullshit and all. Two, she constantly adapts and changes up what she's doing mid-fight to keep her foes off guard.
>A guy stops a flying spin kick by closing the gap and grabbing onto his opponent's collar bone.
But it's not exactly about debunking bullshido as much as it is about debunking the idea that martial arts can be used by the weak. Spoiler warning, if you ain't strong enough you aren't doing even one technique properly.

>>	Alex Beyman Fri Dec 22 05:20:35 2023 No.22856824 File: 1.77 MB, 1024x1024, terminalsunset.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Anyone feel like beta reading this WIP? Sun goes dark, Earth somehow doesn't freeze, is instead overrun by shadow people/ghosts(?) https://write.as/d4mhyj99sgxrg.md

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 05:58:05 2023 No.22856929 >>22856824 >Computer, add "shadow people" to the list. >Error: entry already exists

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 05:58:22 2023 No.22856932

Ever since mid-November I have maintained a steady writing habit of ~1-2 hours per day and ~1800-4k words per day. I figured out the core characters, their motivations, the central conflict, the ending, then the beginning, and how the story transitions from the beginning to the conflict and from the conflict to the end. From there it was just a chain of cause and effect driven by character decisions. As I write I freely explore each scene and I alter the outline as I go.

This really is not that hard. What makes it even easier is knowing that this is merely my first draft. I know that this will not be the final form of the story. Not by a long shot.

If you are starting out, I recommend not trying to get everything right the first time. You do not know what your story will be until you have typed or written it out from beginning to end for a first pass. You will not word perfectly what has not been set to any words at all yet.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 06:03:27 2023 No.22856941 >>22856785 I don't know what Kengan Ashura is. I assume it is something like Grappler Baki?

>>	Alex Beyman Fri Dec 22 06:19:11 2023 No.22856979 >>22856929 That isn't exactly what they are, they look like recently missing people but don't speak, and obey the same rules as the spoops from Lights Out (2016). Mass haunting is an underpopulated genre with some great standouts like Pulse/Kairo

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 06:19:18 2023 No.22856980

>>22856247
Lamborghini principle. Would you rather be told all about the technical features of a Lamborghini in a dull office or drive one around a race track? Information has to be pertinent to something interesting happening for anyone to give it the time of day.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:04:11 2023 No.22857050 >>22856941 Yes

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:15:33 2023 No.22857068 >>22857050 Never got into it, but if you're going with off the wall shit like that godspeed, goofy ass stuff like that is funny

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:26:55 2023 No.22857095

>>22857068
Trust me, it's not even the half of it
>Guy who weaponizes his bodily secretions and fluids, from his spit to his fucking blood and shit
>Drag queen fighter
>Guy who is just REALLY wide and short to the point where his hands are as thick as melons
>The Jew
>A guy on enough crack to floor an elephant
>A guy who wears a horse mask and kicks people to death
>The dude with the giant head
>A fighter who just screams REALLY loudly as his martial art
>Actual catboys
>The literal clown
And other crazy shit like how they just let a blatant Yakuza hitman who looks like some kind of disguised alien participate

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:31:18 2023 No.22857103 >>22857095 You seem to have a lot of ideas, considering you've been doing nothing but talking about them here for the past few days. Maybe you should take them and actually right something with them instead of thinking about it.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:38:33 2023 No.22857117 >>22857103 What do you think I've been doing?

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:40:22 2023 No.22857118

I love Relativistic travel but it gets in the way of standard writing. Maybe mentioning both made up FTL and relativistic is the key. I guess I could see relativistic being first, phased out for my made up FTL and only used in niche scenarios. People prone to danger with high resources (made easy by true stellar scales) would fit the type

I want people to accept the confusing feeling of time dilation in narratives.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:41:34 2023 No.22857119 File: 436 KB, 1125x583, 5F262DD0-678E-4EB0-9A21-9DD9AAA3BF0A.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:42:35 2023 No.22857121 File: 302 KB, 1125x580, 68931187-E6E6-4C68-870D-362021D1BD10.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Oopsie https://on.soundcloud.com/hEost51VyS9xKGWm8

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:45:36 2023 No.22857128 >>22857117 Not writing and being annoying, mostly.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 07:47:34 2023 No.22857132 File: 26 KB, 300x400, CAF91348-575E-4BA0-B2AC-F9DD55B7F74D.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] New thread: >>22857127

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 08:17:14 2023 No.22857176 Very, very poor thread, anons. I expect better in the next one.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 08:53:16 2023 No.22857229 >>22857176 Shouldn't have tempted fate

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 09:55:55 2023 No.22857333 >>22857132 Too early again retard

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 10:00:12 2023 No.22857344 File: 151 KB, 1902x1481, Deep Well.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Here's an opening battle scene that I plan on using for some cultivator slop.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 10:01:39 2023 No.22857348 >>22857344 Did chatGPT write this?

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 10:51:36 2023 No.22857418 >>22857348 Sure

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 11:22:04 2023 No.22857451

Anyone here write with a typewriter? I'm thinking about picking one up. I think the combination of having the pages physically stack up and not having access to the internet or anything else on it would be pretty motivating.
Plus I've always wanted to know that feeling of clacking away at one while smoking and sipping scotch.

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 11:27:33 2023 No.22857458

>>22857451
I had one when I was a kid and didn't own a PC yet. Half the time was spent correcting typos with fixing tape, and if you get second thoughts about some sentence, or how you presented things, you can only redo the whole fucking page. It's just making things extra difficult for yourself for nothing. There's a very good reason people don't use typewriters anymore, except out of a desire to seem like a special snowflake

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 11:29:00 2023 No.22857460 >>22857176 OP baked too early and left out all the information, hopes are incredibly low.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 11:29:57 2023 No.22857462 >>22857458 You can scratch and correct with pen or pencil, anon.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 11:45:19 2023 No.22857491 >>22857462 It just turns it into an unreadable mess

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 11:47:57 2023 No.22857497 >>22857491 As long as you can read it and understand it, that's all that's necessary. That's what manuscripts are for.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 11:54:24 2023 No.22857506 >>22857497 By all means, experience the pleasures of typewriter to your heart's content. I have and won't touch one ever again

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 12:21:04 2023 No.22857540 >>22857451 Nobody gives a shit about what medium you write on. Use a fucking clay tablet if you want.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 12:41:21 2023 No.22857574 >>22857344 Well, at least it makes me feel better about my writing.

Anonymous Fri Dec 22 12:47:02 2023 No.22857588

>>22857451
I originally learned the basics of typing on one way back in the day.

You couldn't pay me enough to ever seriously using one again. Of you just want a more tactile typing experience then get a mechanical keyboard.
Typewriters suck ass. Fuck typewriters.

>>	Anonymous Fri Dec 22 20:21:23 2023 No.22858751 >>22857344 hot tip: I have no reason to care about either of these characters since I don't know anything about them. poor opening.

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/lit/ - Literature