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/lit/ - Literature

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2281946 No.2281946 [Reply] [Original]

Hello /lit/erati. What do you think? Any suggestions?

"Ye expect me tae fuckin' whit!?" ah says.
"Just aboot 30 key pal, it's just fuckin' ganja man" he says tae me. On his 50 inch plasma Celtic are beatin' the shit oota Falkirk, four nil. His hoose is spoatless but even a radge cunt like me can tell he's goat the height o' fuckin' shite taste. Lots a'cash but nae fuckin' sense.
Ah take another toke on the bifta. "This is fuckin' fine stuff right enough but fuck's sake pal, ah cannae be dain' wie the fuzz, ken whit a mean?". There's this fuckin mental dug lyin' on the flair starin' at us. It could chew the face off a fuckin' rhinocerous.
"Look", he says, "ah've goat a mate in Amsterdam, he's a guid cunt. All ye have tae dae is pick up the bud and hop oan the ferry. They dinnae gee a shite man!"
"Whit aboot customs?" ah says. Ah notice on his right erm he's got a tat that says "A.C.A.B.". Ah find it a wee bit hard tae swallow that this is totally fuckin' risk free.
"Fuck man, there are nae any fuckin' customs in Newcastle. Ah fuckin gaurantee it."
"Awright man. You pay for mah petrol and ah get 3 keys, right?". Ah look this cunt in the eyes and ah can tell he's fuckin' talkin' shite. Ah'll get back wie the stuff and there's gonnae be four baldy heided cunts who'll kick the living fuck oota me and tell me tae fuck oaf. But ah also ken that ah can bugger oaf wie the stuff and this stupit bastart will never fuckin' find me.
"Aye Dave, 3 keys of fuckin' top quality smoke."
"Deal", ah told him.
Ah leave for Newcastle the mora. For the first time in ages ah actually feel like ahm finally gonnae get oota this shithole and start afresh, ken whit a mean? The world's a beautiful place they say, but it fuckin' isnae beautiful here, ah tell ye. But in two days ah'll be stoned off mah nut with some Dutch cunt suckin' on mah cock and it's gonnae be fuckin' sublime.

>> No.2281952
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2281952

are you my daddy

>> No.2281951

wat

>> No.2281955

LET'S GET THIS SHIT STARTED

>geordie

>> No.2281960

very evocative

>> No.2281961

Just to clarify, the characters are Glaswegian, not Geordies. You can't get the ferry from Rosyth to Amsterdam anymore.

>> No.2281962

Not bad, actually, but you really don't need to write the accent that phonemically; you're not Irvine Welsh.

>> No.2281965

>>2281962

I quite like writing in Scots. Irvine Welsh doesn't have a monopoly on our vernacular. Thanks though.

>> No.2281966

killing yourself is probably the first suggestion that comes to mind

>> No.2281969

>>2281962
I'm from Glasgow and you're definitely going to get people saying you're ripping on Irvine Welsh, may as well give it a go though eh ?

>> No.2281970

good. waiting see a clusterfuck of accents when he gets to newcastle tho.

>> No.2281971

>>2281970

Lol, the thought had occurred to me. Thankfully I'm a Viz reader so I might be able to pull it off.

>> No.2281991

I lol'd. Post more? From Sunderland by the way.

>> No.2282011
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2282011

'A modern British masterpiece' - The Daily Sun

'Britain's finest contemporary writer along with Terry Pratchett and JK Rowling' - News of the World

>> No.2282015

i'm from Newcastle and this was a chore to read.

Why can't my fellow Northerners speak properly?

>> No.2282046

>>2282011
Twilight.

>> No.2282051

>>2281946

OP, it's ill advised to exhaustively display how characters with distinct accents enunciate every word, imho. It comes off as overwrought and its distracting as hell. You have to be more subtle, and instead smartly characterize the manner of speaking. Use choice words that exemplify the accent, perhaps. As it is, the fact that these guys speak the way they do is taking precedence over who they actually are and what they're doing, the story.

>>2282011
>>2282011

Though it's a troll image, this is actually pretty fucking true.

>> No.2282053
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2282053

>>2282011
see:
>>2282046

and MFW implying postmodernist bullshit is better then harrypotter.

>> No.2282144

>>2282011
Indicative of someone who reads very little at all.

>> No.2282166

>>2282011
Are there any good living American authors other than Pynchon?

>> No.2282171

it's nice to see d&e back in full form

another great pic, bro

>> No.2282174

>>2281971
>Lol, the thought had occurred to me. Thankfully I'm a retarded cunt so I cuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcunt

>> No.2282179

>>2282011

it's like a cross between the weasleys and the sopranos

>> No.2282186

Exposition in dialogue. That's a paddlin'. Transcribed accents. That's a paddlin'.

>> No.2282189

Publish before it's finished = will never finish.

Writing is lonely. Can't keep it up - don't bother.

>> No.2282205

>>2281946
>Selic
Ah the soap dodgn' bastards are here a naw.

Also East Coast scots > westcoast shite.

It's okay, but seems too Irvine Welsh, not just because it's in Scots, but the themes as well.

>> No.2282232

>>2282011
"I am nine years old"

- the beginning of every American novel ever written

>> No.2282255

I have no idea what anybody is saying.

>> No.2282269

Irvine welsh is a bit of a one-string banjo..which is fair enough as people are into his stuff.... but we don't need another one, op.

op is a bawbag... and leith is a shit hole

yours, a concerned leith resident

>> No.2282279

>>2282189

true. I doubt that anyone who's ever posted an excerpt from their work here has ever finished it.

My advice is to get off /lit/ and read and write like you were being paid to do so.

>> No.2282283

Not a big fan of it all being in a glaswegian accent. Fair enough with the dialogue, but the whole thing?

I'm a geordie by the way so if you post more and you get details about newcastle wrong al fuckin dee ye in.

>> No.2282286
File: 22 KB, 550x374, ngbbs4a4ef8a67e150.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2282286

>>2282255
Plain English version:

"You expect me to do what!?", I exclaim.
"It's just around 30 kilos of cannabis" he replies. On his 50 inch plasma television soccer is playing. Celtic are soundly beating Falkirk, four nothing. His house is very clean but even a miscreant like myself can surmise that he's got no taste. He's very rich but he has little sense.
I take another draw of the marijuana cigarette. "This is rather good stuff, indeed, but really, I don't want to get into trouble with the law." There's a rather dangerous looking dog sitting on the floor staring at me. It would be capable of chewing the face off a rhinocerous.
"I have an associate in Amsterdam", he tells me. "All you have to do is pick up the cannabis and board the ferry. The authorities really don't care!"
"What about customs?" I ask. I notice that on his right arm he has a tattoo that reads "A.C.A.B.", which stands for 'All Coppers [policemen] Are Bastards'. I find it somewhat hard to believe that there is no risk involved in what he's proposing.
"My friend, there are no customs and excise in Nescastle. Hand on heart."
"Alright then. You'll be so kind to pay for my petrol and give me three kilos, yes?". I look him in his eyes and I know that he's lying. I'll return with the cannabis and there will be four bald headed ruffians who will beat me up then tell me to be on my way. However, I'm also aware that I can steal the cannabis and this intellectually challenged gentleman will never find my whereabouts.
"Yes David, three kilos of very high quality cannabis."
"Let's shake on it", I tell him.
I leave for Newcastle tomorrow. For the first time in a long while I feel like I'm finally going to get out of this cesspit and make a new beginning. The world is a beautiful place, some people say; alas, it's not beautiful here. But in two days I'll be intoxicated on cannabis whilst a Dutch lady of the night performs fellatio on me and it will be most agreeable.

>> No.2282289

this is like a really poorly written trainspotting

why u even post it.. its shite

>> No.2282291

>>2282286
>>2282286
Already an improvement on OP's shitfest
>whilst a Dutch lady of the night performs fellatio on me and it will be most agreeable.
Love it

>> No.2282297

>>2282291
It was the OP who provided the translation.

>> No.2282335
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2282335

>>2282269
>Leith is a shithole.
Least it's not Goven, or basically Glasgow in general.

Get over.
An Ex-leithian now living in Fife.

>> No.2282345

>>2282335
It's spelt Govan sagefag.

>> No.2282350

I tried reading Trainspotting in its original language first. After reading about 5 pages I saw a €5 paperback translation at the grocery store. Much nicer, still included the filth though. Certainly did give me inspiration for stop words. Hehe.

The original thing OP wrote there in Irvine was quite bad. It's not interesting, spitting on everything you write doesn't give it any emotions other than disgust. Disgust wouldn't really help me get any further than that little thing OP wrote there.
The translation to plain English was a lot better. Made things funny, while somewhat interesting. Loved the last sentence of course.

Also, sublime didn't have to be translated. It was used to indicate it would be so good it could do with a less frequently used word. The English use such words all the time.

>> No.2282364

>>2282297
But still, one's better than the other

>> No.2282366

>>2282350
OP here. I think the plain English translation I wrote is absolute shit and the reason I did it was to take the piss. It loses the context, realism and the identity of the characters. The characters are not middle class people having a tea party so they're not going to speak as such.

I'm aware that 'sublime' didn't need to be changed, but it didn't really fit with the tone I was using in the rewrite.

>> No.2282523

>>2282366
It's all absolute shit

>> No.2282603

>>2282523

Ah well. I churned it out in fifteen minutes and just wanted to know whether it was worth the effort of continuing. Evidently not.

>> No.2282625

>>2282603
you needed to post that on a weeabo image site to work out that it was shite?

kill yourself

>> No.2282628
File: 807 KB, 1280x800, stoner-mentality.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2282628

oh look another stoner story

>> No.2282848

>>2282335
Fife, eh? If it's not too nosey I'm wondering if there's another /lit/ fag here in Kirkcaldy.

>> No.2282897

>>2282848
Not Kirkcaldy, but I do live in central east.

>> No.2282903

>>2282628
So the whole UN council just wants to smoke weed?

>> No.2282926

>>2282628
Moral decay is the only way we get new norms and values. Without it society would stagnate.

Do you want society to stagnate Quents?

>> No.2283222

>>2282926
hi there, i think you're completely incorrect. It is one way, not the only way, and certainly not always for the best.

I think that society changes the most when faced with a threat.

>> No.2283232

Not sure why this threads getting so much attention, especially from overly articulate posters. From not having sound knowledge of what a Scottish accent sounds like, this reads pretty retarded. No offense to Scottish people. Personally, the story itself is pretty boring, a bunch of Scottish people going to Amsterdam? The one gimmick is the Scottish dialect. But I'd you enjoy writing it, don't let me stop you.

>> No.2283234

>>2282628

Do you ever post anything with real substance or value.